Chapter 5: Surveying the Board
A few days later after Sam's accusations, Alice sought out Carlisle to discuss her ability's failure to pick up the Quileutes. He guessed that their genetic coding might have a natural blockage to her visions. Whether that was the actual explanation or not, she was blind from them, and if Alice hated anything it was being blind.
According to Charlotte, the Chief came to Seattle to help his daughter move into their apartment. She reported that it was awkward and that he seemed suspicious of her, even going so far to ask if she was related to the Cullens. In order to cover our bases, she told him she that there were no Cullens in her family tree that she knew about, but anything was possible. We agreed for Charlotte to be scarce anytime the Chief visited in the future. He was the exact type of human to in danger of discovering our natures, which placed us in even more danger than usual, given his occupation in law enforcement.
From my listening post, on the first day of their joined class, Charlotte and Alice did a good job greeting each other in a way that raised no suspicions while including Bella. I influenced the person running the lab to make sure the three of them were teamed together. A fourth person was added, but he was irrelevant in my book.
Alice and I took every precautionary measure to ensure Peter and Charlotte's scents weren't found on us when we were in Forks. Alice's manipulation of outcomes hadn't manifested a way to explain to the Cullens that Charlotte was in college and living with Bella that didn't result in the family being upset at her. I disagreed with Alice using her ability to find an outcome where there was no blowback, but she had an insistent need to have everyone pleased with her. I went along with her, mostly due to my curiosity of how it would play out.
The Cullens disliked a mystery, so I suspected her attempts at postponing the truth wasn't going to be successful. Not to mention the complications Peter and Charlotte's close proximity to Forks and to the Chief's daughter would bring to the already tense relationships with the Quileutes. If that was not enough, there was the added trouble that each time Alice and I tried to find a way to let the Cullens in on what Peter and Charlotte were doing the resulting visions showed Bella drained, for some odd reason, by Edward. Neither of us could figure out why he, over anyone else, might empty out the human. Add to these multifaceted challenges was Alice's refusal even the smallest margin of error where the human was concerned.
One day after a hunt and rump, I mentioned my observation to Alice that her protectiveness over this human reminded me a little of a mother duck.
"I do not feel motherly towards her," she refuted and then stared at a leaf in the distance.
Turning to her, I pulled her out of her thoughts, my tone slightly warning, "Alice."
She looked at me immediately, her curiosity prominent.
"It's her life. Stop hovering. Let her live," I all but commanded.
This was but one variation of a regular argument between us on how she used her ability. In my opinion she meddled too much. Instead, I believed that she should allow things to play out. She argued that she wouldn't have had the vision if she weren't meant to intervene in some way.
"But she's fragile," Alice rebutted. "She could die."
"Yes, she could," I agreed, my voice soft, as Alice's reaction indicated that my words were unacceptable, "but she would be doing it while living."
She huffed, but said no more about it, while her primary emotional state was irritation.
"I know you've seen her for a while and want to weave her into your circle, but if she really was meant to be in your life, then fate would make it so without your meddling. At some point, June Bug you need to trust that you're only just a blip in the universe's design, not some puppet master intended to force some storyline," I said with a gentle kind tone, knowing how much my words would be hard for her to hear.
As the hours passed her top emotions shifted, indicating that she was at least thinking about it.
When her feelings moved into mostly contemplation, I shared my Bella theory with her, "I think that your girl emits something not unlike the Denali's that calls others to her, although how that manifests shows up differently. She emits an innocence and a sense of being fragile that is greater than most humans. Yet, Peter told me once that she's made of steel. So, it can't possibly be true that she needs champions. Thus, my guess is that she might not even be conscience of doing it. She seems to have the majority of the males that she has met thus far at college, at least when I've been observing her, enthralled in this way. Not only males, but you are also. Then there's the fact that Charlotte is taken with her, Charlotte, battle hardened human drinking, Charlotte. Let's not even talk about Peter. Not to mention Edward wanting to kill her."
Pausing and collecting my thoughts, I then continued, "She is bewitching us all, but in different ways, and you are no different. I would expect some jealousy from you. You saw her in your visions, yet she lives with Charlotte. Bella's life is shifting away from your expectation of her coming to Forks, and thus her cementing connections to you. Yet, you aren't trying to undermine her relationship with Charlotte. You are sharing her amicably. It's good; please don't misread my words. I'm only trying to point out how your reaction to her is very different to your reaction to me or the Cullens, even though all three came to you as snapshots."
A few minutes of silence enveloped us before she broke it.
"I waited so long for you and I was afraid to lose you, but I didn't know my ability like I do now," she explained. "I've learned since joining the Cullens that these visions that come to me unrequested are guides. What's important is that Bella becomes a member of the family. I still think her being paired with Edward would be best. But, we couldn't have guarded her once Phil broke his wrist, and we requested Peter and Charlotte to. Ideals or not, the outcome is what's most important. Bella's alive and getting comfortable being around our kind, not to mention that I'm beginning to develop a friendship with her in my own right. There's no reason for me to be jealous or pushy."
"You are concerned and slightly apprehensive," I told her.
