Hey guys, I'm back.
Why the long wait? Life in general, a mixture of school + work opportunities and family.
This chapter is more of a direct continuation of Aftermath, with the lingering effects.
Here's Chapter 37 "Scar".
"What's in a scar?
They're marks upon your body, your mind, and even your soul. They linger. Often, they're a lesson learned the hard way. Other times, they're given for no rhyme or reason. Life punishing you because it can…
Scars are not beautiful, not attractive, scars are ugly. Hideous. Blemishes that can fade with time, but never disappear.
From then onward, they're with you for the rest of your days."
- The Broken Man.
The Five Angel Crisis
Mari panted weakly, the girl held prisoner by an Angel infected Eva Unit. Her teeth ached, her knee stung, and her chest felt cold. The injuries that the Angel had sustained bled into her nervous system via the phantom sensation of the Evangelion.
There was nothing she could do… and she hated it. Hated being made useless, just another problem for Shinji and Asuka to deal with.
In her daze, she tried to stay strong but she lost time as the events unfolded.
She was 'there' when Bardiel stood face to face with Gendo Ikari. She still clung to consciousness when Eva Unit 00 emerged into the chamber with them
"Rei." Gendo commanded.
From there, Mari's memories were cloudy.
She remembered the missile, the fire that engulfed the infected Eva, the force that felt like it was ripping her bones to dust and scrambling her muscles into red mist. Remembered blood running down her face and thinking that she had died… that this was hell… that nothing could be this painful.
Her leg… what happened to her leg?
The Infected Eva was on its back, trying to move and even healing, the burns and cuts repairing themselves, but a cold boot planted itself on the monster's torso.
Then, through the lone functioning display of the entry plug, the half-dead Mari saw her. The last thing she could make out before the blackness took her… Eva Unit 00 bringing a Spear down on her.
THUD
…
Everything that followed occurred as if happening to someone else, to some other dead girl in Mari's place. Distantly, she felt someone holding her body close, before releasing her into the grasp of another.
She was faintly aware of a ride, a change of gravity, of doctors dressed in white looming over her. They stripped her plugsuit off where they could and cut the fabric from what they couldn't. Tearing away the material from her skin.
Her skin… it was wrong. What had happened to her skin?
Flashes of tests are what flood her memories after that, flashes of being unable to move as the doctors whisked her body from room to room filled with their machines. Lights beamed overhead, devices whirled, and electronics beeped.
A nurse injected her with something and even 'this' feeble excuse for consciousness faded, turning to black. And in those final moments, before she was pressed into surgery, Mari felt… fear.
Fear of the unknown, of the black that filled her vision, of the nothingness that took hold of her. Primal and feral, the fear ate away at her until she was gone.
…
What is the meaning of time in the void?
There is none. Mari learned that the hard way.
Deep in some small part of her that clung to life, the never-ending drive to survive that is innate in all living creatures, Mari tried to fight it. To come back, to open her eyes, to pull back from this dark abyss, to not fade into that nothing. To not go gentle into the night.
She failed.
The sparks of her consciousness disappeared bit by bit, losing to the void. How long did it take? Mari could not say. More and more of herself slipped away. Dying…
Then it changed.
Mari was pulled from that dark cold place… death. As if she was being hoisted up from a shadowy cavern and into the light. Another presence had joined her in this place. Mari felt it, and she knew… knew that this 'Other' had saved her by the skin of her teeth.
The void clung to her, pulling against this intruder, this Other that did not belong. The void didn't want to let Mari go, it clung and clung to her, circling close, fighting to keep her submerged in the dark. To take her away into the nothing that lay beyond.
Death fought to claim her.
It lost, and Mari was pulled free.
…
What followed that dark place was a flood of sensations. What once had been a tiny spark of life, the last sparks of consciousness, were kindled and came into being once again with a surge.
Mari opened heavy-laden eyes, heart pounding feebly as she returned from death's embrace.
What she saw was the most beautiful thing she could imagine, her boyfriend standing over her with his hand in hers.
Shinji Ikari was there, waiting for her.
It brought a shadow of a smile onto her face. He was smiling down at her with watery eyes. He ran his fingers gently through hers, and she felt the warmth that followed.
Mari tried to talk, to speak, to tell him that she loved him. But no words came, it was like her throat had stopped working.
She blinked, her eyelids moving at a snail's pace and feeling like they weighed a ton. And then it hurt her, the return of sensation, and with it… pain.
Every inch of her body wailed as she slowly grasped what had happened. Her skin… her skin ached, and her muscles felt fragile and light. Her eyes shook as she took it all in.
She tried to sit up and screamed internally at the rips and tears along her skin… only no coherent sound escaped her lips.
"Mari! Mari, breathe. Just breathe." Shinji said, trying to reassure her.
Mari moved, her eyes shaking as if in agony at the protest of her body. The girl moved like she was a corpse coming back to life, muscles in the early stages of atrophy. Her boyfriend reached out to steady her, and she slumped into his arms.
Shinji held her, and she breathed a small sigh of relief. The world came into focus, and Mari saw the hospital room for what it was. Things were coming back to her, memories of the battle, of the incident that had landed her here.
And somehow, she knew. She knew but she didn't believe it, her leg… her leg.
Mari fought with all her strength and glanced down at her body, and she saw it. The stump where her right leg had once been. The world stopped making sense.
She felt her toes curl, the toes from her missing foot. Phantom pain from a limb that was no longer there. Shinji held her close, and her bloodshot eyes widened.
My leg… my leg, Mari thought. She collapsed into her boyfriend's grasp, and he guided her back into bed.
Mari squeezed his hand weakly, using all the feeble strength she could muster. And Shinji squeezed back, their fingers interlocked. She felt tears slide down her face, funny, she couldn't remember the last time she had cried.
Only then, at the sniffling sounds that emerged from her own throat, did she realize that her face was covered in bandages. And more, the hospital had mummified her with bandages and casts. What had happened to her?
Her leg? Her face? Her… her body?
"I'm here. I'm here." Shinji told her, holding her close but gently.
She tried to talk but her voice was too weak. What came out was distorted whirls.
What did they do to me? Shinji… what did they do? She thought never quite finding her voice.
Shinji held her close, his hand in hers. "Don't talk. I'm here, alright. I'm here." The boy said through hiccups of his own.
Mari lay beside him, awake but frail.
He brought their interlocked hands up and pressed a kiss to her fingers.
She calmed at his presence, breathing harshly but stable as Shinji held her. She met his eyes through bloodstained tears, and though no words came from her, she understood. He planted his head close to hers, letting her know that things would be okay.
"Don't be scared. I'm here," he whispered to her.
She nodded feebly, eyes shining with emotion. Her old words to him since they were kids in a mental ward.
Shinji yelled out into the hallway, "I need help over here! She's awake!"
At the same time
Ritsuko took a sip of coffee, going over the readouts on her terminal's display. Maya and Aoba were doing much the same from their workstations.
"Okay… whenever you're ready. Take it slow," Maya called. The girl spoke hesitantly, trying to ease the pilot on the other end of the observation glass.
A knowing tension filled the air as Ritsuko and her team ran the sync test again.
…
Asuka Langley Sohryu gritted her teeth, sleep deprived sunken eyes wide, as the voice on the intercom spoke out.
I know what you're thinking Maya… I know you think I can't do it. You and Ritsuko… and Misato… and… and everyone… but they're wrong. The German girl thought bitterly.
She shook her head, messy disheveled hair moving from side to side of her plugsuit.
Asuka focused and ran through the test for the fourteenth time this day.
Eva Unit 02 whirled to life in the far distance, the test entry plug allowed her to sync without having the ability, or risk, of fully piloting.
Asuka reached out to her beloved Eva Unit, the precious machine that proved her status as a Child Prodigy, her place of power, her role that solidified her place as an adult.
She felt the machine respond to her, Unit 02 accepted her reach…
"Sync ratio: 22%"
Maya's voice was calm and controlled, and Asuka hated it. She hated how 'careful' they were treating her. Like she was some fragile doll and not a proper Eva Pilot with years of college education and military training.
"29%"
"33%"
Asuka tried to smirk, her sleep-deprived eyes shone momentarily, the long gaunt lines on her face loosening.
Then it happened… flashes of the Nightmare.
Asuka winced at the sharpness of it, how real it felt. She was back in the proper entry plug for her Eva, she was on the ground with her power cable having been forcibly disconnected by a Beast Angel.
The winged monster of light hovered above, the size of an Evangelion, it loomed over her. It reached out to her and she felt her skull split.
