"I can't help but feel that, even if we're doing the right thing, the way we're going about it – the people we're using to achieve this – is all wrong. But what do I know? I don't run this city."
13: The Outsider
"Oh, you're back!" Yuika saw Fret approach first. He could only guess he how must've looked – most likely pale, sickly and enervated – but prayed that the dark of the place would make him seem natural. Despite feeling like he'd mostly recovered, there was still a dull, slow throbbing his head. His heart was the opposite. The epiphany he'd come to in the bathroom still felt like a by-product of the overwhelming nausea and odd atmosphere of the sterile room he was in. He wasn't sure if he'd get over it, he wasn't even sure was it was but when Nagi turned away from conversing with the pair to give him a reassuring smile he knew that it caused him to go flush and feel even more light-headed. In all likelihood, it was romantic attraction. Of course he knew that. But… his heart had lied to him before, as with Neku and Rindo. But was that really lying, per se? He undeniably had feelings – no matter how fleeting they were – for his two friends. But when he thought of them, a sense of warmth, like a weak wave crashing over his feet on the surf during a warm summer's evening, always washed over him before the butterflies came to nest in his stomach. With Rindo the butterflies had since died off. With Neku they were still there, but retreated every time he came to the fore of his mind. They were a fire, burning slowly, but extinguishing eventually. Nagi was different. Nagi was an inferno, one that had only quite recently enveloped him, but one that perhaps had burned far stronger and for far longer than he had realised.
But these feelings didn't bring him warmth, or comfort. They were bittersweet. An incendiary mix of excitement and happiness, but at the same time guilt, fear, shame. It wasn't the ideal love EleStra portrayed – there was no affection meter, no events, no love-boosting items he could buy for only 500 yen, just a powder keg of emotions within him with a fuse that was always lit. In a way, he wished he could go back to fifteen minutes prior before he was struck with the true intensity of the depths of his emotions. As he walked back towards the group, he couldn't help but feel like either side of his emotions were a sham. He feared that the deep, friendly bond he'd cultivated with Nagi over the past few weeks was all just a lie, a front to get close to her. He'd never really actually believed in being her friend and she was just another person to chase after to fill a void in his life; it had just taken a long while to realise it. Similarly, he feared that these romantic feelings were also lies, just a way of rationalising both his appreciation for all Nagi had done for him and, as with Neku and Rindo before him, a short yet powerful burst of emotion to someone who wished to see him carry on living. These two feelings warred within him now and he was scared they were going to jeopardise their actual friendship. He thought that maybe he loved Nagi, yes, but he knew he definitely didn't want to lose her. Last night he had made a promise to speak his mind, to make sure that he'd make things better for the both of them with his honest feelings if issues ever arose internally or externally. But… how could he speak if mind if his mind wasn't made up, if he didn't know where it lay in relation to his feelings. Nagi approached him. He froze for a second.
"Lord Tosai, I am quite unsure if you're aware of it yourself but you seem to be crying again." She said.
Of course he was. He brushed the tears away.
"Ah, sorry everyone. Not my finest moments." He laughed dryly.
"It's alright, seriously." Marino assured him.
"Nah, you guys like, barely know me. Can only imagine how awkward it must feel." The fact that no-one, not even Nagi, could meet his gaze confirmed it was indeed awkward.
"It's… alright to be vulnerable in front of people, even if it is a bit awkward, y'know?" Marino spoke quickly, dispelling the tense silence.
"Yeah! I mean, vulnerable guys and girls are in vogue right now. Lord Tomonami–" Yuika began.
"Don't comfort him with a Lord Tomonami metaphor!" Marino interjected.
"Oh come on, you didn't even let me finish!" The two began bickering.
"They remind me of you and Lord Rindo, sometimes." Nagi whispered. "Regardless, I am always here for you should the need arise. And arise it appears it has."
"Thanks, boss. And if you mean the whole… crying bit? That was just the aftershock… I think. Pretty overwhelming in there."
"'Twould seem that way, indeed." Fret was glad she was either unknowing or unwilling to push things further. It seemed Yuika and Marino had calmed down now, too.
