Chapter 13: Building Tension
When ready, I made myself known to the three probably patrolling together.
One of the wolves turned, looked up at me, snarled, and then became a man seemingly unaffected by his nakedness.
"What are you doing here Cullen?" he sneered, while the two others growled in warning.
"Making sure there's no trouble from our kind," I stated, my tone even.
"We can take care of it," he said, his tone haughtily while pride oozed from him.
"How many?" I asked.
"Three," he informed me, but the pride had become mixed with an arrogance that in my experience often indicated a likelihood of a person boasting.
They had burnt Laurent, but Edward and I had practically done that job for them. Other vampires seemed unlikely at this point, since few of our kind who were not friends would venture this way, given the patrols and markings we were doing.
"Were they on your land?" I asked, pressing trust his way with a bit of haughty pride, hoping that the combination would feel natural to him.
"Close enough," he answered with the swagger of a teenager who believes himself invincible.
"That's very kind of you," I let him know.
The wolves made a strange sound that would have probably been chuckling in their human form.
The human formed wolf chuckled darkly with resentment and anger on top. "Well if you leeches are going to cause me to lose my future options the least I can do is try to see your fairy asses go up in purple smoke."
"Fair enough," I let him know, tempering down his anger and resentment just enough that he wouldn't notice, but would ideally make him more level headed and more able to be influenced by what I was putting out.
"Did you know the one you tore apart?" he asked, emitting an unease combined with curiousness.
"There was a coven that came into the area last spring. We told them not to hunt on the Peninsula, and informed Sam of the encounter. The coven leader decided that was a challenge he wanted to test. There were two others in the coven, a man and a woman. The male who guards Bella killed the female. Laurent was the second male, leaving only the coven leader. That's as much as I know." By the second sentence I had started to send out tranquillity.
He looked calmer with his eyes the tiniest bit dilated.
"What were the others you killed appearances?" I questioned.
"Sparkly," he replied with too much humour, suggesting that he wasn't taking the conversation seriously.
The wolves made that strange chuckling-like sound again.
I wasn't sure what kind of cocktail would be needed to get him to tell me what I wanted to know. I decided to send out a stronger amount of pride and see if that got me anywhere.
"Remember what we told Sam about James recruiting help from José," I reminded him.
"Thanks for the heads up. If I see either of them, I'll be sure to take a bite out of them," he joked, but his emotions said otherwise.
"That would be kind of you," I told him flatly, tempering back my influence, so it wouldn't give rise to any suspicion within him, as I was unwilling to spend any more energy on him.
Finishing my loop, I decided that young shapeshifters were the most infuriating and unstable of their kind, and wished Bella would keep her distance from them.
Through the rest of the summer our family went to investigate three police calls near the border, even though only one was an accident. The family's frustration and restlessness were beginning to rise. Alice's feelings were particularly intense. She spent most of her days searching the future in Edward's lap, his eyes also closed, no doubt watching what she was seeing. Fortunately, the feelings the family had in seeing Alice and Edward in this way were beginning to change into acceptance.
The first time Alice and I guarded Bella, while Peter and Charlotte hunted, had been slightly uncomfortable only because Alice heavily emitted frustration and disappointment.
"How are things going with Edward?" I asked, simply in hopes of distracting her in order to alter her emotional tone.
"Slow," she grumbled.
Chuckling, I checked, "You expected something different?"
She huffed, "He just has all these ideas of how things should progress. They're very proscribed. It's annoying!"
Grabbing her wrist playfully, I spun her in a twirl, bringing her into my arms, careful to not touch her skin.
Calming her ire, I uttered soothingly, "Shh, June bug, it's okay. The Cullens aren't normal. You know that, right?" I joshed.
She chuckled in the midst of her hitched breathing. "I know, but the nomadic life wouldn't suit me Jay, and I like it with them. I like Esme mothering me and doing girly stuff with her and Rosalie. I like Emmett's crazy jokes and how Edward has helped me figure out my visions. I even like how Carlisle leads us, most of the time. But we were bound to not agree with Carlisle all of the time."
Truer words hadn't been spoken. I had disagreed with Maria nearly every other day.
Chuckling I admitted, "I suppose that is better than Maria's track record."
"We're safer and happier with them, Jay," she reminded me.
Sighing, I wrapped her into me tighter. "I know that." Then, letting her go, I sent her amusement and teased her once more, "Did you really expect any different, oh all seeing one?"
She looked at me cross, but her emotions had lightened, seemingly appreciating our banter. "When he finally made the decision to ask to court me, I saw flashes, and had, clearly incorrectly, assumed that they would happen in a short period of time, but no."