"Yes," she confirmed, "my lack of jealousy is due to my willingness to do what's best for Bella, above my own wishes. I don't know what to make of it or what it will mean once she's turned. It could fade or it could grow stronger. Her ability to disarm our natural inclinations and instincts makes me uneasy."
"I felt no lust from Bella," I assured Alice, "nothing like the Denali's. But I too am enthralled with her. For me it's more a desire to protect her. Ironic as it is, Peter's role in her life makes me agitated. I want to be the one to keep her safe. I shouldn't feel these things for a human. It's wrong on so many levels."
She giggled at me. "No worries Major, you're still a coldass bastard."
Not even willing to respond to that, but dipping into her emotions covertly I examined her while asking, "Are your feelings really so strong towards Bella that you would be willing to formally request leaving Carlisle's coven?"
"We have enough of our own money now that we wouldn't need to steal," she voiced her tone soft yet heavy.
If she had not uttered the words, I would have never imagined them leaving her lips.
Her emotions below those she emitted were also strange, as well as her corresponding connection with Bella. Certainly some of it could be explained by Alice's ability and how her visions impacted her emotional life, but it was more. At Alice's deepest level she wanted to possess Bella in a way that reminded me of Maria's feelings towards me. My assumption due to the parallel was that Alice saw something in Bella that she wanted to control. Alice wasn't using violence to achieve that goal like Maria had, but that didn't mean it wouldn't be any less effective. The oddest part was that the top layers had no traces of those deeper feelings towards Bella, as if Alice was unaware of her own internal workings. It caused me to wonder how often Alice wasn't in touch with her own emotional state.
Other than a few exceptions, the only time I had this much information from my ability about Alice was when we were touching, which was usually only during sex. In those moments I was often so immersed in my own turmoil and releasing it that I didn't examine what was happening with her. To quench my concerns, in one part of my mind, I began collecting all the data I had regarding Alice's deeper emotional states, especially those I had merely stored prior.
"However," she said slowly, as I had expected. "It would be better if we stayed with the family. Each of us brings something that helps us stay safe and maintain the lifestyle we want. We need them for guidance and support, there's strength in numbers, and the animal diet suits us better. Peter and Charlotte cannot offer these things. Then there's the reality that I don't want to join the Volturi. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that eventually Aro will find out about my talent and want me to join his ranks. You know that Carlisle's friendship with Aro offers us a better defence.
"Your gift doesn't work on large groups as well as Alex's, so Aro is unlikely to see you as valuable. It's not hard to imagine possible futures where the Volturi kill Carlisle and you in order to force me to go with them. There were times before we arrived, especially after Demetri had visited Carlisle and then returned to Italy when Aro would consider killing Carlisle to take Edward, but then would decide against it. You know I believe Aro held himself from acting because he enjoys Carlisle's company and doesn't want to kill him. That makes a big difference."
Leaving aside how much she had revelled regarding how she moved us around to suit herself, I instead pointed out the counter argument, "And you are deeply connected to them," hoping doing so would allow her to stay connected with her care for our well-being, rather than whatever survival mechanism was fuelling her to use us for her purposes.
"I am Jay. I adore being a Cullen," she agreed her tone coated with sadness.
Her emotions spoke what was clear from my ability: her ties to them, her deep care for them, her respect for Esme and Carlisle, and the happiness she felt when she was in the family's mist. Her willingness to give up those ties and feelings seemed unlikely from my vantage point.
She continued, "and I have no wish to leave."
That there was the unabridged truth.
Alice might have learned to reason with me and explain things tactically, but in the end she was driven by the outcome that made her happiest. Her affection, her care, her attachments, her fears started with a vision, but when hope turned into reality or fear turned into a possibility she embodied those qualities and would do anything to make her world a happier better place.
None of us vampires were different. We were selfish, self-centred creatures placing our self-preservations above others. Well, maybe except Carlisle, but he was an oddity amongst his kind. His willingness to die for his beliefs and others was what, above all else, made the Cullens a deviation. They would stand together against the world, even if doing so might mean their demise. They were woven together through affection, care, and connections that seemed abnormal from my first hundred years in this life.
But, then again, I would stand by Peter, and thus, by extension, Charlotte, even against the Volturi. In this way, more than any other, I fit with the Cullens, as did Peter, since he would do the same for me. Except, Peter and I would burn the world before being destroyed. In comparison, Carlisle and thus his coven by extension, I suspected, would want peace first and foremost, and die quickly as a result. This was, unfortunately, a conversation I could never have with Peter, since he couldn't see past their diet and closeness to the human's world.
Quietly, almost like she was speaking to herself, Alice added, "With them we get to explore and create, have hobbies and have company. Carlisle has enough human connection that we've become wealthy beyond measure. It's enough people that we get on each others' nerves and appreciate each other in equal measure. And I will do everything in my power to keep us together, but …" She looked at me downtrodden. "But if it came to it, I'd rather keep Bella and have them at a distance then completely lose Bella." She began to sound like she was distraught and the emotions of fear, hurt, and sadness rolling off her were so strong that they hit me like a freight train. "I cannot lose her, Jay. I cannot. That is the unacceptable future. The rest I won't like and I'll be upset about, but her no longer existing," she shook her head, "no."
