Kneading Fate

Second installment in Canon Patchworking with Uchiha Ren series

Twenty-Third Thread

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ATTENTION

The contest is still on. For further detail go see 'Seventeenth Thread'.

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This chapter has been beta'd for you by hestia8639. Thanks a lot!

My tumblr name is KillerGirlFuria, in case any of you wants to spam by askbox. I'm pretty open person, and if anyone would like to discuss CPwUR, or anything else, really, you're very welcome.

This chapter is, actually, approximately 800 words longer than usual medium, because I love you and you deserve it.

"Older men declare war. But it is youth that must fight and die."
― Herbert Hoover

0

For the next day and some change, Ren either sleeps, eats, or allows Hana to fiddle around with her wound. Perhaps it isn't medically advised for someone so inexperienced to mess around with it, but honestly, all she actually does is re-wrap it with new, pleasantly cold, gel bandage, and run a scan. Really, even if it hurts like hell, the wound itself turns out to be less serious than it seemed at first – her skin got pretty charred, yes, but… but only the skin, basically. She would just end up with a pretty big, marred scar on about half of the surface of the outer side of her left thigh. She could walk it off, no biggie. Her pants – her rather expensive, but very durable, loose, ninja-specific material, god bless it – got it the worst, and if she hadn't been wearing it baggy, as she does, she would have suffered much worse. Her muscles did suffer some damage, but it's shallow and nothing that the medic-nin can't heal. For her skin, they would have to take her to the hospital, to which Ren had responded with a resolute no. She has to kick ass at the preliminaries, and a hospital visit would technically disqualify her. And, afterwards, the wound would actually be a bit too old for actual skin transplant, so she'd have to make do with artificial scarring. Not that she minds.

(The transplant would be possible for Senju Tsunade at any given time, technically, but Jashin knew where that woman is, drinking and gambling her days – and money – away.)

Deidara has been actively avoiding his teammates in a very obvious way. Whenever he gets bored of sleeping, he follows Ren or Hana around, hiding behind the girl he is with at the time when she glares daggers at Kurotsuchi in passing. Ren just does so to piss off the younger girl, that much the blond has deducted. But Hana, it seems, feels genuine dislike for the girl on account of her basically crippling her teammate. It's a dog thing, that loyalty.

(Hana's dogs are really cool, though, Deidara decides. And when Hana tells him that they will grow big enough so that people can actually ride them, he almost, almost wants one. But then, he has his clay. His clay is more awesome – and doesn't leave fur everywhere!)

But, of course, the blissful laziness has to come to an end. Thus, at the end of the third day, they are all called to the main arena in order to participate in preliminaries. In the end, there are exactly sixteen people that still willing to compete. Hana is amongst those who forfeit and decide not to advance in the exam. (I'm a medic-nin, we get field promotions.) Hibiki, on the other hand, much to Ren's surprise, is actually still willing to participate. It's kind of tear-jerking, how fast he is growing up.

And thus, on the third day, at around the same time they had gone into the maze seventy-two hours ago, all the genin and their sensei, whether participating or not, gathered around the arena. It looks very much like the one the Rookie Nine's Chūnin Exam preliminaries would take place in – complete with random generator – except with a simple, huge obelisk in place of the hand sculpture. Also, instead of some pathetic pavement around the arena, there are actual bleachers. Just three rows of seats, actually, but more than enough to fit something around forty people and still have plenty of space.

Everyone attends, of course, but not everybody is up to fight. Oddly enough, the amount of people in the preliminaries – sixteen – is basically a perfect number for a thing like that. Eight people would move to the finals, and then there would be three rounds in total.

The one thing that bothers Ren is that they have to stand in the center of the arena in order for old man Ōnoki to give them The Speech. Not to mention that, when he looks at Ren, it is with borderline irritation, but also, very slightly, something like gratefulness? Who knows, maybe he, too, is sick of Kurotsuchi being so full of herself and had decided that she did need a wake-up call. Ren is more than happy to deliver. She knows she herself isn't invincible, of course – otherwise her leg would be perfectly fine – and she really has to hit the training grounds if she wants to pummel Itachi into the ground at a later date. Gods know the bastard deserves it.

