Knitting Fate

Second installment in Canon Patchworking with Uchiha Ren series

Nineteenth Thread

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This chapter has been beta'd for you by hestia8639. Thanks a lot!

Official beta'd version posted 05.08.2017

"Some are born weird, some achieve it, others have weirdness thrust upon them."
― Dick Francis, To the Hilt

0

It's not like Ren has anything against the drunkard, no. She doesn't even know him. But Deidara, mini-Deidara, with hair like the sun and eyes as clear as the sky is disturbingly similar to Naruto. Maybe not with the shape of his face, but definitely with his sad, blue eyes. And Naruto, Ren realized a while back, she cares for unconditionally – almost as much as for Sasuke, actually. So, it's not like she holds a grudge against the drunk hobo, no. It's just that Deidara reminds her of Naruto, and whenever Naruto is even slightly insulted, Ren strikes. Very, very viciously. As in 'you insulted him? Wait, hold up, let me just punch you very hard in the face, and, oh, did I just break your nose? I'm so not sorry' kind of vicious.

And the drunkard is on the ground and wailing, his nose a bloody mess, before Ren even fully registers that she's decided to throw a punch. And her knuckles are aching. She might've over-done it, but, meh. She doesn't care. Neither does Hana, when the man tries to scramble to his feet. When he plants his arms on the ground near the Inuzuka, she simply stomps on his hand. Thankfully for the man, ninja shoes are, if durable, rather soft. If she wore heels or combat boots, he might not even have a hand anymore. It still crunches under her heel, and he would perhaps howl, if he didn't nearly choke on that sound. And then he crawls away.

(It is a bit weird that nobody paid any mind to all this happening.)

"You okay there, brat?" Ren asks, looking at the shocked face of mini-Deidara, who just stares at the both of them, mouth agape and eyes wide. Actually, the sight is quite adorable. Very adorable, actually. And that's maybe exactly why, this time, it's Hana's brakes that fail. Spectacularly, like most fails that happen in or around Ren's life.

"You are so adorable!" Hana squeals, wrapping her hands around the stupefied child and twirling him around. "Oh my gosh, look at you!"

"Put me down!" Deidara chokes, digging his nails into her shoulders and kicking his legs wildly the second he regains control of his body. Hana doesn't even seem to notice his flailing, thick-hided as she is.

"Doesn't she look a bit like Naruto?" Hana keeps cooing, and Ren almost chokes on a snort. Deidara's face reddens, he shrieks and starts kicking harder.

"I'm a boy!" he informs the older girl furiously. "And let me down! Hm!"

"He does look a bit like Naruto," Ren agrees. "He's absolutely adorable."

Deidara reddens even more, and very visibly regrets hiding behind the Inuzuka when he had a chance to dart past and maybe lose the man himself.

"I'm not adorable, hm!" Deidara argues. "I'm a ninja! And I'm not Naruto or whatever, I'm Deidara!"

(Hana makes a sound that is definitely an 'aaaaaw'.)

"We're ninja, too, obviously," Ren snorts, and finally takes pity on the kid, gently freeing him from the Inuzuka's grip. Mini-Deidara only folds his arms on his chest, holds his nose up high and scoffs. The brat.

"Why were you running from that guy, if you're a ninja?" Hana asks then, quirking her eyebrow, and Deidara stills. He looks up at them, and then, his eyes actually gloss over, and he bites his lower lip, obviously fighting back tears. Ren also notices that he's wearing gloves- Well, glove. One, on his left hand. His right hand is bare, and he very much tries to hide it with the gloved one.

"My clay," he whines pathetically, and he might be a brat, but spending her time with Sasuke and Naruto, basically every single minute she has free has honed her 'protective older sister' streak to ridiculous levels. (Sasuke still sleeps with her. As in, in the same bed, under the same blanket. He's quite a cuddler, actually, and Ren finds that she doesn't mind – at least when she isn't being woken up by his screaming bloody murder in the middle of the night. That happened every fucking time Konohamaru's mom tried to make him sleep alone. Twice or thrice a night. Ren really thinks that woman has no brains whatsoever sometimes.)

