Chiaroscuro

by throwcementatmyface

A month and a half after the events of the Reaper's Game that ended in a tie between the Shinjuku Reapers and Wicked Twisters, the RG has begun to stir. This part focuses on Nagi Usui and Tosai Furesawa. (Finished 04/10/2022) Part 1 of Soul and Urbanity.

14. Neon Starburst

Part 12: Neon Starburst

A train passed overhead, deafening Nagi for a brief moment. Saikyo line, she thought to herself. During the course of the Game they had to have heard the trains crossing over the bridge near Tower Records hundreds of times. When Neku had first heard it, he had stopped in his tracks and wistfully stared up at the source of the noise, as if every sight and sound Shibuya made was welcoming him back. Neku was a puzzle of a person to figure out – a human maze wedged between light and dark, but who could always be relied upon to think of the best for everyone. Sometimes tinges of his past self could be heard in his voice, or seen in the dismissive wave of a hand, but from what she had heard from Shiki and Beat he was a reformed man. In time, Nagi knew she would navigate that maze, figure out what side of that wedge he was on and come to understand him completely. So, if Neku was a maze then Fret was a veritable labyrinth of a human being, a puzzle box with enough clues to solve but so time-consuming to crack that it was questionable how many layers deep she'd be able to make it before the box finally opened. Was it this that drew her to spend time with him these last few days? This feeling that she was on the cusp of wholly understanding him? She thought back to just a few minutes prior and how tightly he clung onto her when he cried. Like he would die if he let go. And here he was, walking alongside her, getting carried through this dungeon like usual. His demeanour was that of his usual, cheerful self but she could feel something else. Something that wasn't there when the game began – an air of… peace, she decided it was. And… something else. Like gratitude. He seemed comfortable now. It was good to see.

"Wow, that final floor was a breeze!" Fret grinned.

"828k damage to your 23k – I think we both know why that was." Nagi said, tapping forward through the undoubtedly mediocre drops. Best she'd get is a decent chunk of currency towards her next few rolls.

"You were the one who signed up for iiiit!" Fret said in that annoyingly chirpy tone. "But seriously, thanks. The drops here'll probably get me through the next chapter or two." As they approached the arcade, Nagi checked the group chat. She scrolled past the endless walls of memes that Rindo and Neku liked posting when they got the time (which they mercifully didn't for the past two days, seemingly) and to the conversation currently taking place in it

_14:34_

Rindo: do any of u kno

wtf 1.26677 means like

in normal people terms

its like

a math thing i think?

Beat: you tryign to cosplay

piface or somehing?

Rindo: nah its fango stuff

Shoka: wait what part of

fango has you do math?

Rindo: new update

ur not a high enough lvl

yt

Rhyme: It's the area of a

circle with a radius of

half an inch.

Beat: yo rhyme your

active in here all of a

sudden?

Shiki: RYHME (0▽0)

Rhyme: Hey everyone :]

Fret: Wooo we're finally

graced with the once

a week text of the cutest

honorary twister!

Rhyme: Haha, I'll try and

be more active from now on

Rindo: u say tht every time…

Shoka: respect your elders,

rindo

Rhyme: No, he's right

I barely see you guys the

least I could do is text

Shoka: what brings u here

anyway

Rhyme: Oh, just wondering

why Beat isn't answering

but still finds the time to

text in here.

Beat: literally in a library

yo

Fret: Beat…

Shoka: beat…

Rindo: beat…

Shiki: Beat… ('T_T)

Nagi: I needn't continue this

lame joke any further but

suffice to say that excuse…

'Twould be more believable

coming from anyone but

yourself

Beat: I AINT LIYNG

Rhyme: Just… call me when

you can?

Beat: aight

Nagi and Fret looked at each other, Fret as if to say 'that idiot, am I right?' and Nagi as if to say 'you are quite literally no better than him.' Fret turned away from that withering look and towards the arcade entrance.