"Welcome to the preliminaries, kids," is what Ōnoki says when all the jōnin sensei of the passing teams finally gather in line behind him. There's Shibi, of course, some dude in a turban from Suna, Zabuza, who Ren grins at, and some other person from Kiri, whose gender Ren would have to give some deeper thought. Assuming the villages are all idiotically traditional. Thus, for now, Ren would just stick to calling the willowy figure 'they'. There's also a woman from Kumo, another Konoha ninja, and a woman with ridiculous, electric-green hair and a Taki headband. Related to Fū, perhaps?. There is no Iwa sensei, however, despite Deidara & co. participating, so she figures that they are, indeed, trained by the Tsuchikage.

Ren pretty much tunes out the entire speech that old man Onoki gives them, really. She has little to no interest in all that 'bring honor to your village' blabber she knows is only to put on a show to not scare brats away. Because it's not like they are training to become child killing machines, brainwashed and ready to fight and die for their village, right?

"Let the preliminaries start!" Ōnoki sounds, and Ren's attention finally snaps back to him. At least she isn't the only one to not pay him much heed – Deidara sways on his legs, visibly dozing off, before he wakes up, once again aware and completely unaffected by his Kage's glare. "Names will be randomly selected on the screen. The two competitors selected will ascend to the arena and fight until one of them is unable to continue fighting or is down for ten seconds and longer. Forfeit is also an option. Now, give us the first set of names!"

The screen flashes to life, and white letters above and under the 'vs' flare and twirl until they stop. Ren stops, too, and tries to smother the urge to groan. Because how- just how could she have missed that? Missed him? Dear Jashin, she's so stupid!

Chōjūrō vs Goro

Chōjūrō is here. Competing. And she had completely missed him until now. In his baggy blue coat with a hood over his head, and a tantō strapped to his belt- God damn it, standing right next to her, too. She hates her life so much right now. The other guy, Goro (Mortal Kombat much?), has very pale hair and dark skin – Kumo, definitely.

They leave them in the arena, whilst everyone else evacuate to the bleachers. Ren wastes no time standing, and sits herself down right next to Hana. The fight itself is quite… anticlimactic, really. All it takes is Chōjūrō knocking the Kumo guy back and then locking him in a Water Prison. From then on it's an agonizing four minutes of waiting while the Kumo guy thrashes and curses, losing his breath in the water bubble, before finally losing consciousness. The winner of the first battle is promptly announced to be Chōjūrō, future member of Seven Swordsmen.

And then the white letters spin again. Ren looks up, slightly bored, and, when they stop, sucks in a breath. Hana, right next to her, stills, and then promptly groans, hiding her face in her hands and whining something that sounds like 'oh my god'. And Ren? She can't help it, at all, when a very wide, slightly feral grin cuts her face almost in half.

Kurotsuchi vs Uchiha Ren

Whoever made this randomizer, Ren feels very inclined to give them a bear hug. Because it's her and Kurotsuchi, and she can finally make a proper statement to the brat without having to mind a very cramped and dark tunnel. And so, Ren jumps down and only slightly winces at her leg. It's bandaged rather tight with fresh wraps and gel dressing, so it's not as irritating as it could be. Anyway, there's adrenaline rushing in her already, dimming the pain even further. Kurotsuchi does the exact same thing as her – leaps down from the bleachers, despite Akatsuchi's pleading to take actual stairs – and hisses in visible pain. Maybe it's because of Hana, the wrappings, and adrenaline, or maybe just Ren's own will to ignore the pain and move forward, but Kurotsuchi is worse off than her. Or maybe the fact that in Ren's case, only the skin is beyond saving, because Ren is pretty sure that her kunai had gone deeper than just skin-deep.

(She might have even grazed the bone, come to think of it.)

"Payback time," Kurotsuchi growls, readying her stance and waiting for the proctor's signal. Ren doesn't answer, only offering a grin that has a few too many teeth to be pleasant. Above all, she has to evade the brat's Lava Release, that she knows. Better yet, from what she remembers, Lava Release can also produce rubber. How? Don't ask her. It's Naruto World's logic. Or the lack of it.