Surprised to have her voice those deeper emotions, since my ability had essentially led me to an incorrect conclusion, I re-entered her to try and understand where my assessment had been wrong, while also shifting the analysis of my data collection about Alice's emotions that had been running.
Outwardly I whistled in a low tone. "Ally Cat you're willing to risk and give up a lot over one girl."
"You want her," she challenged.
"More than is healthy or reasonable," I agreed.
"I want her," she stated as if saying so was betraying me.
Her embarrassment, disappointment, concern, and shame tinged under a bucket load of desire and possessiveness. And yet, she wasn't envious, jealous, or anything in that family regarding sharing Bella with others. Her reaction only confirmed my theory about Bella.
Alice settled back into the world only she could see. She did this away from Edward, I suspected, because she kept from him her ability to search future possibilities past decision points, but we had never spoken about it, as Alice was ridiculously incapable of answering those types of questions. The added bonus was that if I didn't ask, then I didn't have to add it to the heaping load of things I was keeping from Edward. Maybe it was the nature of being a mindreader, but he was a nosy motherfucker who was only satisfied when he had all the information, even if he did nothing with it other than brood.
A part of my brain searched death certificates, runaway reports, and a host of other bits of data humans presently provided publically and even a few that they didn't, which had required some hacking on my end, as I was still working on calculating James game. Then, another part of me started evaluating the changes in Alice.
When Alice looked at me once more, I eyed her challengingly. Her eyes dropped, which was rare for her, as she was usually strong-willed and certain about her decisions.
"I can only hope that my reaction to her is because she's important in some way. I've had visions of her since she was born, although I didn't know it at the time," she said softly as if she were musing out loud rather than speaking directly to me.
"I know, Ally Cat," I commented, as a reminder equally softly.
"I don't have visions of humans unless it's in relation to one of us, usually us killing them," she muttered in an even softer ton, like she was trying to make sense of herself. "She's the first that wasn't like that. The visions of her are like all those years watching you, watching the Cullens. They have bound me to her," she whispered in an almost desperate pleading.
"It's okay, Alice. I understand," I assured her.
Through the years my ability had picked up how her affection and attachment to the snippets of a person had grown, solidifying with each new vision her connection to the additional person in the snapshot. Oddly enough these visions usually came when it was just the two of us, as if her ability knew how to keep the visions from Edward, and we had mental exercises to keep things from him, after the fact. As a result, he was none the wiser about it.
Upon her awakening as a vampire, I had been her first snapshot, which had lead her to learn her ability in order to search for me, and thus to learn me through her ability. Eventually she received the first family snapshot and became a daughter to Carlisle and Esme and sister, to Edward, Rosalie, and Emmett, but there was never any doubt that before everyone else, she had clung to me. Over the last fifty years her connection to me had strengthened as well as hers to the others. Unsurprisingly, given my opinions about Alice, her connections to Edward and Carlisle particularly had become as strong as the one with me.
My observations of her over the years fit how she had become so close to Edward and indebted to Carlisle, which only made her feelings towards the human stranger. Alice had expanded her heart and claimed the human deeply into herself. When I examined how Alice was feeling presently against how she felt towards Bella in comparison to when we had first met, there were more similarities than differences. The only difference was that Alice and I had decades together, so the connection was more robust and complex. By my estimates, Alice's present connection to the human made it seem that with sufficient time Alice's connection to the human could eclipse all others.
Alice's words cleared any of my previous doubt regarding her awareness of her attachment to the human and my ability's witnessing how the visions of Bella had changed Alice. Yet, I could not discern clearly if Alice was aware how similar her emotions towards the human were when compared to how she felt about me upon our first meeting. These similarities would have have never led me to hypothesis that Alice had been seeing a human. Since I prided myself in counting every possibility, my lack of factoring in the snapshot addition being a human from Alice's first receiving of it in 1987 had, in fact, started the process of my becoming unbalanced.
And what about on the human's side? I knew little about her, except that she had connected with Charlotte, but that was inferences from Peter's reports. This lack of information unnerved me even more. Nevertheless, if my theory held that the human was meant to be a part of our world, would her emotions adjust to give her the greatest chance of making that true, irrelevant of the person? Could the human's emotions be altered that radically? It seemed clear that if Alice's feelings could be formed due to her visions in the manner they had, then it was very likely the human's emotions could also be changed to suit fate's whims.
So, even though I had missed something somewhere in my estimates of Alice, and that bothered me, it was assuring that at least I hadn't missed everything. However, what I had overlooked placed me in the uncomfortable position of having something come my way that I hadn't prepared for. Usually people died when that happened and my life was no longer filled with disposable soldiers.
The problem was that I didn't want Alice to change, even though the process had already begun. Despite any reservations regarding motives that I had towards Alice, our relationship was close to ideal for me. I cared for her deeply, and, even if might have been unwise, had taken on the mantle of being her champion. The challenge to keep up with her, as much as I had gotten to know her, was welcomed. However, these alterations put an added complication on things, which obscured my interpretations. Already what I had believed my ability indicated had been proven wrong.
