Namaari,

Thank you for your last letter. It means a lot to me that you're willing to work on this together.

I'm sorry it took me four days to write back. I had to spend a long time thinking about how to word this letter before I was able to write it down. I hope you didn't think I was mad at you or something you said in your letter.

I've been meeting with Atitāya almost every day and I'm learning a lot, but it's been very intense. I was pretty convinced that she hated me up until we had some kind of staring contest about a week ago. She didn't say anything about it afterwards, but it's easier to be around her now, like I passed some sort of test and she's accepted me.

How have you been getting along with my Ba? I hope he isn't telling you too many terrible jokes. Or embarrassing stories about me.

It feels horrible to admit this, but being In Fang, away from my Ba, it's almost a relief in some ways. Like I told you before, I feel like he still sees me as a child. I think it's hard for him to acknowledge how much I've grown up because that would mean acknowledging all the time we lost while he was gone.

I still get along with him really well, just like before, but there are times when I feel like we're strangers. There's so much that he doesn't know about me now, but I don't want to tell him about everything I went through during those six years on my own. I think it would break his heart to hear how hard that was for me. But if I don't tell him about it, I feel like he'll never see me as an adult.

Sometimes I dream that after we fixed the Gem and defeated the Druun, my Ba stayed stone and didn't come back. Other times, it's that he does come back, but he doesn't recognize me and doesn't believe that I'm his daughter because I'm not the child he remembers. But I suppose it would be more accurate to call these nightmares, not dreams.

It's all really confusing and I'm not sure what to do. But I'm really glad I can talk to you about it now.

Raya

Raya,

I hope you don't feel like you need to rush to write back to me. It's taken me a couple days to organize my thoughts enough to write them down, too, so I get it.

Benja has told me lots of terrible jokes but hasn't told me many embarrassing stories about you. I'll have to make sure to ask him for more of them now that I know they exist. We've been getting along really well and he's helping me a lot. Somehow, he always knows when I need a hug. That's been making me cry really frequently, but I'm learning to accept that.

I'm glad to hear that my mother and Atitāya haven't been too hard on you. Like you said, they can both be pretty intense.

I'm so sorry that you missed out on those six years with Benja, and I'm sorry that I'm part of the reason why things ended up that way. I hate that I had that time with my mother and my people while you were all alone. It's not fair and sometimes I feel so guilty about it that it makes me feel sick. I have no idea how to make that up to you, but I'm going to try my best.

I know what you mean about having a hard time relating to your Ba. I have a similar problem with my mother. Sometimes it feels like she cares more about raising a leader than a daughter. She picks apart everything I do, making sure I analyze every step to see where I went wrong. She does point out when I do things right, but those never stick with me as much as my mistakes.

It's also really hard to tell her about how I'm feeling. If I show any sign of any emotion, she immediately questions what I'm saying and asks if I'm letting my emotions cloud my judgment. Which usually makes me upset and just makes everything worse, so it feels impossible to talk to her about it.

I don't mean to make it sound like she doesn't love me or care about me. I know that she does, and she shows it a lot. But like I said, she's so focused on shaping me into a good leader that she forgets that I'm her daughter first. And it's really hard that she can't see how much that hurts me.

Namaari

Namaari,

I'm really sorry it's been so long since I wrote to you. Virana and Atitāya have been keeping me so busy that I barely have the energy to do anything else. But I realized as I was about to fall asleep tonight that it's been almost a week since I got your last letter, so I stayed up late just to finish this. Hopefully being sleepy doesn't make my handwriting too messy.

Please don't feel sorry that you had more time with your mother and your people. I know how precious that time is and I would hate for you to regret being around them. Feeling guilty about it won't change anything and it will only make it harder for us to move forward. I know you probably can't just let go of that feeling that easily, but I hope you know that I don't resent you for what happened.

I know I keep bringing up dreams, but do you ever have nightmares about what it was like to be stone? I know it was only for a few minutes but thinking about it makes my skin crawl. I remember it kind of felt like sleeping, but I was aware that I was sleeping and couldn't do anything to wake myself up, so I felt trapped. If it felt that terrible for just a few minutes, I can't imagine what it was like for other people to be that way for years.

I hate thinking about how my Ba was stuck that way for so long. He hasn't said anything to me about what it was like to be stone for six years, and I'm not sure if he ever will. It's weird knowing that he and I are both trying to keep things from each other because we want to protect one another. But I think at some point we're going to have to talk about it or we might keep feeling like strangers forever.

I'm sorry to hear that Virana can be so hard on you. I know this would be difficult for her to tell you, so I want you to know that she talks about you all the time. And that I can tell that she's really proud of you.

Also, she's definitely told me some embarrassing stories about you so don't get any ideas about spreading around the ones my Ba told you about me.

Raya

Raya,

I'm really not sure how to respond to your last letter. It made me cry for a lot of different reasons, but I can't figure out how to put any of them on paper. I don't know what else to say besides to thank you. And that I'm really glad that you asked me to write to you.

Your nightmares about being stone sound horrible. I hope you don't have them very often and that someday soon they go away completely.

I have nightmares about that day, too, but mine are about not being able to fix the Dragon Gem after you and your friends gave me your fragments. Or about running away and leaving you all stone while I escaped.

This is really hard for me to tell you, but I did almost leave you without trying to put the Gem back together. After you all gave me your pieces, my first instinct was to abandon you and I hate it. I hate that I had to convince myself to stay and help you instead.

When I tried to fix the Gem and it seemed like it wasn't going to work, I was so afraid that I would fail you again. But I knew I couldn't run away from that anymore, so I stayed, even though it meant becoming stone. And I can't tell you how relieved I was to come back and see you smiling at me.

There's a part of me that still can't believe that you trusted me enough to hand me your Gem piece. That you trusted me enough to bring you, your friends, and your Ba back. I hope someday I can show you that I'm worthy of that trust.

I had a dream last night about the day we met. But in the dream, I didn't betray you. You showed me the Dragon Gem and I didn't signal Fang's soldiers. We became friends and your Ba never turned to stone because we never brought the Druun back. We were planning to find a way to wake up the dragons, but the dream ended before we could try anything.

When I woke up, it still felt real. It took me a minute before I realized it was just a dream and I started crying. Again. I'm getting really tired of crying. But I feel a little bit lighter every time I do, so I think it's worth it.

Namaari