"He asked Carlisle for permission?" I asked in a pretend shocked voice.
She emitted embarrassment and admitted, "He did."
I guffawed for many long minutes at the image it created.
She backed away from me, put her hand on her hip, and stared at me in irritation.
"It isn't that funny," she retorted.
"It so is," I disagreed. "How old are you? How old is he? And we're vampires. It is that funny."
She huffed like she disliked my teasing, but her emotions were humorous.
When my laughter calmed, I teased, pretending to be shocked, "Are you admitting to being wrong twice in one year?"
She did the motion with her hand of I'm watching you and with a slight smile admitted, "I know the limitations of my gift. I've never claimed perfection."
Knowing this was true, I simply sent her my compassion.
"Don't fiddle," I warned her. "Connections need to be natural and develop over time with each party agreeing whole-heartedly to deepening the connection."
"Yes, yes, all knowing one," she teased back sounding irritated, but she was feeling disappointed.
"You going to change your mind, and run back into my arms anytime soon?" I asked in a teasing tone.
She smiled sadly. "You trying to steal me back after the other guy hasn't even gotten to first base?"
"Really?" I asked, sending her mirth. "Not even that? He must be worth it."
She huffed. "You haven't changed your mind," she stated in a slightly accusatory tone.
"I gave my word for him to have his chance," I reminded her. "You made no such promise."
She sighed sadly. "I wish you could have removed my terror without changing our bond, but that's not what happened."
"And I want you to have the chance to figure out if he's what you want," I reiterated. "Your happiness is more important than whether we're together or not."
"Yeah," she agreed sadly.
"Why did you tell him about the option of choosing him when we came to the Cullens, when you had told me that there really wasn't a choice, only possibilities?" I questioned, as Edward's statement had irritated me some.
She sighed. "You told me not to tell anyone about what you did to me. I had to explain my choices in some way."
I didn't like it, but could see her dilemma.
"It's unhealthy to build a connection on half-truths. You could have simply said that recent events have caused a gap between us that wasn't there before and caused you to feel more connected to him," I pointed out.
She nodded, but said nothing.
"Be careful," I warned her.
"Received," she assured me.
"Have the two of you spoken about your feelings towards Bella?" I wondered.
"No," she hissed, sending out ire. "Bella is a very touchy subject for him, as he prizes his self-control." After a few minutes sadness radiated from her, "He is not like you Jasper. He does not understand how I can love you and want to explore an intimate relationship with him. He certainly wouldn't understand how I love a human and would be willing to die protecting her."
"You love her enough not only to give up your claim, but to risk your life for hers?" I checked, shocked that Alice would say such a thing.
"Well, I am responsible for her life being at risk in the first place," she retorted in a high and mighty tone. "It's the least I can do."
"Humans die every day, Alice," I said gently, trying to calm her enough to get a straight answer.
"Not only did the removal of my terror change my feelings towards you, they also changed my feelings towards Bella," she offered her voice soft and tentative, as if she wasn't sure she wanted to voice the words.
Thus, I said nothing allowing whatever opened Alice's mouth to continue.
"Immediately after receiving each snapshot, whether it was of you, the family, or Bella being added to the family, I have wanted to ensure they came to be, as if my survival depended on it. Maybe my fear of James triggered these snapshots, giving me the best path of survival, even if it was far off and not based on decisions." She took a breath and looked like she wasn't going to say more, but then continued after many long minutes of silence, "My feelings for Bella suggest that she's the pièce de résistance. I can't say why, exactly, and it's not like I want to die, it's more like her surviving and becoming a vampire is worth my death and yours combined."
What could this girl mean to our world if that was Alice's perspective? This was beyond my theory, and I didn't have enough information to determine what Alice was describing.
"There is a way to ensure we all survive, but it requires staying united with the Cullens," she said and then ended abruptly like she was some human soothsayer coming out of a trance.
"Surviving James?" I questioned my own worry increasing.
She paused considering that.
"No, it feels bigger than James," she answered. Then sighing, she told me, "Ever since I woke there's been a foreboding feeling that has lingered within me. When I found out that James very likely knew me as a human and hunted me, I thought that it was about James. I assumed that once you removed the terror, that the foreboding feeling would disappear, but it hasn't. What you did completely changed my terror and I no longer have a sense of being frozen in place, so it made a big difference, but only some with the foreboding. So, no, I think the future holds something larger than James and my visions are trying to help me out."
Tilting my head to the side, I summarised, "Something foreboding is heading this way, and apart from your desire to pursue a romantic relationship with Edward, there is the strategic bonus of tying everyone in your snapshot together, even if it's not what you were wanting or expecting."