My trust in my interpretation of what my ability gave me had kept me alive all those years after keeping Peter. To have that threatened was unravelling. I did not like it, and so, like in battle, flung myself in the direction my intuition said was sturdier ground. But, at what cost?
Nothing indicated a desire within Alice to leave me. Then there was our deep and abiding friendship that we had cultivated over the decades, which would be nearly impossible to rupture. Nevertheless, my mind could not stop questioning what it could mean to have this human added to Alice's heart? Would I be open to having two sexual partners simultaneously? The idea was fine by me in a general sense, although I was hesitant about the human, as she was a stranger to me, and certainly it was not conceivable while she was human. How would Alice feel if it were to be the three of us? How would Bella?
Irrelevant of what could be, I trusted Alice's assessment that the ideal future outcome for the Cullens was if Bella and Edward were a couple. Certainly it was would be the least disruptive to the family structure.
"You can't help your ability any more than I can help mine," I reminded her sending her acceptance and comfort, disliking the emotions she was emitting.
"I know Jay, but I also can't help my perception that my visions are causing us to betray each other in some way. Without them our response to her would be more natural." With her words her embarrassment, regret, shame, disappointment, sadness, and concern became more prominent. Clearly, she felt bad about how this was impacting our relationship. Usually I would comfort her first, but her words triggered something within me and they bolted from my mouth before I had the chance to do anything else.
"Perhaps this is why I have responded differently to her than Peter or Charlotte," I mused.
"What are you saying?" she asked slightly offended and defensive her emotions conveying that she thought I was accusing her of something and upset with her.
Thinking carefully about my wording, I answered, "I care about what you care about. Your emotions infiltrate me and shift how I see the world. I could not have accepted the Cullens the way I did otherwise. They were nothing like I had ever known. I should have been on guard and weary of them, maybe even used my ability to mollify them. And I was apprehensive, but in a much diluted form. I entered the house of five vampires and asked questions first rather than acting first. That in itself is pretty radical. Perhaps the same is happening with Bella."
She nodded in acceptance of my words. "At least that puts us on the same page," she teased ruefully.
My words had done the trick and her negative emotions were more diluted and her primary emotions were appreciation, deep and abiding care for me, with some concern. However, I disagreed. We weren't on the same page at all, but as usual keep these things to myself. One day I might have enough information for us to be.
"Would you be willing to share her with me?" I queried, as the idea of adding a vampire Bella to our bed reappeared in my mind.
She tilted her head and looked at me puzzled. Then, with a confused tone asked, "Aren't I already? And Peter and Charlotte too?"
Holding in my smile and appreciating how she rarely thought in sexual terms, I clarified, "Sexually."
Her lips formed an O and her eyebrows rose while she exulted a pleased delight. She paused a moment and then answered, "You being sexual with her wouldn't bother me, and in fact would be a good thing, in my opinion. I've never been with a girl, as you know, but if she's agreeable, then yes, I'd be open to trying that."
Her answer didn't surprise me, as it matched our sex life and her lack of initiating things.
She radiated curiousness before she asked, "Have you considered us doing that with the Denalis?"
"Yes," I answered, because of course I had considered it. "but their emotions, even when I am not touching them, are not attractive to me, so I'm not interested in their emotions entering me like yours do."
She smiled widely like she had won a prize and was pleased as punch.
Perhaps she hadn't thought in those terms previously, which wasn't surprising, as I was constantly on guard, while she wasn't.
My answer regarding the Denalis made it clear that Bella might not work either. Sure, I was more attached to the human due to Alice, and when we had stalked her, I had found her emotional world pleasant, but she could have changed in ways that made that no longer the case. It wasn't like I knew the girl or had touched her skin yet.
After a few moments Alice's emotions indicated that her mind was quickly flipping through her memories, she spoke again. "I think I messed something up by agreeing for Charlotte and Peter to guard her," she admitted.
"You don't say?" I teased.
She huffed in the way she did when we got into our disagreement about her using her ability to alter the future. "I can't really tell, but I have this feeling. That's all. Even though it was painful for me, perhaps it would have been best for her to have been left alone. It's just that I have loved her for so long, and once I knew who my visions were leading me to, the thought of losing her was too much to handle. It has taken so much work to keep my true feelings, thoughts, not to mention visions of her from Edward. I've already sacrificed so much for her. It's stupid, but I feel completely territorial when it comes to her."
"Are you resentful of the idea of the family getting to know her as well?" I asked playfully.
"Ugh! Yes. I'm sharing her enough as it is. Esme would … ugh. I can't seem to help it." She paused briefly and then added, "You're not overbearing and it has a different feeling when I think about you getting to know her, but everyone else …" Then she shuddered.
Yet, her emotions didn't match. I had no doubt that she didn't want to share Bella with even more people, but it wasn't resentment. It was an odd mix of heartache and longing.
Alice's features twisted into despair. "I'm asking too much of you, Jay, too accept this. It's not fair or reasonable. I'm sorry."