"Oh, before I forget." Marino passed Fret a bag of coins. "You dropped these. Dunno if we'll be spending much more time here, but… thought you should have 'em." Fret took the bag from her hands and noticed something in her other.
"Oh, you won the Tomonami!" Indeed, 'His Radiance' was currently being suspended by his stumpy right leg in Marino's hand.
"Mm-hm. Got lucky." She swung him around like a pendulum, causing Nagi and Yuika to go pale – this was likely sacrilege to them.
"Um… Mari, could you…"
"I know, I promised I'd give you it Yui, but let me have this little win for just a few hours at least." Yuika was close to tears at this proposition. Fret could almost see an animal-like hunger in her eyes. He looked to Nagi and saw that same look.
'Man, I wish I was Tomonami,' he thought, before mentally slapping that thought out of his brain.
"Soooo… any plans? We've barely spent an hour in here and I'm kinda interested in seeing what else is in here."
"Uh… are you sure you'll be alright?" Yuika asked him as they moved away from the area around the catchers and towards the more traditional machines.
"'Course. Besides, it's either that or come home with a bag of hundred-yen coins and I know I definitely don't want that."
"Well then, shall we decide what cabinets we shall visit?"
"Ooh! I know! We gotta have a go on one of those retro horror cabinet things! They mentioned it online – something about not being able to get rid of them after last Halloween." Fret looked around for one nearby to no avail.
"But I thought you despised horror games?"
"Oh, I do, I just think it'll be funny seeing everyone else lose their nerve over them." Fret chuckled.
"I ask for honesty, not sadism…" Nagi grumbled.
"Um… I mean, I kinda like horror stuff, so…" Marino said.
"Mari, no! Get them to agree on like, a Taiko machine or DDR!" Yuika put her hand over her friend's mouth to stop her from continuing any further.
"Ah, we can do that afterwards, I think Fret's onto something."
"I have no opinions either way." Nagi said.
"You three are just… the worst." Yuika hung her said, relenting to the idea of playing a horror game – even if it was likely to be an old, pixelated affair.
"I'm hot, so I can get away with it." Fret joked.
After searching for a few minutes, the group stumbled across what they were looking for.
"Innsmouth no Yakata, huh…" Fret stared at the machine, raising an eyebrow. It looked very incongruous compared to the rest of the machines around it – but it was clearly a horror game. A pair of glasses hung from a cord on the main console, near where the joystick was. On top of the cabinet – next to the game's title – these things were referred to as 'required use'. The machine itself was… odd. A mixture of red, black and nothing else – which really made it stand out in the sea of brightly coloured machines that rested all along the walls. The artwork plastered on the sides of the cabinet was of a crooked old house, with various monstrosities of near impossible description – aside from their insane amount of eyes, tentacle-limbs and other such inhuman architecture – flanking up and around it.
"You ever seen this one before, Nagirl? Or has it got a spoo-oo-oooky backstory I should know about?"
"Hm… last I was here it was part of the various offerings on display, though it was never one I partook in." Nagi moved over to the cabinet and tapped the joystick around slightly.
"We playing this one?" Yuika asked.
"Looks like from the demo you make your way through an increasingly complex and difficult series of pseudo-3D rooms." Nagi murmured.
"What're the glasses for?" Marino leant over and asked Fret, who simply shrugged in response.
"Hello? You guys hear me?" Yuika sounded more upset than annoyed.
"Oh! Yeah, I say we do this one." Fret responded quickly, feeling a bit guilty.
"Very well." Nagi stared at the glasses. "I pray they have been disinfected…"
"Who wants to go first?" Fret asked.
"I'm good to go, unless either of you are offering?" Marino looked at Fret and Nagi. Yuika had sunk into the background. The other two shook their heads.
"Well, guess I'm first up then." She approached the cabinet.
