"Hm? The slips? They're my first work in a while. But they're not particularly… nice. My hand was forced, though. Have to keep this running smoothly. For all our sakes."
9: Malady
Fret woke to the sound of tearful repenting – the blinds weren't drawn and he had seemingly slept through the light beginning to shine into the room. He checked his phone – showing a time of nine in the morning alongside a text from his mother – before turning his attention to the sounds of despair emanating from in front of Tomonami's shrine.
"I am sorry, Your Radiance… your wretched follower has failed you…" Nagi was prostrating herself at the foot of tall, dark and handsome's house of prayer.
"Nagirl? You good…?" Fret's voice was still gravelly from only just having woken up.
"I fear I shall never be 'good' again…"
"Uh… okay?"
"There is only path 'pon which I can tread now…" Nagi reached up for the replica blade on the shrine with dismal speed.
"We're… not doing this bit. What's got you all down in the dumps?" Fret rose from his futon and sheathed the blade she had only just begun to remove from its scabbard.
"EFest, Lord Tosai, EFest! What else? What else could sink me to such depths of despair! Oh, if only my mind had not slipped in my weary state! Lord Tomonamiiii…! I'm so so-o-orryyyy…!" Fret stepped back at the beginning of the waterworks. Nagi had entered the foetal position, sobbing into her tights. It would be concerning if this hadn't have happened before once– no, twice– wait, four times over EleStra related events.
"O-Oh, that thing?" Nagi stopped sobbing and gave him a truly threatening sideways glance from her position on the floor.
"That 'thing' is something all true EleStrainiacs attend. It is where we show our allegiance to our favourites, a chance to ask the developers questions – as well as yell obscenities at them – and above all a chance to connect with those who share the same undying love for the art of EleStra. And I…" Fret could see her wince and begin to cry again. "Have failed my comrades." She stammered out in a squeaky voice.
"C-Calm down! I have tickets!"
"You are in possession of what?" Nagi craned her neck so quickly Fret wondered if it was about to snap. Her movements reminded him of an owl. 'Tickets', as in the plural of 'ticket', meaning more than one opportunity to bring someone along to Efest?"
"Yes?" Nagi shot up from her ball and repositioned herself into another one, the same prostrating position she had taken at the shrine.
"Lord Tosai–" She began.
"I am not your husbando! Stand up, please?"
"Ahem." Nagi stood up to face him but still kept her head bowed. This was fine, he supposed. Certainly better than whatever the hell that was she just did. "Please may I have the second ticket, milord?"
"I dunno what gave you the impression it wasn't for you…"
"An EFest ticket is worth more than its digital weight in gold, Lord Tosai!"
"Wait, 'digital weight'? What does that even–"
"Simply put, it is not something to be shared lightly. I had thought that perhaps you would share it with the person you deemed most worthy, such as Lord Rindo, or Beat, or even Sakura who always greets you with a hello far too hearty to be construed as simple friendliness whenever you enter Justice Burger."
"She does?"
"…you mean you never noticed?"
"No? Wait, why did you notice?"
"As it is, without any doubt in my mind, beyond obvious."
"Huh. You know, she's kinda cute, maybe I should've–"
"Don't you dare…!" Nagi balled her fists, looking ready to fight.
"Kidding, kidding, ahaha…" Fret quickly emailed her the ticket's QR code to diffuse the situation.
"Many thanks. I shall reimburse you for this at a later date."
"Later date? Not today? I mean, not that I mind or anything."
"Well, we university students often find ourselves with emptier purses than we are willing to admit."
"You spent it all on EleStra, didn't you?"
"I shall continue this conversation no further." She adjusted her glasses and seated herself in front of her monitor.
"Well, before anything else today, I'm gonna go take a shower. You mind?" Fret always felt awkward asking this, but he had done it at Rindo's place once before so he decided to bite the bullet here too. Besides, Nagi always was accommodating.