"Maybe not," I agreed, "but life is rarely fair or reasonable. On the other hand we have to trust in the bigger picture. Our abilities have gotten us to today. Your attachment to her comes from our abilities and is what it is, and thus how you feel is how you feel. And with our physical connection, what you feel I feel. Sometimes in life all you have is a wing and a prayer. I know with your ability you think you're immune to needing such things, but rarely do we have all we need for a situation. We prepare the best we can and then hope it's enough."
Her eyes held me steady as if trying to prove me wrong, but by the end they had softened. She looked away and then confessed, "I'm just nervous, Jay. I don't like acting contrary to our nature."
It wasn't like her to talk about her feelings in this way, as she usually communicated these things via my ability. Her speaking about this only meant it was really bothering her.
"Alice," I warned, believing her reaction too Carlisle-like, "I'm an empath and you're a seer. We are already contrary to our kind. How about instead we just trust that our abilities and instincts will lead us in the right way?"
"No matter the cost?" she asked, her voice showing just a touch of trepidation.
"Well, we can always count the cost at each junction," I pointed out.
She agreed, but said nothing.
It had only been 43 hours and 18 minutes after meeting the Cullens the first time I considered leaving and wandering alone again. I mean sure without the sex my lack of being able to self-regulate might become slightly problematic, but before encountering Alice I had a system going, as flawed as it might have been. However, staying with this coven seemed to be worse by all estimates. Certainly the highest cost was keeping a tight grip on my thoughts. In addition to the mental imagery Alice had confirmed for me before our arrival, I had been mentally humming. Even still, there had been moments when I was actively evaluating the coven, and Edward's emotions would become concerned.
Alice and the girls were on a floor above, while they discussed how to decorate Alice's and my room.
Us men were in the lounge. Carlisle and Edward were talking about some medical something or other that seemed completely pointless.
Right as the thought crossed my mind Edward stopped mid-sentence and uttered to the room, "There's lots of forest surrounding us to stretch your legs."
Emmett then added his voice almost as loud as his emotions, "Yeah, come on man, let's leave these two intellectual snobs and go be men."
Eying Emmett and taking an emotional temperature of the room, I decided taking a run and clearing my head would be a good choice before taking my next action.
"Show him how you hunt, Emmett," Alice proclaimed from wherever she was located.
Emmett rolled his eyes and exited.
Following behind him, I stayed on high alert.
No doubt Edward was the second in command and using his ability to gather information about us, which he would convey to Carlisle, who would then decide if we could stay in his territory. Better to give them enough distance to give them their privacy so they could make their decision. At least by the time I returned, I would know where I stood. Carlisle's woman might want to have us stay, but unless they didn't follow coven rules either, she would have no say.
"You like reading and book stuff like them?" Emmett asked as we ran.
"Not many books in a warzone," I stated, as it was the closest to truth I was willing to utter.
"How about as a human?" he wondered his emotions clear and straightforward. He was simply curious.
"Don't remember," I stated evenly.
"I can only remember a Bible," he voiced as if my answer didn't matter. "As you probably gathered from Carlisle's history lesson of the family that Carlisle, Edward, and Rosalie were rich as humans. Esme was in the middle, as her husband was white-collar when not in the military. I was a poor country bumpkin. I don't mind their snobbish ways most of the time, but a lot of it seems pointless to me."
Grunting, I said nothing more.
Then, with only a slight gleefulness and curiosity along with a pivot of his back foot he turned to me and pounced. His approach was obvious. Before my mind even calculated, I moved to the right, grabbed into his left arm, propelled myself over him onto his back, used his momentum to force him into the ground, put my feet around his legs, pulled his left arm back, grabbed onto his right wrist, and immobilised him completely, including having my teeth on his right joint between his neck and collarbone. That didn't include the 'don't fuck with me' and triple terror I was bombarding him with out of pure habit.
He completely froze and then in the softest voice he had spoken since my arrival said, "Uncle."
The word jolted me out of my mindset. Bringing what I was broadcasting back into me, my mind began to calculate the best option before me.
"I was just messin'," he stated in that same soft tone. "Edward rarely wants to rough house and Carlisle taught us to fight, but otherwise is also no fun."
As it was inevitable, since we had skin to skin contact, my ability absorbed his feelings. He was a simple guy whose feelings were even and straightforward. Underneath his regret and disappointment was a little fear, enough to say that he wasn't scared of me as much as scared of the vulnerability of the position. His affection and lust towards Rosalie rivalled Peter and Charlotte. His care and concern for his other family members were strong.
Bringing my torso up, which took my teeth away from him, I told him, "You can't do that. I have too many years fighting."
"Yeah," he said, his disappointment increasing. Then, with hope increasing he added, "Maybe one day."
"We live long lives, who knows?" I allowed.
Using his body as a springboard, I pushed off of him and landed on my feet twenty feet away.
I noticed how the feelings I had absorbed from him were impacting my feelings towards the Cullens, and then my awareness ended, as if his feelings had become integrated inside of me. Later I would try and remember my own prior feelings. Even though Emmett couldn't have known, what had happened irritated me.
"You're good, man, I'll give you that," Emmett praised standing up.
Just then the sound of two footfalls could be heard.
I tensed ready to fight.
"Cool, man," Emmett told me with a big smile walking towards me, "It's just Edward and Carlisle." Then, in a volume there was no way they could hear, he asked, "Just go along, okay?"
"With what?" I asked back, unwilling to let him take the lead.
"I want to ruffle Edward's feather's some," he said, taking a step towards me. "You willing to pretend that we were in a lover's embrace?"
I raised an eyebrow, grunted, nodded in agreement, as it would allow me to get a measure of Edward, and then warned him, "On top of clothes only."
"Good enough," Emmett agreed.
Then, he moved so that his arms were around my shoulders and he was leaning down towards me with his back towards their direction.
I moved my body so it appeared to be in sexual enjoyment and submission to him.
Then, he started making kissing noises and moaning noises, while I held in laughter.
When Edward came close enough so he could see us, he stopped dead in his tracks frozen, his emotions vibrantly and intensely giving off shock, disgust, and then underneath a tone of accusation. A few moments later Carlisle arrived making his entrance clear. When that didn't stop Emmett, Carlisle made a sound like he was clearing his throat. It was bizarre. Then Edward screeched like a banshee and growled. I hadn't even known vampires could sound like that.
Emmett turned his head towards Edward and asked, sounding sweet and innocent, "You want to join in?"
"You-Rosalie-I-NO!" he screamed. Then, he turned to Carlisle, and demanded like a child, "Do something!"
Carlisle must have answered mentally, because then Edward retorted, "Consenting or not, he's married!"
"Go home, Edward," Carlisle stated with authority.
Edward looked at Carlisle beseechingly and then slumped his shoulders screamed in frustration and turned back the way they came.
When Edward was far enough away that he would not have been able to hear, Carlisle spoke once more, "That was a mean joke to play on Edward, Emmett. You know better."
Emmett darted over to Carlisle all smiles and excitement and happiness. "But he screeched. It was great!"
Carlisle looked at Emmett and then calmly said, "Go home, apologise, and assure Rosalie."
"Sure, pops," Emmett said joyfully and then started back to the house.
Carlisle and I eyed each other.
"Alice had a vision, which Edward saw, I presume," Carlisle explained, "and Edward came running only saying on the way that you were about to kill Emmett."
Frowning, it hadn't occurred to me that Emmett's decision would have triggered Alice's visions.
"I presumed that Emmett was being Emmett, which usually includes wanting to do something physical. Clearly you didn't harm him, and he chose to use it as an opportunity to mess with Edward," he stated.
Nodding in acknowledgement of his assumptions, he then made a small guttural sound. We said nothing for a while.
When he broke the silence it seemed calculated. "I presume that you could have ended him easily. He is more of a bull in a china closest than a fighter. I appreciate the restraint it likely took you to not behead him."
Raising an eyebrow at him, I judged the emotions in the atmosphere. The determination, caution, and hope told me little. Unlike Emmett, he was clearly a complicated character.
"When I lived with the Volturi I would occasionally watch them train. The instinct to end a threat is powerful in us. To teach the guard to obey in direct opposition to this instinct, they would have Jane give any guard member pain who went beyond their rules of engagement. I didn't condone their methods, but the results speak for themselves. They are the best trained soldiers in our world. If you were able to stop, it means that you rival them." He paused and another lengthy silence ensued. "Are you a Trojan Horse?"
Configuring my features into confusion, I said nothing.
"Are you Volturi, Jasper?" he asked directly, the emotions in the air weary and resigned.
"No," I answered.
After a few moments he then questioned, "Southern Wars?"
"Yes," I confirmed.
The emotions were less trepidation and more hopeful. "Apart from Alice's exuberance and openness, and thus what she's already shared, it is very clear to me that you are here because she brought you. It seems from my observations that you are already halfway out the door. With your time in the Wars, I imagine that closed spaces and many individuals in one place put you at unease."
Certainly that wouldn't have been my description, but it wasn't far off.
"My wife has already taken in Alice as one of hers, and thus she would be sad to see her go, and I don't like seeing my wife sad," he stated like that was obvious. "If you left Alice would be sad or leave with you, so I have a deal for you."
Standing still, I waited.
"Agree to stay for a week. If it's tolerable, then stay for another. If you get to a month, stay for another month, and so on. At each juncture pause and count the benefits and costs for staying or leaving," he offered.
It was a fair deal in of itself, but it left much out.
"What are your coven rules other than no human deaths?" I retorted.
He frowned slightly, and then asked, "You know the coven laws?"
"Yes," I answered.
Curiosity entered the air, but instead he told me, "No sexual advances of any kind to Esme or myself. You'll have to check, but Emmett and Rosalie are probably the same. Any visitors please let Esme or me know with as much advance notice as you can. If a door is closed, knock and wait for permission to enter. If Esme and I are in our bedroom, knock only if it's urgent. When possible we try and not kill mothers and offspring, even of animals, especially of the carnivores. If you choose to explore the area, let me or Esme know the time frame that you will be gone, as best as you can guess, unless you go with another family member."
Giving myself a few seconds to ensure there was nothing in his conditions that were unacceptable, I afterwards stated, "Agreed."
"And while you're here, please feel free to read any book, take up a hobby, or anything else that interests you," he added with a welcoming smile.
It caused me to wonder what he was selling.
"Esme and I hope you like it with us, but you're always welcome to stop and count the costs," he reiterated.
"Yes, sir," I replied willing to do this.
He turned. "Let's head back, unless you need something."
"I'm good," I told him, which was true.
"What are your requests of us?" he asked as we walked.
"Don't touch my skin," I stated with emphasis.
"Anything else?" he questioned.
"No," I answered, unable to think of anything else at that moment.
As we walked I kept thinking about the idea of counting the cost. In the camp only Maria had that privilege. It was a novel idea and one that gave me a sense of freedom. It was a good feeling.
My mind returned to my conversation with Alice. After reviewing it, I chose to ask a question that had been bugging me, "Any guesses as to why your visions show Edward, who has phenomenal self-control, would be the one to kill Bella?"
"I don't know," she said in a huff.
I responded with a low whistle. Rarely did Alice admit to not knowing something.
Leaving that be, I asked the next question in my mind, since she was in a sharing mood, "Have you entertained the thought that your visions of Bella are because she is your mate?"
"How am to know, Jay?" she mused. "Over the decades, but especially since the visions of Bella started, I've given the idea a lot of thought. Certainly Carlisle believes in the idea of mates. If his ideas are correct, then it's fated. And if that's true, then my visions should have led me to that person. When Carlisle first talked about mates, you came to mind, but then how that does explain my draw towards Edward. Now there's Bella." She paused for a second before continuing. "Certainly, the idea of Bella being my mate has its appeal. It would make for a great love story, even as good as ours.
"On the other hand, I have you in my ear reminding me that vampires can easily confuse lust and desire for an abiding connection. What if you're right and Carlisle's wrong? Then it's not fate, but choice. Instead of Greek methodology and twin flames, it's finding someone that fits you. We fit, but I also saw the possibility of Edward and I fitting. If that wasn't enough, there are my own feelings for Bella that confuse me.
"There's my love for her. I certainly feel possessive and desire. Are those the emotions that speak towards being mated? Maybe there's a woman who would have been even better suited for Carlisle than Esme, but they chose each other. That seems like enough. And if it is, then how am I to know the answer towards your question. In this case, my visions don't give me the answers."
She was becoming distraught, so I wrapped her tightly in my arms and reminded her, "Your ability is not going to give you every answer." After a second to collect my thoughts, I continued, "You know my opinion that there isn't 'the one'. Our long lives and how our nature works does not seem to me to match human ideals of love. However, as we tend to dislike change, staying with someone for hundreds of years or even millennias makes sense, but in all that time to never have sex with someone else, to be monogamous all that time seems silly to me, especially considering how unreasonably attractive the venom makes us."
She nodded as if she was agreeing, but her emotions were in turmoil and she countered saying, "Yet, we live with two couples who have been monogamous for a near century and are still going strong. Then again, perhaps you're correct and they are exceptions, due to their beliefs around sex and love when turned. Perhaps the idea of mates is just a fairytale to give us mythical creatures hope. Maybe, your right, and it's Volturi propaganda to justify imprisoning their wives. Maybe Carlisle has the inside scoop on this one. How am I to know whether the idea of mates is true, let alone if Bella fits into that category? I cannot find the answer," she bemoaned.
"I agree with you," I assured her, "there is no way to know for sure. I don't believe in it. Carlisle and his changelings do."
My beliefs were heavily influenced my past, as were Carlisle's no doubt. Trusting another was very hard for me, other than Peter. Even if I did come to trust another, I was constantly on the look out for a betrayal. Peter was my changeling, so him betraying me was as impossible as me destroying Maria. Without doubt, my distrust of others kept me from being as connected to the Cullens, and even Alice, as I could be, but my past refused me to give them more than I had already. In addition was the vast different understanding I had with sex than the rest of the Cullens. Thus, I believed myself incapable of having the kind of relationship with another like the two other couples did.
Alice nodded on my chest and after a few minutes added, "Since my visions cannot guide me towards an answer, I figure it doesn't matter if mates exist. I love you. You love me. We work well together. We complement one another. If Bella compliments us both, then we talk to her about her joining what we have. That is enough. Isn't that enough?" she asked in desperation, as if she had just bared her soul. Then, after a pause added, her voice softer, "I can't see Bella's future with me or with us, and it has become increasingly unclear the more time has passed. I'm beginning to wonder if I missed my window, if we missed the possibility."
"What we have is enough," I comforted her. "Our friendship is what holds us, and it is all there really needs to be. Consensual sex is always enjoyable, but sex is not our foundation, which is one of my favourite parts about us."
She radiated her desire, care, and adoration for me.
After a few minutes I added, "Ally Cat you must know that our friendship means a great deal to me. We do work well together."
She nuzzled into me pulling my scent into her lungs. When she spoke it was so quiet that it could have been the wind. "I need her, Jay, like I need air. My attachment to her is too strong now to consider losing her."
Her grief was sharp and piercing.
"Ally Cat, please don't say that, because if you need her, then our continued physical contact means that I will need her too, and she's a fragile thing that attracts danger like a moth to a flame."