She pursed her lips, but said nothing.
"You suspect that it's Volturi or something similar, and thus have moved yourself in the position that most likely creates your survival," I added.
"And everyone else," she offered, radiating her care and concern for the Cullens, me, and Bella.
Her affection and care was what fuelled her. At her core she wanted her world to be a happy place. Didn't change the wrongness of her actions, as she had been taking away choice from the very beginning. Would she have ever told me, if I hadn't pushed it out of her? As that seemed unlikely, my best guess was even worse, that she told me these things because me knowing made the greatest chance of the outcome she wanted. I would take the time to unravel that ball of thread later. There was so much that came to Alice due to her ability that she kept hidden. I suspected that it had to do with the habits she created those first decades alone.
"You giving up your claim regarding Bella to me and letting me go pushes her and I together," I pointed out. "You can't make Bella and I be a couple any more than you wished for her and Edward to be a couple."
She sighed and sent out hope.
"Dating a human is disgusting," I fumed, irritated at her meddling.
"She'll be changed," she argued back.
"What? And we'll look at each other and fall madly in love?" I retorted blithely.
"More like your theory," she stated back curtly. "She is meant to be in our world."
"You think that she'll be adaptive and her connection to Charlotte will draw us together?" I checked.
She nodded yes.
"And this is connected to you agreeing to be courted by Edward?" I verified.
She looked at me sagely her feelings uneasy. "It's not like that."
"I didn't say it was like anything," I refuted, "just that there's a connection there in your decision making process."
She analysed me and her discomfort grew. She clearly didn't like how well I had learned her and saw how she worked. Her confession had only added in some missing pieces. She might be able to sell that she acted solely out of the goodness of her heart to someone else, but I knew Alice acted primarily so that she would get the best deal. Sure, in her world her best deal included the people she cared about happy, but the root of it meant she was trying to play God with our lives. I suspected that Alice's visions told her that choosing Edward would get her the most of what she wanted. Her beautiful words were said truthfully, and I was confident they represented what she felt, but she lived her life based on decisions not feelings. Thus was the contradiction that was Alice.
Perhaps we were the same in this way, if Peter was anything to go by. We both wanted our world to be positive, but we worked events to get ourselves the best outcome. Perhaps what irritated me about Alice was because I didn't like that quality in myself.
Bella, like Peter and me would always distrust her a little, while Edward trusted her completely, as he could see her visions and he believed in her mythology in a way that I never had and never would. The myths she wove about herself suited the image of herself that she wanted to portray and was the version of Alice she wanted to be, but that didn't make it true. In a way I was glad for her. In these ways it made Edward a better match for her. Maybe some day with his belief in her myths she would actually become what she projected.
Over an hour passed, making it clear that Alice was done being forthcoming, before I enquired, "How are you coping with James?"
She frowned. "It's still hard. And at moments I am afraid, but it's nothing like before. What you did really helped."
"Glad to hear it," I sincerely told her.
We reverted back into silence for a while, but Alice broke it next, "I miss us."
"There's still an us," I refuted.
She sighed. "It's not the same. I miss being in your arms. I miss sitting next to you us both working. I miss helping you."
"We can do all of those things," I refuted. "I was very clear to Edward that we would remain friends. Come here."
She entered my arms and we embraced, both careful to not touch the other's skin. Allowing the contentment I felt to be projected just enough to encompass us both, she sighed in relief and her body lost most of its tenseness. When her emotions were calmer she stepped back.
"Go into the house and check," she commanded me. "We've been distracted."
Unwilling to argue that I wasn't distracted, that I had a century of being on watch, and that I was absolutely sure nothing in my ability's range had changed, other than the movement of some animals, I moved towards the Swan home. Using the hide-a-way key that Charlotte had pointed out once, I then returned everything as it had been.
Alice's emotions suggested that she was searching the future, even though she too was supposed to be on watch, so I put myself on high alert just in case.
Bella's front door was a space that I had never entered before and a memory of being in a human's house swallowed me whole. Before being able to stop it, turn away, or warn Alice, I was in northern Mexico thirsty after a hard-won battle.
The rhythm of the heartbeats told me that the humans were asleep. Following the sound of the heaviest heart, which called to me above all others, I found myself looking down at a man and woman wrapped around each other with three offspring sprawled out on different parts of the bed.
Despite my certainty that I had made no noise, the smallest female's eyes fluttered open.
"Are you an angel?" she whispered at me, her tone curious and intrigued.
"No," I whispered back. "I am the harbinger of death."
"You're going to kill us all?" she asked without a hint of fear on her features or colouring her scent.