She tried to look away, to close her eyes, but it didn't matter. All she saw was the monstrous Angel looming over her with cold soulless eyes that pierced into her mind. No escape, no rescue, and she was powerless to stop the creature from reaching inside her skull and twisting.
"It's not real…" Asuka hissed under her breath.
Maya was reading out the results of the test over the comm. Asuka could barely hear it, she closed her eyes tight trying to focus… but the Nightmare lingered.
Flashes of memories better left forgotten emerged in her mind's eye.
Her Mother.
"Liar!"
Asuka shuddered at the memory.
"You're a fake! He sent you! That cheater! Unfaithful! Everyone leaves me!" Her mother's voice shrieked. High pitched and shrill, the words cut at Asuka and left her breathless.
She felt a tear in her eye. Then it was like her mother was there in the testing plug with her, there in the cockpit pacing back and forth maddeningly with that stupid doll of hers.
A ghostly revenant of Kyoko Sohryu, a specter from her childhood that haunted her even now, emerged.
The sound of the dead woman's footsteps sent shivers down Asuka's spine.
"Sync at 18%… you're starting to dip. Maybe we should take a break." Maya's voice called on the intercom.
It's not real… I'm fine. I'm fine! The German girl thought. Her hands turned into fists, and she slammed on the comm button.
"Keep going!" Asuka shrieked.
Kyoko Sohryu was laughing to herself, the insane woman wobbling around in Asuka's mind. A walking scarecrow of a woman that loomed over her daughter's psyche.
Asuka tried to ignore it, then suddenly, she was a frightened little girl again, trapped in a room with the husk of a woman that had once been her mother.
"You're not Asuka. Lies! My Asuka… my girl…" the memory of Kyoko shrieked, the woman clung to a stuffed doll. A doll that she chose over her own flesh and blood.
Asuka remembered crying out that she was her daughter, that she wanted her mom back.
The memory shifted, and her mother was whispering sweetly to the doll she believed to be her daughter.
"Die with me. It'll be much better. It will. I've seen it Asuka. I've seen it."
Asuka sank to her knees in the entry plug, head cradled in her hands. She felt the sync ratio dropping rapidly, she felt her eyes water and her hands shake. It was getting hard to breathe…
"Sync ratio… 12%" Maya's voice called on the comm.
It's not real… I can do this... I can pilot… Asuka thought on the verge of sobbing.
The flashes of the Nightmare shifted one final time, and she was back at the city block during the Five Angel Crisis. Shinji was holding her Eva, he spoke to her, but she couldn't hear the words… and then he left her.
He and his Eva stood and ran off without her, leaving her alone in that… that place.
"Abort."
It was Ritsuko's voice that sounded on the comm, not Maya's.
The sync test stopped, and the entry plug deactivated. Her connection to Unit 02 was severed.
Asuka knelt on the floor of the cockpit, panting harshly, with watery eyes. She wiped the stupid tears from her face and slammed a fist into the wall with a yell.
CLANG
Her knuckles stung from the blow.
They had had to save her again… Ritsuko had stepped in to stop the test. Asuka hated it… hated being weak.
…
"Final sync… 8%..." Aoba said quietly.
Ritsuko and her team grimaced at the readouts from the terminal.
"She's not getting better," Maya said solemnly.
At this rate, Unit 02 won't be combat ready, let alone operational. Ritsuko thought as she glanced over the data. She wasn't sure how to handle this, if they let Asuka keep pushing then the sync, already dangerously low, would outright reject the pilot at a zero percent reading.
They needed Asuka to get better, but this wasn't helping.
"I… I can go again…" the German girl panted over the comm.
Maya and Aoba shared nervous glanced.
"Give us a minute," Hyuga called.
Ritsuko raised her cup of coffee for a sip, then her work phone chimed, and she glanced at it only to pause mid-drink. She almost spat out her coffee, the alert system she had rigged for the Rei iterations at the Other Shinji's request had flagged her.
She scrambled to her feet and caught the eye of her assistants.
"Is everything okay?" Maya said, blinking up at her.
"It's fine. I forgot something. Go over the test results. I'll be back later," Ritsuko said calmly, if a little too quickly.
The others exchanged looks.
"What about Asuka?" Maya called.
"You're leaving?" Aoba asked.
Ritsuko nodded to Aoba, then reached over for the intercom.
"Asuka. That's enough for now. We can try again another day," Ritsuko said suddenly.
"No! I'm not giving up! Run it again I can-" Asuka began stammering over the comm.
"Go home. Get some sleep, Asuka. That's an order." Ritsuko said into the comm before the girl could continue.
Without waiting for a protest, Ritsuko released the intercom button.
"I'll expect that report by tomorrow. No rush, just get it done," Ritsuko told her team, avoiding the curious glances they gave her.
She left the room before her team could respond, and overheard Maya parroting Ritsuko's orders to Asuka.
…
Ritsuko had to fight the urge to run as she made her way down the halls of Nerv. She spotted Misato and Kaji chatting as they emerged from the breakroom and moved on before they could pull her into the conversation.
Misato glanced her way, but Ritsuko had no time to apologize.
She made her way to the secret elevator and used her access key to enter the hidden layers of the complex. The labs below.
…
The lab was eerie in its silence as Ritsuko turned on the lights. The room seemed to come to life with the lights, with its various computers and scientific equipment along with a massive LCL tanker emerging into existence from the dark.
Ritsuko cursed as the doors closed behind her. She rushed over to the LCL tanker, the holding chamber of all the Rei iterations, and checked the console screen.
Something had happened.
All the Rei iterations, the hundred or so pale white girls, floated aimlessly in their tanks. Some of them had opened their eyes, others drifted as if asleep. All of them showed signs of an elevated heartbeat and increased brain activity.
The life-support systems had registered a momentary hiccup in the clones' wellbeing. All of them at the same time.
Ritsuko read the display, going over what the system had picked up. She glanced up and froze at the sight that met her. The Rei iterations, some of them blinked. Not quite awake, but not entirely dormant.
One of them met Ritsuko's gaze, a pure accident, an innocent moment where the pale girl had been floating at eye level with the doctor.
Ritsuko entered a series of commands into the console, signaling another dose of the drug that kept the multiple Rei(s) in hibernation.
She watched as slowly, the clones closed their eyes again, floating aimlessly in the tanker.
Ritsuko let out an uneasy breath, she would need to check up on the current iteration, Rei III at her apartment.
Shinji… what did you do?
Ritsuko dialed the number and prayed, yes actually prayed, that Rei answered.
Thankfully, the girl did.
"… Dr. Akagi?" Rei answered. The pale girl's voice sounded weak and strained as if the girl was recovering.
Later
"You tore some things when you tried to get out of bed."
Shinji winced as the doctor spoke. The kind man sat beside Mari and him, going over the results of their most recent examination. After discovering that Mari had woken, the nurses had immediately noted the damage the teenage girl had done to herself by trying to move so quickly.
They told Shinji that he had done the 'right thing' in getting Mari to lay back down and stay in bed.
Mari listened to the doctor, her eyes peering up from the bundle of bandages that covered her face.
"You came through, you really did. It's a miracle. We have a lot to discuss, but this is a good sign." The doctor told Mari, a bittersweet expression on his face.
Shinji could only imagine what the doctor had been thinking, the man had most likely given up on Mari, all the adults had. It had taken the Broken Man to save his girlfriend.
Mari tried to speak, her fingers squeezing his as she did so.
What came out was distorted whirls. Shinji squeezed her hand back.
The doctor raised a hand to quiet her gently.
"Don't push yourself. You've survived a lot of trauma. And we're going to have to discuss options in the future… for physical therapy."
Mari shook her head at the doctor's words, a weak little thing, and Shinji could feel the tension in her fingers as she tightened her grasp on his hand.
She looked at him, a lone pair of bloodshot eyes surrounded by white bandages.
"Will she… when can she get out of this?" Shinji said suddenly. He gestured at the various casts around his Mari's body.
The doctor turned to him.
"That is a conversation for another time. Hello there, I don't think we had the chance to meet. What is your relationship with the patient?"
"I'm her boyfriend."
The doctor gave him a curious look. The patient files no doubt showed the girl's age, and Shinji could imagine the thoughts going through the man's mind.
It's none of your business. Focus on the medicine, Shinji wished he could tell the doctor.
Mari gave him another look, she wanted to press the issue. She wanted out.
"We have to run some more tests. You'll have to wait outside." The doctor told him.
