Authors Note:
Hi all!
This one is a long chapter, but it kinda got away with me. I find this story pretty much runs away from me.
As ever, please enjoy!
Heaven smelled weird. That was the first coherent thought Rose Evans was capable of. She hadn't even opened her eyes, but it was Marauders prerogative. The smell was cloying and oddly sweet, like chocolate and antiseptic. Like the Hospital Wing after a good haul of Get Well Soon sweets. All this smell of chocolate was making her hungry, so she tried to move; tried being the operative word. Fire burned along every nerve she'd tried to move, drawing a startled (and oddly distant) whimper to her lips. Merlin and Godric above, that hurt. With the pain came a welcome realisation; pain equals still being alive. That simple mental equation brought her back to near consciousness. Now, she could hear things, voices, muttering (or was that yelling) at her. The voices turned to one, such a lovely voice really - calm and wonderful, safe. Something made her want to listen to it. She wanted to listen to it, and that snapped her back into it, consciousness, reality. Waves of pain hit as her eyes flew open, her heart beating erratically, panic cresting and building. "Rosebud, it's okay. We're safe. You're safe." The words were repeated over and over again. It was the voice, the wonderful safe voice; Sirius.
"Siri?" Rose rasped, throat burning like every vibration was sandpaper. Her voice was barely audible, even to her ears, but she saw relief spark in grey eyes she knew so well - although she didn't remember them ever looking so tired.
"Rosebud." That simple word, her name in a way, sealed the reality. She was safe. It was over. Sirius gently, oh so gently, pulled her against his chest. It hurt like fresh torture, but his heart beat solidly against her palm, calming the pain with solid reassurance. He lowered her gently back onto the bland bed (she already missed her warm, Gryffindor-coloured bedspread) and disappeared from her vision. "Pommers!" A clamour of voices yelled out to Sirius, demanding answers from him. James threatened ritualistic disembowelment by McGonagall, Remus threatened the hair, Peter just yelled for an answer, and Lily promised to charm all his books to play Glam Wrock. Sirius appeared back in her limited field of vision, eyes sparkling in a way they hadn't been before. His eyebrows raised in a way she knew meant 'may I?', Rose couldn't help but twitch a smile in agreement. His smirk grew wider. "Shut up!" Sirius barked, silence immediately following his words. "Prongs, Minnie is already a step away from ritualistically disemboweling us. So, as an incentive, not really working. Moony, touch the hair, I'll hide all your chocolate. And I mean it. Wormy, she's only just woken up, give us a moment, Merlin. And Lilykins, I quite like Glam Wrock, so where's my incentive there?"
"You only like Glam Wrock because you're afraid of Astra" Peter teased, Sirius glowering diagonally to the left.
"He owns Queen albums, lay off" Rose managed, voice sounding rougher than wood.
"Unbelievable" James scoffed, voice full of laughter. "How do you do it, Pads?"
"I went out and I bought the albums, it's not really difficult, Prongs."
"Black, what are you doing out of bed?" Rose jumped at the harsh snap of McGonagall's voice. Then she bit back a curse, pain radiating out like a wave.
"Sitting down, Professor" Sirius replied charmingly. "And may I say you're looking especially stern tonight, Professor?"
"No, you may not, Black. Now, back to bed." Rose could've sworn that she saw a smile twitch at the Thin Lips of Doom.
"If you insist" Sirius winked, bowed dramatically and shuffled over to the bed directly in front of Rose's. She let out a laugh - it hurt, so she stopped, but it was a laugh nonetheless.
McGonagall coughed to get her attention, Rose suddenly propped up on several pillows (which didn't do anything for the pain). "Miss Evans, I need to ask you a few questions, if you're up to it."
"Professor" Remus began slowly, his voice coming from her right.
"Need I remind you, Mr Lupin, that you all answered them as soon as you woke?"
"But not all of us went through-"
"Rem, Siri, it's fine" Rose murmured, swallowing a purple potion and a mouthful of water. Madame Pomfrey bustled away, glaring pointedly at the Marauders as she passed. They were still clearly among the worst patients ever to grace the Hospital Wing. Rose tried vainly to find a more comfortable position, but gave it up as a bad job, looking up at their Head of House and Transfiguration Professor. "What do you want to know, Professor?"