"I was planning on only taking the adult male," I admitted, pointing at him.
She looked at me carefully as if puzzling something out. "Will he go to heaven?" she asked.
"I don't decide, but if he was a good person, then probably," I told her, strangely unwilling to take away her expressed hope.
She nodded, accepting this answer as truth. After a moment she spoke again, "I think it would be better, then, if you killed us all. That way we would be in heaven together."
"You want to die?" I asked, confused.
Never before had someone offered to be my meal. Begged for me to kill them if they were in the corral, sure, but this was something else all together. This was expressions of acceptance and care and tenderness and hope, not terror and pain.
She frowned, "No, but it would be better to be together."
The affection she held for the others was written clear on her being and so entirely pure. This combined with her earnestly spoken words narrowed my choices to leaving the family alone or taking them all. The other troop members would be taking whom they wanted from homes, as I had commanded and in the manner I had taught them. If I left, the girl would not get her wish. And if I left the family alive, then this girl would be left with knowledge she shouldn't have. She looked very small. I doubted that she would be believed. Not to mention that would mean I would have to find something else to quench my thirst.
Some part of me bent to the will of this child. Her innocence, her emotions, and her words were stronger than a vampire's grip.
"Would you rather go first or last?" I asked her.
"Will it hurt?" she replied the first hints of trepidation manifesting in her voice.
"I suppose it does," I told her honestly.
"Try to make it not hurt," she pleaded with me.
"As much as I am able," I promised her without thought, although a second later upon reflection, doing so seemed contrary to the nature of predator and prey.
"Then I'll go last, so I can make sure you keep your promise," she told me solemnly, her face set as if she had the power over me to make such a thing true.
Moving towards the man, I snapped his neck. His body only barely recognised my presence, which tremendously dulled down the terror, despondent disappointment, and regret that typically entered me when I fed. However, this kind of feeding went against my sense of honour. A man should be able to see death coming and attempt to fight, some quiet part of me rallied in these moments. Between this moral sense that rattled in my head and how I usually felt if they were alive, there was no winning.
My teeth quickly cut through him to get to his blood before it cooled even slightly. It was the risk of killing the meal first. I drank him hungrily and greedily not even noting how the blood was repairing my cracks and damage from the battle. By the time he was empty the woman had begun to stir. Quickly, before she fully awakened, I repeated the process. Even so, her blood had more fear in it than his had, but still how I felt while drinking her was improved over if she had been awake.
The little girl just watched me silently without even a whimper. She would have made a glorious vampire.
Moving silently, I next emptied the one closest to the mother, as he had begun to awaken. Then, I took the other girl that was near the youngest one. Neither child's blood appealed to me. Not only did the blood not give me the sense of strength and dominance that a strong adult male did, but children's blood reminded me of apple juice right as it began to ferment. Too much sugar and everything else, my mouth had puckered wanting to spit it out. The comparison was odd, for sure, but the closest my mind had ever made. Despite the flavour, I wasn't about to waste the nourishment being offered to me.
Next, I moved to the youngest one. Her blood would be even less appealing, and I was more than full, but I had given her my word.
"Are you ready?" I asked her.
Her features were peaceful, almost happy, with a tinge of resignation. It was a strange appearance for a human to have after watching me sustain myself one by one on those she loved deeply.
"Thank you for keeping your promise," she whispered to me, as I slowly drew near, not wishing to startle her.
"De nada, niñita," I offered her.
Snapping her neck, I watched as the life drained out of her eyes. Unwilling to not take her offer of herself, I emptied her. Then, I went and arranged them together, dosed the house in an accelerate, and lit it up as I walked away.
Moving back towards camp, the newborns whispered in awe about the badass Major who had burnt a house down, they correctly assumed as a result of consuming a whole family, even the children. When we were all assembled once more, with Peter near the front, as he was nearing his year mark, and Maria still out, I conjured the image of myself that I used to put newborns in their place, which included them being afraid of me as well as desiring to have fidelity towards me. Over the years this mental exercise seemed to be more and more effective, although I was uncertain as to why.
"You hear me, and you hear me well," I snarled, making it clear that I would end anyone who went against what I was about to say. "If I ever catch a whisper of any of you low-lives thinking that you have earned the right to repeat what I, as your commander, earned then you'll regret the day you were ever brought into this life. There is one set of rules for you and another set of rules for your commanding officers. And if you wish to live by the other set of rules, I suggest you work hard to prove yourself worthy of such a rank."
Then, I marched out ordering for them to pair up and practice their drills, rather than having down time, as was the usual custom after a battle.