"Not at all. So long as you do not encroach on my privacy, or rummage through my personal belongings, you may proceed."
"Thanks, Nagirl!"
Fret brought his bag into the slightly cramped ensuite with him, producing from it a towel and some hair products. He always had to look his best, after all, no matter where he stayed overnight. Turning on the shower after stripping off, Fret took a while to soak in its warmth – he hadn't grabbed one of these last night, feeling too uncomfortable to ask, but morning showers, at least how he saw them, were a human right that could not be stripped from him. He reached for the shampoo he'd set on a shelf before entering, but his hand froze as he noticed a bottle above it. 'Lord Tomonami's Dark-As-Night Black Rose All-In-One Bodycare' was printed on the label in bold, gothic writing. "You cannot be serious." Fret was at all at once disappointed, unsurprised and floored completely. scooping the bottle into his hands, he couldn't help but laugh a little. Of course there was Tomonami brand bodywash. He wasn't sure if this was 'encroaching on her privacy' or whatever, but he let a small amount drop onto his finger and breathed in its scent. It was surprisingly pleasant, like a mixture of roses, smoked wood and cinnamon. Fret knew this scent, for it had clung to Nagi for the entirety of the Game. He also knew this line of thought was getting slightly strange, and quickly put the bottle back in its place. He decided he'd soak under the shower a bit longer as he washed the suds out of his hair; enjoying the water pressure, especially compared to the relative drizzle his own apartment's shower spat out. This, at least for now, was paradise. But not an eternal one. Slowly, at first, but then progressively getting faster, something odd began to happen. The water that hit his skin began to get colder. And colder still. He checked the dial that controlled temperature only to see it hadn't changed at all. Maybe if he just turned it up? Fret waited a few seconds. Still no luck. The water crashing against his body was ice cold now, and he could feel his teeth chattering. Then the nausea hit. He felt acutely drunk, spiralling into a dizziness that threatened to throw him to the ground. He quickly turned, stopped the water from running and wrapped a towel around himself. This didn't stop the cold feeling, however, instead almost instantly worsening it. He ran to the door and pressed against it.
"Boss?" He cried out through the wood.
"Yes?" Came the muffled response?
"Is the hot water working?"
"Allow me a moment to check." Fret stood there, cold seeping into his bones, trying hard not to throw up. "No, it seems functioning from what I can witness here."
"Oh… o-okay, thanks!" Fret limped his way over to his usual set of clothes and leaned both arms against the sink to try and stop the world from rotating three-sixty every half-second. Almost unconsciously, his left arm moved itself into the pocket of his pants, his hand curling around something paper-thin. The warmth returned to his body and the world stopped spinning. Catching his breath, Fret gazed at what was in his hand. That odd bit of paper with the skull on it. He decided that, whatever it was, it clearly wasn't something whoever delivered it to him wanted him throwing away. He was lucky he was lazy and wore some of his clothes to sleep yesterday – he might've frozen to death otherwise. Slipping back into his usual outfit, Fret quickly left the bathroom and waited for his teeth to stop clattering against one another.
"H-Hey, b-b-boss." Fret was still feeling the effects of the cold on his body.
"I have emailed the student residence team about the unfortunate water situation in the shower. Hopefully it shall be resolved in due course."
"A-Awes-s-s-some." Fret fell onto his futon and rolled up in it, insulating himself. The warmth continued to spread through his body and eventually things felt back to normal. "Ugh. So, what's on the agenda for today?"
"I was unaware there was an 'agenda' to speak of." Fret's phone buzzed. Another text from his mother, promptly ignored.
"Well, uh, that depends! I mean, if you just wanna stay inside that's completely fine by me! Buuuut I would like to head into Shibuya today."
"Hm. Allow me a moment." Nagi quickly pulled up a window in her browser and glanced over it for a few moments, before nodding and switching off her monitor.