"Why?" Shinji protested.
"Some things are reserved for family only. I'm sorry, but you're not listed on the emergency contacts. You can wait for her, but there are things we need to discuss with her parents." The doctor said simply.
"She's emancipated. A legal adult," Shinji countered. He had a right to be involved in what was happening to his girlfriend, no matter what the adults said.
The doctor sighed.
"Yes. We'll have to discuss that with her later. Please, wait outside."
Shinji turned to Mari and frowned when she looked away from him.
Mari? He thought with wide uncertain eyes. She wanted him to wait outside… why?
The boy made to protest, but Mari pulled her hand away gently. Bits of red were emerging into her bandages, they really did need to be changed.
Shinji let himself be pulled away, and he waited outside in the hall as the doctors did their work.
…
He sat in the hospital chair for what seemed like hours, lost in his own thoughts, before being allowed back in.
Mari's bandages had been changed, and from the looks of it been given a fresh dose of painkillers. The nurses had prepped another IV bag for her, and they gave him space when he entered. Letting them be alone.
"Hey," Shinji said in greeting, doing his best to smile down at the girl in bed.
She turned her head to him again, an uncertain look in her eyes. Shinji took a seat beside her bed and grasped her hand again. Hesitantly, she returned the grip with what strength she had.
He breathed easier just knowing that she was alive. Alive and awake.
He tried to think of something to say, something to brighten things up, but nothing came to him. He decided that being there would have to do for now.
Shinji stayed there in the hospital, with his girlfriend, for hours.
…
In the end, Shinji had to call Misato and let her know what happened. Not the whole story, but just that his girlfriend had woken and that she was recovering.
He'd argued with his guardian, a phenomenon that was becoming more and more frequent lately, saying that he would spend the night. But his guardian wouldn't have it, she came to the hospital to pick him up.
Misato had to almost pry him away from Mari, just to get him to come home. She stayed for a bit, told Mari that she was glad to see her awake. Misato did her best to seem positive for Mari, telling the girl that they'd be back to visit her later.
Mari had only listened softly, breathing easier on painkillers, her fingers trailing after Shinji's as the boy was pulled away.
The Next Day
Shinji got up early. He rubbed his tired eyes, and double checked his bottle of sleeping pills, making sure he had enough. The Nightmare still hadn't truly left him, it preyed on him as he slept, and so he drowned it out with sleeping pills.
But Mari was awake, and that was one weight off his chest.
He showered quickly, skipped breakfast, carefully put his contacts lens on, and was getting to ready to head out for the hospital when his Other stopped him.
Check your phone. The second one.
Young Shinji scowled softly and did as he was asked.
One message from Ritsuko on the prepaid line she had gotten him. A safer way to talk than the phone Misato had gotten him so long ago.
We need to talk. In person.
That was all the message had said.
I'll go after I visit Mari.
No. You will go now.
Ah. It can wait. First, I'll-
Shinji. Meet with Ritsuko.
Young Shinji shook his head, he didn't want to deal with this right now, but he knew that if nothing else, he owed his Other. Big time.
He packed then left his room, heading for the exit. As he crossed the hall, he walked by Asuka's room on the way out and paused.
Asuka… he thought, eyes downcast.
The German girl was still having nightmares. Lingering wounds from the aftermath of the Five Angel Crisis. He had heard her tossing and turning in her sleep not too long ago. Both of them had been hit by Arael's Nightmare. The twisted mind shredding assault that had very nearly broken Young Shinji.
Shinji raised a hand to the door and froze. He didn't know how to help her, and even if he wanted to, he had other things to take care of first.
I'm sorry.
The boy passed Asuka's room with conflicted feelings in his chest.
He went on ahead and was surprised to find Misato up and brewing a cup of coffee in the kitchen.
"Glad I caught you." Misato said in greeting. She was dressed in her usual non-work clothes, a plain shirt, and shorts.
Shinji raised an eyebrow. She wasn't usually the first person up, and Misato was already dressed.
He thought something was off with his legal guardian. Like she was going out of her way to be nice and see him in the morning before he left. She'd been acting that way for a while now, she hadn't told him about Mari's condition for days, and he'd been forced to wait until she had felt comfortable enough to tell him the truth.
'I didn't want to crush your hopes,' that was what Misato had explained to him.
The thought brought its own twinge of anger at that. She had had no right to keep his girlfriend from him.
"Morning. I'm heading out."
Shinji did his best to speak calmly, but a slight hesitation found its way into his voice. He turned to go, leaving the kitchen behind.
Misato held out a hand saying, "wait."
He did as he was asked, whatever else, whatever Shinji felt, Misato had been good to him. He owed it to her to listen.
"Shinji… don't you think you've skipped enough school," Misato said. The older woman spoke carefully, but by no means did she forget all the time he'd spent at the hospital lately.
She knew I was heading for Mari… the boy thought.
It's not hard to guess. The man countered.
"No. It's fine, I'll catch up later. Nothing I haven't done before," Shinji said. He looked at Misato, he didn't shy away, not anymore.
Misato made a tsk sound of disapproval, a low whirl that she tried to hide for his sake. He could tell she had more to say. He debated walking off.
"Shinji. I get it, okay." Misato said slowly.
No. You don't. I'm sorry, Misato. But you don't, he thought.
"You have a good heart, and I like that about you. Hell, Mari probably loves you for that. But you can't forget about your own life. You can see her all you want, just… just don't skip school anymore." Misato said.
She did her best, and Shinji could see that. She only wanted what she 'thought' was best for him, she worried about him, and a part of him was glad for that. Glad that someone cared about him.
"I'll drive you if you want. After work," she continued.
After school you mean, Shinji thought.
"It's sweet, really, all that you've done. Staying with her all those times, never knowing if she'd wake." Misato said, rambling on as Shinji listened in silence.
"I'll see you after school," Shinji said, cutting in before Misato could continue. He didn't lie, not really.
He turned to go and felt Misato's eyes on him as he passed through the door.
"You're going to school, right?" she asked. She wasn't angry, her voice stayed soft, and he knew that she didn't know what to think. A mask of calm to hide her conflicted feelings.
He paused, and glanced back at her, and offered a weak smile.
"Bye, Misato."
In the city
They met not far from the Geofront. A public area but with spaces here and there with little to no people, the upper floors of a shopping complex outside of the camera's sight.
"What did you do?"
That was the first thing Ritsuko asked.
She gave them a curious frown, an uncertain gaze in her eyes.
"… we saved Mari."
Shinji didn't look away, he held Ritsuko's gaze.
Ritsuko opened her mouth, unsure of what to say. She had never realized that he could do things like that. Another thing that surprised her about the Shinji(s). So that explained the news about Mari, of how she had recovered unexpectedly.
"Something happened. Tell me."
The Broken Man's words cut through the silence and snapped Ritsuko back to reality. It was a strange thing to witness, the transition from Young Shinji to the Other in broad daylight. Their voices shared the same source, but now that Ritsuko had heard it a few times she could hear the difference.
"I got an alert from the life support systems. It came the night that Mari woke from her coma-"
"Rei. How is she?" the Broken Man asked, concern edging its way into his voice.
"I went to see her, the current her. She recovered but she felt it. The blowback effect. Thankfully it ended quickly, she won't say it but too long and it would have caused another seizure."
The Broken Man let out a low hiss, a whirl of frustration and disapproval, a flood of mixed emotions channeled through the boy and his body.
"That's good… just about the only thing that worked out for us. All the other iterations were affected by it too. Their heart rates accelerated and some of them almost 'woke' from inside the chamber." Ritsuko continued.
"But she's okay? Right?" Young Shinji cut in suddenly.
"… yes, but that's not the point," Ritsuko said, doing her best to speak calmly.
Young Shinji sighed inwardly and moved to lean against the balcony railing looking over the city block. He knew what was coming.
"You shouldn't have done that. Shinji... the risk alone is-"
"I know the risk. He told me all about it. Look, it was the right thing to do. She was dying…" Shinji paused at those last words. A hiccup caught in his throat, a relived memory of seeing his girlfriend on her deathbed.
The boy shook his head getting over the sensation, he didn't want to remember those images.
"We saved her," he finished at last.
"And you put me at risk. You endangered both of us," Ritsuko said sharply.
Young Shinji grunted.
"I had to check on the Rei(s). I was in the middle of a sync test, and worse, I didn't know what had happened. I had to cover my tracks and make sure Gendo wouldn't see anything on the log. What if he had been there when it happened? What if he had seen the Rei's flailing about? Or worse, if he studied the incident time and saw that it happened exactly when Mari woke up?"