When Maria returned her eye glowing from a meal, I gave her my report, and then buried myself within her, hoping that our joining would wash away the disgust in myself, like it had in my early years.
It hadn't worked, and I had taken my aggression out on the troops. Discouragingly, doing so had only eased me slightly. Ending the training to give them time to recover from my beating, I retired to my quarters. While Maria had watched me terrorise the troops, my lust and pleasure had increased, as if I were enjoying hurting them, worsening the tornado inside me.
Lying on the bed, desperately trying to gain control of myself, a knock came to my door and Peter's scent wafted through the cracks.
"Enter," I told him through clenched teeth.
Without reason, I began to feel care, concern, and nervousness. The combination pulled at me, as if the feelings might be the equivalent of blood to quench the emotional burn within me. The puzzle of their origin inconsequential.
Peter opened and closed the door quietly, as if intuitively knowing that he should keep his presence in my space from the camp, and then placed himself on all fours on the floor. Crawling slowly forward, his eyes downcast, the emotions of nervous, hopefulness, and care were clearly written on his body. Whatever he was doing, his intention to aid me was obvious, so I allowed it, curious. When he looked at my eyes, there was a strong urge to tear him apart. Immediately he dropped his eyes again, but it was too late. I had already taken his left arm. With it came the same emotions I had experienced upon his entering. It was puzzling, but not worth exploring in the moment.
Sitting at the edge of the bed once more, I stilled myself, because despite my actions the signals from his body remained steady, which never had been my experience before with any newborn I might have touched. When he got to me, he moved to undo my fly. I growled and he exposed his neck to me, while the emotions within me held a desperate wish to allow him. It took less than a nanosecond to decide that whatever he had planned, if it would end my torment, I would do almost anything.
Grunting in agreement, I undid my own buttons and brought myself out.
He moved forward and took me into his mouth. Immediately I felt a warm sensation fill me. My mind struggled to name the sensation, and eventually settled on affection. The niñita, Maria, the troops, the bloodlust, shame, terror, hope, peace, all of it, every single emotion swirled within me all at once in a crazy storm. When it blew itself out, Peter was on the ground with the back of his head severed from the rest, it in my hand, while his venom oozed everywhere. Oddly enough the camp was quieter than usual, I couldn't hear Maria nearby, and there was at least a five hundred feet between my quarter to anyone else, as if every living creature, vampires included, had created distance from me. Fusing his arm back on and his head together, I took him down to the corral and brought him a large older male, and then a middle-aged female. Waiting to ensure that all his tears were closed, I then dumped him in the male barracks.
The next time Peter was near me he stated in the lowest volume possible, "You need to not let it build up so much, and Maria is fuel to the fire, not an antidote," before moving away, as if nothing had passed between us. He had indicated nothing regarding fear of me or regret, which had sealed the deal, as it were, on my end.
It was at that moment when I had decided to convince Maria that our expanded territory was in part due to Peter and that to keep it we would need more troops, and more troops meant I needed help, and therefore would need to keep Peter past his year mark. Of course, I sold it like it was temporary and if Peter wasn't helpful, then I would end him. She agreed reluctantly, her jealousy showing on her body and I spent the next months proving my loyalty and fidelity both in her bed and on the battlefield. But I got to keep Peter.
Focusing on my surroundings, my mind supplied that I was in Forks, Washington in the Chief's house. Frantically searching as far as my ability would go, everything seemed to be in order.
It was one of my memories where I was truly ashamed of who I had been. Hurting Peter like that when he had been clearly trying to genuinely help me had broken something inside of me, and ironically it was the first moments of the beginning of the end of Maria's and my relationship.
During the past decades with the Cullens and Alice, the side effects of my ability were never apparent, and I had very rarely gotten lost in my memories. However, ever since James' appearance, it seemed like my past was haunting me.
Bella reminded me of that little girl in ways that I couldn't pin down. There were no similarities in hair colour or eye colour or anything else of that nature. Nonetheless, for the first time since that occurrence, I was standing in a human's house alone with them while they slept. Taking in deep breaths, I allowed my throat to burn and willed myself that no harm would come to the Swans by my hand. Only after I believed myself under control did I move. Going up the stairs silently, with a slight creak I opened the door that led to Bella's room.
Her scent was a siren without Peter and Charlotte's presence, so I immediately moved to her window and opened it up about an inch to get some outside air. A few minutes later her heart rate begun to change and her eyes fluttered.
Standing in an at-ease stance at the foot of her bed, I watched her carefully, but with even more attention I watched myself. Whatever weakness I possessed that caused me to stop and help Lucy, Nettie, and Maria, that caused me to kiss Alice's hand on that first day of meeting, and that allowed that niñita to persuade me was the same that Bella was exploiting, even if she wasn't doing it purposefully. She was going to help me find it and root it out of me, even if she didn't know that's what she was doing. She owed me that much.
