Hey I'm back! It's been a summer…
No, I haven't abandoned this story. It's still going strong and hopefully the updates will come a bit faster now. Hope you continue to enjoy it and please let me know what you think.
Shoutout to the fabulous Indianagreaser, who has literally been my go-to for every chapter. I better see your writing back on this page soon.
Soda awoke with a start. He looked down at the body shuddering in his arm.
"Pony?" he called out to his brother, "You cold?"
Pony moaned, his eyes still closed. "Johnny…" he murmured, "Johnny….where are the kids...Johnny get out!"
Soda went white. He could feel Pony shaking like a leaf and his first thought was, Please don't let it be a fever. But he pressed his right hand to Pony's forehead as the other one around his shoulder lightly felt the back of his neck. His brother was warm but not hot.
"Johnny…" Pony called out again, still not awake.
"Shh," Soda soothed close to his ear, hoping Pony would stay sleeping. He needed it.
"Get the kids out…" Pony tossed and turned his head, "Where are you?"
"Pony," Soda pressed his left hand down into his brother's shoulder. "Pony...you're dreamin…"
As he felt the hand on his shoulder, the roof of the church was falling, and the area was being engulfed by flames. Pony jerked awake. "Johnny!" he gasped. His eyes were heavy and barely open.
Realizing he was shivering, Soda pulled him close and wrapped his arms tightly around his brother. He stroked the back of his head, careful of the scar.
"Shh. Everything is ok," Soda soothed and Pony let out a shaky breath, realizing he was safe and warm against Soda's chest. They were in the hospital bed.
Everything was ok.
"Easy kiddo," Soda said when he realized Pony was trembling, "Take it easy," he rubbed his back, "It was just a dream. Do you remember it?"
"No!" Pony replied a little too quickly, surprising Soda. He bit his lip. He did remember
"I mean I— I don't — "He looked down, afraid to catch Soda's gaze. If he did make eye contact, he would probably crack.
"Alright, alright," Soda replied, stroking Pony's arm to calm him. "Alright, kiddo. You're just shaking is all." Soda knew full well that Pony had called out Johnny's name and it sounded like he was dreaming about that church that had burned down in Windrixville. But he wouldn't start that conversation right now.
Pony pressed his face into Soda's chest as Soda wrapped his arms around him again.
"Don't worry about it. Go back to sleep, honey," Soda said, pulling up the blanket that had caught Pony's legs. "You need your rest."
Pony looked up and around the room. No one else was there.
"Where's Darry?" he asked, his voice scratchy.
"He just went to check something with the truck. He said it was making a funny noise today." Soda answered, "Steve's helping him."
Soda looked down and saw Pony giving him a funny look. "But that's...your job," he finished.
"I know, kiddo. But I'm with you," Soda replied, amused. "He'll be back soon. Let's go back to sleep, ok? I'm tired…" He let out an exaggerated yawn for effect. He really wasn't that tired, but he wanted Pony to rest.
Pony tucked his face into the soft space between Soda's shoulder and neck as he felt Soda begin to rub the back of his head again. His eyes closed easily.
"He was awake?" Darry's voice filtered in through the smoke of the dream.
"Yeah, I think...nightmare...saying Johnny's name…'s ok now…"
He felt a calloused hand touch his fingers gently.
The smoke dissipated, but voices still came through.
"What's going on?" That was Soda but Pony couldn't open his heavy eyes. He felt Soda shift against him.
"...drawing blood." Pony strained to hear what Darry was saying.
"It won't hurt," That voice was kind but unfamiliar. It was messing with his IV but he was too out of it to do anything about it. Why wouldn't his damn eyes open?
A chair scraped in the distance.
"Help me...Darry...bathroom," That was Soda again. Pony couldn't understand what he was talking about, but he suddenly felt gentle hands pressing his shoulders and easing him away from the warmth of his brother.
He moaned. "Shhh," someone soothed, and Pony felt the right side of his head hit a soft pillow and the world slid away.
Soda was back, but Pony almost regretted it, when the movement made him float off the edge of the cloud he was on, even though he knew his brothers were trying to be as gentle and quick as possible.
The nurse that came later after he was back against Soda's chest didn't seem to get the memo when she decided to put that bracelet cuff around his arm and squeeze it until he had to cry out because it felt like he was about to lose an appendage.
Soda tried to comfort him, to no avail.
The nurse went away - Pony knew this because he could hear shoes squeaking on the slick tile. He heard himself groaning regardless - that revolting feeling of being sick and miserable never fully going away.