"Ready," the proctor says.

"Not gonna answer back?" Kurotsuchi sneers, and Ren actually chuckles at that.

"I'll let my fists speak for me," she says, because that is exactly what she's going to do. Just you fucking watch.

"Go!"

"Yōton: Sekkaigyō no Jutsu!"

"Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu!"

Quicklime and chakra-induced fire meet once again, slamming into one another halfway through, and both girls jump back. Upon the sheer force of one hitting another, the jutsus disperse and technically explode. Kunai are sailing towards Kurotsuchi before they've even fully dispersed, heading the right direction in the light and smoke only thanks to the red and black whirling in Ren's eyes. A Sharingan, a fully matured one, even if most likely only because of Ren acquiring the Mangekyō when her dear cousin slaughtered their family, is a force to be reckoned with.

Kurotsuchi dodges, of course, but hisses curses all the while. Ren smirks, shifting her weight to lean on her right – uninjured – leg more, and leaps from it towards the girl, initiating a short taijutsu exchange. While, of course, thoroughly abusing the fact that she is older, bigger and has longer reach. Kurotsuchi, fed up with her, takes a breath and actually spits lava at her without seals, what the fuck-

Ren yelps and leaps back, tearing off the burning sleeve of her shirt without a thought, before the flaming liquid can get anywhere near her skin. The sleeve, with the Uchiha Clan's red-and-white target mark, falls to the ground and burns. Ren growls, hands already working through seals, and spits a few smaller fireballs at Kurotsuchi. What the younger girl doesn't know, or perhaps doesn't even suspect, is just how mean Hōsenka is. Because she dissolves the fire with some quicklime, but shuriken hidden in the fireballs still spin towards her, Ren following right behind them. Kurotsuchi evades the shuriken and ducks beneath Ren's fist. And then does something Ren will never, ever forgive her for. Ever.

Because she grabs Ren's left thigh and squeezes.

Ren howls in both agony and anger and brings her head down, hitting Kurotsuchi's forehead with her own. The girl wears her protector where it is meant to be worn, so Ren's at a disadvantage, but adrenaline and pure, unadulterated rage dim the pain. She lunges for where her kunai had reached two days before and gives it a squeeze herself. She feels her palm make contact with a wet, sticky substance and puts even more force behind it. This time, it's Kurotsuchi who howls, but her grip on Ren's thigh doesn't waver. It's ridiculous, this pathetic excuse of a duel.

Ren, being Ren, decides to do something stupid. So, leaning on her bad leg, she raises her right leg and kicks, hard. Right at Kurotsuchi's injury. While standing only on her wounded leg, which is still in the brat's painful grip. So she kicks again, and again, and then brings her fist to Kurotsuchi's jaw when she's sure the girl is too focused on her wounded leg, causing Kurotsuchi to gasps and let go. Seeing her chance, Ren clenches her teeth together and aims her next punch at where she knows the kidneys are supposed to be. The Uchiha's breathing is fast and shallow, and the red of her eyes is dimmed by the mist of pain enveloping them. But she's standing, gritting her teeth and not even bothering to fight the tears of pain running down her cheeks, blurring her vision even further. No matter, the Sharingan sees what it's supposed to see.

She charges for what she knows is the last time, because while she can ignore the pain, the pain won't ignore her and her body will just give up at some point. So, before she has a chance to make a conscious decision about it, she calls on all the chakra she has left and runs through hand seals. She hasn't perfected the jutsu yet, but she can do it well enough to try, and she needs the firepower.

"Katon: Karyū Endan!" she roars, and a giant flaming dragon roars with her and charges at Kurotsuchi. Ren is pretty sure she hears her call 'Doton: Doryūheki' as a wall of earth springs to life. The flaming dragon, an extension of Ren's will, her chakra ablaze and nothing more, curls around the earth dome, scorching and drying the mud, searching for a weak point. Upon finding none, it roars once again and rises up high, to the ceiling, only to fall back down, slamming into the dome and dispersing in the process. Kurotsuchi is still within the half-burned, half-crushed artificial cave when it falls, and she's pale. Very pale.

