"We just… observe them, for now. Like we have been doing."

"And?"

"Then you make the call. Whether you want to… shove this baggage onto these kids or not."

"And what makes you think I wouldn't?"

"Frankly, nothing. But… you're different now. I just have to bank on that change, don't I?"

"…who knows? But what you're suggesting… I don't hate it. No, I actually think it will be a nice change of pace for a while."

5: In Memoriam

Fret's knees buckled underneath him. He knew he must've looked like a madman, dashing across Shibuya like that, but he didn't care. His breathing heavy, his eyes hot – from tears or sweat, he didn't know which – and every part of him begging for a rest, he finally sprawled out on the grass beneath him.

"Miyashita Park…" his muffled voice spoke into the ground below. A tiny concession to nature in this concrete jungle. He flipped himself over, to be able to look at the sky above him. It was a clear day, slightly windy, but altogether calm. That calmness made itself known around him, as people from all facets of life milled through the park; desk jockeys taking care to breathe it in as they made their way back to the office after a break; families passing through, sometimes stopping to admire the greenery; athletes taking in the city at their own pace… it was another normal day in this corner of the city. So why did everything feel so off? Why did he feel like crying? He knew the answer to both of those questions, of course, he just chose to ignore it. That warm sky above bore down on him, threatening to crush him if his mind let up racing for just one minute. It was easy to focus on strangers in Shibuya. To people-gaze. You'd see these people once in your life, or maybe they'd just blend into the crowd and disappear. You wouldn't perceive them, they wouldn't perceive you. Fret enjoyed the non-existent company of strangers. They were easy to make an acquaintance of, then to never see again. You make the right impression and that impression solidified itself forever – or at least until they inevitably forgot you, just another face in a crowd, another name to scratch out. Maybe you'd gain a connection or two from it, something useful from a fleeting connection that could be burnt quickly, a connection like a matchstick that is struck, burns brilliantly and then is blown out. It wasn't like that anymore. Thinking that way made Fret's mind stop in its tracks, burnt into him feelings of frustration and sadness. Guilt. Fret sighed. He wished the sky would just hurry up and crush him already.

Every so often thoughts of apologising would enter his head, but they were quickly discarded. It wasn't that he couldn't apologise to people, but apologising to Nagi after what had just happened seemed an insurmountable task. He'd lost his temper. Caused her to bleed. He didn't know how to apologise for that. Did she hate him now? Was she dead? No, that was ridiculous, he rationalised. But last time… His train of thought was halted by his phone buzzing. He grimaced and pulled out his phone, expecting at the least a very angry or defeated text message. Instead, it was from Shoka.

_13:42_

Shokie: uhhh hey you

meditating or something

over there sucker or am

I misreading the situation

and youre just making

grass angels

Fret: Very funny

Shokie: oooh

someones salty

anyway come say hello

im here with shiki and

wed like to actually speak

to you?

Shoka always had an odd way of expressing that she wanted your company. Fret appreciated the sardonic way she handled everything, because despite all the thorns she was easy to read. Especially around Rindo… Fret hoisted himself up and turned to see the duo at the other end of the park. Approaching them he saw they were tying a bouquet to a tree.

"'Sup Shoka. Shicutie." Fret nodded at the two of them. "Pretty flowers. Let me guess uh…" Fret drew, or attempted to draw, on his limited plant knowledge.

"Watch this, Shiki, 100 yen says he's gonna say something dumb."

"Hydrangeas!" Fret slapped his fist against his hand. He felt pretty proud of himself for that one.

"Well well, you got them right. I'm actually pretty impressed, scatterbrain."

"I love you too, Shoka." Fret did his best Rindo impression as Shiki smirked and rolled her eyes.

"You are just… the lamest." Shoka also couldn't suppress a smile. Fret wondered if that was because she hadn't got past the honeymoon phase where anything tangentially related to Rindo made her eyes light up.

"So, anyway, what are they for? That tree do something nice, or…?"

"Um…" Shoka cast her eyes down to the ground.

"They're a memorial, Fret." Shiki's stare hardened and Fret immediately understood what was going on.

"Oh… they're for Ayano, aren't they?"

"Pretty easy to figure out, huh?" Shoka's voice was grave and husky. She sounded like she'd been winded. "Surprised you remember her name."

"I'm… not heartless, Shoka." Fret looked at the two girls in front him, standing there, alone. It made him feel even worse. "But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit disappointed in you." A flash of anger in her eyes, Shoka's arm shot forward and grabbed his scarf, causing Shiki to rest a hand on her shoulder. It wasn't getting through.

"And what the hell does that mean?" She – quite literally – spat in his face through clenched teeth. Fret wasn't backing down. Even with Shoka bearing down on him, his mind felt clear for the first time since arriving there.

"You could've told everyone. The Twisters, I mean. It's not that you had to, it's just… I'm surprised that it's only the two of you here, is all. And, um, slightly worried." She relaxed her grip. Her expression returned to being downcast.

"I… couldn't bring them all here. I saw you and thought it would be rude to not explain why we were here if you saw us but…" Shoka was clearly struggling to find the words. "I'm supposed to be over this, aren't I?" She withdrew from holding onto his scarf and straightened up. "I survived death after giving up on being a Reaper, right? I have the perfect life now – a boyfriend, a place to sleep in the city centre, a friend group… Date nights, walks around town, a place to really belong… life as normal… I won, didn't I? The Game is over. I'm standing here. I won. I won." The strain of coughing out those last words through tears caused her to double over. Shiki caught her, hugging her.

"Shoka… You know–" Shiki began, but Fret tapped her on the shoulder, cutting her off.

"Do you mind if I… take it from here? I think I have a lot I need to say." Shiki nodded, still consoling Shoka.

"Shokie… um, Shoka. Do you still think about Ayano a lot?" He got on he knees, lowering himself down to meet her.

"S-Sometimes. But just…" A few shaky breaths. "Occa- Occasionally."

"Does it ever… feel better?"

"Some- sometimes b-but…" More gasps. "There are time- times where you j-just can't stop feeling hurt. Like there's a part of you that's been r-r-ripped off."

"It doesn't really leave you, you know?"

"W-What?"

"The pain. When it's someone that close, even months after there are days you wake up and just think, 'why can't they still be here?' Some days are worse than others. Some days you want to…" Fret sat down now, no longer on his knees.

"That do-doesn't help much."

"I know, but… it still goes away, in time. Those feelings don't just stick around forever. Feeling grief like that… it doesn't just hit you in a straight line. It's not… linear, I guess you'd say. And neither is healing from it."

"I-I just thought that because I could dispel that fake N-Noise that she was made of near the end of the game that… I'd grown, but… Now, co-coming here, I c-can't help but think maybe all I did was learn to hide how hurt I felt. Like I a-always have." Shoka's tears had mostly stopped. Shiki was still clutching her, trying her best to be supportive.

"Who says you didn't grow? I mean, you're here now, aren't you? Confronting it. That's…" Fret's mind was carried back to his silent conversations with Kanon and further back still to when he had begun to keep others at arms' length, "more than I could ever have done. It just shows that you're…" he thought about what word to use next. "Human."

"Huma- Human, huh?" Shoka sat up from her slump, still resting against Shiki.

"Yeah. Stop holding yourself to some stupid high standard, you get me? You felt pain like everyone else does, but that's not a sign of regression or anything. What would Rindude say if he knew you were thinking like that?" Shoka chuckled. Rindo was an easy way to make her mood brighter.

"I… think I see where yo-you're coming from." She stood up and dusted herself off.

"I've been round the block once before, with feelings like this. Um, you probably heard me talking about it but uh… heh. Yeah…"

"Do you think about Kanon, still?" Fret was caught off guard for a moment.

"I wasn't really talking about her when I said all that but… yeah, I do. A lot. Even if I don't show it."

"So… it's fine for me to still be torn up like this, huh."

"No-one said it wasn't. Thinking like that's just gonna make things worse. Sometimes showing that you're still grieving and not hiding it away… especially from people who care… it's a sign that you've grown, more than anything, I guess."

"That's… huh." Shoka was silent for a while. "If you two uh, are fine with it, I'd like a moment alone. To pay proper respects."