"Why...bother him...couldn't wait?" Pony heard some voice complain as a soft hand ran through his hair.
"...normal...every night," a deep voice trickled in. It sounded like it was trying to mask the exhaustion of a long day. Pony knew how it felt.
"...not really sleeping…"
How did they know? He thought. The voices were running into each other. He was only half-awake, dozing for the last hour, but he couldn't open his eyes and he couldn't seem to fall asleep.
It didn't matter - something cold was snaking into his arm. Someone was rubbing his back again and he hoped it was Soda.
"...medicine," Pony heard sometime later. "...relax."
There was a fading light, like a dwindling sunset, and his head fell back against the warmth of the body behind him. Finally, he was asleep.
XXX
It felt like only a minute had passed. Someone was squeezing Pony's shoulder gently and shaking him awake.
Sunlight was filtering in through an open window and Pony kept his head down so he wouldn't have to face it.
He groaned awkwardly.
"Rise and shine, kiddo," a familiar voice called out.
Pony wondered if he was still in a dream.
"Wakey, wakey," the voice had a smile to it. As he realized he was awake, Pony's body stiffened, waiting for it to drag him out of bed and wrestle him down or tickle him till he couldn't breathe.
Instead, he felt a soft hand on his back rubbing gently. He remembered where he was.
He squinted and avoided opening his eyes fully. "Sooooodaaa," he moaned, his voice hoarse, "Why won't anyone let me sleeeeep... "
"I know," Soda replied, annoyed he'd been the one tasked with getting his poor brother up, "I get it. I want you to. But Darry said Claire is here and its time for physical therapy. She wants to get you walkin'."
"...time is it?" Pony asked, cracking an eye open.
"It's almost 9," Soda said,
"In the morning?" Pony blinked, rubbing his eyes. His movements were slow and deliberate.
"Yeah, it's morning, kiddo. You slept a while. Since midnight, at least."
"Not so good," Pony grumbled, his eyes now open and narrowed. "People kept bothering me." His voice was still riddled with sleep.
Soda felt guilty, remembering that he had practically woken Pony up getting out of bed at one point. "I'm sorry about that..." he trailed off.
"Not you…" Pony said quickly, not wanting to make his brother feel bad. He tried to cross his arms and failed. "Just people. Can't sleep around here. Why can't I go home? I'd sleep better there."
"You know why, Pone." He said gently. Soda looked back at the door as if waiting for someone to arrive. "There were a bunch of nurses in and out last night," he said.
Pony sighed, "Yea I know…I sort of remember. I was mixed up."
Soda glanced at the door again. "Maybe I should tell Claire now's not a good time."
Still, getting Pony mobile again was important and he knew it.
Soda squeezed his shoulder. Pony looked straight ahead, a glassy look in his eyes. He did it for so long that Soda called out to him again, and Pony snapped out of it, turning to his brother quickly.
"Maybe - she will let me go home today," he said softly, as if a louder voice would make the dream fade away.
Soda looked at him funny, then sighed. "Kiddo, you know Claire isn't the one that can make that decision. But show her you can walk and I'm sure she'll put a good word in with the doc."
He looked at his brother for a long moment, trying to make sure that he got it. Then Soda quickly shot him one of those movie star grins and climbed out of the bed. He turned around to prop up a pillow behind Pony's head so he could sit up but still be supported. His brother looked exhausted - those dark circles weighing his eyes down.
Pony gazed around the room pensively. Just knowing he would have to do physical therapy soon was making him want to shut his eyes again. He ran his tongue over his dry, chapped lips.
Soda, as usual, could read his brother instantly. He stood on the cold tile in his socks and found the pitcher on the bedside table, pouring his brother a cup of water and adding a straw. He gave it to Pony, who gulped it down with unsteady fingers.
Even though the cup was light and paper thin, Soda noticed Pony was having a hard time holding it by the way his fingers flexed at an awkward angle as he gripped the drink.
Without making a big deal, he quickly took it out of his brother's hand. "Want any more, Pone?" he asked.
Pony shook his head. As Soda set the cup down, the door to the room opened and Darry walked in, beaming that his brother was awake.
"Hey, how you doin' there kiddo?" Darry asked.
Pony rubbed his eyes, but didn't smile, "Tired…"
"Yeah? Didn't sleep too good?" Darry asked his eyebrows furrowing.He sat on the edge of the bed, on the same side where Soda was standing.
"Mmm no," Pony sighed again and put a hand over his eyes, feeling some aches again.
Darry's concern was quickly disrupted by Soda's voice.