Chakra exhaustion, Ren deducts, from being forced to create five walls instead of one. And Kurotsuchi is smaller and weaker than her, and those jutsu are both B-Rank. Ren is swaying on her feet, but manages to stay upright, if bent. Kurotsuchi, having fallen onto her back from the sheer impact of the dragon's attack, is having trouble standing up. Standing at all, actually.

"Ten, nine, eight…" the proctor starts to count down, and Kurotsuchi's efforts to stand up double. Ren grits her teeth through the tears, Sharingan fading away, as she fights to stay upright and even to breathe. "…three, two, one. The winner of the second match is Uchiha Ren!" the proctor announces.

The wave of relief that washes over her is enough to knock her off her feet, but Ren doesn't even feel her back hit the concrete. She doesn't feel Hana appearing next to her before she does, hands flaring green. She's already unconscious by then.

Hana is not happy. She's very unhappy, actually. But what else can she be, having such an idiot as a teammate and friend? Because don't tell her otherwise, she knows that Uchiha Ren is nothing more than a borderline suicidal and very insane pyromaniac. Well, that's what Hana loves her for…! Save for the 'suicidal' part, of course. What was that idiot thinking, spewing a B-Rank jutsu just like that? The only thing that saved her from dying from chakra exhaustion right then and there is the fact that, for someone her age, she really does have a lot of it. Even more than boys. (Her abysmal chakra control is a different matter entirely. That's why, despite being an Uchiha, Ren and genjutsu don't mix. At all.)

So, Hana is fuming, because her idiot friend is a reckless idiot. Who she loves anyway. And perhaps that's why she's going to get yelled at when she wakes up. Honestly, only Kiba is worse. Maybe she would yell at mom, too, if mom isn't an even bigger idiot than Ren and completely beyond understanding just why she should even be slightly more careful.

(Seriously, with these three Hana knows she is guaranteed to have prematurely gray hair. Very prematurely. She hates them so much. So, so much.)

It doesn't bother her that she misses the rest of the matches, though. Shibi-sensei is still there and promised to relay everything to them once it was over – Ren is sure to be grateful. Hibiki, upon entering the medical wing, seems dazed and away, but seeing the marks on his arm that without a doubt pointed to electrocution, Hana doesn't ask. He's entitled to be unresponsive for a while after something like that.

Ren is pale. Deathly pale, almost, and Hana is already plotting how to force the most disgusting chakra pills down her friend's throat in large quantities in a way that would help her get over the exhaustion. Hana briefly considers also coating them in extra-hot sauce, but decides against it. Ren loves spicy things. The blockhead also seems all too resilient and with some sort of unexplained energy working in there, because she wakes up only half an hour and a drip later.

"I won," she mutters meekly, turning her head to the side. The motion is slow and visibly required a lot of strength Ren currently doesn't have. Hana sighs and glares at her idiot friend, hoping it would convey the message. It most likely does, because Ren offered her that dumb, if weak, grin in answer. "Oi, Hyūga, you alive?"

Hibiki jerks his head upwards, white eyes clouded, if something like that is even possible, and huffs. He is so pale he seems translucent, and his black hair stands out starkly.

"I fucking won," he exclaims weakly in a very un-Hyūga-like manner. "I fucking advanced to the third part of the exam," he said, and this time he sounds very, very surprised with himself. He blinks once, twice, and then suddenly jumps to his feet. "Oh my god I advanced!" he yells, realization dawning on him, and then promptly faints. Had Hana not caught him, he probably would have injured his head on the floor.

"Well, that was unexpected," Hana says with a small smile, and Ren answers with a weak snort. And then the building shakes, sounding with an explosion. "What the hell?" Hana gasps, turning towards the door in a defensive stance.

"Iwa ninja and explosions," Ren mutters. "Or just Deidara."

"How do you know it's Deidara?" Hana asks, cocking her eyebrow, because she spends most of her time with Ren, and haven't seen the blond blow anything up even once. Ren just smiles, closes her eyes and dozes off. Way to dodge questions.

