"Alone again, huh? …Man, only having these little promise-breakers for company is rough. Don't give me a papercut now, haha! Can almost hear the words of this one running through my head. Ah well. Never was much good at observing."
Part 15: Pillowtalk
The warm familiarity of her dorm room hit Nagi almost immediately upon walking in. Coming home to it was always nice, as being surrounded by the creature comforts of inhuman amounts of Tomonami merchandise instilled within her a certain inner peace.
"Whoa, there's a mini Tomonami on this coat hook! How ya doing, little guy?" Fret, however, did not. Okay, that was being slightly unfair to him. His presence in particular had morphed into something entirely new for a light-dweller, one so close to her darkness as to be called orbital. Yet seeing him now, flicking the small keychain Tomonami she kept as a permanent fixture on the hook attached to her door like he was some sort of curious cat, she couldn't deny this sort of endearing annoyingness that permeated everything he did. It was disruptive… but in a good way. All he seemed to do was disrupt. Disrupt her thoughts about light and dark, disrupt her quiet moments, disrupt how she viewed herself… all for the better, she found herself thinking. Lord Tomonami found joy in disruptive, dark chaos (the cool make-you-weak-at-the-knees kind, not the slaughter-innocent-civilians kind) but it seemed Fret found joy in disruptive, light chaos (the cool make-you-think-more-about-yourself kind not the Shin-Megami-Tensei-II-chaos-ending kind).
"So, Boss, what's for dinner? I'm starving after spewing my guts all over the arcade bathroom." Fret looked at her expectantly.
"I fail to see how you can be so nonchalant– never mind, I have two packets of instant ramen."
"Ooo, classy! Is the flavouring Lord Tomonami themed too?"
"Who on earth has ever heard of Lord Tomonami themed ramen flavouring?" Nagi thought back to all the merch she had collected… surely this was a joke, right? She'd have to look it up later. Never in a million years would she miss out on the chance to savour the flavour of His Radiance.
"Well," Fret sat down on his Futon and yawned. "Until yesterday, I hadn't heard of Lord Tomonami shampoo and bodywash."
"…you were looking at my bathing products?" Nagi gave him a blank stare.
"Maybe? They're right there on the shelf, don't look at me! I didn't use them, I swear!" Nagi just sighed as Fret moved backwards from her out of what seemed to be actual fear.
"I'll be right back with the food." She gently closed the door behind her and made her way to the kitchen.
As soon as Nagi left, Fret felt his phone buzz and quickly patted his pockets, frantically trying to find it. Eventually he did – one text, from Rindo.
_18:54_
Rindude: hey Fret just
wanted to make sure
ur still down 4
tomorrow
Fret: Oh that thing at
somedrinks? Shit man
yeah I am
It was 12.30 right?
Rindude: yep
surprised you remembered
tbh
u normally dont retain
anything for long
Fret: Dude
Im the remind guy now
Rindude: actually its
probably only cuz i
asked u 5 days ago
Fret: Are you gonna be
replacing Nagirl as
my full-time bully?
Rindo: and here i
thought u liked being
bullied by her
This last remark caused Fret to go ever-so slightly red. He lay down completely flat on the futon and prayed Nagi wouldn't walk in.
_18:55_
Fret: Anyway
crazy to think this is gonna
be the first time we've met
up as just us two since like
a month after the game ended
Rindude: rlly not been that
long when u put it that way
man
Fret: Yeah
But like
idk we just used to do it all
the time
now it kinda feels like it
never happens and
its like
huh
how did that happen
Rindude: yeah u
have a point actually
Fret: see? SEE
Rindude: ack sorry man
i gtg for a bit
Fret: Oh
See you in a bit then
Rindude
Nagi stood in the kitchen and stared out the window as the pot beside her boiled. The interior of the room was largely modern – clean white walls, black-and-white (sometimes mosaic) tiles where it mattered and grey marble/wood surfacetops for most of the room – but it was not the interior that captured Nagi's attention. No, for as pristine as the black metal of the oven-slash-stovetop was, the blackness of the night was infinitely more clean, smooth and polished. Tokyo was a large city – a metropolitan area where one could never truly escape the skyline. But here, just for a while, the loud and sometimes overwhelming nature of the city could be forgotten in lieu of staring, quite literally, into space. It was one of the comforts of dormitory living that Nagi oft indulged in, especially like now when nobody was around. But, alas, though the stars were silent, the pot had come to a boil.