"Gotcha, Shokie. We'll just be uh… over here." Fret quickly grabbed onto Shiki's sleeve, causing her to stumble as the two distanced themselves from Shoka. Fret felt a sudden wave of exhaustion and embarrassment wash over him and he turned to look away.

"Fret…" Shiki began, a gentle smile playing across her lips.

"Don't ask! I don't know where that came from!"

"Oh come on! You've been spending too much time with Neku, you're beginning to sound just like him!" She giggled.

"I sound… like him?" Fret went red. Something between a grimace and a smile twisted across his face. His heart started spiralling again. …Weird.

"That's not a bad thing, silly. I think you were pretty sweet to her. Shoka, she… sometimes has issues saying what she really thinks." Shiki frowned. "She's been getting better though! You should've seen how red she went talking about this memorial thing to me."

"You know, how come she didn't invite us, anyway? By 'us', I mean 'Rindo'. Or even boss?"

"Well, I can't really say for sure but… I think she knew she'd break down eventually. She didn't want any one of you to see that, obviously."

"So, what you're saying is she looks up to you." Shiki tilted her head to the right and furrowed her brow.

"I never gave it much thought, but yes, I think that's why I'm here. It's nice, to be respected like that, isn't it?"

"I wouldn't really know. Besides, she's obsessed with that piggy brand of yours so of course she's going to look up to you." Shiki's expression suddenly became very dark indeed. Was it something he said? The implication that she and Shoka shared a relationship solely on the basis of a brand?

"Fret. Mr. Mew is a cat. I advise you spend less time with Beat from now on." She began stepping towards him like a woman possessed.

"Mercy! Mercy!" Fret got on his knees for the second time that day, horrified of incurring the scorned Misaki's wrath. Could her Mr. Mew shoot eye lasers? He wasn't in a hurry to find out.

"Now…" she lifted the doll above her head. "Prepare yourself." Fret felt Mr. Mew drop his head with a pleasant thud. His feline face hung in front of his eyes.

"Aw, cute!" He gave it a scratch behind the ears.

"I know right?" Shiki retrieved her plush and the two glanced to Shoka, now murmuring something to her flowers.

"She looks so tired…" Fret frowned. "Hope she's holding up okay."

"The same could be said to you."

"Huh?"

"You look exhausted, I mean." Shiki turned to him with a slight pout. "And there has to be some reason you were laid out on the grass like that before."

"Well…" Fret debated telling her this or not. But it was pretty noticeable that something was weighing on him, something unresolved. He wondered that if he told her this, she'd also figure out what had happened in his past. Shiki was a friend, but did he trust her that deeply to reveal that information? "Yeah. You're right. I did something… kinda inexcusable." He began.

Fret told her everything that had gone on with Nagi, except the parts about his friend's passing causing his extreme reaction. If she could infer that, that was fine, but when he tried to even broach the topic in conversation he felt his throat close up. No, it wasn't yet time to share things like that. "So, yeah. I was a complete jackass and ended up hurting her for no good reason."

"That's… it?" Fret blinked, taken aback.

"Um… yeah? I thought you'd be laying into me right now."

"No, it's just…" her head tilted again. "You made it sound like you committed a crime or something when you were telling parts of that story."

"W-Well, it wasn't a crime or anything but…"

"It's natural to feel wrong about it, silly. And it's not like you're completely blameless in this situation but… hm…" Fret could almost hear her whisper 'what would Neku say?' as she closed her eyes to think. "Think about it this way: you both were hiding things from one another. Of course that would cause tension. It's no excuse for going as far as you did, but all you both had to do was be honest with one another."

"That's easy to say in hindsight, Shiki, but…"

"Oh no, don't take it the wrong way! What I mean is, I think it's sweet you're both able to be honest around one another and from the way you're acting it sounds like it was becoming the norm, y'know? So when things kinda… fell apart from that norm, it was like something totally new to you. I think that… the both of you are terrified of hiding things from each other. That in itself is pretty cute, but your reaction to it…" She paused. "I know first-hand how anger and fear can make people do irrational things they'll regret later on." Shiki held his shoulder, as she did with Shoka.

"But… I made her bleed."

"And you need to apologise for it. But you shouldn't run away from her because of that! She's probably more worried she hasn't heard from you right now than she is about herself. Sometimes it's the cuts we make that we can't see that hurt us the most, and if you don't nurse them then they'll never stop bleeding."

"So… I can come back from this?"

"Of course, dummy! If Neku can come back from nearly killing me–"

"Neku nearly did what?!" The legendary player nearly killing his girlfriend? Was this recent? How did this even come about? So many questions ran through his head at that moment it made him slightly dizzy.

"Mm-hm. Nearly choked me with those powers of his. Of course, now the only time he chokes me is when–"

"Oh my God, too much information!" Shiki laughed, clearly enjoying Fret freaking out slightly.

"Whoa, what set him off?" Shoka had returned from tending to her memorial. Fret slowly lowered his arms, which had been flailing wildly for the last few seconds.

"Nothing at all, Shoka. How are you feeling?"

"Um… better, I think? I dunno, I just…"

"Everything probably feels a bit much, right? Like you're happy she's at rest, but you wish she were here and it makes you feel guilty?" Fret had calmed down enough to deliver a remark so salient, the shock of it coming from him of all people left only the breeze in the air for a few seconds.

"Huh. Yeah. When did you become a shrink? Wait, don't tell me. Nagi?"

"Who else?" Fret winked.

"Maybe I should install that game you two are always playing, open my third eye like you seem to have."

"That sounds lovely. Perhaps if I introduced it to Neku he would stop sneaking out of bed at night to go play Tin Pin in the living room… against himself." The three began to walk together, towards the exit of the park, a mutual understanding forming that they had no more business to attend to there.

"Please. It would save me from midnight phone calls explaining the issues with the metagame at the moment."

"…on second thoughts, Shiki, could Neku use a player two?"

"Oh, come on, you start to look forward to them after a while! Something kinda interesting about someone being so passionate about something you understand a solid ten percent of." Shoka's attention turned to the tree with the flowers tied to it for a moment. Fret swore he could hear her whisper 'goodbye', though it may just have been the wind. "So, where are you two headed now?"

"Back to WildKat. Barrista there does some great coffee. And I kinda live there too."

"Are you interested in joining us, Fret? I'm sure Mr. H would love to meet you."

"Uh, actually, I think I'm just gonna head home. I know it's only like two in the afternoon but… I got something to take care of. I don't think it can wait that much longer."

"Huh. That's a shame."

"What was that, Shokie?"

"Absolutely nothing to concern yourself with, that's what!" She pulled her hoodie over her head as three reached the exit onto Cat Street.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us, Fret?"

"Nah. Not that you're bad company, but… that whole pep talk earlier really inspired me, Shicutie."

"Hm, so that's why you're headed home. Well, I won't stop you then. Have a good day and… keep me updated, won't you?" She hugged him farewell, causing Fret to squirm in embarrassment a bit.

"Don't expect that from me." Fret smiled. That odd feeling of guilt and unease he had felt since arriving in the park was now resolving itself in his heart, slowly unwinding like string in a labyrinth.

"Wonder have it any other way." He and Shoka exchanged something in-between a high five and a handshake. "…later, loser." He winked and the two smiled at each other. For the first time that day, Fret felt truly at peace. As he watched Shiki and Shoka wander down the street away from him, he knew he was ready to speak to her again. Just as soon as he was home. Turning towards Tower Records, he thought about what would make for a good apology.

Nagi splashed her face with water. Some of it came in contact with her hand, dying it orange. It would all wash down the sink anyway. She stared in the mirror at her puffy eyes, red made deeper against what she saw as sickly pale skin. The strain of everything that had happened over the past few days roared within her, threatening to break her in two. For the first time in what felt like forever, she felt well and truly isolated. Despite contact being a few taps away on her phone screen, she didn't feel like indulging in it. She had felt abandonment like this before, on the first week of the Game when Lord Tomonami's lookalike had up and left, but this was different. Now, there was no-one. Or at least, it felt that way. The world right now did not seem to extend much further than the white walls of her dormitory. She had brought this upon herself by keeping the truth from her friends. Surely by now Fret had informed them all how untrustworthy she was, how despite all that talk of knowing oneself and the importance of communication, she had gone back on those words to the person to whom they meant so much. She looked down at her hand, ghostly and sickening. She slammed it against the basin, drawing more blood.