"Very well. Though unplanned, my week is very much light on work and lectures. We may spend the day in Shibuya how you see fit, though your strict adherence to visiting just it and nowhere else confounds me."
"Ah, come on," Fret shouldered his bag and made his way to the door, "you know you love it."
"Indeed, it is a positively incredible area of Tokyo." Nagi hoisted her itabag onto her shoulders after packing a few things into it and made her way out into the corridor, Fret holding the door for her.
"What do you wanna do today then, boss? The two stepped outside and were immediately hit with a bitter wind that caused Fret to pull his scarf around his nose and mouth, garnering a funny look from Nagi.
"It would be for the best if we refrained from spending our entire day outdoors."
"You don't say?" The two passed a few students, some of whom gave Nagi a nod hello on their way back to the dorms, having likely returned from an early seminar or lecture. Their phones pinged as Nagi swiped her card and pulled open the great gate that led to Hachioji proper.
_9:53_
Rindo: gm everyone
Neku: Morning, Rindo
Fret: Morning rindude!
Nagi: Good day, all.
Fret: Hey everyone check
it out
Beat: whats good yo
[Fret quickly snapped a
picture of Nagi walking
alongside him, giving the
lens his best cheeky smile
as she scowled at him.]
"Was that quite necessary?" Nagi chided him, rubbing her hands together and blowing into them. Either that bookmark-thingy's effects were spreading or it really was an unusually cold August day.
"Aaaand sent." Fret announced the photograph entering the chat with pride. "And, duh! 'Course it was!"
_9:55_
Shoka: hey everyone
[Fret's picture sent,
getting a heart from Beat
and Rindo, a laughing
reaction from Shiki and
an angry one from Nagi]
Shiki: Morning all :)
Shiki: haha, Nagi is
having fun I see
Nagi: Do not delude
yourself, Lady Misaki.
Fret: Am I really that
bad
Nagi: You are standing
mere centimetres from
me. Why ask this query
over text?
Fret: Okay then
"Am I really that bad?" Fret asked earnestly, getting a sigh out of Nagi.
"No, not particularly."
"Woohoo! 'Not particularly'!" Fret pumped his fist in the air, causing a couple of passersby to look on in surprise, and Nagi to recoil. Why did she keep doing that? It was getting concerning.
_9:57_
Beat: gc was kinda dead
yestreday ngl
Fret: Yeah I think everyone
was off kinda doing their
own thing
Rindo: pretty much
Neku: Yeah, I was taking
care of something at
WildKat.
Shoka: oh so thats why
you were trespassing in
my home
Neku: Mr. H *literally*
invited me in.
Shoka: shiki get his ass
Shiki: Neku, you know it's
not right to enter someone's
room when they're not home
Neku: It was the bean
storage area.
Shoka: yeah
my home
Beat: h man stuck you
in with his coffee
seeds?
Shiki: Beans, Beat.
Beat: man
thats cold yo
Nagi: Well, the man does
love his coffee beans.
Perhaps you being
there is a sign of how
much he cares for you?
Shoka: or a sign he doesn't
have anywhere else to
put me
"So when am I gonna meet this elusive Hanekoma?" Fret chimed in as they continued their text conversation.
"Whenever you decide to visit his establishment, a place you have somehow managed to avoid completely since returning to the RealGround." Nagi showed Fret its location on her maps app. "When it's open, anyway. Last I went I was only allowed entrance as Lady Shoka had the to the shutter. Though, come to think of it, it is rather surprising that you've never been there, even once."
"Um, I don't like coffee?" Fret said unconvincingly as the two rounded a corner.
"You mean to say that Lady Shoka has yet to invite you."
"Possibly."
"Definitely."
"Yeah, definitely." More pings from their phones saved Fret from further embarrassment at this situation.
_10:00_
Neku: Mr. H may seem
well
odd, at times but he's
always done what's right.