Nagi stepped back into the room with two piping-hot bowls of beef-flavoured ramen. It was simple, perhaps too simple, but eating nary but the noodles and the broth they lay in would probably appeal to Fret's… out there tastes. Not that she could say much. She was pretty sure she still had leftover alligator in her freezer. Fret grabbed the second pair of chopsticks and sat upon the desk in much the same way he had the night prior.
"Thanks for the meal, Nagirl!" He said, beginning to wrap his first portion of noodles around his utensil.
"I only ask that you judge me upon the basis this is instant ramen…" She said, taking a slurp herself. It wasn't too bad, though she knew this from the myriad times she had eaten it before. There always was just that overwhelming salty taste the broth left at the back of your throat, however. "Do not deign to compare it to the likes of Suzu's cooking."
"I wouldn't… maybe." Fret gave his best playful grin. "Ah, I'm sure this is the most made-with-love instant ramen ever."
"I hastily dropped it in a pot to boil for over two minutes the recommended time period. There is no love here." Nagi responded, bluntly.
"Wow, for the biggest fantasy RPG geek I know you sure enjoy taking the magic out of things, huh?" Fret laughed.
"I simply request you realise my skills when the time comes."
"Wait, you can cook? Like, cook well?" Fret looked shocked.
"You seem surprised. I simply do not find the time, nor the energy, to create the meals I am capable of preparing."
"Huh… Well, I'm only a couple of years younger than you and I have two left thumbs when it comes to making anything appetising." Fret took a monstrous amount of ramen into his mouth and tilted his head upwards to let it slide down his throat.
"I did not choose to hone this skill." Nagi said, without a trace of emotion.
"What d'you mean by that?" Fret raised an eyebrow.
"My parents often were never home when I was a child. In my adolescence, they began to return home earlier – yet I had already become proficient at cooking by then." Nagi felt she should be saddened by this, but didn't feel any disturbance in either her voice or her mind – though she thought for certain it should be there.
"Man… even if they can't help it, parents sure do some shitty things to their own kids, huh?"
"Truly." They continued eating the rest of their meal in silence.
"Man, there extra-heavy air conditioning on in here or something?" Fret had put his bowl down and was waiting on Nagi to finish her meal.
"I am almost certain it was on a regular level last I adjusted it." Nagi looked up from her bowl to see Fret's fingertips trembling slightly.
"N-Nevermind." He said, the chattering of his teeth audible. "It's definitely not the ramen." He quickly jumped off the desk and began frantically searching the area around his futon before pocketing a white slip of paper.
"Ugh, man," He finished, turning back to look at a confused Nagi. "That's that done with."
"Lord Tosai… what on earth just happened?"
"Uh… I'll tell you about it later." He gave a look of complete sincerity and continued, "Which way's the kitchen,? I'll clear up."
"V-Very well." Nagi could tell from his voice that this wasn't simply him avoiding the question. "There's a sign just above a door when you turn right down this room. Continue on down the hallway," She instructed as he stacked the bowls together and made for the door. "You can't miss it."
"Thanks Boss, be right back!" He stepped out of the room and Nagi sighed, trying to understand what had just gone on. It all seemed so sudden and unexplainable that after even just a few seconds she gave up. It was time she got washed anyway.