"Where's Claire?" Soda asked, looking past Darry and rubbing Pony's back as he did it.
"A nurse came and got her to see about another patient. She said she'd be back real soon and that we should try to get Pony to try to eat something in the meantime," Darry came closer to the bed and put his hand on Pony's knee over the blanket.
"We got some yogurt cups here," Soda said, looking down at the two yogurts the nurse had left on the bedside table. He picked one up and inspected it. Strawberry.
"Hungry, Pone?" Darry asked.
Pony didn't answer until he felt Soda's gentle hand on his back a second time. He was looking at him funny again. "Hey Pone, you hungry?" he asked tenderly, but commanding, like he was talking to a puppy.
Pony saw his face and Soda's face and how eager they were for him to actually have breakfast.
"Ok," he replied, surprising them both.
Darry took the small cup and opened the wrapper, placing it in front of his brother. Soda thought for a second of the last time he had watched his brother try to eat something and wondered if he should suggest that he help him with the food. Instead, he put the plastic spoon next to the cup in front of Pony, urging his brother silently to try to eat by himself.
And he did. As he picked up the spoon and then dipped it into the yogurt, it bothered him how clumsy he was, how shaky his hands were, and how he felt like he had to look to his brothers for approval even though their faces were nothing but encouraging.
He swallowed one bite and then another and it almost felt at one point like he wasn't in control of his tongue. His brothers watched him struggle to lift the spoon without shaking and put the yogurt in his mouth.
"I'm not very good at this," he commented to no one in particular.
"It's ok," Soda replied, trying not to let discouragement show on his face.
The yogurt was like thick mud in his mouth, thought slightly less revolting.
This is so annoying, Pony thought after taking a few bites, as he put the spoon back into the cup. What he really wanted to do was throw it across the room.
He suddenly wasn't hungry anymore.
"You done?" Darry commented, more as a statement than a question.
"Yeah," Pony replied, head down, "I can't eat anymore." He didn't want to tell them the real reason he didn't want to eat - he felt so uncoordinated.
"We can try some later," said Soda, forever the optimist. Darry gave him an annoyed look before turning back to his other brother.
"Pony," Darry said pointedly, "You need to get your strength back up, kiddo." It was hard to be authoritative and reassuring at the same time.
"I'm tired," he responded, sagging back against the pillows both exasperated and feeling sorry for himself, "Do I have to walk today?"
"Just do your best, that's all you can do," Darry said.
Pony bit his lip, looking apprehensive. But they didn't have a chance to talk about it. Claire was back in the next moment, holding a clipboard as she sauntered into the room. And she was followed by Two-Bit.
"Look who I found out in the hallway," she said cheerfully, and Ponyboy almost laughed at the stupid grin on Two-Bit's face.
"Aw shucks, you're making me blush," he said, strolling in, knowing full well that no one knew what the heck he was talking about. It was followed by a high-pitched laugh that made Pony cringe.
"God help me Two-Bit, if we weren't in a hospital…" Darry clamped a hand on his own face.
Pony put his hand on his eyes, but both Claire and Two-Bit appeared unfazed as the greaser tipped an imaginary cowboy hat to greet Pony and his brothers. The guys parted as Claire came closer to the bed to stand near him.
"Good morning, Ponyboy," she said, and Pony wondered how she could work in a hospital and still be so positive, "How are you today?" she asked.
"Ok," Pony responded quietly.
"How did you sleep?" she asked.
"I slept alright," Pony answered, feeling defeated. "There were a lot of people in and out."
Claire looked at Darry, her eyes expectantly waiting for an answer. Darry didn't miss a beat. "He doesn't mean us," he told her, "He means the nurses going in and out. Checking his medicine, taking his blood."
"Well," she said, turning back to Pony, "You get a little more mobile today, I promise you, you will hear less nurses. And I'll personally see to it." She was bubbly alright.
Claire sat down on the edge of the bed on Pony's left side, trying to take a friendlier and slightly more intimate approach. "I heard you took a nasty spill yesterday," she told Pony, her voice not soft, though it was obvious that everyone in the room had heard her. "You want to tell me about it?" she asked.
"Not really," Pony replied, but he looked away and his heartbeat a little faster. Of course, he caught Soda's look out of the corner of his eyes. Luckily, Claire didn't pry.
"Are you ok?" she asked, looking concerned, "Did you hurt yourself?" Pony shook his head. "You should be careful about getting out of bed before you're ready," she tried to get him to make eye contact with her, to no avail. "Pony?"
The room was quiet.
"It's ok," she said firmly, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Soon you'll be flying down these halls."