Unlike someone else I
know…
Shiki: Josh can't see your
vagueposting, Neku
Neku: And do you know
that for a *fact*?
Fret: What's this mr H guy
look like anyway
Neku: Hang on
[A picture of a classy,
twenty-or-thirty-something
looking man working
behind a counter popped up
in the chat. He looked
amused at whoever was
photographing him.]
Fret: Ohhhhhhh so that's
Hanekoma
I have no idea who that is
Hes hot though
Shoka: really?
Fret: yup
Shoka: you are so so lame
Fret: Pretty much
"Fret. Fret!" Nagi yelled at him from behind. She was standing on a street corner. "It's this way."
"Oh… right. I knew that!" Fret quickly caught up to her. "In my defence it was dark on the way from the station last night."
"I'm not blaming you, I am merely requesting you pay attention." Nagi was taking glances every so often at her maps app, having not been out the dorm much herself.
"Yes sir, miss tour guide, sir!"
_10:04_
Beat: oh huh
speaking of h man
think I got something from
him today
Rindo: what like a present?
Beat: nah its wierd
has his symbol on it tho
Neku: Maybe just his way
of thanking us for the UG
stuff.
Beat: prolly
Beat: gtg guys
rhyme calling me
Neku: See you Beat
Shoka: bye moron 3
Rindo: gl beat
actually i gtg too
Fret: See you around
rindude
boss and I have a train to
catch but we'll still be
active I think
Fret looked to Nagi, who simply just nodded her head.
_10:06_
Shoka: that reminds me
its kinda early
howd you get to nagis
place so fast
train ride is long af
Fret: Oh I just stayed the
night
Shoka: makes sense
Neku: Ohhh, so that's why
Wait
Nevermind.
Shoka: wait a sec
wtf i thought you two like
Nagi: The power of EleStra
to bridge the gap between
two individuals is unrivalled
by most modern games.
Shoka: hated each other
wow you type fast and know
what im gonna say
Nagi: 'Tis a secret to no-one
my opinions on Lord Tosai
in the formative weeks of
the Game.
Fret: Uh yeah you hated my
guts
"Hate is a… rather strong word." Nagi looked on the verge of tears for some reason.
"Oof. Sorry, Boss. Didn't meant to strike a nerve."
_10:09_
Fret: I take that back
no guts were hated
Shoka: uh huh
okay then
"Lord Tosai, we will be arriving at the station in five minutes. Have you come to a conclusion on how you wish for us to spend our time in Shibuya today?"
"Nah, not really. How 'bout hitting up that arcade you're always talking about?" That seemed to ignite the fire in her eyes.
"TAITO? You'd come? Truly?"
"I mean… yeah?"
"Everyone I have been there with does not wish to return… I fear it is on account of how excited I tend to get when absorbed in these establishments…" Nagi appeared forlorn.
"Aw, your weird nerd speeches are like, one of your best features, boss! Where would I be without you religiously advising me on every EleStra banner?"
"I suppose you have a point, Lord Tosai."
"Pfft, 'course I do! And maybe I should be the one honouring you with a title? How does 'Lady Nagi' sound?" This got a slight giggle out of her.
"Completely ridiculous. To my dismay, I find myself preferring the name puns."
"Ooh, what about… 'Queen Nagi'?" Another giggle.
"Regality should be reserved for the likes of Lady Shoka, or Lady Misaki."
"Nah, you're definitely royalty. 'Princess Nagi', then?"
"Eh?" Princess Nagi blushed slightly, taken off guard. "No, most definitely not, I'm afraid."
"Nagirl it is, then!" Fret held his hand out for a fist bump, which was reciprocated hesitantly.
"You haven't changed one of the nicknames you've given me, yet you're celebrating?"
"Well, duh. But it's like… we've entered a new stage in our friendship. So it's Nagirl, but then in parentheses like '(BFF)' or something!" Nagi full-on laughed at this.