Levels so ridiculous that all it takes is for Deidara, future pyromaniac, terrorist mass-murderer, to look a tiny little bit like Naruto. So, she sighs, places her palm on the top of his head and just leaves it there. Deidara stiffens, and then relaxes.

"What about your clay?" Ren urges him to continue, but she has a vague idea as to where is it going, judging by the ripped straps by his belt. Where he usually keeps his clay pouches.

"That idiot Kurotsuchi thought it would be a good idea to steal my clay pouches!" he whines. "And Akatsuchi, that bigger idiot, stole my glove!"

"What's wrong with you not having a glove?" Hana asks, and the boy stills, gulps, and tries to hide his hand in his sleeve. "Okay, no, forget I asked. But how come this drunk started chasing you?"

"Many people don't like me here, I'm weird," he says, and Ren has to look away. Seriously, this kid. Too much Naruto in him. And he apparently gets ostracized, too – because he has lips on his palms. Great reasons, people, great fucking reasons. She also doesn't miss how he clenches his un-gloved hand while saying this.

"Fuck that, I'm hungry," Ren gruffs, because she has nothing else to do. She takes off her gloves – they're black, and fingerless, and have metallic platting all over them, she fell in love when she saw them in the store – and she hands them to Deidara. "Here, don't cry."

He looks at her as if she just dropped from the heavens above and promptly declared that the sky is yellow and pigs fly. Or something equally ridiculous. Basically – he is not shocked, but stoned.

"But-" he starts, "those are your gloves!"

"Exactly!" Ren nods. "And that means I can do whatever I want with them. And I want to give them to you, because you look pathetic when sad, and you look a lot like my cousin's best friend. So cheer the fuck up, would ya'? Also, how about we just enter this damn Teppanyaki?" because seriously, that scent. Cooked vegetables is one thing, but that meat. So much meat.

"That's a good idea. Dei-chan, how about you join us?" Hana offers him her best 'older sister authority' smile. "I'm sure some good food will cheer you up after what those meanies did to you!"

"Uh… I don't even know you?"

"Oh! I'm Inuzuka Hana, and this gruff is my friend and teammate, Uchiha Ren. We're both genin from Konoha!"

"I'm not a gruff!"

"But she has a really big heart!"

Ren just smacks the back of Hana's head, and doesn't feel bad about it.

"Hm," is all Deidara has to say about their antics.

Deidara just sticks with the duo for the day, but can he really be blamed for it? They're both older and definitely physically stronger than him – who is pretty useless without his explosives. But, most of all, they're nice, both of them. Ren gives him her gloves, and then they both invite him to eat, and he is kind of surprised, because just… Just how much can those two fucking eat? The waiters, too, are surprised, but then… binge eating clients mean better income.

So, in return for their kindness, Deidara gives them a tour around Iwa. Ren is, quite predictably, interested in food and weapons. She actually ogles at the displayed blades because Hana look at those, they're so shiny, so solid, imagine how well you can stab people with this!

And then comes the other shock of the day.

"Twig-Man!" Ren calls suddenly, and there's a snort, and a very offended squawk. Deidara shrugs, looks to the entrance of the weapons shop, and stills. Because holy fucking god in pink knickers, did Ren just call that to those two men walking out of the weapons store? As in those two ridiculously tall men with so much muscles Deidara didn't think it was possible to imagine, let alone have? And, oh god, one of them is blue, has sharp teeth and definitely looks like he eats little genin for breakfast. And he is a little genin!

"Don't you fucking call me twig, you brat!" muscle number one growls, the one with normal skin, and lunges at the girl, only to be stopped by the firm grip that his blue companion has on the neck of his shirt. And the blue guy is grinning, and his teeth look so sharp… Deidara is pretty certain he's about to faint. He's a distance fighter, a recent graduate! He blows up people from a distance! He really did not sign up for this!