Nagi slumped down on the floor of the shower and leaned against the wall. There was a small amount of back pain – she couldn't ever quite keep good posture outside of the classroom – she felt the warm water run down her body and breathed in the steam, feeling completely relaxed. Sometimes she liked to imagine Lord Tomonami standing guard outside her bathroom door whenever she showered like this. It made her feel more secure. "Let your aroma baptise me, Your Radiance…" She said aloud, as she began washing the suds out of her hair. Maybe Fret could stand to try this – it really did smell heavenly. She opened her eyes and observed her body. Most of her skin was bathed in a slightly more natural colour now, a comforting thought for the while it lasted. She always closed her eyes when she first got in the shower, especially following what had happened to her as a child. Whenever she thought about her childhood a dull throbbing entered her skull and she began to feel as if a dark haze descended upon her mind. She tried to avoid those thoughts most of the time and focus on her improved self in the now – but some scars remained. She wondered if Fret always felt that way, too, whenever he had to perceive himself like this. Did he feel revulsion at his scars like she did her skin? For the briefest of instants anger ran through her veins and she wondered if it was possible to drown oneself in a shower. Immediately, the anger subsided and gave way to a hollow, empty feeling. Whatever the case was, thinking this way would be bound to further spiral her into another abyss from which she could not escape. She quickly turned the water off and went to dry herself.
"Oh, hey Nagirl! Was getting worried you'd disappeared on me." Fret was sat on his futon, idling away on EleStra. Nagi quickly went about the remainder of her nightly routine whilst complaining about the latest spate of buffs and nerfs to characters Fret was using, alongside an in-depth lecture on the genius of the dating sim mechanics weaved into EleStra.
"So, we've got some time to kill before it's time to hit the hay… any ideas?"
"Hm… I usually do it alone but…" Nagi spun round in her chair and faced the monitor, typing rapidly into the search bar. "We shall engage in mockery of vapid EleStra tier-list videos!"
Fret hopped up from his bedding and stared over her shoulder.
"This your cruel streak manifesting, Nagirl?"
"Mwahaha… it is indeed! Of course, I hold nought against the individuals involved. I merely derive enjoyment on correcting their lack of EleStra knowledge. Not cruelly, of course, though what escapes my mouth when seeing blatant lies about certain aspects of this franchise cannot be used against me as an indictment of my character."
"I'll try not to be an EleStra community narc, then." Fret said. "You got a chair I can sit on."
"Unless you wish to situate yourself upon my lap, you will have to use the desk."
Fret quickly jumped upon the desk, hiding his face as he did so. "Aheheh, yep, desk it is!" Nagi seemed to have embarrassed him with that last remark, something she hadn't achieved quite yet. She was, of course, not into getting a rise out of anyone but still found how Fret's inability to hide his embarrassment hadn't changed much since the game. She did not think further on the implications of this.
After a long period of hmm-ing and ah-ing, of laughter at tier placements even Fret could tell were confusing at best, at exasperated pausing of the video and confused looks at one another, the clock had somehow struck midnight.
"Oh– Oh my God, were we really at that for over four hours?!" Fret was still trying to catch his breath after someone had hilariously put the August community event – Jove's Summer Storm Challenge – at S-tier. "Man, but… but holy… oh God, that last pick." Fret clearly thought about it a bit more and returned to laughing. "Ugh, we should do this more often. Maybe next time we video call."
"I-Indeed." Said Nagi, still stifling a laugh. "But all this laughter and confusion has signalled to my body that it requires sleep."
"Ugh, same here. Feels like I've just run a marathon. Sorry if you get a noise complaint or something tomorrow."
"That is quite alright," Nagi stated, dragging her glass of water from her desk to the bedside with sleepy movements. Fret flicked off the light and made his way to the futon, snuggling his way inside. After a few seconds, he spoke.
"Today was a… long day, huh?" Nagi could hear his voice lower. The raucousness of the hours just prior had tired him out, yes, but thinking back on what had happened Nagi realised how tired he was. How tired they both were. She wondered if during the day he ever truly felt rested. She didn't. "Thank you. Just for, y'know, being there. Through all that."
"Likewise. There is catharsis in vulnerability." She rolled over to face him, only to see he was staring at the ceiling, laser-focused on it.
"…I wish I could stay like this forever." He spoke, seemingly to no-one in particular.
"What do you mean?" She asked.
"Just talking. With you. It's… nice." He did not turn to face her.
"Unfortunately, nothing is forever, Lord Tosai."
"Yeah…" He laughed. "I dunno what it is, but you know how I was, like, shivering before?"
"Oh, that odd phenomenon you said you were to explain earlier." Nagi rested her cheek on her arm.