"I think it's wonderful. It's incredibly refreshing to see you back to your full confidence after the myriad issues of yesterday."
"The Fretster always gets back up after a fall! But… uh, thanks. I try not to let that stuff get to me." Fret and Nagi entered Hachioji Station, a large, dull-coloured building, almost brutalist in style, towering above them like the fortress of some evil lord. If it wasn't for the colourful banners that covered parts of the station advertising 'What's on in Hachioji!', flapping in the chilling breeze, then Fret would've thought this place capable of deep-sixing the mood in combination with the weather.
As he had walked around the area, Fret took stock of how the district was at once similar and distinct to Shibuya. It had a more refined air to it, less rough around the edges – something probably intentional – after all it had the task of catering to both Japanese and foreign students. In a bustling city such as Tokyo, feeling at home was no mean feat. Hachioji had modern architecture and an ever-heightening skyline, yet felt far more sterile than Shibuya ever did. In Shibuya, you expressed yourself how you wanted and nobody batted an eyelid – unless you fell asleep on the metro. Then you were making it online. Hachioji never had that all-welcoming vibe a less clearly defined area like Shibuya had. In Shibuya, there was no coherent vision of what the people could, or should be, no forward-thinking momentum or creed for anyone bound to the area, minus its politicians. But, in a way, that was what kept the area progressing, kept the people within coming back – that lack of definition, that murky void of clarity, it ironically allowed you to define yourself within the empty space. Of course, that definition varied. Sometimes it was false. For Fret, it certainly was. But there was always the opportunity to reinvent yourself. Shibuya was a blank cavas, eternally replaceable if the artist so wished. All they had to do was pick up the brush and repaint themselves in a new image. As Fret paid for his ticket, talking about EleStra with the person who had allowed this reinvention, he found himself ever-more grateful to the city and the friends it had given him.
"So when you say that 'you don't let that stuff get you down', would you state that is you ignoring the issue or internalising it without speaking your mind?" The two flashed their tickets to the conductor.
"Whoa, we were just talking about our worst pulls," the two sat themselves on two empty seats across from two already-exhausted looking commuters, "how'd we get to this?"
"You've used that phrase twice within the past few minutes, with it applying to, shall we say, varying degrees of seriousness."
"I mean…" He stared out the window of the train, which was now humming to life. "I don't think it's either. I want these things to go away, but they never do." Fret stared at his phone. He still hadn't replied to his mother. "Not like I have anyone to talk to them about, either…" The carriage smelt of cloying, sanitised air and disappointment. The oddly-patterned seats, sky blue faux-terrazzo floor and general hospital-like aura gave off some truly unpleasant vibes, not helped by the daylight often being blocked from entering the windows of the carriage due to the city skyline blocking the sun out intermittently.
"So what do you do about them?" Nagi spoke softly, aware of conversations like this could set Fret off. Admittedly, he knew they were scary and after yesterday he wouldn't have been surprised if the fear was mutual.
"Honestly? Nothing. I just… couldn't do anything, even when they were eating away at me. I just took it 'cause there was nothing else to do. And there still isn't."
"Did you never even attempt and speak to anyone? Ah, but this query isn't accusatory in nature."
"No, I know, I know. And I just… agh, I just… didn't wanna burden Rindo with it. He was a good guy – the only good guy I knew. On a personal level, I mean. Or, well, the definition of 'personal' I was comfortable with. And I mean, sure, I could've told him. I think he would've listened. But if I was ever gonna tell him, I was gonna tell him the whole truth – everything. But the whole truth, I dunno, it was just too much. It's like– like if he knew, he'd blame me for not doing enough, or just not caring. Couldn't face that. Losing someone again. Back to just being alone." Fret massaged his face with his hands, as if washing it. Talking about this felt exhausting and unfamiliar, like navigating rocky terrain on a cliff-face that just so happens to have a sheer drop downwards should he misstep.