She sat up, placing her back against the headboard and eyed me critically. She had the look of a person who didn't believe what she was seeing and her emotions were disbelief, weariness, and sadness. The first two emotions and her look I had seen so many times in the camp when humans had seen some vampire quality and they had been unwilling to accept what their eyes said was true. On her it was the worst expression I could have summoned. It was as if my demons were chasing after me and had come home to roost.
"I didn't come to kill you," I assured her.
"Well, that's good," she muttered, her tone suggesting that what I had just said was the stupidest thing possible. But the sadness increased and there was a longing there.
"Unless that is what you are hoping for," I told her, trying to guess at her state of mind.
"I'm tired of the game James is playing, but not desiring to cease to exist, if you understand me," she mumbled.
"More than I care to admit," I said casually.
Her eyes shot up to me. The bewilderment settled and she finally asked, "So, if you're not here to kill me, why are you here?"
"Alice suggested I come and check up on you," I explained. "I didn't mean to wake you. I apologise."
"How nice of her," she said with such fierce loyalty and doubt with a tone of sarcasm that it caught me off guard.
"I was speaking the truth."
"Of that I have no doubt," she retorted, her ire seeming misplaced for my words. "Just seems ironic to me that for someone who claimed to be my best-friend she sent you in here. It just seems too ironic."
Weighing my words slowly and carefully I said, "You're making no sense."
"Well, dreams aren't meant to make sense, now aren't they?" she rebutted.
Great, she thought she was still dreaming. It made a strange kind of sense though, since she had seemed to decide that our four-way cuddle had been a dream. Then, I realised that I could use this to my advantage.
Sending out a low level of trust and fidelity I asked her, "Why isn't Alice picking up that you're making decisions?"
"What's the point of choosing? A crazy stalker who wants to use me to get to her is dictating my life. My life is no longer my own, because I became her friend. I attract danger wherever I go."
Sending her a cocktail of trust, fidelity, and something akin to being drunk to lower her inhibitions, I asked her, "What kind of danger?"
Her body started to sway and she reminded me of some of the people in the sixties when they were high. "My clumsiness to the point of disability regularly got my mother hurt, and Phil too. Did you know that he hurt himself because he was trying to stop me getting hurt? His career was put on hold because of me. Then, Charlotte is dangerous in her own way. I just figured that if I was flirting with danger, better to live with it. Keep your enemies close and all that."
As she spoke it was like the self-doubt, self-condemnation, and frustration had seeped into her skin and was both consuming her and wrapping itself around her. I dampened it, so that it wouldn't stop our conversation.
"So why keep living with her in Seattle? Why not start fresh?" I wondered excited to learn Bella's inner thoughts.
"Because" she sighed, like how lovers do, "dangerous or not, she has a heart of gold. She never once got hurt from the danger surrounding me. It was like she created a protective bubble around me, keeping what would usually befall me at bay. It was nice. But now I'm trapped in this cell because of this madman and I want out." The last sentence was said with a level of desperation that surprised me.
Filling her with lethargy and contentment I siphoned off the desperation until her eyes closed and her breathing returned to its sleeping pattern. When she was asleep once more, I left through her window and stood next to Alice, who was still focused on the future. When Peter and Charlotte returned, I found myself some blood.
Using my ability to take in emotions, especially negative ones, still left a residue within me. After cleaning up the animal I went to the house, turned on the water, showered, changed, and sat in my study, as Alice had claimed our room. What I had done wasn't sufficient to calm me completely, so I went and found Alice.
"Edward is running patrol with Rosalie and Emmett," she informed me.
Nodding in acknowledgement, I sat next to her pretending to work on the laptop all while taking in Alice's scent, recalling our happiest moments and thus the feelings they offered, allowing me to find my own calm centre. It would be a temporary aid, but at least it would push off my need for release for a while.
"You okay Jasper?" Edward asked as soon as he returned home, coming to stand in Alice's doorframe.
"Yes, thank you," I responded. This is calming, which helps with my ability. I wasn't imposing.
He frowned thoughtfully before finally voicing, "Glad to hear it."
Should I leave?
He shook his head no, even though his emotions were in disagreement.
Then, he looked at Alice as if ignoring that I was there, "Any progress?"
"Nothing helpful," she answered.
"Well, if you want my help, let me know," he told her, clearly believing it improper to enter her bedroom.
It was a sweet gentlemanly gesture, one I remembered from my own childhood with my sisters, but it also seemed so out of place.