"We could change her," she breathed.
"Any changes to how do you see that going?" I challenged her.
She stilled. "Our chance of remaining a united family looks better if Carlisle changes her, but as she didn't move to Forks, that seems unlikely. Anyone would be better than losing her, especially as the path she would have been on no longer exists."
"Then we better not lose her," I said plainly.
"How are we going to do that?" Alice wondered.
"Isn't this why Peter and Charlotte guard her?" I pointed out. "Maybe when the Cullens leave Forks, we could strike out on our own and move with Bella, wherever she goes."
Smiling sadly she told me, "Well, it's too bad I can't arrange events so that Bella and Edward would become joined. Practically that would be the best outcome."
"And at your heart of hearts what do you want?"
Looking ashamed she answered softly, "To have her be ours and us to remain at the Cullens, but with Charlotte and Peter in her life. I cannot see how that option would be possible."
"Anything is possible with enough time," I countered.
"But I am impatient," she teased me.
"You are truly willing to give up your claim of her?" I asked after a few minutes hoping she was still in a sharing mood.
"Yes," she said even though it seemed painful for her to do so, "if that is what will bring her the greatest happiness. If she will be my friend, that's enough. It's that what you just said, that friendship is what really matters. That will be enough." These last words were spoken more with determination than before, as if repeating them would bring them into existence.
She was trying to will her heart to follow her head. It was possible, but it would take time.
Alice's attachment for the human had been clear to me from the moment she had laid eyes on her in Phoenix. Fortunately because of my learned strategy of not thinking about certain topics around Edward, it had seemed that I had successfully keeping Edward in the dark. Strangely, even with what Alice had said, I didn't feel jealous. Alice had connected with Bella in the same way that she had connected with the Cullens and me. It was the nature of her ability. However, if she was willing to give up everything to make sure Bella remained in her life, then it was a dangerous spell Bella was weaving.
"As long as a possible future doesn't threaten our lives, you won't hear any complaints from me," I promised her.
"The desire to bite her is so strong sometimes, Jay. I just want the waiting over with. But my most secret of hopes is that you would do it. To have your scent within her …" she shuddered her emotions making it clear how much she liked the idea. "You sired Peter. You could do it again. I never have."
"I would pull you off her if you started taking too much, but honestly, Alice, I'd rather do it simply to spare you the difficulty of the aftermath. To have tasted human blood after all these years and then resist again … it's hard and I'd rather spare you the pain and struggle."
"You would?" she asked, puzzled and delighted with my words obviously increasing her affection and desire.
"Yes, Ally Cat. I feel a possessiveness over her and honestly the thought crossed my mind the first time I saw her."
She became very thoughtful. "You had that compulsion about Peter, right?"
Nodding in agreement, I was curious where her mind went.
"And changing Peter not only decreased the bites you got, increased Maria's wins, and kept you safer, but it altered your internal world. It is where you began to have feelings that were on the positive spectrum."
"Yes," I chuckled at her, "I was the one to tell you this."
"So, if my ability has bound me to her and your ability calls you to change her like it did with Peter, what does that mean?" she asked almost in awe.
Musing that over for a while I concluded, "That she will radically alter our world for the better." Like lightning a thought hit me. "And how she causes the others to respond to her is like double security. If we don't change her, she will be a vampire eventually. She's like honey to bees, what she sends out unconsciously pulls every vampire towards her in some way or fashion." As I uttered the words, they became truer.
"She is meant to be in our world. I wonder why?" Alice mused.
"The future will tell. I don't want a future where you're not in it, Alice. I will do any of your options and even ones you might not have considered or seen yet as long as it keeps you alive."
"Even if?" she challenged me.
"Even if," I vowed. In truth I hoped it didn't come to that. "But us five living together seems like the most ideal situation for everyone given our present path."
"True," she agreed, and then checked, "Could you manage that?"
"Yes," I answered assuredly, "unless her moods have changed. Since the first proximity to her, her emotions have been calming."
"What about when she bleeds?" Alice wondered.
"I'll run away or something. Worse case I sink my teeth into her and she changes," I reasoned. "We can tell her the danger of that from the beginning."
Alice smiled widely. "It's a great plan," she exclaimed before she jumped me and proceeded to show me how grateful she was.
Like a light switch, Alice was focused on the future and closed off to the present.
Keeping Bella, given the living situations would only work if Charlotte was willing to step in, which meant also getting Peter to agree, otherwise we were back to worse-case options.
"Ready?" Alice asked after many hours of us enjoying one another had passed, but I could hear her reluctance.
My analysis of Alice would continue, but my conclusion, which would doubtfully change, was that the inconsistencies my ability picked up in Alice had to do with her ability. When she said she was possessive it was because she was in a vision. She was doing that Alice thing of speaking of visions as if they were her present lived reality. But really she probably was completely ignorant of her present internal state. This conclusion calmed me, as it showed that the main things I had missed was her emotions while she had some of the visions about the human.
Standing up I pulled Alice with me. "Keep looking for a way to keep Bella that decreases the fall out."
"Yes, sir," she teased with a salute.