Ritsuko spoke to his back, a flicker of annoyance in her tone, one that was overshadowed with worry and a sharp edge of fear.
Young Shinji glanced her way, eyes distant, then turned back to the view of the city block.
"… you said you covered it up. So Gendo won't find out." The boy said in barely a whisper.
"You can't just do things like that. I'm involved now, I need to know. There are a thousand things that could have gone wrong." Ritsuko replied.
Young Shinji turned from the balcony.
"I'm not apologizing for saving my girlfriend's life."
The boy gave Ritsuko a hard look, one that looked wrong on someone so young.
"And what about Rei?" Ritsuko said softly.
Young Shinji shifted uncomfortably at that. He knew this conversation was coming the moment the Broken Man had insisted on the meeting. For a variety of reasons, it was important, an update, a status on what had happened, and a lecture.
He knew that when they used these powers they had consequences. Adam's power inflicted pain on the current First Angel trapped in Nerv, it triggered him and in turn, brought the Angels to step up their game.
Lilith's power rippled and hurt not only the Second Angel in the Geofront, but every single Rei that existed. The burning sensation that crept deep down into every cell of their beings.
The boy had been lucky, his Other shielded him from such things, the man took the brunt of those effects so that the boy did not have to.
What about Sakura Suzuhara? The Broken Man stirred quietly.
Young Shinji blinked at that, feeling another weight in his chest add to the pile.
Sakura…
We couldn't help her before. You would not have survived the use of power then… but now things are different. It haunts me.
Toji's sister… but then… Rei… how many times can we put her through that? How many times can we hurt her?
Once was already too much.
… It was different. Mari was dying… and Sakura… Sakura has hope. Damn it… I don't want to do this. I don't want to weigh which life means more than another… but a part of me… I- you have to understand. Mari is… she…
We are not Gods, Shinji. We are men. Our actions have consequences. Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault. It was mine.
The boy stood deep in thought, Ritsuko watching the unspoken conversation and could only imagine the inner turmoil of the two that shared a body.
"Ritsuko. The boy knows. Forgive him, he is young and… and he is in love."
The words surprised both the boy and the doctor. Ritsuko blinked looking over this 'man' inside of a youth's body. The words were soft and hoarse, almost pained. A tone that can only come with age.
…
Deep from within the Other Place, the bridge between the two Shinji(s), the boy stared at his Other open-mouthed.
…
Ritsuko pulled a cigarette from her coat pocket, lit it, and took a single whiff before breathing the smoke out with a heavy breath.
"… I am glad that Mari survived." Ritsuko said at last. She spoke honestly, calmer now that the lecture was over.
The Broken Man nodded.
"I should have done more. Should have warned you. I felt guilty and I acted rashly."
"Guilty?" Ritsuko questioned.
The Broken Man tilted the boy's head slightly, a pained grimace emerging.
"Mari wasn't a pilot in my timeline."
Ritsuko gave him a curious look. She couldn't begin to imagine how complex and strange this was for him, to have two timelines worth of memories and experiences.
"… you're not like him. Not at all." Ritsuko said suddenly.
The Broken Man looked at her, empty hollow eyes shining out from the boy, a cold detachment to the world even as he listened.
"Gendo. You really are nothing like him at all."
The Broken Man was silent, staring ahead at Ritsuko with hollow uncertain eyes.
Ritsuko took another whiff of her cigarette.
"I worked with your father a lot… among other things," Ritsuko spat, her voice turning harsh at the last words.
Still, the Broken Man said nothing. For what could he say? He knew that his father had used and abused Ritsuko, and he had helped her, had pulled her from Gendo's hold, but some stains linger all the same.
"Gendo wouldn't have cared about Mari. Wouldn't have risked so much for a girl that he deemed 'non-vital'. And he would never have felt guilty. Not once," She said.
Ritsuko offered the Shinji(s) the shadow of a smile.
"I don't know if I completely agree with what you did… but I'm glad to know that you cared. Makes me feel like we're on the right side, haven't felt that in a long time," she finished.
Her words left the Broken Man at a loss. He stood there, expressionless, he had no response for her words.
"… I have something I need you to do," the Other spoke at last.
"Oh?" Ritsuko said eyebrow raised.
Later
Hospital
Mari grunted softly as the nurses adjusted the bandages on her face. What came out of her mouth was another distorted whirl, almost coherent but not quite there yet.
"It'll come back on its own. Don't rush it."
Kind words from the nurses, but Mari didn't want to hear it.
She breathed out harshly as the bandages loosened around her face and released their hold on her mouth and lips.
My hair… what happened to my hair?
The thought was such a silly thing, but it was one of the first things she'd noticed after Shinji had left. She knew that the doctors had cut it, but she wanted to know what had happened. How much was gone?
Was it… was it still there?
"There we go. How's the breathing? Better?" the nurse asked.
Mari shook her head, feeling slightly dizzy from the movement, but determined to do it.
The nurse beamed at her.
Mari reached a hand weakly to her face and ran her fingers across her lips. She felt it along the edges and winced.
The beginnings of a scar starting near the ends of her right lip.
"… wa… water," Mari said carefully. The words were hoarse and raw, a low dry croak.
The nurse frowned at her. "Take it slow," the woman told her before moving to get her some along with the rest of the lunch plate.
A knocking sound rattled against the hospital room's entrance.
"It's open," the nurse called.
The door opened, and Shinji Ikari stepped inside carrying a bag of takeout food. He was dressed in his plain clothes again, another day of skipping school it seemed and wearing his contact lens.
"Hello, I'm running a little late. Did lunch already come?" the boy asked.
The nurse gave him a bemused expression.
"You just made it. Go on, she can eat. I'll get out of your way."
The nurse gave them their space, stacking the unused plate of food intended for Mari, and giving them the room as she pulled the lunch cart with her.
Shinji took a seat beside Mari, the bag of food at the ready.
"Sorry about the wait. Would have come earlier, but I had some stuff to take care of," the boy said as he pulled some plates from the bag for her.
Throat is so dry… Mari thought.
"Hospital food is terrible. Thought I'd get us something better," the boy continued.
"wa… water," the injured girl croaked.
Shinji looked up at her in surprise, joyful hope emerging on his face. Her voice, he hadn't heard her speak in days.
Mari only lay sunken and quiet. She could sense he was glad at her words, but she didn't have that, where he was hopeful she was weary.
He reached into the bag pulling out a water bottle for her. He tried to feed it to her, to let her drink the water while he held it up for her, but she shook her head with what strength she had.
"nnn… no," Mari said her voice a rough croak.
Shinji carefully placed the bottled water in her hand, gently helping her raise her arm, and watched frowning as she took a drink.
Mari took to the water quickly, gulping it down as fast as she could. Her throat was so dry, she kept drinking until her hand wobbled and her grip loosened. Shinji steadied her, the bottle almost fell, and water splashed on her bandaged wrist.
Mari let out a disappointed whirl.
"Hey, it's okay," Shinji said sweetly. The boy reached out into the food bag and grabbed a napkin.
He cleaned up the mess without complaining, being gentle with her wrist as if she was made of glass.
Mari wasn't sure if she liked that or not.
"I'm sorry, Shinji…" Mari managed to say. Her voice hoarse and dry.
"It's only water," her boyfriend shrugged.
Mari put the bottled water down on the shelf beside her hospital bed, careful to keep her grip strong, then flexed her fingers. She felt resistance, but she couldn't say if that was from the bandages or from the damage to her hand itself.
She felt her toes curl at the thought, and then she winced glancing down below… to the bundled stump where her right leg had once been. Even amputated, she could feel the leg and foot as if they were still there.
Mari could feel the toes curl on the missing limb, a phantom pain that twinged now and then.
Her breathing grew harsh, and she shuddered.
Shinji took her hand in his, and she calmed at his touch. Somehow, he had known what had happened and what to do.
She loved him for that.
They stayed there for a moment, letting her breathe.
"Let's just eat our food. It's getting cold, still better than the ward though," Shinji said.
Mari nodded and watched as he brought out the food and set a table for them on the hospital bed. He had gotten light easily chewable food just to be on the safe side, sweet rice along with some steam-cooked fish.
She blinked in surprise when Shinji pulled out a single cup of pudding, just like the ones from when they were both kids.
"Dummy," Mari breathed through her strained voice. Her bloodshot eyes lightened up at the gesture and she almost smiled.