"What were you doing in Hogsmeade?"
"Enjoying the lovely Autumn day" Rose replied, flippant although it wouldn't help them any. "I wanted to go to Honeydukes, I'd run out of Chocoballs."
"Indeed?" McGonagall raised a dubious eyebrow. "Mr Lupin needed a new quill, Mr Potter is under the impression you all went to help him buy a new set of Puddlemere United quidditch robes, Mr Pettigrew says he went to post a letter-"
"Really, Pete?" James groaned aloud, McGonagall shooting him a deadly glare.
"And Mr Black swears you all went to have a drink at the Broomsticks to celebrate his coming of age." Rose bit back a wince at all her friends doing what she was and taking the blame themselves.
"We're busy people?" James suggested hopefully, wilting back into his pillows at a look from Lily.
"Now that we've got your excuses out of the way, Miss Evans, we can get into it" McGonagall continued, her flinty gaze softening somewhat. "When did you first notice the Death Eaters?"
"It would be at about half past nine, ten o'clock" Rose said, casting her mind back. "Sirius and I were about to go inside Honeydukes so I could get the sweets I was after, and the others came running up to us. They said they were up by the Shack, and had seen the wards chipping away. James then sent Peter back here to get help, which I assume he did, and the four of us split up." Rose glanced across at James opposite Remus, and smiled proudly, remembering how easily he had taken command. "James and Sirius went one way under the theory that they were blood traitors and thus the bigger targets. Rem and I were to go towards the outskirts and do what came naturally. It was a good plan."
"We never should've split up" James muttered guiltily.
"It was a good plan, Prongs" Remus interrupted wearily, like they'd had the conversation many times before.
"And after you split up?" McGonagall asked gently. Rose smiled sadly.
"Then the fun began. We were bottlenecked in by that old bakery near the bookshop - you know the one, best cheesecake in Britain - and we held our own. Our initial plan was to just hold them off long enough for reinforcements to arrive, but it didn't last." Rose would've ran her hand through her hair, if it didn't hurt just to think about. "Rem and I, we're Marauders, and sitting there got old really fast. We realised, well Remus did, that they were playing with us, seeing our strengths. So we went on impulse; we broke cover and faced them head on. We worked out that there were maybe six of them at most, and I guess we got overconfident. One of them set fire to Tomes and Scrolls, and Remus got a bit territorial and chased after him. I would've done it too" she hastened to add at Remus' guilty sigh. "It was my own fault really" Rose said mostly to herself. "I should've followed him." She knew what came next and didn't think she could say it. Saying it would relive it, and Rose wasn't that strong.
"Rose, you don't have to" Lily told her, a green bruise mottling the side of her face. She could read the concern and protectiveness in her sisters face, but Rose just shook her head. She knew the Marauders would have explained, and she felt like she owed it to them to be honest.
"No secrets, right?" James screwed his eyes shut but nodded, Remus just looked guilty but his dark eyes glittered assent, Peter nodded decisively, but it was Sirius that held her gaze. His grey eyes shone with a mixture of pain, guilt (she swore, all her friends had guilt complexes), pride and something she didn't know the name of, but it warmed her all the same.
"No secrets, Rosebud" Sirius agreed warmly, just like the night he ran away from home. She smiled at him, tearing her eyes back to McGonagall.
"I felt like I was being watched, and I spent a moment cursing my own stupidity before I saw her."
"Her?" McGonagall prompted, Sirius' jaw clenching in fury. James shot him a concerned look, the dog animagus shaking his head tightly at whatever unspoken question had just passed between them.
"Bellatrix Lestrange" Rose breathed calmly. Weirdly, she felt no fear saying her name or even thinking of her, not when Sirius was still looking at her, and she felt the support of all the Marauders. "We might have chatted a bit, the usual psychotic murderers/blood purity thing, and then I vaguely remember her sending the others after Remus, and then I started duelling her. She's insane but brilliant at duelling. I'm not half bad myself." A proud grin crossed her face, though it hurt to do so. "I sent her flying into the wall of the Broomsticks."
"Wish I saw that" Sirius said cheerfully, though the mood never reached his sad eyes. McGonagall glanced in his direction, approval shining in her eyes.
"What happened next?" Rose shook her head, her breath catching in her chest. She didn't want to remember, to say. Sirius crossed the ward, sitting backwards in Remus' visitors chair. He was there, giving her the strength to just blurt it all out.
"Bellatrix, she got up, she looked-"
"Psychotic, deranged, demented, pissed off?" Sirius helpfully supplied the adjectives.
"All of the above" Rose admitted, grateful for that brief moment of levity. "I shielded, but it was useless. It was the second Unforgivable. Godric, it hurt." A tear leaked down her cheek, but she didn't notice. "Every time it went, it just came back even worse than before. Over and over and over again, and I couldn't stop it. I tried, but there was nothing I could do, and over and over and-"
"That's enough." Sirius stared down McGonagall, who didn't so much as protest. His fists were clenched, and Remus muttered something that clearly didn't get through. Something felt off about it all, Rose could feel her eyebrows furrowing. "Pete brought your sister into Hogsmeade" Sirius explained, reading the question in her eyes. McGonagall rose to her feet and slipped away, leaving the Hospital Wing empty but for its patients. "She got there just after we did; Prongs, Moony and I."
"What happened after I-" Rose trailed off, but her meaning was obvious.
"Those three idiots took on Bellatrix Lestrange" Lily announced, seemingly torn between disapproval and awe of their actions. "They nearly had her too." James caught her attention, looking down in shame.
"We got distracted" he explained quietly, at odds with his usual exuberance. "Dumbledore arrived and we lost focus for a second."
"And that was all Bella needed to-"
"Cause an explosion in the middle of the village" Remus continued, cutting over Sirius.
"We got knocked out and sent here to recuperate" Peter finished, finally opening the bag of Fudge Flies in his hand. That seemed to signal the end of story time, Lily opening a textbook to which James rolled his eyes, and Remus closed his own to go back to sleep.
"Moony was worried" Sirius said significantly. "We're healing at muggle rates."
"What?" That made no sense. "Why in the name of Merlin's fluffiest bathrobe would you do that?" Pain sliced through Sirius' eyes, but he spoke anyway.
"Because Pommers can't be sure that the trauma you went through won't have a reaction with any non-standard painkilling potions, so we decided that if you're taking the long road, so are we."
"We out stubborned Madame Pomfrey and McGonagall" James told her proudly. Rose wanted to be angry with them, but she felt a surge of pure affection for the balmy idiots.
"Thank-"
"Ah-ah" Sirius held up a finger. "There's nothing you ever have to thank us for, Rosebud." A yawn ruined the perfectly good retort she had planned, but it was worth it to see the fond amusement shine in Sirius' eyes. "Get some sleep, Rosebud. We'll all be there when you wake up. I promise."
Laughter and playful bickering greeted Rose when she rejoined the land of the living. The pain had dulled to a near constant ache, something she could push to the background. She pushed herself into a semi-upright position, leaning heavily against the pillows. The chill in the Hospital Wing was taken off by her dark purple pyjamas and light blue jumper, and Rose felt more refreshed after her sleep. She was certainly more aware of her surroundings this time around. Stacks of letters and cards were placed on her bedside cabinet, balanced precariously among potion vials and a water pitcher. At the end of her bed was what appeared to be the entirety of the Hogwarts Express lunch trolley twice. Lily was in the bed to her right, with her own collection of sweets, and was busy penning a letter, but to who Rose couldn't tell. Remus was to her left, a copy of the Daily Prophet open on his lap, quill raised to complete the crossword (a Marauder tradition). Peter was in the bed opposite Lily and seemed to be hurrying to complete some homework. James was opposite Remus, his hair messier than ever as he seemed to be drawing up battle plans. Finally, Sirius was opposite Rose, an unlit cigarette hanging from his lips, a muggle motorcycle magazine open in front of him. "Mugwump, three down" Sirius drawled, Remus groaning to himself. "Morning, Rosebud. Hungry?" His casual nonchalance brought back memories of every time they'd ended up where they were after a prank gone wrong. She let out a laugh, grinning brightly at him. She pointed at the arrangement of colourful sweet boxes at the end of her bed.
"Who bought out Honeydukes?"
"Pads spread the word" James smirked, like the Marauder he was. "Bertie Botts, Chocoballs, Sugar Quills, and Chocolate Frogs. And if you find King Arthur, that's mine."
"Piss off, Prongs" Remus said politely. "I've got dibs on that one."
"How long have we been in here?" Rose asked Sirius, the disowned Black circling a motorcycle decisively.
"Ten days" he sighed, looking out the window wistfully. "I think on day three Dumbles came. We had a bit of a chat."
"He said that help would always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it" James stated in awe. "He's utterly cracked, but brilliant."
"But what did he say about punishment?" Lily demanded, glaring at the hazel eyed Marauder. "They wouldn't say until you woke up."
"He said that we were incredibly foolish, but showed outstanding loyalty, courage, and determination" James continued as if Lily hadn't spoken. "Our love for each other and refusal to leave anyone to those bastards, apparently impressed him or something. We're suspended for a week in absentia, gained a hundred house points for our duelling talent, and as far as the school is aware, we were in Hogsmeade with permission."
"In other words, fighting Death Eaters and watching someone you care about being tortured, and living with the guilt is punishment enough" Sirius said bitterly, lighting the cigarette with a snap of his fingers.
"Sirius Orion Black, that was not your fault" Rose snapped, refusing even for a second to let him think that. "Your cousin is a deranged harpy who belongs in Azkaban for the rest of her unnatural life. That is not on you." Sirius smiled sadly, but didn't look at though he believed her. James shook his head, expression apologetic; Sirius was stubborn beyond the point of bloodymindedness, and Rose didn't need James to tell her that. "How long are we going to be in here?"
"We get released the day of the Christmas holidays" James grinned, rubbing his hands in excitement. "That's a little over a month from now."
"A month?!" Sirius' eyes bugged out of his head. "Are you f-"
"Mr Black, language!"
"Sorry, Pommers!" He lowered his voice. "Are you out of your mind? We're going to go stir crazy within a week."
"But it'll be a good week" Remus smirked, ducking away from the Chocolate Frog Sirius threw at him. "Ta."
"If this is because of me" Rose began, Remus talking over her.
"Of course it is, Rosie" he sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "And it's because of me, and Peter, and James, and Sirius. It's because all of us decided to go to Hogsmeade and then duel a group of blood puritan psychopaths. It's because I got out of control and made a bad situation already worse. It's-"
"Shut up, Remus" Sirius glared, expelling a lungful of smoke. He took a deep breath, calming himself, and then he was his old self. "You know what really rankles?"
"Your constant disregard for the rules?" Lily cut in, eyes burning holes in his cigarette.
"No" Sirius looked at her like she was insane. "I like that. Minnie took my bottle of Firewhiskey."
"Your coming of age celebratory bottle?" James looked horrified. "How could anyone do that?"
"She found it when she was bringing over my birthday presents" Sirius smirked, eyes glittering.
"Have you opened them yet?" Rose teased, grinning at the playfully offended wince Sirius promptly sported.
"Marauder tradition; presents are to be opened only in the presence of all present Marauders."
"I'm awake now, Siri."
"So you are" he agreed, eyes dancing brilliantly. He held out his hand. "Accio, presents." Half a dozen boxes flew up from the floor to his lap. Sirius picked up a thin box about as long as his forearm first. Rose watched as he grinned brightly. "Moony, you rebel" he smirked. "Ogden's Old Firewhiskey?"
"Third year" Remus informed him. "Standing in line, freezing our arses off in the snow by the Shack, you said all you wanted for your seventeenth was that. I remembered."
"Ta, Moons." Sirius reverently placed it back in its box and moved on to a small square package. "Mr and Mrs P?"
"Tradition" James explained happily. "Whenever a witch or wizard comes of age, they get one of those." From what Rose could see, it was a beautiful watch. "Now open mine." Sirius almost seemed to be stunned speechless at whatever was in the small box from James. It caught the light when he handled it, silver shimmering along the blade. "It'll open any lock, any door, anything. Uncle Charlus told me how to get it." Rose turned away and met Lily's eyes, none of them willing to interrupt the moment the two best friends were having. Peter's gift was set of motorcycle goggles that would never fog, dirty or otherwise impair his vision. Rose could tell Sirius loved them. That just made a pit of worry settle in her stomach. She'd deviated from tradition this year, going with her old family tradition of gifting something that would be treasured - now she wasn't so sure. Sirius' brow furrowed as he set aside the Marauder collective gift of more prank supplies and picked up the rectangular box from Rose. It was, to the casual observer, book shaped, which would explain Sirius' confusion. His face set into an unreadable mask as he opened the wrapping. Remus looked from him to Rose in amused confusion.
"Did you give him a book? Padfoot? A book?"
"How?" Sirius asked, surprise dusting the single syllable.
"Granddad James was almost as obsessed as you are, although he preferred The Importance of Being Earnest. That was a small part of my inheritance" she shrugged, uncomfortable with the shocked hopeful disbelief coming from Sirius, and the plain confusion coming from all other quarters. "It's nothing."
"Rosebud." That simple word summed up everything Sirius couldn't say. She coloured, ducking her head from sight. Lily was looking at her like she was from another world, much like how the other Marauders were looking at Sirius. It was Remus who broke the silence.
"What in Godric's name is that, and what the Salazar does it have to do with Oscar Wilde?" Sirius smiled warmly, hand brushing the cover of the book.
"The Portrait of Dorian Gray, first edition" Sirius breathed, like he couldn't believe it. "I only mentioned it once, Rosebud. How?"
"There are very few things in this world that made your childhood easier" Rose told him quietly. "Do you think any of us would forget them?"
"But a first edition?"
"That was my choice to make" Rose smiled wistfully. "Granddad used to say that there was nothing sadder than a book that was never read. He had a whole library, Dad, Tuney and Lily got most of the books, but that he gave to me. I always wondered why because I was never really that keen, but Granddad was a genius. He said books, like people, need to be loved." She shook herself. "Happy birthday, Siri."
"Thank you, Rosebud." James drew Sirius quickly into a fervent whispered conversation, and Rose could feel Lily's glare burning into her.
"What?" Rose hissed, seeing almost comical angry disbelief in Lily's emerald eyes. Her twins body language was screaming how could you do this to me?
"Sirius Black?!" Lily whisper-shrieked, arms flailing. "What in the name of the holy mother of Merlin are you thinking?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about" Rose denied flatly, not meeting her eyes.
"For a professional prankster you are terrible at lying, Rose" Lily told her sadly, that almost-betrayal in her eyes. "You gave him Grandad's book. And I was there yesterday. I have eyes. And I am your sister." Lily suddenly crowed triumphantly. "And you as good as admitted it to Marlene."
"I'm not getting into this now, Lily" Rose smiled falsely, feeling the Marauders' eyes on her.
"Admitted what to Marlene?" Peter asked curiously, Rose wanting nothing more than to have a pit open under her sister.
"Shut up, Wormtail" Sirius ordered tiredly, winking once at Rose when nobody was looking. She mouthed a grateful thank you, watching his eyes dance with mischief; it wasn't over, but Sirius had stalled it for now. She suddenly felt very tired, and sank back into her bed, closing her eyes on the comforting sounds of Sirius and James talking quidditch.
Red light, pain. So much pain. She screamed but she couldn't hear her voice. It wouldn't stop, it kept coming again and again, and she couldn't stop it. Her throat hurt, it felt like it was bleeding and she just wanted it all to stop. Her blood rushed in her ears, sounding like a familiar voice. Green light lit up her vision, brilliant but deadly. A body collapsed in front of her. Her eyes snapped open and she screamed. It was dark, and she could barely see, but she heard footsteps limping towards her, and tensed. She wanted to panic, but there was a familiar leather-almond-motor oil-beech smell, and it made her feel safe. If Rose had been more herself, she would have been embarrassed, but she was just reacting. The torture nightmare-memory had unsettled her and she just wanted to feel safe. She didn't even realise that she was crying until a weight balanced carefully on the bed and shushed her tenderly. "I'm here, it's okay, you're safe. I'm sorry. Please don't cry, you know I hate it when you do that. Rosebud." Rose let out a quiet cry and let him hold her; she needed him to. There was nowhere in the world that she felt safer.
"Pads?" James slurred, still half asleep. "What's going on?"
"Nothing but a bad dream" Sirius said softly. "But it's okay now. She's going to be okay." James yawned and muttered something unintelligible, everyone else having the good sense to pretend to still be asleep. Rose dried her eyes, knowing with a bone deep certainty that she wouldn't get any more sleep tonight. "The stars are out" Sirius told her, quiet calm radiating from him. "Shall we play hooky from Pommers?"
"We shouldn't" Rose smiled, the expression feeling odd after the nightmare. Sirius' eyebrow raised, moonlight casting him in an ethereal glow. She grinned and half-leaned on him for support. "What are you waiting for?"
Warmth radiated from Sirius' bandaged chest, Rose leaning closer against him as the night deepened. They'd lost track of time, just silently enjoying the night and the company. "We were in second year when I told you about Dorian Gray" Sirius announced suddenly, startling Rose who'd thought he'd fallen asleep. "We were dealing with Moony and his secret. How could you even remember?"
"It was important to you, Siri" Rose shrugged, keeping her eyes fixed on Canis Major. "I always remember the important things."
"Just like I do" Sirius told her, and there was something in his tone that didn't bode well. "I remember that you loved your grandfather more than either of your siblings. I know that it hurt you that they got the majority of the inheritance. And I know that you aren't telling me something, Rosebud."
"Granddad always called me dear heart" Rose said, feeling tears prickle her eyes. "When I was ten, Petunia started to really hate Lily and I. Her pet name was Freak; Lily and I, a pair of freaks. But Granddad would say that I shouldn't wish to be normal, the same as Tuney. He gave me that book to read, he said he knew I'd hate it, but to read it anyway. He said be careful what you wish for dear heart, callous wishes usually come true." Hot tears streaked down her cheeks, and Rose turned away from Sirius, too tired to keep it in any longer. The nightmare had turn down her walls. "Granddad said to treasure that book until I found someone who was truly worthy of it, like my heart. I was ten at the time, I thought he was talking rubbish, but- but he was right. That person was you, in both instances." Silence greeted her words, Rose was halfway convinced that she could hear Flobberworms munching on cabbage down at Hagrid's Hut. Mortification, and the fervent hope that somehow he hadn't heard her, kept her frozen to the spot - an arms length from the man she wasn't quite yet ready to admit she was in love with, but knew she couldn't live without. His voice, carefully picking out words, held her place more efficiently than the mortification still burning through her veins.
"Not long before Halloween in third year, I was happy. Life was going pretty well. Then Prongs had to go and open his big mouth." Sirius' chuckle was wry, like he had never had a chance anyway. "It was a Saturday, clear and sunny and James had got up at the arsecrack of dawn to book the quidditch pitch, and he dragged me with him. You had had one of your girls nights, staying up to all hours with McKinnon, Fortescue, MacDonald, Evans, the lot of them." He turned her gently to face him, moonlight giving him a natural spotlight and only making him look more handsome than ever. "About halfway through breakfast, Prongs dropped his fork, lapful of scrambled eggs, face like a tomato. He was staring at the doors. You and Lily had just entered, and I can't describe it; James says the sun had come out. He said something about Lily Evans in that light, the way she laughed, the way her eyes sparkled like jewels (this is verbatim, by the way), something just hit him and he knew. He knew that no matter how long he lived, he could never want anyone but her. While he was gawping, he said to me 'she looks beautiful'. And I agreed." Sirius' grey eyes burned into hers with an intensity she remembered from Hogsmeade. "I wasn't talking about Lily Evans, because standing next to her was an angel. My angel, my Rosebud." Her mortification was swept away with a wave of affection so great her heart skipped a beat in her chest. Sirius brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, thumb caressing her cheek. "None of us are perfect, and neither of us are mature enough or ready to hear or say it, but it's what we feel anyway. Yes?"
"Asking silly questions again, Siri?" Rose asked, tears choking her voice and ruining the levity. He let out a bark of laughter anyway, eyes still burning into hers.
"I'll never lie unless I really have to, I'll never cheat, and I'll never stop being yours as long as you'll have me" he swore, not a word of it a lie.
"Shut up and kiss me." Rose was a Marauder, but she'd never been so bold in all of her life. Sirius just smirked.
"As my lady commands." His lips were warm and soft, gentle and yet commanding. Rose followed her body's command and melted into him - there was really nowhere else in the world she would rather be.
Thank you for reading!