"Will do," she promised and leaned her head against my shoulder and closed her eyes.
When I find calmness it radiates from my being. I actively work at containing it, but if she is touching me without skin to skin contact, it seeps into her automatically. She is only seeking what she believes she needs to help end this stalemate. I tried to explain.
"I know," he mouthed, nodded his acceptance, and with a look of warning moved off towards his room.
It was a few hours later when a text arrived from Charlotte Need your help at the Swans
"Charlotte is asking me to go help her," I told Alice standing up.
"You good?" she verified.
"If not, I'll let you know," I answered.
She nodded and then went to the living room no doubt calling on Edward mentally as he was right behind us. They sat together, while she kept looking, and I ran to the Swans.
"They're fighting," Charlotte informed me as soon as I was within hearing distance. "They've never fought before, and worse Bella started it."
Charlie could be heard speaking with authority, "Christ, Bella, you can't stay like this. You can't not go to school and just stay in the house. It's been six months and you haven't gone farther than the grocery store. It's been great having you here. It has. But you moping around this place isn't good for you. This isn't healthy."
"Is your complaint that I'm stopping you from getting your groove on with Sue or because you'd rather send me money than spend time with me?" she bellowed her emotions absolutely furious.
Searching through Bella's emotional state, there was grief, hurt, and embarrassment. Increasing her embarrassment, her heart rate began to calm some.
The Chief was deeply wounded and his tone sad. "Bella, I never wanted your mother to leave. I loved being a Dad and I missed you every day. I had a good job here and money is important. Each day I hoped that Renée would see sense and come back, but she never did. These past months have been wonderful. I want you here, but more than that I want you happy. This hermit life you've created isn't good for you. I'm worried for you. That's all."
Bella started crying and her feelings had shifted tremendously, so I withdrew my ability.
"Guess I wasn't needed after all," I uttered.
"Bella might enjoy the quiet life, but she hates being told what to do. The strain was bound to burst somewhere," Charlotte surmised.
Through the tears Bella replied, "I appreciate all that you've done Charlie, really. Truly I'm here to support Alice. She's going through a rough spot. And I already told her that Christmas is as far as I'll go."
"Okay," he grunted out, leaving the room and turning on the television.
"Guess she didn't take James' gunning for her father well, either," I pieced together.
"Not at all," Charlotte agreed. "She might not be close to him, but he is her father, and she doesn't want him used as a pawn."
Bella went to the bathroom and then her room. Looking out the window, she spoke into the wind, "Come up please, Charlotte."
Taking that as an open invitation, the three of us went together. Saying nothing, I grabbed her waist, sat on the bed, placed her between my legs, while Peter sat on the left and Charlotte on the right. We made a circle around her holding her close, while Charlotte rubbed her hair and told her to let it out. It took a while, but eventually Bella did stop crying.
She was cycling into a downward spiral beginning with being ashamed, most probably regarding how she had spoken to the Chief.
When her insecurity had increased to such a degree that it overrode all other emotions I told her softly and gently, "You're worth it," which Peter and Charlotte repeated.
"You bring my friends joy. I enjoy your company and that's a rare thing," I added, in an attempt to combat her disbelief.
"I have a deep and abiding friendship for the first time since I met Pete," Charlotte supplied.
"You're funny and sharp and keep Charlotte in her place, while opening her up to new things," Peter offered quietly.
"You have given Alice direction, hope, and acceptance, something she has had little of before the Cullens," I told her.
Sighing but not as insecure, talking into my shirt, she admitted, "I don't know how you guys live with this tension. It's doing me in."
"Practice," Peter answered.
Bella was curious, but didn't ask any questions. Her curiosity was always dampened by a respect for others, and her desire to ensure others were comfortable. It was a great quality, as it allowed us to be around her without her asking awkward questions.
Nevertheless, wanting to offer her something, I told her, "We were all in the same military troop together. Living with tension and anticipation was an every day occurrence for us."
Bella smiled in gratitude. With enough time she calmed, later going downstairs and apologising to the Chief. The next day, after talking with Charlotte, she decided that she needed physical exercise beyond yoga to help with the tension. Consequently, she and Charlotte started walking the roads about midday, which after a few weeks led to Bella jogging.
Ironically, after her outburst, the Swan house was calmer than the Cullens', as they weren't used to the tension of waiting for an attack either. Sure, patrolling helped some, but it was insufficient. The only individual who seemed the same was Carlisle.
One day I waited for him outside of the hospital by his car, so that we could speak alone.