Innsmouth no Yakata was an… odd game. That was all Nagi could think as she watched Marino traipse her way through it. It was entirely black and red and the image on the front looked blurry in the same way certain films did when you didn't have the appropriate eyewear – she hazarded a guess that meant it incorporated three-dimensional elements. The gameplay itself reminded her of Phantasy Star with its first person view, though with the calibre of enemies being faced (as indecipherable looks-wise as those on the cabinet exterior), it was definitely more Shin Megami Tensei. Fret was currently at the console next to Marino, serving as her hype-man in essence. He cheered whenever she landed a shot or cleared a floor – a stark contrast to how he was just moments before… but not one that felt too off. He was always like this, even with strangers. Nagi was glad. In a way, she saw a bit of herself in him, a part that wasn't shattered or fragile, but a mutual point for bonding. She knew how hard it was to acclimate to others sometimes, but Fret was always good at it – and now he was willing to go further than just keeping them at arm's length. Nagi kept a close eye on the two, trying to analyse the blurry screen for when it was her turn. Marino would always jolt a little whenever one of the creatures passed in front of her in the hallway and she could see how frantically she moved the stick whenever one began running behind her. After about 5 minutes, she succumbed.
"Ugh…" Marino took off the glasses and blinked for a while, clearly trying to stop the world from spinning.
"Tough score to beat, Boss – 13 rooms." Fret told her as she approached the cabinet and he slotted in two-hundred Yen.
"Wow, the 3D on that game is just awful. Fret, seriously, don't touch it, you'll throw up again." Marino propped herself against the cabinet next to them and gestured for Yuika to hand her a drink.
"How'd you know I threw up to begin with?"
"Uh… kinda obvious." She threw her head back and drank.
"Oh. Right. Haha." Fret went a bit red. "Guess if it hits Boss hard too, then I'll give it a miss." Nagi grabbed that odd pair of glasses and fumbled for a while getting them over her own. When she finally did, the word took on a nauseating red tint.
"Ew." She said, pressing start on the menu. Sure enough there was a stereoscopic 3D effect in the game, which was much more clear now they were on. And actually kind of creepy. At first getting used to the aim with the joystick and first-person movement was awkward, but nothing she couldn't deal with. In fact, she got in the zone pretty quick. Noticeably, Fret was a bit more subdued with her at the controls compared to Marino – she wondered if perhaps that comment about him vomiting earlier threw him off.
"Hmph. They have the nerve to call this a 'horror' game? Pathetic." She chuckled to herself, reaching the tenth floor.
"Go Boss!" Fret said from behind her. By now, Marino had taken the side next to her and was watching intently.
"Huh, you're pretty good at this. Pretty unshakeable too. Saw Fret jump a few times even with the blurry screen." She said.
"Wh– I…! Yeah, I did…" He sighed and hung his head. Truth be told, Fret's low tolerance for spooky stuff had been well-documented.
A while back Rindo had invited both she and Fret out for a horror movie night at his place – a gesture Nagi greatly appreciated, considering how his life had begun to heavily involve Shoka following the Game. Though no matter how much she had appreciated it, she distinctly remembered the gleam in Fret's eyes when he arrived – fashionably late, mind you – excited to spend the night with his "two BFFs". She mused on the fact that, for a while there, she never had anyone like Rindo as Fret did. In a way, it left her in a state of melancholy – that she was able to communicate so well with others, but had not managed a bond like they had, but on the other hand now she had someone like Rindo… it felt worth the wait. Yes, he truly was worth the wait. She remembered how, when she and Rindo would jump, he would freak out and grab the arm of Rindo's couch. Rindo begged him to not claw it up like a cat. As they sat there in the dark, the world began to feel very small and very kind. Armageddon could've erupted outside but the three of them were at peace – or as at peace one could be when watching horror flicks. When she had to return the dorm alone that night, for the first time in a while there was something missing. Even if Fret had nearly had a heart attack, it was the best night she'd had in a while. For a long while she had preached about friendship, amicable relations, good communication… but when she had experienced it herself so deeply, it was so fulfilling it left her wounded when it came to a close.
She snapped out of her trance, focusing once more on the game. Floor 14. Her internal musings alongside this dizzying 3D effect had caused her body to remind herself how tired she was. Her eyes began to sink but she was in such a trance now, she was worried letting out a yawn would break the concentration. Floor 15. She blasted her way through another indecipherable abomination, pushing forward, determined to go as far as she could even through this sudden wave of tiredness. Her eyes sunk. Another monster approached her, its eyes closed. She moved the stick to fire at it. It opened its eyes. They were hers.