As soon as the two entered the arcade, they were hit by just how disconnected its interior felt from the outside world. For starters, the entire place was incredibly stuffy and hot – even on a cool day such as this. It was also noticeably darker inside as the place relied mostly on the lights of the machines to illuminate the area. The sea of machines in front of them were, on one hand, an auditory barrage; on the other, a visual onslaught as machines flashed vibrant colours at them, vying for their attention. To Nagi, it was home. To Fret, it was cause for a dose of aspirin.

"Whoa… never been to this one before. It's really, uh, loud." He chuckled.

"'Tis the appeal of establishments such as this, Lord Tosai."

"I've been to an arcade before! Just not one so… flashy. Ones Rindo took me too were always a bit smaller. And subdued."

"I know not the meaning of those words when it comes to the arcade. Shall we begin?"

"Sure, but it's on me!" Fret said. "I'll go get us the coins for the machines real quick." Before Nagi could protest he'd already dashed into the colourscape in front of her – he probably didn't even know where the machine that would give him the 100-yen coins he needed was, nor the fact that most machines in TAITO like the UFO catchers would accept electronic card mediums. Such was the fate of travelling alongside someone as unknowledgable of these things as Fret. In a way, his headstrong attitude and desire to treat others well was commendable and almost charming. It didn't change the fact that she was now leaning against an uncomfortable square pillar, tapping away at EleStra and waiting for the long few minutes to pass where he would inevitably come back far more smug than ever or ready to admit defeat at navigating his way to the ATM.

After what she deemed reasonable time had passed (though Fret was anything but reasonable), Nagi peered up from her phone and scanned the area for him, only to see two girls whispering to each other and looking at something behind her. Wait, no. They weren't simply staring through her – indeed, they were staring at her. One of the pair – a girl with long, black hair and eyes the colour of bronze – seemed familiar somehow. After a few seconds of deliberation, the duo approached and Nagi put away her phone, indicating she was open to conversation.

"Um… hello." The other girl of the pair – with slightly lighter hair, yet darker eyes – spoke first. "My friend here was wondering… you wouldn't happen to be a fan of Lord Tomonami, would you?"

"I would consider myself a sheep amongst his wretched flock, yes."

The black-haired girl followed up quickly, "You were at last year's EFest, weren't you? The one with the green jacket and the replica sword and the impressive pins on the itabag? Right? Right?"

Nagi's mind was filled with images of last year's EFest – she didn't notice this girl or her friend in the crowd her head was trying to remember, though the more she thought on it the more the dark-haired girl's face began to crop up in other past EleStra events – signings from the CVs, pin giveaways, update launch celebrations, she was there in all of them – or so it would seem.

"Correct. How very astute of you to recognise me." She nodded her head. "Nagi Usui."

"Kaga. Yuika Kaga." She stepped forward slightly and extended a hand, which Nagi shook ever so tentatively. Upon closer inspection she was wearing a camouflage hoodie in the same shade of Tomonami's, alongside a black pleated skirt. The colours on the hoodie were hard to make out in the darkness, but no true follower of His Radiance would deign to wear camo without it being an homage to him.

"Marino Orihara." The other girl nodded. She donned a longsleeve with a stylised portrait of Lord Shirō facing towards a red sun – perhaps a sign of budding rivalry between the two friends over their favourite character? – and ripped jeans, also black like her friend's skirt.

"So, Usui… how did you come across so much Tomonami merch? I mean, it's more than I've ever seen anyone else own – and then there's the fact I always see your jackets with the limited edition pins on them and the ones on the bag – are they handmade, by the way? – and I mean the sword you have is just so impressive that I don't even know what to say…" She paused for breath. "I tend to carried away talking about him." Nagi blinked hard, slightly caught off guard by the stream of words that had spilled out of Kaga's mouth.

"I shan't blame you. It is hard not to get lost in the appeal of His Radiance. What I can say, however, is that–" A quick flurry of footsteps rang out behind Nagi and Fret dashed out from next to the pole, interrupting her.

"There you are! I'd been looking all over! I got the cash, obviously." Self-satisfaction was plastered all over his face.

"Oh…! Usui, is this your…?" Yuika and Marino stared almost in wonder at Fret, who had seemingly materialised from nowhere.