When I asked him about it, he answered, "Tomorrow's problems can be faced tomorrow. I try to stay in the moment, asking myself what I can do right now, and let go of the rest. I can't control James anymore than I can control the weather. And when whatever storm he is concocting arrives, I will endeavour to act the best I can to protect the people of Forks and my family."
"As will I," I vowed.
"I am certain you will," he assured me.
"Has Edward spoken to you about Laurent?" I wondered.
"No," Carlisle replied, emitting slight disappointment.
Choosing to trust that Edward was truthful and accurate in his appraisal of Carlisle, I recounted the events, including his and my conversation afterwards. Then, I added, "I am sad for the price Edward paid, but I meant my words Carlisle. I will do everything in my power to protect the family from the consequences of battle, but in the end my goal is for James to be ash and us not to be. As long as that is the outcome, everything is fair game in my book." My tone was harsh and crisp.
He radiated appreciation and unease.
"I appreciate what that means for you and for the family," he told me. "Let me know what you might need from me."
"Will do," I agreed before indicating that I was going to run back to the house.
Edward had been correct. Carlisle had not indicated any negative emotions other than sadness and disappointment, and he had been a ton curious.
The tension in the Cullen house wasn't helpful to me, so I ended up spending more time patrolling or with Peter and Charlotte.
It was the last week in August when Alice huffed at Edward and turned to me. "Would you be willing to find some time for you, me, Edward, and Carlisle to speak?"
Nodding in agreement, it was unlikely that was to happen soon. The only way that would work was if Rosalie, Emmett, and Esme went patrolling together, but that had yet to happen, as it left our family too exposed. Even though we had been using the down time over the past months for me to teach them some defensive moves one on one, Esme was still terrible. She just had no instinct to protect herself and would either freeze or run. None of us were displeased with her, but we agreed that she would always go patrolling with Edward, Carlisle, or myself. Bella's life wasn't the only one that had been put on hold as a result of James.
Right before the summer semester started, I went over to Bella's to see if she was feeling better. We talked about her upcoming semester and a little about her relationship with the Chief.
"I know you have a tendency to see things as your responsibility that are not, but the Chief should have kept his cool too. It takes two to tango. Your choices are your responsibility."
We sat for a long time saying nothing until clearly she was uncomfortable. She got up, went to the kitchen, and began to prepare something. Unsure of what else to do I trailed behind her sitting at the table, watching her, and paying attention to her emotions. She had been angry at my words and hurt some, but they had also seemed to assist her in sorting through her emotions at the top layers. She could be mad at me all she wanted. Didn't bother me.
She began to set the table when I let her know, "Charlie's is almost home."
Without warning her breathing hitched and she started acting like her lungs couldn't take in oxygen. I didn't know what to do. On the television I had seen how humans would press their breath into another when they stopped breathing. I wondered if that would work, and since she seemed only to be getting worse, I figured I had nothing to lose. Watching her, I timed it perfectly so that when she gasped for air I pressed my lips on hers, created a seal, and then breathed into her.
Her emotions flooded me, the most prominent terror.
She grew limp and looked drugged.
That certainly wasn't what I had been going for.
When her eyes focused back on me her embarrassment was through the roof not to mention mortification was bombarding me. "What did you do that for?" she seethed through clenched teeth.
"I'll answer that tonight," I told her before walking out the back door and towards Peter and Charlotte.
"What did you do?" Charlotte asked curious and sending me playfulness.
"I have no idea," I replied, totally confused by Bella's reaction.
Clearly the Chief coming home upset her significantly, but I couldn't put my finger on it. My best guess was that it was related to her knowledge that James was targeting the Chief also.
Staying near, I put myself on high alert, listened as she stood up, straightened her clothes, and finished setting the table, taking in slow deep breaths, all the while pointing out to myself that there were no enemies approaching and the there was no need for terror. Additionally, I drew on Peter and Charlotte's calm emotions, but Bella's terror continued to linger within me.
Added to what I had absorbed from her was my own internal war of trying to ignore how hot her body had felt, how her heat had seeped into me, and how flaming her lips had felt against mine. It wasn't anything like when I had tried pleasuring humans along with using my ability to make feeding less emotionally exhausting. Bella's trust in me had made all the difference. In fact, I could see why the Denalis enjoyed human male attention when it had evaded me previously. For the first time Bella's upcoming birthday grabbed my attention. She was getting older and would soon find someone to share her body with. Even if the idea of her being with me might be exciting, the reality made it an impossibility. I wasn't going to couple with a human, as the likely outcome would be them drained.
Between all of my employed techniques, it took over an hour to centre myself once more.
Then, I waited until she excused herself and entered her room. As Charlie was awake and downstairs, I entered through the window.