"We're only human, Fret. You've just fallen for the folly of emotions again. It's okay to want to be liked, perhaps one could say it's natural, even. But no-one's going to hate you for that – the onus was never on you to 'save' them or not. Lord Rindo would have understood that, undoubtedly, however even now that the chance to tell him of your own volition has come to pass, you needn't regret it a moment longer. Irrational though they may be, those thoughts will persist and return, but they will always be untruths. So long as you remember that, time shall heal the wounds."
"I mean… yeah. Yeah, you're right as always. It's just… God… I dunno, I…" Silence. Nothing but the grating noise of metal against metal underneath and a buzzing the air like someone had turned all the lights in the carriage on. It just stayed that way for what felt like forever. Fret suddenly felt a cold hand on his shoulder, causing him to recoil slightly.
"Tosai. I'm not asking you to forget. I'm not requesting you deal with this with just rationality. What I ask is that you simply deal with it outside a cage of isolation. With everyone. With me." Nagi's eyes smiled at his and faintly his own smiled back, weary and weak.
"That's… the first time you've used my name without the honorific."
"That is what you chose to take away from all that?" She feigned being unimpressed, but her eyes still shone with sympathy and kindness.
"As you would say, indeed." Fret laughed as she withdrew her hand. The spot where she had just touched still felt electric and ice-cold. "…you should do that more often."
"Perhaps I shall." Nagi turned away briefly and Fret swore he heard something along the lines of "I already do," but it was likely just a precursor to the yawn she let out afterwards. "I was going to partake in some EleStra on this arduous journey, however it has come to my attention I should follow the example of our comrades after my restless night." Nagi gestured to the commuters in front of them, now slumped against the plush, garishly-patterned moquette of the seats, happily catching some needed rest before their shift began again.
"Ooh, hang on, I have just the thing." Fret rummaged around in his bag for a good few seconds before he felt his hand around one of his favoured accessories. "Ta-dah!" He produced the cap he normally carried around his waist. "Rindude used to slap this on me whenever we got the late train or bus home to my place. Because I, uh, always fell asleep… blocks out those stupid bright lights, but I guess it's also pretty useful when it comes to the daylight here, huh? What little comes in, I guess."
"Oh, that won't be necessary." She pushed it away.
"What? Come on, it makes you look all mysterious and unavailable. Like who doesn't look at someone sleeping with a cap over their eyes and nose and be like, 'damn, I don't wanna mess with them'?" All this time Fret was making exaggerated motions with the cap, almost like he was trying to sell it to Nagi.
"Sometimes it is when you are most honest that I understand you least, Lord Tosai."
"Don't just shut me down like that! Oh, I know, Mr. Minami probably sleeps with a cap on. I mean, I think I even saw him sleeping standing up in it once! Or… maybe that's just how he stands? If he saw you like that I bet he'd be like, 'Woah that… fraction over there sure is, um, zetta like me! Maybe I should, uh, add-ify the amount of number… minutes I spend with her!'"
"Very well, very well, I'll sleep with the cap on." Nagi chucked, blushing as she always did whenever the topic of Sho and her came up.
"Woo!" Fret fist-pumped the air, causing one of the men in front of them to stir slightly. "Uh, I mean… woo!" He handed Nagi the cap, who thanked him with a nod before settling down in her chair to rest. The cabin, after all their conversation, was now silent and Fret listened to the rhythmic lull of wheels against train-track and watched as scenes of urbanity rapidly passed him by. Though gazing longingly at it, he was reminded of how the last time he had seen the metropolis of Tokyo from behind a window it had felt empty. Though parts of that emptiness still remained, even in the grey he found colour, definition in undefined spaces – just as he did with Shibuya. The city was changing before him, for reasons he didn't quite understand, and rather than shut it out he found he wanted to embrace this lively Tokyo. The rhythm of the tracks underneath him continued. He hoped it would lull Nagi into a nightmare-less sleep.