"'Sup. The name's Tosai Furesawa… but everyone just calls me 'Fret'." He put two hands together in that odd gesture he did whenever he said hello to someone – almost like he was saying a prayer. "I'm one of Nagirl here's BFFs or whatever."

"Oh!" Marino seemed uplifted at this last remark. "Nice to meet you. I'm Marino Orihara, and she's Yuika Kaga."

"Huh, Nagirl's never mentioned you two." Fret looked the two of them up and down, trying to place a name to face. "Nope, never seen you either. And I don't forget cute faces easily!" Nagi made a low grumbling noise, causing Fret to cast a guilty look to the floor. Old habits die hard, she guessed.

"Uh, ahem, it's always good to meet other EleStra fans too. And I'm good with any face, not just the cute ones." Fret laughed sheepishly.

"Are you quite sure you're not…?" Yuika looked at the two of them back and forth quickly, before shaking her head.

"We were just about to test our mettle on the machines that are stationed around the place – you are welcome to join us on our quest, if you feel so inclined."

"You're… quite verbose, Usui." Said Marino, looking overwhelmed.

"Oh, Lady Marino, there is no need for such formalities. So long as one has EleStra 'pon their device, even if they do not, first-name basis may apply in any scenario. If you are, of course, comfortable with that."

"L-Lady…?" She blushed slightly. "Yes, I'm very comfortable with that, thank you." Fret giggled behind her – he had once told her that "her quirks were charming 'cause they came from her,' which was one of the first truly genuine things he had said to her after they had left the game. She was now seeing what he meant.

"Very well. Lady Yuika! Lady Marino!" Nagi began.

"Lord Tosai!" Fret finished, raising his hand into a salute.

"Let us sally forth."

"So you've been here before, Nagi?" Yuika asked. Next to her Fret and Marino discussed the finer points of the mid-game, both expressing gratitude to their in-game seniors.

"Indeed. 'Tis a favourite haunt of mine within the walls of Shibuya."

"Oh, so you're here today for the event with the UFO Catchers then?" Orihara cut away from her conversation with Fret.

"Event? I am not aware of any event." Nagi put a finger to her chin and tried to think, but was drawing a blank.

"What!? I thought you had sworn allegiance to our Lord!" Yuika looked genuinely hurt. Fret stared wide-eyed, unaware of the true depth of the potent effect Lord Tomonami had upon women until this very moment.

"I-I have forsworn my allegiance, yes– halt a moment, it's EleStra related? And I didn't know?"

Nagi cast her head downwards. "Forgive meeeeeeeee…" She croaked.

"It was announced on Monday in your emails, didn't you see?" Marino produced her phone and presented the proof to Nagi.

"Stop… my black heart can only endure so much…!" She whimpered, then thought hard about the reason she wasn't checking her emails that day. A mocking voice echoed through her skull and a cold grip tightened around her throat. She quickly discarded that thought.

"L-Lord Tosaiiiii… why did you not inform me of this?" Fret panicked slightly when he saw Nagi's mournful gaze turn to him.

"Uh… I kinda rely on the in-game notifs most of the time. I keep my inbox squeaky-clean and promo-free!"

"…Hwegghhhhh…" Nagi let out a murmur of discontent.

"S-Sorry."

"Oh, um, it's alright, erm, Nagi – it takes place across a lot of arcades all across the country so don't feel too down…!" Marino's face looked pretty guilty, clearly not knowing this was a standard Nagi reaction.

"There's still a chance we will be blessed with the presence of our dark lord," Yuika added.

"Come on, boss, up you get." Fret tugged on Nagi's itabag to stop her from being hunched over and they continued onto the machine.

Fret saw the queue for the catcher before he saw the machine itself. It was quite long, as befitting the popularity of a game like EleStra, and he leant over and whispered to Marino, "Are you sure we're even gonna get a go on this thing?"

"I dunno, but they seem into it." She gestured towards Nagi and Yuika, already discussing strategy for how best to attack the conundrum of a game as rigged as this. Fret stood on his tiptoes and stared at the prizes on display – plushies very similar to that of the one on Nagi's bag, but orders of magnitude larger and each with a little accessory – Tomonami had his sword, Shirō his rosary and Hortensia her quill, as well as the other plushies carrying iconography relevant to their character.

"Yeah… bit too into it. Uh, no offence. I mean, I'm a fan but… I dunno, feels like some days I'm playing it just to keep Nagirl happy."

"Really? Normally people like EleStra cause of the experiences it gives you. I mean, it's dumb, but I started doing better in school after it taught me historical figures and concepts could be envisioned as super hot guys." Marino chuckled to herself. "Guess that's why you're not that into it, huh?" The queue moved forward slightly.

"Nah, that's not it. Might shock ya, but I am a part of that target demographic, at least a bit."

"Huh. Then, um, gameplay not really selling you on it…?" She tilted her head to look at him.

"Uh… not really, I guess."

"Then, and I'm nor trying to be rude so… just, sorry if I am but, uh, why're you still playing? Going to Efest, even?" Fret looked in front of him. Nagi and Yuika were in an intense debate about the applicability of exploiting elemental weaknesses in the endgame. She always looked so alive when talking about EleStra. Like these last few sleepless nights she'd been having had all just gone away. Fret wished he could forget that easily.

"I guess I already said it, didn't I? It's for Nagi. Keeps her off my back… but also, and don't tell her I said this, but I'm pretty sure it makes her happy too." Fret's tone was low now, but he couldn't tell why.

"You seem… pretty upset by that. Um, sorry, I know it's kinda intrusive of me to…"

"No, 's fine. I'm not upset, I'm just… there are people close to me that… aren't here anymore. And not to get all morbid or anything but I'm just worried that'll happen to someone else too. Like I'm cursed." They shuffled closer to the machine again.

"Oh. Um, I'm sorry."

"Don't be, seriously. I used to never be able to talk to strangers like this. Should be thanking you, actually. You're a good listener, Riri." Fret smiled.

"Riri?" She scoffed and laughed slightly.

"What? Usually it takes me less time than that to come up with a nickname!" He laughed too.

"Oh, God, I can see why she's your friend. Anyone else try nicknaming me and I'd slap 'em."

"Funny, my friend Rindo says I have a punchable face." They both snorted. "Oh, that reminds me, what's your friend code? I'll add you." Once again the queue moved slightly.

"Uh… have my number instead. I'll text you it that way." Marino took out her phone and let Fret input her number.

_15:02_

Fret: test

Riri: u rlly put tht as my

contct name huh

Fret: yup

"Gotta say, if you were trying to get my number, that was pretty smooth. Fret said, slipping his phone back inside his pocket.

"Oh, you noticed, huh?" Marino went slightly red. "If you, uh, already have someone, I'm really sorry, it's just…"

"Guys who play EleStra are normally unwashed nerds with no social skills looking to prey on younger women?" Marino gave him a blank stare.

"Yeah… in my experience, at least. According to Yui the ones at the events are alright."

"Nah, I get it. It's just…" Another forward shift in the line. "It'd take someone really, really special to get to that level with me right now. Not that you're not special, Riri, just that…" His voice lowered again.

"Hey, if it's gonna, um, upset you we don't have to…" She tried to cut him off.

"…I'd be putting my life in their hands. Kinda literally, haha…"

"Fret…" Marino couldn't bring herself to meet his gaze. Nagi and Yuika continued their discussion in front of him, beaming from ear to ear. He wished he could be happy like she was in that moment.

"Sorry for bringing down the mood. People don't really like depressing Tosai. They like the bubbly Fret who cracks jokes and can walk into a Justice Burger and get the cashier to like him, apparently.

Only… Only Nagi likes the depressing Tosai."

"I think that what you're going through is normal, Fret." Marino forced a smile, but her words felt genuine. She probably didn't want to make this guy she'd just met feel like the world was collapsing around him. "I went through a funk like this, sorta, once. Few years back. Lost all confidence in myself after my grades were falling – I was, um, the honour student, y'know? And then Yui came along." She looked almost wistful whilst staring at her friend. "And she… she can be loud as hell about Lord Tomonami, yeah, but she taught me some useful things about self-expression. She's super close to me, even though we only met a few years back. I think that… if Nagi's anything like that, and I, um, w-well I think she is – then stick with her. Cause when you've got someone like that by your side it helps the both of you." Her eyes flitted up and down Yuika's arms for the briefest of moments.

"Thanks, Riri. You've known me for like ten minutes and I've already dumped all this stuff on you. You must feel like you're getting a history lesson here or something."

"Fahaha, no, I told you before, it's okay. I'm used to it. Besides, I didn't have to imagine the lesson being given by a cute guy this time."

"You two! Steel yourselves – the fight begins!" Nagi directed them to the now empty front of the UFO catcher. A sign was taped onto it and, in big bold letters, displayed:

'Elegant Strategy' Catcher SP

100¥ PER PLAY

5 PLAYS PER PERSON ONLY

ANYONE FOUND ATTEMPTING TO TAMPER WITH, DAMAGE, OR OTHERWISE BRING HARM TO THE MACHINE WILL BE MET WITH EXPULSION FROM THE ARCADE.

THANK YOU!

– TAITO STATION, SHIBUYA STAFF

"Um… ominous much?" Fret said, falling on deaf ears. Beside him, a strategy meeting was already taking place.

"Five plays at one-hundred yen per… that means each of us get one chance at least – for this should above all be for entertainment – whilst one of us will step up to play a second attempt."

"How do you wanna decide that?" Yuika asked.

"Rock paper scissors?" Marino chimed in.

"Oh, no! Not again! Knowing the depths of my miserable luck I shall find myself at the end of a scorpion's tail once more…!"

"Uh, that's like… literally impossible, Nagirl."

"Is there some history here we should know about?" Yuika looked side-to-side at them.

"Nothing to worry about, Yuika-tan!" Fret said back.

"Yuika-tan? Wow, that is… lame, but… somehow I don't mind it."

"I know, right?" Marino nodded furiously.

"Wow, you guys really need to meet Rindo and tell him what's up, I really am not as punchable as he says."

"Rock paper scissors it is, everyone! Lets us hurry, I fear the people behind us are getting agitatedddd…!" Nagi stammered out quickly.

"Uh… alright! Everyone, arms out!" The four stuck their arms into the darkness in front of them and watched as they were bathed in the warm light of the UFO catcher. "Readyyy…!" Fret signalled.

"Rock! Paper! Scissors!" They all chanted in unison.

"Bam!"

"Hah!"

"Shoot!

"Now!" Looking at the results, it was a surprisingly quick, one round ordeal. Nagi, Fret and Marino had opted for paper. Yuika had gone with scissors.

"That was… mercifully quick." Everyone nodded in agreement. "Let us sally forth!"

The four stepped closer to the machine. It was a veritable sea of plushies, the Pacific Ocean of marketable anime boys.

"I'll go first, get a feel for things. We all fine if we agree to go with the Lord Tomonami one?" Yuika stepped up the console.

"Wait, who gets the prize?" Marino asked.

"Uh… let's say… me or you get him, we get to keep it and decide who it goes to, Nagi or Fret win and they do the same?"

"But… I wanted PluShirō…" Marino looked downtrodden. In fact, with her face slightly in the darkness of the arcade proper with only slight bursts of colour from other machines to illuminate it, while Yuka's face was gazing into the light of the catcher, it looked as if a dark cloud was literally hanging over her head.

"Uh… If I win I promise I'll buy you him from a reseller or something, Mari."

"So, Boss, if you win which plushie will you get–"

"I discussed the matter of merch with you three weeks ago and the response I got was 'Pfft, not really into that whole thing.' None. The answer is none."

"I kinda deserve that one…" Fret returned his attention to the machine, where Yuika was starting her first play.