…
Shinji stayed with her the whole day. He was there when the doctors came back and had 'talks' with her about her condition. As Mari was emancipated, her parents were not needed, and thankfully her role as an Eva pilot gave her access to the best treatments the entire country had to offer.
The doctors hadn't wanted Shinji to stay, but now that she could speak again, Mari had told them it was okay.
"He's family," she had croaked when they had tried to press the issue.
They told her that she would need physical therapy later down the road. First, she had to finish healing. Her face and hands would be the first to repair themselves.
Her torso would be the longest and would need the most time to heal. She would be getting a full prosthetic leg, but first, she needed to heal more and would need a wheelchair or crutches for a time.
They were putting her on steroids and various drugs to help her muscle and tissue damage.
Mari listened stone-faced, and Shinji winced as the doctors continued their talks. In truth, she didn't know how to process all this information.
She wanted to get out of this bed, she wanted to rip the mask of bandages off her face, she wanted to run and take off from this strange place she found herself in.
"When can I leave?" Mari asked suddenly.
The doctor frowned, thinking his words over.
"We can talk about that later. After we see how much progress you make," the doctor said.
Progress? So, you don't know… Mari thought.
They left her and Shinji alone after that. And Mari found that she didn't know what to do with herself. Shinji would have stayed the whole night, she knew he would have, and she loved him for that, but she knew it wasn't right.
"You need to go home, Misato will worry," Mari spoke in her dry whisper after the doctors had left.
Shinji blinked in surprise at her.
"Don't worry about it. Misato knows that I can take care of myself-" the boy began.
Mari shook her head.
"You're… sweet. Always have been, dummy. But-" Mari began.
She coughed harshly, her throat sore and dry, interrupting her speech.
Shinji was at her side with another bottle of water, and she took it gratefully. He tried to help her again, but she grasped the water with both hands and drank from it slowly.
The water soothed her throat and let her breathe again.
Shinji hovered beside her, young eyes filled with concern and anxious as he lingered at the sidelines waiting to help.
It made her want to cry. She could see it in him since the day she had woken up, he really loved her. He loved her so much.
She turned away from him.
"Go home... Shinji. You have school tomorrow." Mari said the first thing she could come up with to send him away.
"School doesn't matter," Shinji said brushing it off.
That's not what you said before, she thought. The memory was bittersweet for Mari, it had been before Shinji had been 'taken' by Unit 01. When she had caught him on his way to school, teasing him about being a 'goody two shoes'.
Just then, Shinji's phone rang. The boy scowled softly and checked it.
It's Misato… isn't it? Mari thought.
Shinji hit the ignore button on his phone and turned back to her.
"I'll be okay. Just… just go home" Mari croaked.
Shinji opened his mouth, but Mari wouldn't look him in the eye.
The boy stared at her not understanding, and maybe she didn't want him to understand just yet. Maybe as selfish as it was, she wanted to pretend for just a bit longer.
He reached out a hand to take hers, and she didn't pull away, but she didn't squeeze back.
"I'll be back tomorrow," he said.
Mari waited for him to leave, before turning in the hospital bed and shuddering on the verge of tears. The day was taking its toll on her, she curled into herself as much as she could in her state, and distantly she felt her missing leg ache.
Toes that were no longer there cried out.
Shinji walked the city street, heading home, but lost as to what was happening.
What's going on? Why is Mari… why is she acting this way? The boy thought.
He passed a few people milling about the city, and once again noticed how the increasingly dangerous Angel attacks had affected the city. Fewer people, with many choosing to pack up and leave with incident after incident, with the Five Angel Crisis being the latest and arguably the deadliest.
Damn it. I should have stopped it earlier. Should have ended Bardiel quicker. If only I was stronger, Shinji thought bitterly.
You did all you could, boy.
It happened seamlessly, in less time than it took to blink an eye, the mental projection of the Broken Man appeared beside him on the city street. A solemn figure dressed in faded rags, haggard, and old, with battered aged skin.
Young Shinji kept walking, their conversation never ending.
"… It wasn't enough. Now Mari's hurt. And she… I don't know what happened. She pushes me away," the boy said.
"It's not you. Not really. For someone whose strong, it's a challenge to be weak. To be vulnerable. It leaves you raw and exposed like a nerve."
"She doesn't have to worry about that. I'm there and I can help-"
"You don't understand, boy. People want a measure of control in their life. They want agency. To lose that is a pain all its own. When you need help just to take a drink of water, you feel useless. You feel… worthless. You put up a wall of shame."
Shinji considered that.
"… maybe you're right," the boy said quietly.
"I've taken care of a lot of people in my life," the Broken Man said softly.
Without meaning to, the memories flashed by Young Shinji. The product of his perfect memory combined with the memory given to him during his time spent absorbed into Unit 01.
Asuka, forced to use crutches and a wheelchair for the first 100 days or so after the Impact. The girl cold and distant, a steel rage and frustration on her face as she was confined to her place whilst the Original Shinji scavenged for food.
Mari, recovering from her wounds 18 years after the Impact. The Original Shinji helping her learn to walk again, a distant look on her face.
Young Shinji blinked at the sensation.
Ah, still not used to that. He thought.
The boy glanced at the Man, but his Other didn't seem to have felt it. Or if he had, the man simply didn't show it.
The Shinji(s) walked on for some time in silence. They were already in the parking lot of the apartment complex when they spotted her.
Asuka.
The German girl looked awful, with deep lines under her sleep-deprived eyes. Her hair was a mess, and she stumbled on edge through the lot. She carried a bag of energy drinks and soda pop, sources of caffeine, in her arms.
Hikari was with her, walking closely beside the German girl and speaking with a concerned look on her face.
"You need help. Maybe you should see someone and-" Hikari was saying.
"No. If you don't want to let me stay over, then fine." Asuka spat, her voice a harsh strain.
"It's not like that. My parents are worried about-" Hikari said, frowning as Asuka shook her off.
Shinji approached, and the mental projection of the Broken Man disappeared so the boy could focus.
Hikari turned, caught a glimpse of them, and beamed at them to help her.
"Hey… guys," Shinji said joining the conversation.
"Out of my way," Asuka told him and Hikari.
The German girl walked past her friend from school, but Shinji moved to intercept and she scowled at him.
"Where you going?" Shinji asked, trying to keep his tone light and failing spectacularly.
Asuka glared at him with sleep-deprived eyes, tittering on the edge.
"None of your business."
"Asuka, it's late. Misato wants us home-"
"Move!"
Hikari stepped between them trying to calm Asuka down.
"Shinji's right. We can do something tomorrow. It's fine." Hikari stammered.
Asuka shook her head and tried to move past her again.
Once again, Shinji stopped her.
What's wrong with her? The boy thought.
She's avoiding sleep. The Broken Man answered him.
Just then, before a fight broke out, Misato's voice called out from above.
"You two, get upstairs."
Asuka, Shinji, and Hikari looked up to see Misato standing on her apartment's balcony and watching the three of them.
Shinji nodded, Asuka scowled.
Hikari breathed a sigh of relief.
Thankfully, Asuka gave in and turned heading for the apartment complex at Misato's words. She grumbled the whole way.
"Will you be okay? I can walk you home?" Shinji asked, turning to Hikari.
The girl gave him a surprised look then shook her head.
"I can walk. My home's not far and-"
"No. We can get Misato to give you a ride. Safer that way."
The Other Shinji turned, gesturing for Hikari to follow, and the girl hesitated before following along.
Young Shinji blinked as he came back. Not sure what was going on, but forced to move forward, he played it cool and held the door open for Hikari.
What are we doing?
Helping Asuka, what little we can for now.
"Thanks," Hikari said entering the apartment complex.
…
Shinji and Hikari reached the apartment to find Misato and Asuka arguing.
"You know the rules. You have to be home by-"
"I'm not a child. And I don't need your help," Asuka snapped.
Misato stood with a mixed expression. Conflicting emotions dancing on her face. Concern for Asuka and her distress, and frustration at the girl's attitude, to say the least.
"We can get you help. It's not a problem. Really, it isn't-" Misato began.
"I said I don't need your help," Asuka seethed, her sleep-deprived eyes narrowed.
The two stood arguing in the doorway, Misato leaving behind her natural easy going self for the stern 'parent' figure in the lives of her charges.
Misato shook her head, noticed Shinji and Hikari awkwardly on the sidelines, and turned to them.
"You didn't answer your phone," Misato said to Shinji.
"Sorry. I was with Mari and time flew by," Shinji said.