God damn you, Uchiha Ren.

•

ThePlotbunnyBreeder – well Ren knows a thing or two about that. Her speech from that time had to have been censored.

digreg – excuse me?

BloodyLoved – here be preliminaries then.

DarkDust27 – that's the duality I love about characters. They're all mean and rough on the outside, but all fluffy on the inside, and only selected few get to see the inside.

Aka-chansama – well, the Aka-members weren't supposed to be human at all in the initial work. They were supposed to be monstrous, and few of them retain traits from that initial plan. Also, you can pray for super-secret author material on my tumblr. ThePlotbunnyBreeder is basically my partner in crime by now. Also, I hc Uchihas actually having Cat Contract, but that's not for her. She will adopt her horde of cats once she's back in Konoha, I swear, but she won't be their summoner. She and cats just don't connect on such spiritual level as ruthless killing machines that spiders are.

And hey, even if one of them becomes chūnin that doesn't have to fuck up the team dynamic; the chūnin may choose to stay. Like (I know it was war, they were brats and all, but) Kakashi was a jōnin, and his teammates chūnin, and they still were a team under Minato. Also, Konoha is its own brand of insanity. Every higher-ranked ninja is eccentric in some way that has other people running (Guy's spandex, Ebisu's everything, Kakashi and his porn). Ren has spiders and zero self-control.

Pause143 – actually, Ren secretly reveres in the 'wtf Uchiha' reactions she gathers. She loves fucking around with people. And hey, that's a good idea for an omake!

donstehly2 – it would be more of 'Surviving Uchiha Ren and Inuzuka Hana', because Hibiki is one of those that actually interacts with them both. And them both somehow tends to double the insanity. And yeah, Iwa!Team7. Except here, the Bitchy Prodigy and Blond Pariah switch roles, basically.

Lysa - …and now, because of you I got an idea of Ren going Genma/Kurama (whichever, really) and kidnapping Kidomaru and adding him to her flock of adopted minions. Oh my god.

SeverlyLate – I'm rushing, because I kinda want to jump into actual Naruto series already, and we're far away from there. I will be filling the gaps with the omakes, most likely. And she isn't flirting with Kisame, she's just being friendly with her own, insane way. And, well, she's a clan kid from a clan where people rarely did more than spit fire at people, are you expecting her to be proficient in much else?

insane panda hero – well, I certainly do my best in breaking both, OC-Centric fic molds and the canon itself.

hentai18ancilla – it's 'Song of the Sea (Lullaby)' from 'Song of the Sea' movie :

DannyPhantom619 – Kurotsuchi is currently all 'Tsuchikage is my grandpa and sensei, world is mine' type of brat. Her background explains it, but doesn't justify it. And Ren is just mean.

Someone – I guess you have, actually. And hey, she sleeps with Sasuke, too, because he has /nightmares/, and he goes international criminal, so.

Gioiosa-del – I was re-watching Labyrinth recently, in fact. And things just happened? And for spiders, well. Why not just throw their actual fear at people? Physically? C

snowleopard314 – well, smol!Dei really is adorable, I must agree. And he resembles Naruto, so Ren of course will have a soft spot for the brat.

starsarebright – nah, she just was taught, in Before, that the only thing she can do is to grit her teeth and just deal with it. She was never shown that she could possibly sit down and whine about anything, be it a nabbed finger or half the skin burned off her thigh.

HikariNoTenshi-San – it was just her skin, thank fuck for baggy, sturdy ninja pants. Although Ren did have more luck than brains that moment.

NatNicole – well, Ren and Hana might give off some 'woah, awesome' air, but they're, in fact, both dorks. And we still have to wait for Danzo. I don't like him, so I'm not hurrying with the slippery bastard.

laternenfisch – and you make me ridiculously happy with your reviews. And I don't know if I'll be writing with omakes from anyone else's POV. It doesn't seem like I will be for now.

Scarla Vanessa – well, I'm definitely glad that there are people enjoying my idiotic sense of humor! c: