Well hello there. Great to be back. It's been a very busy end of the year. I was hoping to have this chapter out just after new year's, but alas, things didn't work out quite as planned. I do hope to update more frequently and answer more messages from now on. Hope everyone is enjoying the story. Thank you for your reviews and letting me bounce my ideas off you. And Happy 2021!
-Simona
XX
Ponyboy stood in the middle of a large field – one that looked suspiciously like the one that led him and Johnny to the church on top of Jay Mountain. There wasn't a sunburned farmer driving a tractor this time around, but you could smell the dirt on the road and the golden wheat followed the curves of the hills.
The air was different in the country, all right.
This is the country, he thought tiredly as the wind rattled the leaves in the trees. I'm dreaming and this is the country…
Things weren't as cheerful as they appeared. He couldn't shake the exhausted feeling he was learning to live with. And he wasn't alone. As he stood there, they appeared. On one side, the elfish face with the high cheekbones and the snarling animal teeth. The timid dark puppy dog that suddenly looked meaner than he remembered. The older man with the cowlicked hair and the not-so-friendly grin
His mother beckoned to him and so did the nearby sunset. Her golden hair swished around her slender shoulders. It would be so easy to follow her.
Something made Ponyboy swing his face to the other side where broad-shouldered "Superman" glared at him, hands on his hips. The movie star stood next to him, eyes wide but no longer dancing.
Why did everyone look so mean?
"Come with us, honey," his mother called out in her sing-song voice that could melt time. "It's this way…"
The lump in his throat grew bigger. He looked behind at his brothers, who motioned to him to follow them.
The decision was daunting. Which way should he go? Which side should he choose?
The faces came closer. He wanted to scream. And then he gave a start as he felt his mother's delicate fingers on his arm.
It's this way…
XX
Soda shot up in the dark, awoken by the loud noise coming from the bed. He blinked open his bleary eyes and saw his brother thrashing wildly. Stunned for a moment, he scanned the room. Where was Darry?
There was no time to think about that. Instead, he ran to the wall and flicked on the light, then went to calm his brother.
"Nonononononono….I don't want to go…" Pony whined and moaned, swatting at invisible forces only he could see.
The heart monitor beeped faster.
"Pony! PONY!" Soda yelled, hovering over him on the bed. He grabbed at his wrists, and Pony's thrashing got weaker. "You're gonna pull your IV out!"
"I don't want to go...don't make me go…"he moaned and Soda wondered for a moment if he was delirious again.
"Pony…" Soda called again and touched his head. That was somehow all it took and Pony suddenly jerked awake, eyes wild as they popped open. He looked around frantically, trying to figure out what was going on. And then he started trembling.
"S-Soda?" he asked softly, and the voice just about broke Soda's heart.
"Pony," Soda responded, looking him over carefully, "Are you ok? You're shaking."
Pony opened his mouth to say something...and then promptly closed it again without saying a word.
"Did you have a nightmare?" Soda asked gently.
He looked away for a moment, then back at his older brother. "Yeah," he said, his voice cracking.
"You feel ok, kiddo?" Soda asked again. He felt Pony's forehead and was startled because it was hot.
Pony's eyes welled up with tears.
Soda's face turned ashen. "Aw Pony…" he said, as he stroked his brother's hair, and pushed him gently against the pillows, "It's ok, honey. Don't cry. It's alright. It's over now," he soothed, but Pony was already crying quietly. "Bet it scared you something awful, didn't it? Do you remember what it was about?" he asked, rubbing Pony's shoulder
Pony thought for a moment, sniffling. "I -" he paused, "Yea, I remember," he replied, his chin trembling as he looked at his brother.
"Tell me about it," Soda said, sitting on the edge of the bed and rubbing Pony's arm.
"I-You're," Pony stumbled over his words as his face got hot, "You're not gonna believe me, Soda," he said.
"Sure I will," Soda replied.
Pony shook his head, as his bottom lip quivered.
"You're gonna think I'm crazy," Pony said and his shoulders drooped, resigned to keep it all in.
"You know I won't, Pony," Soda said, giving him that look that he was known for, the one that could melt glaciers. "I told you already, Ponyboy. You're not crazy."
Soda asked him if he wanted to sit up, and then he helped left him on the bed, squashing a pillow behind his head to make his brother more comfortable.
Pony sighed. "I've been having these dreams the last few days," he began, shuddering a bit, "These dreams where I meet Mom and Dad. And I talk to Johnny and Dally. In one of the dreams, Johnny killed that Soc…"
He looked down, uncomfortable and embarrassed to be bringing this up again, but it was the truth. Soda's heart beat a little faster and he was sad that Pony was dreaming about past traumas.
Without even thinking about it, he pulled Pony into a hug, holding him close. He could feel his brother shaking a bit, trying to keep the tears at bay, but the sobs grew a bit stronger
"They're dead, Soda," Pony said in a voice as scratchy as sandpaper, "How can I be seeing them again?"
"Pony…" Soda began, keeping him in the hug and murmuring in his ear , "You've been really sick the last couple of days. Not yourself. Saying strange things that don't make any sense -" and seeing things that weren't really there, he thought, though he wouldn't say it out loud, trying not to embarrass his brother.
Pony pulled away, but Soda kept his hands lightly on the back of his neck, careful in case it hurt. He was afraid to hear what Pony would say, but knew it would help his brother to talk.
Soda looked at him intently.
"It was real, Soda," Pony said, tears coming to his eyes again. "They were pulling me towards them. It felt so real…"
"Baby…" Soda looked at him and his eyes were sad. He cupped Pony's cheek gently, realizing suddenly it was warmer than it should be, "You know mom and dad are -"
"I know they are!" Ponyboy cried out suddenly, his face hot, "I know. But I saw them, Soda. I saw them and I talked to them."
Soda felt bad for his brother and wasn't quite sure what to believe - or what Pony believed himself. And the guilt bubbled in his chest, threatening to spill.
"What did they say to you?" Soda asked, trying to keep Pony from getting all worked up, even though his own eyes watered a bit.
"Dad was jokin' around like he used to. Mom gave me a hug. She made chocolate cake," Pony said, remembering wistfully. Soda smiled sadly. "But then -"
Pony didn't have a chance to finish his sentence as Darry walked in.
"Hey buddy," he said, smiling as he saw that Pony was awake, "You doin' alright?" he asked. It was only then that he noticed the tears and the sniffling. Darry felt his stomach drop. He had been gone only 15 minutes and already something had happened. But what? Was Pony sick again?
He looked from Pony to Soda and his smile faded. "What's going on, guys?" Darry asked.
Soda looked at Pony to make sure it was okay for him to say something. Pony shook as he looked at Soda, unable to get the words out. He looked down at the old blanket he had been using the last couple of days and picked off some of its frayed edges.
"Pony was just telling me about some of the dreams he's been having the past couple of days," Soda said carefully.
Dreams? Or nightmares?
Darry sighed. He didn't know whether to be relieved or fearful that the dreams were back.
"What kind of dreams?" he asked, the control betrayed by the emotions on his face.
Pony swallowed hard, "Mom and dad were in them… and so were you guys."
Soda looked up, caught off guard, "You never told me that," he said, sounding more angry than he meant to, as he wondered why Pony hadn't mentioned this.
"I didn't have a chance to," Pony's voice caught and he cleared it roughly.
Moving closer to the bed, Darry pulled up the chair that had been carelessly strewn to the side. From the other side, Soda put his hand on Pony's shoulder.
"What kind of dream you been havin', kiddo?" Darry asked. "Nightmares?"
"Dreams…" Pony trailed off.
"You were saying a lot of strange things when you were delirious," Darry responded, trying to be reasonable about the whole thing.
Pony noticed that his oldest brother let out the air he was holding, like a balloon. His shoulders, which had been tense and on alert, suddenly relaxed a little.
"You were really sick, Pone. Maybe your imagination just got the best of you," he said.
"What happened in the dreams?" Soda asked.
"I saw Mom and Dad," Pony said, his voice trembling, "And I talked to Johnny and Dally too," He turned to his oldest brother. "I saw you walking in the snow, Darry. I followed you, but I couldn't catch up."
"I'm sorry about that, kiddo. About leaving you. You know I am," Darry practically begged, his face imploring Pony to forgive. "I didn't mean to disappear like that," Darry said, "I wanted to go find help." It seemed he would never get over his own guilt that came with leaving Pony in the car.
"
Pony suddenly looked frightened. "You ain't mad, right Darry?" he asked, on the verge of crying again. "I just - I kept dreaming about it afterwards," he said, dropping his eyes. "It's ok, Darry. You found me," he said.
Darry sighed heavily. "Pony, you know I ain't mad...I'm just worried. We both are," Darry said, motioning to Soda. "I don't want you to be mad at me either."
There was a pause and Darry spoke up.
"Tell us about more about the other dreams, kiddo," he said.
Pony told them about the dream that had led him to their house and how their dad had been there lounging at the dinner table, reading the newspaper while Dally and Johnny played cards. The familiar sights and smells of home - Mr. Sheen polish and his mother in the kitchen baking chocolate cake.
He told them how he had wanted to be there longer, but he had heard Soda calling his name.
Soda was stunned. "You were really sick, kiddo," he told Pony.
"How bad was it?" Pony asked. "What happened to me in the last few days?"
"It was...bad," Darry spoke up. "Your fever spiked. The doctors said you had an infection in the bloodstream. Your blood pressure dropped. They were afraid your organs would shut down. We were scared. Really scared, "Darry admitted, making Pony look up. He saw his brother's shoulders tense again and the dark look on his face.