She staggered backwards, the glasses from the cabinet falling off her face.
"Nagi?" Fret looked at her.
"Ooh, something finally gotcha!" Marino laughed. "Weird, you'd seen that one so many times, I guess you weren't expecting it."
"Wait, it isn't over yet!" Nagi went to grab the glasses but her felt her arm freeze. A few moments later she heard the machine let out its Game Over dirge.
"Oof. Bit rough, but the dizziness of those glasses give you would've been bound to catch anyone out." Marino moved them back onto their proper position. "Anyway, Fret, you playing next round or…?"
"Nah…" Nagi realised Fret's eye were boring into her. He knew something was off, something even the other two didn't seem to catch. "I'm pretty sure I'd throw up. And it's not fair on Yuika-tan, anyway!"
"So what you're saying is… DDR time?" Yuika suddenly seemed very excited.
"Exactamundo!" Fret responded.
"Yes! C'mon, Mari!" Yuika grabbed her friend's arm, pulling her from the cabinet. Nagi and Fret followed in close pursuit, but Fret began to speak to her as they made their way there.
"Nagi, something happened back there, didn't it?" Fret's tone was low, but warm.
"Yes. I'm… surprised you could tell."
"Well, for a second there you seemed pretty out of breath. And there was nothing behind your eyes."
"O-Oh…" Nagi didn't even know what to say. She was glad he caught it and even more glad he was willing to ask about it but… how would she explain this? Could she explain it, or would the words catch in her throat like they always did?
"Do you wanna… talk about it? Later, 'course." Fret grinned at her.
"Yes, I would very much like that indeed." She smiled back in earnest. It threw Fret off guard for a second – was he not used to having his requests to help others accepted this way?
"Well, for now, the dance floor awaits! Let us embark!" Fret said in his most eye-roll worthy Nagi impression, rushing ahead to catch the other two.
Yuika had very good reason to be excited about playing DDR. She was superhumanly good at it. Beat was the best of the Twisters when it came to footwork like this, with Neku and Fret trailing close second. Nagi was confident that even he would have trouble keeping up with her as she stepped in perfect unison to the beat. Nagi and Marino were humiliated. Even Fret, who stood even the slightest fighting chance, was thoroughly beaten.
"Man… what the hell are you?" He asked, as they made their way to the next machine.
"Hm? I was a little off my game today, sorry." She responded, completely oblivious to the fact she had reached dancing godhood.
"She's always completely unaware how good she is at that – she just finds it really fun. And it is. When you're not trailing ten thousand points…" Marino said, half admiring her friend and half exasperated.
The next machine was mostly the same. Yuika noticeably hadn't reached apotheosis with Taiko no Tatsujin yet, but she was pretty damn close. Only Marino this time could hold her own and eventually Fret and Nagi watched as they played in tandem on two adjacent machines, hitting their taiko drums in perfect unison, waiting for the other to make a mistake. It was like a sword fight – right now, their blades were crossed, but the one to make the slightest mistake would surely be overpowered and be skewered. Near the end of the song, it happened. Marino hit off time and the victor was once again Yuika. But this spell of dominance was soon put to end – a successive streak of Space Harrier, then Xevious and finally Outrun cemented Nagi as all but untouchable when it came to all but rhythm games. Taking her foot off the pedal a solid three million points ahead of her competition, she dusted her gloved hands as the other three looked on in amazement.
"Well, I got completely blown out of the water today." Fret said as they left the building. The sun appeared to just be beginning to set as the sky took on a mellow red tinge. "But… the good kind of getting blown the hell out."
"You might wanna change your phrasing there, Fret." Marino told him.
"Do I? Nahhh." Fret huffed and looked the sky. "Still kinda chilly out. …Nice evening, though. Mainly 'cause of you guys…"
"Oh-ho, what was that end bit I just heard? Sounded kinda sappy." Yuika teased.
"Pfft, totally not. You didn't hear anything."