"But you're a twig, Twig-Man!" Ren pouts, and Deidara knows a tease when he sees one, alright. And Ren apparently takes great pleasure in shamelessly teasing a guy who is twice her size. The blue guy just starts laughing.

"I knew I liked something about you," he says with amusement, as he effortlessly holds his companion at bay by the back his shirt. "Why are you here?"

"Meh, just casually ogling those weapons," Ren shrugs. "Imagining just how well you can stab people with those- I think I will actually buy something, just… not on my first day in Iwa. I'll have plenty of time to buy souvenirs after the exam. And Genma can really use a new pack of senbons with how he constantly chews on them," she shrugs.

"Genma is weird," Hana snorts. "Awesome as hell, but still, weird."

"That's just part of his awesomeness, shaddup!"

"He spits senbon at people!" Hana waves her hands in the air. "He's actually good at that!"

"And that's so awesome," Ren snorts, looks at the blue man and Deidara can almost see a lightbulb flare above her head. The very next second she's already latched herself to the blue man. He lets the twig-man go, who just trips and falls face-first into the road (not that the blue man seems to care), and Ren says; "Kisame, teach me kenjutsu! You're from Kiri, they're famous for it! And you have a katana!"

"…seriously," the twig-man grunts from where he is – quite literally – eating dirt. The blue man – Kisame – seems both amused and impressed, and Deidara realizes, full of dread, that he doesn't seem to mind being a jungle gym for Ren. Hana at his side is just mildly amused and quite resigned, by which he concludes that things like this happen often.

And when they told him that Konoha is a village of loony ninjas, he didn't believe them. Old man Oonoki, he's sorry. He believes it now.

(Because the blue- Kisame, ahem. Kisame is scaring him to the very bones right now, with that heavy, nearly-suffocating yet moist aura around him. Kisame is a monster, literally. And Deidara really, really doesn't want to cross paths with that monster on the battlefield. Because no matter how strong he is, and how good his bombs are – he is not going to stand a chance against that. And Ren is cheerfully chattering to him about kenjutsu while dangling from his back!

And he actually humors her by answering his questions! Konoha, what the fuck?)

Shibi is Not Amused™. Shibi is Very Not Amused™.

His life, why.

Just- Ren and Hana. Those two, when joined together, are a menace, or even worse. And he knows a thing or two about menaces – he was in a genin team with Hana's mother, Tsume! And yet, here he is, exasperated and gaping, because what the hell, he told them to stray from trouble and hoped they would actually do just that for longer than an evening! What on earth even happened during that time?!

"Oi, this your brat?" Momochi Zabuza, Demon of the Hidden Mist asks, pointing his thumb behind him, and gets promptly swatted on the back of his head by Hoshigaki Kisame, Monster of the Hidden Mist. Also, it's worth mentioning that Ren is comfortably perched on said monster's shoulders with a too-wide and too-smug grin.

His genin, why.

His everything, why.

Hokage, why, you old fool, did you think it would be funny to torment one of your best trackers? Actually, why him, not Hiashi? From what Tsume says, they're both equally emotionally stunted. (Wow, Tsume, rude.)

"I'm sorry for my idiot friend," Kisame smiles, and from somewhere down the road there's a retort that sounds suspiciously like 'we're not friends'. Kisame ignores it.

"This is the second time in ten minutes that Twi- Uh, I'm sorry, Zabuza is eating dirt," Hana smiles. "As a medic in training I don't think that's too healthy."

Hana looks smug. The little Iwa-ninja behind her, all flowy red cloth and blonde hair, looks slightly shell-shocked. Ren laughs.

"Seriously, Hana, just call him by name. Twig-Man is Twig-Man!" she snorts, and Shibi is glad for his high-necked coat because his jaw drops. Zabuza growls, but Kisame holds him back easily.

Uchiha Ren, why.

Just. Why.

(He quits. He's too old for this shit. Let Hiashi handle them for a bit, so he can feel his pain. Tsume is out of question, she would only enable them further. That… that's a scary thought, now that he realizes just what they're capable of.

Using Hoshigaki Kisame as a jungle gym? Seriously, Ren?!)