Misato gave him a knowing, if conflicted, look.
Asuka shifted at the mention of Mari.
"Hello Ms. Misato," Hikari said awkwardly.
Poor girl, she's a civilian caught in this tangled mess. The aftermath of the Five Angel Crisis, Shinji thought with a frown.
Misato turned to Hikari, and her expression softened.
"Thanks for looking after these two. Is there something you needed?" Misato said.
"It's late, and I thought you could give her a ride home… please?" Shinji said jumping in.
Misato raised an eyebrow at him, and Hikari opened her mouth about to say that it wasn't necessary and that she could walk.
"It is after dark. Shinji's right, I can give you a ride. But, let's not make this a common thing. Okay?" Misato said suddenly.
Hikari nodded, adding a hurried thanks.
Asuka walked past them and entered the apartment. Misato snapped her way, bringing a hand out to stop the door slamming shut.
"I know you're going through a lot. We all are. But you better be here when I get back," Misato called. Her voice was soft, but with hints of iron in them.
Asuka paused, then nodded, her back to them all as she headed for the living room.
Misato let out a heavy breath, patted Shinji on the shoulder, and left with Hikari to drive her home.
"Bye," Shinji called.
…
Young Shinji sighed inwardly, before stepping into the apartment and joining Asuka moments before the door closed behind him.
Asuka sat in the living room, the tv blaring on some channel or other, a can of freshly opened soda pop in her hand.
He made to join her on the sofa and felt the tension in the air as he moved towards her. The girl was a silent abyss of frustration, rage, self-pity, and blatant denial. Tittering on the edge of breaking, but always just holding on.
The girl put a wall around herself, to keep others at bay or to keep something trapped within? A shield or a prison? He couldn't say.
Shinji took a seat beside her, and she ignored him.
"It's been awhile. Sorry, been busy with Mari. After what happened… we never talked about it," Shinji said carefully.
Asuka raised the volume on the tv.
The two sat there, watching the tv but not really paying attention as the images danced across the screen.
"You remember, don't you? The Nightmare?" Shinji said in a low quiet voice.
Asuka flinched. She raised the volume to its max.
Shinji spoke to the tv, letting Asuka have that kindness. If she didn't want to talk, he hoped she would listen.
"I do. It haunts me… too. The things that I saw. I take sleeping pills for it." Shinji began.
Asuka gave him a glare, the harsh lines under her eyes made it worse somehow. The tv blared on and on, and no one watched.
"It's no cure, but it's something. I have more if you want some-"
"I'm not like you. I don't need meds to keep me sane," Asuka cut in sharply.
Shinji winced at those words, taken aback as if he'd just been slapped. That was a low blow, even for Asuka. It reminded him of their last big argument in Misato's kitchen, a time that he'd thought they had left behind.
Part of him wanted to retaliate, to shout out, but instead, he took a deep breath.
"… sorry," the German girl whispered suddenly. Her composure wobbled, the anger and frustration fading momentarily, leaving behind a girl torn up from the inside.
Then the moment passed, the wall was up again, and Asuka seethed facing away from him.
"I don't need pills. Alright," she whispered softly.
"I told you. Don't wall yourself off. It doesn't help, you know it doesn't." the Other Shinji said suddenly.
Asuka grunted.
"Who says I wall myself off? Huh? What do you know?" the girl spat.
"I am the only person in the whole world who understands. The only one who faced it just as you did."
The only one who broke the Nightmare and walked away – the words went unsaid, but the Shinji(s) could read the thought on Asuka's expression. The mix of envy and shame.
"It didn't end that day. Not even for me. I can't imagine what it was like for you, but if it was even half of what I went through… then it was enough to break someone," Shinji said.
"I'm not broken!" Asuka spat, rising from the sofa and whirling. She loomed over him, panting with sleep-deprived eyes glaring down at him.
The Shinji(s) watched her.
"No, you're not. And I'm happy for that. Truly, I am" the boy said. Not yet… he thought.
That made Asuka pause and he smiled up at her, truly grateful that she wasn't so far gone yet.
The girl didn't know how to respond. She stood at a lost at his sad smile.
Shinji sighed and got to his feet.
"Why don't I make you some tea? It used to help me, back when I was a kid and my condition was at its worse. It calmed me down, helped me sleep," he said.
Asuka winced at the mention of his 'condition' again, he didn't entirely know why it bothered her, but it did.
"I don't need your help!" Asuka lied, a harsh ringing tone. Denial in its ugliest form.
"I know you don't. And I'm offering anyway," Shinji said. He moved to the kitchen and grabbed a tea kettle and started boiling water.
Asuka shifted uncomfortably. She seethed there in the living room, the tv blaring on and on despite the tension in the air.
"… why?" Asuka asked in barely a whisper. Another crack in the wall.
"Because you're my friend. And we made a promise that day." Shinji answered.
We stay together – the words went unsaid, but they hovered between the two. The memory from the Five Angel Crisis.
Asuka stood there silently as Shinji made her the tea. Once he finished, he poured it into a cup and blew on it so it was nice and warm.
He turned, finding Asuka still in the living room, expression downcast and unreadable.
"Partners," he said holding up the cup of tea.
Hesitantly, Asuka took the tea. Their fingers brushed as the cup changed hands. Eva Team One.
"… thank you," the girl whispered softly. He wasn't sure, but he thought he saw a tear in her eye.
He looked away, letting her keep some imagined dignity that she could cling to.
"Don't worry about it," he said before reaching over and scooping up the bag of pop sodas and energy drinks Asuka had been stockpiling. The bag of 'caffeine' as it were.
"Shouldn't drink so much of these. They're bad for your health," Shinji said moving to throw them in the trash.
Asuka didn't stop him. She stood there and slowly sipped her tea, baggy heavy laden eyes lighting up just a bit. A spark of something.
"You don't always have to be strong. No one is, not really." Shinji said softly.
Asuka seemed to consider that, harsh lines on her face easing as she took another drink of the tea. She opened her mouth, wanting to say something, but nothing came. She didn't know how to do this, how to be 'nice' or how to say what she really felt in that moment.
Shinji understood and saved her the trouble.
"Night, Asuka," the boy said heading off to shower and get ready for bed.
"… night… Shinji," Asuka whispered back.
The next day
School
"You're really going to do this?" Toji asked.
The boy stood outside the front office, waiting patiently when Shinji returned with the form, the school clerk giving him a disappointed sad look on his way out.
"Yeah. It's been a long time coming. I should have done it sooner," Shinji said.
Shinji walked with Toji down the school halls, what remained of the students glancing his way and with blank faces at his lack of uniform. He wore his street clothes.
"What is Misato gonna say?" Toji asked shaking his head.
"I'll deal with it when it comes up," Shinji said simply.
"Man… first Kensuke. Now you? Who do I even have left to talk to?" Toji whined nonsensically. Unlike Shinji, the boy had his uniform on.
Shinji let out an easy laugh, faker than he would have wanted, saying, "Hikari? She's still there right?"
"Yeah. Been less strict lately. Half the class gone and what not. You know what I mean, it's just not the same," Toji said with a shrug.
I do, I really do, he thought.
"Sorry I haven't been around much. But with everything with Mari and… you know," Shinji said shifting uncomfortably.
"I get it," Toji said, and the boy meant it. His own sister had been in the hospital since Shinji had known him. It was a kind of bond on its own.
"Listen, can you do me a favor? Look out for Asuka for me. I know she isn't always the easiest person to get along with, just… keep an eye on her." Shinji said changing the subject.
Toji raised an eyebrow.
"We aren't exactly friends. She slapped me, remember?"
"I'm not asking you to be. Just… let me know if anything happens?" Shinji said.
"… sure," Toji said.
They reached the end of the hall, where their classroom was waiting just around the corner.
The boys stood there for a moment, unsure of what to say.
"I guess this is it," Shinji said holding out a hand.
"… maybe… we'll see each other around?" Toji said rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.
"Yeah. Maybe," Shinji said, and Toji shook his hand.
The warning bell for class rang, and Toji glanced to the classroom. The boy waved and headed off whilst Shinji moved in the other direction. He passed a student here and there rushing for class not wanting to be late.
Distantly, he heard Hikari poking her head out and trying to call out for him, only for Toji to cut her off and pull her aside.
He had already left the building when the message came on his first phone.
Shinji it pulled up surprised.
NERV BROADCAST SYSTEM: A meeting is being called. All relevant personnel are to meet at the conference room for debriefing ASAP. A car is being sent for Eva Pilots 'Second Child' and 'Third Child'.