"His evaluation is correct. Evenings such as these are nicer with friends, wouldn't you say?" The two other girls let out vague noises of agreement. For a while they all just stood there, watching the street, hearing the wind whip through the city around them. Were they just getting used to being back in the light after being in that dark arcade so long? Or did they not want this moment to end? Nagi knew what her answer was. Here, on this street, with this sky, with these three… was peace. The first spell of it she had truly known since the nightmares began. She felt a finger brush at her right eye and turned to face Marino, smiling at her. She realised what she had brushed away was a tear. They didn't say anything to each other. To simply know the moment had happened was thanks enough.
"So, you guys going anywhere after this, or…?" Fret seemed intent on continuing the festivities, as it were.
"Actually, Marino's family invited me round for dinner. We have to be there in an hour and a half and… well, you know how bad the buses here can be." Fret's eyes showed disappointment, but his smile showed understanding.
"So I can assume this means goodbye, for the time being?" Nagi asked them, feeling slightly disappointed.
"Yeah, sorry." Yuika sighed. "Oh, but Marino sent me your FC!"
"Hm? How did she come about that?"
"Oh, I gave it her." Fret said.
"Well, you will be welcomed onto my friends list posthaste. You may join our alliance, if you so wish."
"It's got, like, the world's best and world's hottest players in it!" Fret went in for the hard sell.
"Pahahah, thanks but no thanks. Yui's alliance is already home for us."
"Yep. Top 50 in Japan – pretty major, if you ask me." Yuika beamed with pride, finding it hard not to gloat. Nagi understood. A position as prestigious as that was hard fought for.
"Well, it seems this is war. On both sides, a disciple of the most wretched Lord Tomonami and their dashing understudies!"
"You hear that Marino, we're 'dashing'!"
"Haha, you're on! See you guys at EFest!" The two girls turned to leave.
"Good luck on your travels!" Nagi called out them.
"See ya, Yuika-tan! See ya, Riri!" Fret waved.
"Bye Nagi! Text you later, Fret!" Nagi and Fret watched until they had turned the corner and were out of sight before going to leave for home themselves.
"Man, been a while since I've felt so close to people so quickly! Kinda… invigorating!"
"That's excellent news, Lord Tosai. Now I think you see what I mean when I say how EleStra brings people together."
"Yeah…" Fret grinned. "Thanks, Boss. For deciding you wanted to continue on today. Even after I… you know… twice."
"Please, don't thank me. Your resilience brought you to this point. You're just hurting, Tosai. It would be nice to see that hurt stop together, would it not?" Fret was silent for a while. Only wind was audible.
"Y-Yeah… I want that. God… I really, really want that." Nagi smiled. He truly, truly was worth the wait.
20+ unread messages. Oops. Guess that's what he got for spending so long absorbed in the arcade machines. Fret scurried to open his message app and see what the fuss was about.
_15:15_
Mother: I'm glad you're
spending so much time
with these friends of
yours :)
_17:53_
Tosai: Yep
I'm with Nagi rn
Say hi
Fret quickly snapped another picture of the two walking.
"Augh, again?" Nagi grimaced.
"Heh, all worth it to see that look on your face!" Fret laughed.
_17:54_
Mother: Oh wow
Hi Nagi :)
Tell her I said hi won't
you?
"Nagi, my mother says hi!" Fret gave his best annoying smirk.
"Ugh. I would be rude, but it isn't you, so I request you send my warmest greetings." Nagi was currently absorbed in a round of EleStra grinding, which for her was pretty much the same thing as breathing oxygen at this point, allowing her to focus both on that and continuing her walk-and-talk.
_17:54_
Tosai: She sends her
'warmest greetings'
Idk why she phrased it
like that winter isnt for
another 4 months
Mother: Haha she sounds
lovely
You can tell me more when
you get home
Tosai: Oh
about that
I'm gonna be round
hers again tonight because
well mainly cause this
visitors pass lasts that long
Mother: That's fine, please
don't worry
Fret: Okay
Thanks mother
Fret went to answer his other messages, but something stopped him. He decided he'd send one more.