The claw slowly moved its way over to the most prominent Tomonami. Yuika was in perfect form, concentrating to her utmost and leaving nothing to chance. Fret subconsciously leaned his head forward as she decisively lifted her finger from the main console. All that was left to now was pray. The claw was in prime position, its lithe, metallic fingers casting a shadow over the Lord. It descending with a low whir, causing the four present to hold their breath. It opened, blossoming like a steel flower, before swiftly clamping down on its prey. It had Tomonami in its grip – but would he stay there? That same low whir began. Tomonami was rising upwards now, but the claw was shaky, unstable, all too willing to release its quarry. The rhythmic swinging it made as it began to make its way to the pit that it would release its catch from… it reminded Fret of something. He began to feel anxious, though he could not quite place why. The more he stared, the more it grew. Like he was on the edge of a revelation. Before the epiphany could hit, however, disaster struck. From the grip of the silver beast flew Lord Tomonami, hitting the pile of his fellow brethren. The claw opened, but naught was released. Yuika had failed – for now.

She bowed to the machine.

"My apologies, my Lord. I shall return for you once more in a moment." She turned to face the other three. "Which one of you wants to have the next shot?"

"I will!" Fret stuck his hand in the air. Nagi and Marino nodded, with Nagi stepping up to the machine with him. The claw had not stopped swaying. It still filled him with unease. He rested his hands on the buttons, and…

"Lord Tosai, are you alright? Your hands are shaking. I noticed it earlier, but… would you rather I take your position?" Nagi whispered in his ear. Sure enough, his fingers quivered on the buttons.

"I could give you a line like 'Just shaking with anticipation at winning this for you!' or something but I feel really, really anxious right now and I don't know why. I'll talk with you about it later lemme just… y'know." He whispered back.

"Okay, okay. Just stay safe, Lord Tosai." Nagi stepped back and let Fret work his magic. Even through the shaky fingers he managed to align the claw very precisely over Tomonami's head. 'I'm just that good,' he thought, but did not mean. The claw whirred downwards again. It hovered for a moment, just a brief second… then quickly and harshly snapped shut, holding fast, the three points converging to choke Tomonami's neck. It rose again, whirred again. And swayed again. Tomonami's body and the claw swayed in tandem – and it really did look like a body, for it had him by his neck. And the claw, it looked like… suddenly Fret knew what he was being reminded of. Remembered why it made him so anxious, that swaying, cold motion. And in that moment, time stopped. Just briefly. Enough for images, so many of them, to enter his mind again. The same images that always greeted him on his lowest nights. The arms. The blood. The helplessness of it all. And in that stopped time, Fret began to sweat. The shaking of his fingers spread to his legs and he felt a sharp pain in his stomach. Tears welled in his eyes. Time resumed. And they began to flow.

The next few moments were a blur. Fret staggered back from the machine, dazed. He did not know where he was for a moment. Only that Nagi and two other girls – Yuika and Marino – were there too. He continued not knowing where he was as he ran away, breathing rapidly and intermittently. He looked for a door – an exit, a stairwell, anything – and crashed into one. Already disorientated, he fell upon the cold tiles of the floor and just lay there for a moment, sweating profusely and with immense pain in his stomach. He tried to rationalise where he was, but all his energy was focused on stopping himself from vomiting – ultimately, this endeavour failed. His eyes already were stinging with tears of misery. Now, lying there in a pool of his own vomit, tears of humiliation joined them. He balled his fists, not in anger, but just because he needed to know he was still in reality, and let out long, gasping, choking sobs. He felt no desire to get up, even as the warm vomit on the side of his face began to cool on the flooring beneath him. He was glad no-one was around to see him like this. He felt enough shame already. He thought the door creaking would bring him enough strength to clamber up from this position, but it didn't. He just wanted to lay there. Lay there and die. Maybe if he was lucky, he'd sob hard enough to re-swallow some of his own cold vomit and choke to death on it. The door slowly creaked shut. He still refused to get up.

"Tosai…?" Nagi tiptoed over to his side and got down on her knees.

"I thought those episodes ended a few months ago. Turns out I was wrong." He murmured. He'd stopped sobbing now, as if on command, and was speaking in a clear, but deadpan, tone. He saw Nagi extend an arm out of the corner of his eye – something she was normally loath to do.

"Please, get up. I… need you to get up." Fret thought about just staying there forever – but that would upset Nagi. He didn't want to trample on her feelings. He reached out to her and pressed his other arm against the floor, slowly rising.

"Thanks." He said, bleakly.

"Tosai…" Nagi stared at him for a second before smiling slightly. "We can talk now, if you want."

"I… don't think I can. You've probably heard it all before, anyway. I'm upset and I can't move on. You know this already." As he spoke, Nagi ran a paper towel under warm water.

"I know. But… we need not talk about the cause, or the past. We need only talk about the present."

She began rubbing the towel against his face, cleaning it.

"What… do you mean?" His voice began to regain a bit of its usual life.

"Well, talking about how you yourself are feeling at this moment, of course." Nagi threw the now filthy paper towel in a bin and got to work on dampening another. Fret hadn't noticed it before, but the aggressive fluorescent hum the lights were giving off, causing his ears to ring, had begun to subside. The white of the walls didn't feel so overpoweringly bright and sterile, either.

"Like – ow – like what?" Fret felt a tug at his hair as Nagi worked at getting all the vomit that had soaked in there out of it.

"Fret… I ask this question to myriad people all the time. It's highly effective at getting people to admit their true emotions. So…" she finished with his hair, throwing that paper towel away too, "Are you okay?"

It didn't even take a second for him to respond, breaking down in tears again.

"N-No. I've no-not been okay in years…! It's all so much – the thoughts th-that don't go away, the nightma-nightmares, how even the smallest thing can make it all… make it all… it all…" He felt his legs buckle underneath him. "Nagi…!"

"I'm here, Fret." She lowered herself down to his level. "Are you in need of…"

"Y-Yeah…" Fret wrapped his arms around her and immediately felt a bit more secure. He knelt there, in silence, just waiting for the sobbing to stop wracking his body.

"I-I think I have… something I need to show you." He said. His breath was shaky, and the occasional pained sob still escaped with it, but he felt much more grounded in Nagi's arms than anywhere else. Fret pulled away from the hug.

"This is just… 'cause I haven't shown anyone this, so… it might seem a bit weird at first, what I'm gonna do, but…"

"It's alright. It's alright." Fret nodded and reached down to the neck of his shirt, slowly pulling it downwards with shaking fingers to reveal part of his chest. What he wanted her to see was immediately obvious – white scars, remnants of lacerations he himself had made, tracing their way down his chest. Nagi looked at him with solemn eyes, but he felt at peace.

"I didn't want to do it to my arms or legs," he explained, "didn't want anyone to notice or cause a fuss. I thought that if I just kept my distance from people… then no-one would ever have to see. I thought about showing Rindo a while back… but I was just so… scared. But, uh, just then I decided that if anyone was gonna see 'em, it'd be on my terms." He pulled his shirt back up. Nagi looked almost stunned into silence.

"It's alright, Nagi. You don't have to say anything." Silence still. "I mean it. You wanna… head back inside? I'm gonna clean up my mess. It'd be a dick move to leave that lying around." Nagi awkwardly stood up. She shook her head.

"In my many years of communicating with others, none have been so forthwith like that. My apologies for the silence – I truly am thankful you think so highly of me, however. Please, if anything, understand that. And… you're doing great, Tosai. You're… really proceeding down a better path than I ever could've envisioned."

"Heh. Naturally. Go tell the other two I'll be back in a moment – oh, but… don't tell them like, everything everything. I don't think I'm ready to be that upfront yet."

"It's quite alright. I simply asked you to communicate in earnest. So far, you are showing willingness to do so. I do not ask you divulge all your secrets to strangers. Or to me, for that matter." Nagi shot him a thumbs up. "Be seeing you."

"In a bit, Nagi." Fret gave her a thumbs up back. He walked over to the paper towel dispenser and thought for a while. One of the last things she'd said… about how he didn't have to tell her all his secrets. He found himself thinking it wouldn't be so bad if she knew all that. In fact, he kind of… wanted it? He scoffed, the noise echoing around the room. The blush on his face was probably from the embarrassment that came with thinking like that. That was all.

That was all.