"I can't explain it really, but… that thing I put into my pocket. Whenever it's not me, I just start to feel really cold. I think it's maybe something mental, I dunno. But the first time it happened I was scared shitless I was gonna be that cold forever. Or, uh, however long forever had left for me then."
"Hm. It almost sounds supernatural in nature. Like how my throat gets inexplicably blocked whenever I try to explain my night terrors to you." Fret still had not turned to face her.
"Huh. Maybe there is some spooky shit going on. But… it can't last forever, right? Like you said." Fret had produced the slip of paper from his pocket and was playing with it. It looked like an ofuda charm Lord Seimei would use.
"That wasn't necessarily what I meant." She responded.
"But it's what I took from it. And hey, maybe you should think that way about your weird dreams too. One day I'd like to hear the whole story of those things. And besides, this may go away earlier than I think. Talks about being at STREAM on some fourth day. And I mean, Thursday's a fourth day and I meet Rindude there tomorrow! Kinda lucky, huh?" He flipped the charm up in the air and tucked it back in his pocket. He would definitely need a change of clothes going home after sleeping in everything sans scarf and jacket two days straight now.
"One day is truly a pathetic amount of time for forever to disappear within. But I am glad your struggles may be going away. I cannot imagine what would become of you if you were to lose that in Shibuya…" Nagi shuddered.
"Man, I don't wanna think about that right now, Boss…"
"My apologies, Lord Tosai." She felt her arm begin to get heavy under her face and slumped down onto the pillow. "Still, I hope you enjoy your outing with Lord Rindo. I, on the other hand, will be in a seminar on the anthropology of art and sound at eight in the morning."
"Eight?! Geez, you should've said so. Would've asked to get some shut-eye earlier."
"'Tis quite alright. An EleStrainiac can last three whole days without so much as a thought about sleep." Nagi grinned, thinking about the several events she had pulled consecutive all-nighters for in her pre-university days.
"Please don't go killing yourself over EleStra, Nagi." She could hear the genuine concern in his voice.
"Worry not. I deigned to take extra care of myself in the days following."
"You know, I wonder when EleStra will shut down?" Nagi nearly shot upright.
"What?! What sacrilegious line of questioning is this?!" She demanded an answer.
"Whoa!" Fret finally turned to face her. "Whoa whoa whoa! I… I didn't mean anything by it!"
"Hmph. That is quite alright, then. As to the answer to your question… I do not know. I hope it may last for another decade or so. But forever is, of course, preferable."
"Heh, but I thought… nevermind. Why do you want it to last so bad? Er, not saying I don't want it to last a long time either." Fret had sunk slightly into the folds of his futon, perhaps out of fear. "Is it 'cause it's a good communication tool, or a super deep dating sim on top of a super deep RPG like you were telling me, or is it because the lore is cool, or… what?" Nagi thought for a moment.
"I don't think that, at its core, it's any of those things. I want it to survive because… well, because it makes me happy. I think that is justification within itself."
"Huh." It seemed Fret was anticipating a much more eloquent response. "Well, if it makes you happy, then it makes me happy! But, uh… I know we both know it can't last." Nagi felt her eyes sink, but it was the truth, and she knew it.
"If you're worried it may suddenly shut down one day and that may affect our relationship, do not be. The bond shared from Twister to Twister is not reliant on one mere thread alone. EleStra simply forms part of that tangle."
"But… evenif that's the case, our friendship can't last either. There'll always be something, even if– even if it comes at the very end."
"Hmph. If it were to come to that, then I would hope it ending in that way meant what life we shared as comrades was fulfilling. If it does not end by the hands of time, I only hope we will not be left mourning it." Nagi felt that haze descend inside her head again.
"Wow, this got depressing fast, huh?" He sighed. "It always ends up like this with me, huh? I'm sorry."
"Please, don't be. Humans understand the importance of transitory things, but rarely do we talk about them. But it is necessary and, I have found, can strengthen bonds between people and groups." Nagi bit her bottom lip, unsure of how to phrase this next part. "…and for what it's worth, I would not mind this lasting forever, either."
"Heh. You always know just what to say, Nagi." A mutual understanding formed between them, without words, that the time for talk was over. Both feeling drained, they waited for sleep to set in.