"We were afraid you weren't gonna make it," Soda added quietly, getting choked up.
"Mom - she told me to be strong. And to take care of myself," Pony replied.
Soda's mouth dropped a little. "Mom always knew what to say," he said, his smile sad.
The room was silent again.
"What was this last dream about?" Soda asked, "It looked like it scared you, Pone. You said you remembered it."
"Yeah," Pony said, as the tears filled up in his eyes again. "It was a nightmare. I was standing in a field. I think it was in Windrixville. Mom, dad, Dally, Johnny, they were on one side…I think they wanted me to go with them. Mom tried to convince me. You guys were on the other side. You and Darry," he said to Soda, "You were all trying to make me choose which way to go -," he broke off, scared by his own admission. The tears streamed down his cheeks. "What would have happened if I had chosen to go with them?"
Pony watched as Darry picked up his hand and leaned forward. For the first time since that moment they had reunited after the church fire, Pony saw that his brother's eyes were watering.
"But you didn't," Darry said passionately, "You chose us, kiddo. You chose me and Soda. And I'm so glad you did. Really. We love you so much. You don't know how much," he choked out. Darry held Pony's weak hand in both of his, and cupped his fingers around it. Then he placed his chin on top of his folded hands and stared at Pony, remembering the trauma of the best week. His body relaxed like a deflated tire as he let out a breath and the air seemed to leave again.
His eyes shined. "Nobody can take my little brother away from me," Darry said, "He's a fighter."
Soda rubbed at his hair. And his eyes were brimming too.
Pony's mouth formed a thin line. He was glad his brothers understood, but he wasn't sure he believed them. His jaw was tight and he let the memory of the dream wash over him.
"I don't get it," he said, shaking his head. "It doesn't make any sense," His eyes shifted downward.
"Don't get what, Pone?" Soda asked
Pony looked at him. "They told me to go back to you guys at first. Johnny told me he knew that staying with them isn't what I'd want."
"Johnny was one smart kid," Soda said with a grin.
"Johnny said I won't lose him, even if I don't see him...Mom said the same thing…" Pony trailed off.
Darry rubbed his shoulder. "And what did Dad say?" he asked.
"He said, 'Listen to your momma,'" Pony replied in a perfect imitation of their father.
Soda and Darry laughed. Pony smiled, but it was brief.
He shook his head again. "That's - that's what I don't get. If they told me to go back - if they wanted me to go back - why did I dream that they made me choose?"
Soda chewed on the question for a moment, before answering. "It wasn't them," he said suddenly, making Pony look at him. His face was serious. "It couldn't have been them," he said with more confidence, "Not really. Mom and dad would never do that to you. They'd never make you choose between us and them. They'd never take you away from us for no reason. That's how you can know it was just a dream,"
Sodapop was earnest, convinced that his parents couldn't have been anything but good. And that's how Pony wanted to remember them anyway. Darry gave Soda a look but Ponyboy didn't notice. "Maybe it was your imagination," Soda continued, "Your mind playing tricks on you. The fever –"
"Maybe," Pony said softly.
A shadow passed over Darry's face. He put his hand on Pony's forehead, careful of the scar. "You do feel warm again," he said, "You feelin' ok, kiddo?"
Pony shrugged. "Not bad," he said.
Darry sighed. "It was probably the fever. Just a nightmare. Doesn't have anything to do with anything. Anyway Mom would never make you choose," he added, "She'd just want you to get better."
Pony nodded. "But you believe me, right Darry?" He didn't know why, but it was important to him that his oldest brother believed what he was saying.
"I don't think you're making this up, little buddy," Darry replied sensibly.
Suddenly Ponyboy leaned forward and put his arms around Darry. He couldn't explain why he did it, but it didn't matter. Darry was stunned for a moment, but quickly enveloped his baby brother in a hug. He felt like he was finally being forgiven for leaving Pony alone in the truck. At least the guilt was getting easier to swallow.
Soda looked on, smiling.
Eventually, Pony pulled away. His head swam, and he leaned back against the pillow, closing his eyes. But he felt calmer and more relaxed, having finally told his brothers about the dreams.
"We should have the nurse come in again and take your temperature," Darry said.
"I'm ok," Pony said, eyes closed.
"Let's do it just to be safe. You can never be too careful," said Darry, the sensible one.
"Ok," Pony whispered, smiling.
Darry paged the nurse, who bustled in a few minutes later, all business. She took Pony's temperature, which was 102, and then told the boys she would come back with ibuprofen, because it was too early to give him anything stronger.
Pony swallowed the pills, though he figured they wouldn't do much compared to the aspirin he was used to. It was getting dark outside by then, but Darry opened the window a crack to let a cool breeze flow in. And Pony fell asleep not long after holding Soda's hand. His cheeks felt hot and his shoulders hurt, but he was happy to have his brothers by his side.