"Like a track star?" Soda offered and everyone laughed, easing the tension just a little.
Ponyboy frowned, further unnerved. "I don't see that happening anytime soon," he sighed.
"It will," she replied, carefully giving his shoulder a squeeze. "We'll work on it."
"Well," she said after a moment, getting up. "We're going to work on standing up today. Sitting and standing up. Checking if balance has improved. And eventually, if we see it's going well, we'll get you walking around the room," she smiled, and Pony had to admit she looked more confident than he felt.
"But first," she began, "Any aches and pains today, Ponyboy?" Claire looked at him hard and serious, but not in a mean way. "I need to know to make sure that we don't do anything that will hurt you more." What she really wanted to say is we don't want a repeat episode of what had happened the last time she had been in the room.
Pony shrugged but didn't say anything.
"Ponyyyy," Darry's voice warned him from somewhere in the room.
"I always hurt," he scowled, "I can handle it."
Darry looked at Soda and rolled his eyes, but neither one said anything.
"That's to be expected," Claire answered, "But how bad is it?"
"Better than yesterday," Pony answered quietly. She took it.
"Alright, guys, I'm gonna need all of you to help me out. I want only positive talk in this room today."
"Good thing Steve isn't here," Two-Bit said, nudging Soda in the chest with his elbow.
"You ready, Ponyboy?" Claire asked. Ready or not, this was happening.
Claire asked Darry to come over and help like he had the previous time as she rolled the IV pole around in front. Darry stood behind Pony as she brought over his arm and bent his leg to help roll him on his right side.
"This is why we practiced this last time," Claire was saying although Pony was not really listening and felt the sweat already beading on his forehead. "You will probably need to get someone to help you for now but soon you'll have your strength back and you'll be able do it on your own. Now let's work on sitting up."
Claire gave Darry instructions like she had the last time and as she put her hands on Pony's back and under his neck, Darry helped swing his legs around so Pony was sitting. Pony felt the cold air on his legs under the gown and the achy feeling in his shoulders but at this point, he had become used to it, almost like it would never go away.
He looked away, avoiding eye contact with everyone in the room and didn't even notice that Darry had dipped his head to where Pony could see him and was studying him hard.
"You ok, Pone?" he asked suddenly, effectively snapping him out of his reverie.
"Huh? Oh yeah, I'm fine," he said, looking up at Darry and smiling hurriedly to get him from asking more questions. "This is going to be harder than I thought," he added timidly, surprisingly making his thoughts public.
Soda raised his eyebrows as he and Darry exchanged a look.
"You're doing great," Claire said.
Standing close by for support, Claire had Pony sit and stand on the edge of the bed a few times, easing himself down each time with a sigh before straightening his legs and gingerly getting back up again. His legs were stiff, and cracking - like old bones - but at least they were working again.
Soda would probably compare him to a Chevy Camaro with a busted-up engine that needed a good mechanic. As he sagged back down on the bed, he felt like the air had been let out of his tires.
If only they didn't have to notice him shaking. It was more from being watched than anything else - his legs were only sort of working.
Soda was in front of him now and Darry at his side, as he stood up for what was the third or fourth time. This time, though, his legs were shaking from being up on his feet too long and he was about to lose his balance. He grabbed on to the first thing he could, which was Soda's arm.
Then he leaned forward, into his brother, feeling weak. It was involuntary.
"Help," he cracked, trying to keep himself steady to no avail.
Soda caught him under the elbows of course, and Claire and Darry were on either side, catching him before he fell. They eased him back down.
"Nice work," Claire said, "Rest a bit. You're doing really well. We're going to try walking in a few minutes."
Pony sighed, wondering if his cheeks were burning like they had yesterday when he had first tried walking. He should be a pro at this by now, having already walked once the day before. So he couldn't understand why he needed to take deep breaths or why his movements felt so - jerky.
Claire was saying something, and Pony had to tell himself to pay attention.
"Now normally I would bring a walker in here to help you stand up and walk across the room, but I'm thinking you can do it with the help of your brothers. What do you think, Ponyboy?"
"Sounds good," he replied, catching Sodapop's grin and smiling back.
"You about ready?" Claire asked her patient, and Pony nodded, swallowing thickly as he wondered if he would have any balance. "Good," she replied, "Soda, I want you to stand in front of Ponyboy as he walks forward and hold him for support under his elbows. It's not going to be so easy for him to balance. Pony, you can grip Soda's arms for support."
Soda wagged his eyebrows up and down, teasing his brother, "Don't worry, I won't drop you."
Pony rolled his eyes, "Geez, that's comforting. That's like asking Two-Bit to do it."
"I resent that comment!" Two-Bit called out, grinning.
"Soda," Darry warned, and Soda got serious.
I'll stand on one side and Darry, you can stay on the other and help move his IV pole along," Claire said.
"Pony," Claire said, "I want you to tell me the moment you feel anything out of the ordinary."
Pony nodded and she told him to put his hands on the bed and push himself up.
It wasn't a funeral procession or anything, but Pony felt the whole thing was sad and slow. He shuffled forward, moving one foot weakly in front of the other, stopping at times when he felt a little dizzy. He balanced his arms on Soda as Soda gripped him under the elbows like some kind of warped slow dance, as Soda coaxed him along comfortingly, in the way he always did.
For some reason, the movements were harder to make than they had been the day before and he had to concentrate on them. Maybe the medication was wearing off. Maybe his body just wasn't working. Maybe it was all the people in the room. It did help to have Soda in front of him, and Darry at his side.
It was a bit strange to have Claire's arm around his waist, asserting him forward as he hunched over. He knew Two-Bit was going to make a joke about it later, but he also knew she knew what she was doing.
Truth be told, the support helped.
Eventually, as they proceeded closer to the wall, Claire told Darry to take over for her so she could watch Pony's walk from behind and see if he was moving ok. By the time Darry was at his side, Pony was starting to feel exhausted and shaky again and was practically leaning into him.
He could feel a headache coming on. But he wasn't a wimp, no matter how much his head was spinning. When he finally got to the wall, Soda assumed too quickly that Pony was fairly stable so he let go. It was too soon.
Pony had to reach out to the wall to regain his balance. He did, leaning against it heavily, but not at all in a good position. Darry, seeing what was happening, was there immediately helping to prop him up.
His left arm on the wall, Pony put the back of his right hand crookedly over his forehead and his eyes, practically willing his headache to go away.
"Pony?" Claire called out. Pony didn't answer. He found himself leaning his face against the wall and closing his eyes, the coolness of the cement easing the tension of his head. He was so tired. How could he possibly walk anymore? How was he ever going to walk normally again? The thought made a sob bubble up in his throat.
Pony could feel himself starting to tremble - or maybe it was just his legs not able to hold his weight anymore.
He felt a heavy hand clamp down on his shoulder.
"Pony?" a low voice called out.
"Darry - I -"
"Easy, easy," Darry said softly, sidling up to Pony's side and wrapping his arm carefully around his brother's shivering frame.
"Darry, I – I don't know if I can do this anymore," he whimpered, feeling like a coward.
Keeping a steady arm on Ponyboy, Darry whipped his head around, "Soda, get me a chair," he directed.
Darry turned back to his little brother, "It's ok," Darry said, then leaned in closer, whispering in Pony's ear. "I'm really proud of you, Pone."
Pony got top grades. He won track meets. He cooked dinner when his brothers worked late and did up the dishes without being asked. But it was the first time in a long time he remembered Darry telling him he was proud of him. The last time had probably been before their parents had died.
It was the kind of thing he expected to hear from Soda, but not from Darry. He offered his brother a wavering smile
Pony felt better, but his legs were still shaking, so he leaned into Darry a bit more.
Darry's arm around his shoulders tightened just a little, "It's ok, I got you," he said. Then louder, to the rest of the room, "Yeah, he's done,"
Darry and Soda helped Pony to the chair.
"You're right," Claire chimed in, "I think that's enough walking for today." She came closer to them now and smiled, "Pony, you did really well today. You got more walking in than I expected, so that's already a good start."
Pony was looking off into the distance.
"Earth to Pony!" Soda teased, waving his fingers lightly in front of his brother's face. "You with us kiddo?
Pony turned his head back to Soda but had that lost look on his face again, like for a moment he didn't know where he was. Soda's face drooped a bit in concern, not hiding the fact that he still felt something was off even though he was usually good at hiding it.
Ponyboy didn't answer. Instead, his hand snuck up to the staples on the left side of his head. He didn't touch them directly but felt around the area.
"Hey Pony," Darry said, instinctively grabbing his fingers and holding them in his padded hand. It was a miracle he did it lightly. "That's not a good idea."
Pony looked up at Darry but with that glassy, faraway look in his eyes. "They put nails in my head," he told him.
"What?" Darry's eyes narrowed like he was trying to understand. Soda dipped his head, searching Pony's eyes to make sure he was ok and then shook his head at Darry, still puzzled.
What was wrong with Ponyboy?
XXX
Reviews please!