A last minute meeting? Strange. Shinji thought.
He looked above, listening for the city alarms. None came. It appeared there were no Angel incursions this day. And that was something.
You're better at this than me. Anything out there?
No. Adam's Children are still reeling from what happened.
He scowled inwardly, he was supposed to go see Mari again, like he always did, and today was an important day and he wanted… no, he needed to be there. He only hoped this didn't take too long.
Shinji found a spot at the school entrance and waited for the car. Asuka joined him a short time later, dressed in her school uniform, sleep deprived features lightened just a bit, the bags under her eyes lessened, and she'd made an effort with her hair today.
"… you're not in uniform," Asuka said suddenly, her voice distant but no longer harsh and raw. She turned to him, recovering eyes looking him up and down.
"No… I'll tell you later," Shinji answered just as the Nerv car pulled into the driveway.
Nerv
The meeting room was packed with people with 'need to know' clearance. Shinji and Asuka emerged into the room to find Misato, Kaji, and Ritsuko already waiting for them.
Rei was there too, sitting off to the side near the back. She hadn't been going to school since her seizure, and then the Crisis. She looked at them as Shinji and Asuka entered.
The pale girl seemed…. off. She put a hand to her head as if suffering from headaches and she frowned at some deep thought or other. Things that she could not explain.
A few staff were here and there, as well as the JSSDF liaison to Nerv. Lieutenant Colonel Hashi, known by his men as 'the Boss', a stern figure watching from the sidelines.
Misato waved them over and they took seats beside her. She was hesitant with Shinji these days, she knew he hadn't been going to school. Kaji noticeably looked at nowhere in particular as Shinji sat down.
People were murmuring, idle chatter that filled the room whilst they waited. Then silence followed as Gendo Ikari himself entered the room flanked by his second-in-command Kozo Fuyutsuki.
Shinji felt his hands curl up into fists, and Misato put a hand on his shoulder.
"I know, Shinji, I know. What he did was awful. But he's in charge… so let it go for now," Misato whispered to him.
Asuka didn't seem to have any such impulses, too lost in her own trials and turmoil, struggling on the inside and on edge.
Shinji shook his head, unable to stop the shaking of his fists below his table.
That monster. That fucking monster. Everything that happened was your fault. Mari… oh Mari… and he used Rei to do it. Ahhh! the boy thought, seeing red at the sight of his father.
A hatred that he had never known curled up from within, a feral twisted thing that made him want to lash out and strike the man down. A fury that no child should have.
Gendo Ikari was cool and calm as he took everyone's attention at the front. Expression hidden behind tinted glasses, and unphased by any lingering gazes on him.
I know it's hard, boy. But we need Gendo. Knowingly or not, he keeps SEELE off our trails. He is the shield that covers our work. A threat they cannot ignore.
Doesn't mean I have to like it.
I'm not asking you to. One day, Gendo will have to face what he has done. The Broken Man told him.
… but not today. Makes me want to vomit, He thought.
Gendo tapped the wall to get the room's attention as if every set of eyes and ears weren't already turned towards him.
"Decisions have been made in the face of our current situation. I have called you all here to make the appropriate changes and for those involved to begin planning." The Director of Nerv began.
Gendo kept his gaze neutral, never looking at one single individual, but managing to speak to everyone present and hold their attention.
"First, the condition of the Fourth Child leaves us with no choice. She is being pulled off the roster of available Eva Pilots. Her medical status will be monitored for future updates. At this time, her return to pilot status is unlikely."
Shinji flinched at the mention of his girlfriend. His father spoke the words with a cool detachment, like it was barely a waste at all, an inconvenience at having lost an asset for him. It made the anger in him spike.
Gendo continued on without missing a beat.
"Second, Eva Team One is being disbanded. We are reforming our very first Evangelion Team. Eva Team Zero as it was. The First Child and Third Child will be expected to be combat ready and to train for their new roles. We expect no difficulties given past records."
Asuka woke up from whatever had pulled her into her own thoughts. She snapped up, her attention fully on the Director of Nerv as the man continued speaking. Her eyes betrayed no emotion, her face went stone-like and grave.
Misato made to speak up, asking about what would be Asuka's role in the days to come. But Gendo answered the question for her.
"The Second Child is being put on a probationary status. Their sync ratio has reached an all-time low, and their combat status is dubious at best." Gendo continued.
Fuyutsuki spoke up for the first time saying, "they will be allowed to train and run tests so long as they do not interfere with the reformed Eva Team Zero's schedule. But piloting duties have been temporarily stripped. We plan on reassessing later."
Asuka stood, wobbling as she did so, hard lines re-emerging on her face. What had been recovered, lost once more. Harsh, shaky eyes that tittered on the edge of a breakdown peered up at the Commanders of Nerv.
"… it's my Eva. You need me, I'm a pilot," Asuka hissed, bits of rage seeped into her tone with disbelief edged in. A low unbelieving whirl.
Gendo tilted his head at the interruption. More annoyed than anything.
"Eva Unit 02 is the property of Nerv and the UN. It doesn't belong to you, Ms. Sohryu" Gendo said coolly.
Silence filled the room. Asuka didn't move, didn't so much as breathe at the Director of Nerv's words. She tilted her head, face downcast and hidden by messy tangled hair.
Gendo made to continue unperturbed.
Asuka let out a mirthless laugh, a crazed sad little thing. She wheezed, sounding on the verge of tears, and shuddered as she wobbled from side to side in danger of falling over.
Misato made to catch her, but Asuka steadied herself shrugging off the helping hand.
The German girl screamed, and it was a harsh, guttural, emotionally charged shout that sent chills down Shinji's spine. Anguish laid bare.
Asuka stormed off, knocking a chair over on her way out as the door slammed shut with a heavy thud… leaving the conference room early.
Shinji got to his feet, ready to go after her. Misato shifted uncomfortably, wincing at the door where Asuka had left.
"Let her go," Gendo ordered without emotion.
Misato tugged him back down and Shinji's gaze lingered on the door.
Unexpectantly, Kaji rose from his seat and before anyone could protest, the man made his way over and left the room following after Asuka.
Gendo gave the man a cold glance but did not order him to stop as the door closed gently behind the man.
"The UN is sending an envoy to inspect the compound. There has been growing concern regarding our status since the latest incident. This will not interfere with our duties, but we must be prepared and show that-" Gendo said moving on, only Shinji stopped listening.
The Broken Man listened, focusing on the speech even if the boy did not.
Young Shinji looked to the door, part of him wanting to run after Asuka too. Part of him unsure if it would do any good. Unable to tell if his presence could have helped her or not.
The meeting didn't last much longer. Once their duties were handed out, Gendo dismissed them.
"Dr. Akagi. A moment, we have certain objectives to discuss," Gendo called as the room began clearing.
Ritsuko played her part, stepping forward and following after Gendo and the Sub-Commander. Not a hint of subterfuge, not even a single glance to the Shinji(s).
He felt Rei's gaze on him, and when Shinji turned he saw her look away and head off.
They were going to be partners again it seemed. There was so much going on, too many things for his young mind to process. It left him conflicted… Mari, Asuka, Rei, his own issues and his Other.
I feel like I've aged twenty years… the boy thought.
Misato was tugging on his sleeve, and he let himself be pulled out of the room with the others.
"I'll check on Asuka when I can. Come on, let's get you home and we can-" Misato began. She was always so careful with him these days, and he wasn't sure if he liked it or not.
Shinji shook himself from his daze and spoke.
"No. I promised Mari I'd see her. It's important, I can't miss it," Shinji said his voice measured and calm.
He stood his ground, not letting Misato pull him onward in the hallways of Nerv. People passed them by, Nerv personnel moving around them heading to their station.
"Shinji…" Misato said carefully.
He pulled his hand from her grasp, not ungently. Their eyes met, and he could see the worry in her face.
"I'll be back by curfew. I promise." Shinji said.
Misato hesitated. "By curfew. Before sundown," his guardian stated slowly.
Shinji nodded and turned to go.
Misato watched him the whole way, people moving around her in the crowd.
Later
The hospital.
Shinji was worried he'd be late, but he managed to make it across town in time. He nearly broke into a jog more than once, moving through various floors.
When he reached Mari's room, he stepped inside to find his girlfriend sitting on her hospital bed positioned carefully with the help of a nurse. The nurse sat across from her, a work table propped between them.
Mari turned at the sound of the door opening, and through the mask of white gauze and bandages, she beamed weakly at him with pink bloodshot eyes.