_17:55_
Tosai: Love you
He still felt bad about leaving his mother at home alone again. Sure, he was annoyed that she barely ever came back most nights – but it was due to her job and now she was actually home… He decided he didn't want to think about it much more and opened another message thread – apart from the Twisters' chat, there was a new one open. It was simply titled 'Beat Bito, Rindo Kanade, Tosai Furesawa' meaning it was created recently. There were 4 messages in it, from an hour earlier. He entered the chat, curious to see what was going on.
Nagi kept her eyes focused on the grinding screen in front of her and not on the street behind her. She'd had this weird feeling for a while now – despite the crowds in the streets of Shibuya, there was this ever-present feeling of being watched. Not followed. Just… watched. Like no matter what group of people they walked past, or what corner they turned to approach the station, there was some all-seeing eye monitoring them. Fret either didn't seem to notice or was incredible at hiding it. Did that mean it was only watching her? Images of her eyes watching her flashed into her mind and she shuddered. It would be for the best if they made it to the station ASAP.
_16:48_
Beat: yo u two
can i talk bout somethin
Rindude: yh sure beat wht is
it?
Beat: uhhhh wait til fret
responds actually
_17:56_
Fret: ah shit sorry you two
Beat: nah its cool man
wassup
Fret: Ah nothin much, just
went out to an arcade with
Boss
Met some nice people there
What's this all about
anway?
Rindude: yh is smthn up
beat?
Beat: sorta
dotn wanna get neku
wtapped up in it
thats why hes not in the
chat rn and
well you two are guys
i can come to
Rindo: what about nagi
or shiki
or shoka
Beat: cant tell shiki
could get neku involved
pinnys great and all but
just scared about her
and kittygirl
well im more scared
of her not for her
Fret: Oh
Well boss'd lend an
ear anytime I'm sure
it's not just dudes who
can sort out each others
problems
Fret looked up from his phone. They were just a few more minutes away from the station, but Nagi looked antsy. He wondered why – he had planned to talk to her about what had happened on the train back to her dorm and this was just another thing to add to that list.
_17:58_
Beat: yh i know
Rindo: so whts it u
wanna talk about?
Beat: uhhh
so have you guys ever
been in a thing where
you feel like you cant
escape?
Fret: Sorry if this is a bit
rude but is this like
about your parents and
rhyme's scholarship?
Beat: i mean sorta
Fret: 'sorta'?
Beat: look nvm yo
Fret: Nah nah nah
Hold on a sec
I have yeah
Fret looked at his phone, puzzled. What was Beat talking about? He knew the situation with his parents was rocky but a 'thing you can't escape' from? Just how dictatorial were his parents?
_18:00_
Beat: ok cool
howd you get out of it
Fret: Uh
honest answer?
It wasnt all me
you guys, mostly, but
nagi in particular
also rindude are you there?
You keep reading these
but not responding
Beat: huh
right
Rindude: im so sorry fuck
Fret: Something the
matter with you too man?
Rindude: nah my phone
just ran dry
its cool now
Beat: just fnid someone
huh
but yeah beat seriously
if you feel trapped try
finding someone wholl
get u out of that situation
Fret looked up from his phone. They were at the station.
"Let us make haste with boarding our train, Lord Tosai!" Nagi quickened her pace and nearly dashed ahead of him. He wanted to cry out and ask what was wrong but quickly decided first things first, Beat's questions needed to be answered.
_18:02_
Beat: and wht if i cant
get out i mean
Fret: um
that's really hard to
answer
Beat: yeah ik sorry
Fret: Nah it's cool
I'd say just do what the
Beat I know does best
and keep fighting
against it until the end
You dont let anything
get in your way man
So dont let this
Rindude: yeah man
beat i know wouldnt
let anything slow him
down
Beat: yeah ik
its really hard to do
that this time but
im gonna try
thanks u two
Rindude: np beat!
Fret: go get em man!
Fret was slightly concerned for his friend. Nothing could take the fire out of Beat, but here he was, seemingly extinguished in the texts he'd just sent. But Beat was probably the most resilient guy Fret knew – he'd find his fire. If not now, then sometime soon. And God help whatever issue faced a fired-up Beat. But… for now, there was someone else to attend to. And, stepping onto the train and finding his seat in the semi-calm of its carriages, he hoped that he could pay her back for the way she had helped him through the struggles of that day. How he loved her so.