"You made it," Mari croaked, her voice recovering with each passing day.
"I said I'd be here," Shinji said moving to her side.
She tried to smile, trying to be strong, but it never quite formed, and he took her hand. Letting her know that she wasn't alone.
"… I'm ready," Mari told the nurse.
The woman nodded solemnly and got to work, asking Mari not to move as she brought up her tools to the mask of gauze.
Shinji forced himself not to look away, even if Mari avoided looking at anything. He kept her hand in his, and he felt her fingers shake as the mask was being cut away.
The nurse worked with medical efficiency, unraveling the protective layers the doctors had laid over Mari's face days and days ago.
"This one's easier. The rest will have to come later," the nurse was saying as she did her work.
When the lady was done, the gauze unwrapped, the bandages peeled off completely, Mari's face was left open to the world again. No longer limited to just her eyes and mouth.
"Mirror," Mari rasped in a hoarse dry tone. Her hand squeezed Shinji's so tight he almost lost feeling, but he returned her grip letting her lean on him for support.
The nurse handed Mari the mirror and Shinji felt her hands shake. He noticed her leg move, her toes curling through the bandages on the remaining limb.
Her hair had been cut short for the surgery, and it clung to her head stubbornly, that much was clear. The rest… the rest was a canvas of marks.
Mari tried to keep a straight face, but she shuddered at the reflection that met her gaze.
Scars, ugly little things littered her once lovely face. Destroyed beauty. Like cracks along a sheet of glass, a handful of harsh but thin lines scattered across her face. And down from her left cheek to her lower jaw, a burn scar that reached the midpoint of her neck. A dry piece of reddish skin with rough texture that was mostly healed.
The nurse spoke to them, telling them that Mari's face had healed well considering what had happened. That with antibiotics, she could go without the gauze mask. That the rest of her body, her torso, would take more time.
"Prosthetics will be available in time. Skin graphs are something we can look into in the near future. The doctor will talk to you tomorrow about options." The nurse said.
The lady looked them over and gave a motherly if pitying look.
"I'll give the two of you some time," the nurse said. She packed up her gear and took the table with her giving them the room.
Shinji didn't care to watch the lady go, he stayed there his attention solely on his girlfriend. Her hand slipped from his.
Mari stared at her reflection, the damage done by her Eva partner. She raised a trembling hand to her face and traced a scar across her face, she flinched from the touch her mouth shuddering.
"… Mari," Shinji said feeling his own voice choke up. His heart ached, not at the sight of his girlfriend's wounds, but of the pain she wore plain for the world to see.
He couldn't stand seeing her like this. The world had no right inflicting such anguish on anyone, let alone his Mari.
Silent tears formed in her bloodshot eyes, they trailed down her marked face and Shinji moved to wipe them away.
She recoiled from his touch, crying silently.
"Mari," he called again, feeling as if he would cry too.
When she wouldn't look at him, this distance that she put between them, one that he didn't like, he moved from the hospital bed to kneel in front of her.
"… they cut my hair…" Mari hiccupped, crying and trying to fight it but failing. The tears came, and she couldn't stop them.
It was such a silly thing, but it's what Mari could give voice to first. The girl took a heavy deep breath, on the verge of wheezing, her bloodshot eyes closing tight before opening as she exhaled.
"My leg… it's gone. And these," Mari stammered, looking herself up and down with the mirror. Only it never stayed in one place too long, she gestured to her leg and to her face unable to finish the sentence.
And there was more… the damage to her torso that was still in bandages. Mari couldn't get the words out and hiccupped again trying and failing to catch her breath.
Shinji took the mirror from her, easing it out of her hand and placed it on the shelf. He let out a heavy breath of his own, before reaching over to take her hands.
She shied from his touch, but he clung on gently.
"It'll be okay," Shinji stammered, choking up on his own words. Sounding like the young teen he really was.
"No, it won't," Mari croaked.
"I promise. Mari… listen. I'll take care of you, I don't care what anyone says. I… dropped out of school. And Nerv isn't going away. We'll have money." Shinji said grasping her stiff hands in both of his.
Mari shook her head.
"No… don't do that. Shinji… stay in school. You said it was important," Mari hiccupped.
"School doesn't matter right now. I'm an Eva pilot," Shinji said brushing the issue away.
Mari only shook her head, what little she could.
"School will always be there. I can go back anytime. After this is all over-"
"Go away Shinji."
The words struck Shinji to his core, they punched a hole into his heart and left him cold.
"No!" Shinji said eyes lost.
"Look at me!" his girlfriend cried, her voice cracking at the first time she had raised her voice since the incident.
Shinji opened his mouth to speak but Mari didn't let him. She breathed in, steeling herself up for the words that came next.
"I'm ruined. Damaged goods. You deserve better than that," Mari croaked.
"No. That's not true," Shinji said, his voice cracking once more.
"It is. You deserve someone more. Someone you don't have to take care of. A girlfriend, not an anchor. Someone you can have a life with… not someone who will hold you back."
Shinji shook his head feeling tears in his eyes at her words. It was the most she had said since waking from the coma, and it was rehearsed. Planned, a speech she had thought through and played over in her head again and again.
He could tell.
It was her releasing him of a responsibility she didn't want him to bare. An act born of compassion and love.
So, this was what it was. The distance she tried to put between us. No… I don't want this. I don't care, Shinji thought.
He rose to his feet, and her bloodshot eyes followed him.
"I don't want anyone else. Only you… it's only ever been you," Shinji said firmly, wiping the tears from his eyes.
God, he had no right to cry. Not with what Mari had just been through.
Mari tried to reject him, but he didn't listen.
He raised a hand to her face, feeling the scars and the burn mark. Mari winced closing her eyes at his touch. Her skin was rough where the damage was, cracks along her face before the crude red that was the burn, and yet bits of her face were just as soft as he remembered.
Memories flashed through his mind, a byproduct of the perfect memory from the Broken Man? His own musing and thoughts? A moment triggered by familiar touch, he couldn't say.
He saw the two of them when they were kids in the mental ward, two lonely children who couldn't have been more different, and yet forging a bond that never faded. He saw their first kiss in the rain when she had found him wandering the streets of Tokyo-03, the first time she had spent the night in his bed, the time when she had taken him driving on her motorbike. The times she had held him close after his nightmares, as a child and as a teenager. All of it played back in his head in an instant.
The image of a vibrant girl, wild and so full of life. Smiling down at him, not perfect and yet very much so.
He reached down, gently cradling her face in his hands, both of them, and craned his head kissing her on the lips.
Mari stilled, hesitant and slow to respond, before moving her lips to match his. It was gentle, soft and tender. She cried at the sensation, and Shinji held her.
When it was over, they panted, Mari on the hospital bed leaning on him for support, Shinji on his feet holding her up.
He rested his head atop hers, letting her breathe.
"I don't care about the scars," Shinji whispered.
Mari hiccupped against him.
"I'm not worth it… not worth this much," she whispered through her strained voice.
"You are to me," Shinji whispered back.
He reached a hand up, and gently moved her into his arms and embraced her. Holding her close, just as she had done for him a lifetime ago. Being strong for her just as she had been for him.
"I love you," he said.
And slowly, Mari reached a trembling hand up and embraced him back. Pulling him close and basking in his warmth.
The couple stayed there, together, for quite some time.
…
And deep from within the Other Place… The Broken Man watched. Hollow empty eyes in a lean skeletal frame.
Old Man Shinji tilted his head, observing the boy and his girlfriend in their moment. He let them have it, wordlessly and without expression.
He turned from the sight, having no desire to intrude on the couple.
The old man moved away deeper into the void, the fragment of his memories, the bridge between the two Shinji(s). The small stretch of land with the ruins of a city visible in the distance. And he propped himself up against an old and faded wall before sinking to the ground to sit.
Old Man Shinji traced the faded mark where his wedding ring had once been, running a finger across the aged skin. He sat there, in the cold. In the void.
Alone.
Long chapter, with a lot of character interactions. Hope it wasn't too much.
We had, Mari and Shinji, Asuka and Shinji, Asuka and her mother, Misato and Shinji, the Broken Man and Ritsuko.
Plus a lot of threads intermingled and growing throughout the overall story.
I really wanted to focus on the characters and not have the Five Angel Crisis be something that's "there and gone" in one chapter, no I want the story to have weight and consequence. I want things to matter.
What did you think? The final scenes with Mari? Poor Asuka?! Let me know!
Thanks for Reading and please Review!