Chapter 22: After the War is Won

Bella kept herself occupied, from the sounds of it with her school work, while everyone else was away, staying in her room, except to use the kitchen. It reminded me a little of her patterns when she lived with Charlie.

I had found my own space of solitude in the corner under the stairs, working on dissecting a recent Confederate book.

Bella's emotions when she was in this focused studying zone with moment of relaxation were enjoyable. Her emotions suggested healing, as recently there had been less nervousness and angst, and more sadness. However, these feelings were never the ones she emitted when she focused on her tasks.

Unsurprisingly, Peter returned without Charlotte. As much as he disliked being away from her, he had a shopping limit.

The emotions he emitted suggested that he was working out a problem from the information his gift had given him. It was something he used to do often in his first years, so I was curious, but said nothing. He would clue me in when he'd figured the puzzle out. He always had. A few hours later when he searched me out, I assumed that it was because he had come to his conclusion.

Pausing my reading as he neared, I prepared myself to give him my full attention.

At a pitch a human could never hear, he asked, "You can read the connection between Charlotte and I?"

"Naturally," I agreed with confidence, confused at him asking a question, rather than telling me what he had figured out, and especially puzzled at this question, as he already knew the answer.

"Same with Esme and Carlisle, Rosalie and Emmett, and Eleazar and Carmen?" he continued, as if expecting my answer.

"Yes," I told him, my confusion increasing.

"Can you pick up your connections, say with Alice, and compare it?"

"No, I can't use my ability on myself," I reminded him, which was odd, since vampires didn't forget things, which caused my confusion to increase even more.

"How did you feel about Alice?" he pressed.

"Grateful, slightly apprehensive, puzzled, along with caring for her well being, wanting the best for her, things like that," I divulged, trusting Peter, but slightly weary, as when he was like this, it usually meant he was about to point out something I didn't want to hear.

"What about Bella?" he asked, evenly, while the emotions oozing from him were almost a mist, like he was trying to keep his feelings from me.

Raising my eyebrow at him, becoming suspicious and apprehensive, I sent him caution and answered, "Intrigued, slightly worried for her, wanting the best for her, hoping to keep her in our coven, impressed, a slight warm type of contentment in her company."

"You enjoy her company?" he checked.

"I do," I agreed hesitantly, my concern of where he was going with this conversation increasing.

"Then, why are you here and she's alone when you have the whole house to yourself?" he asked in a tone suggesting that I was an imbecile.

I went to smartly retort. However, before the words left my mouth, my brain caught up and realization dawned that I didn't actually know.

"Forget about searching your feelings," Peter nearly insisted with him projecting urgency and frustration. "Stop using your goddamn brain so much and acting like a Cullen. You're a vampire, for fuck sake, with instincts and urges. Act on them."

With that he exited the house posthaste, emitting wisps of a hopeful restlessness.

I stared at his retreating form, completely confused as to what had gotten into him. At the same time, I was unwilling to dismiss his craziness, as he had never pressed me similarly in the past just for the sake of it.

Only because I trusted Peter implicitly, I followed his instructions. Setting down my book on the little side table next to the chair, I went to Bella's room and knocked.

She oozed surprise as her steps neared me, which then when her eyes found mine burst into happy, pleased, excited, and slightly confused with the undercurrent of lustful desire that had become her constant around me.

Standing in the crack the door had made, her hand on her hip, she teased, "Come to learn more about me or just interrupt me?"

Smiling at her, I winked and told her, making my tone sultry, "Definitely learning more about you."

"Well, come in then," she uttered, sounding quite flustered and her lust increasing.

It was nice to know how I affected her. At the same time, I was acutely aware that most of her reaction could due to my vampirism, rather than me as a person.

"Thank you kindly," I replied with a bow, my accent heavy.

She sat herself on the bed and I placed myself in a chair, aware that would ease her comfort.

It was always so interesting to watch how she physical changed each day in small ways along with other alterations, which reflected her internal state. She was so much more like Esme in her transparency, than say Rosalie or Alice.

A few second passed, as I didn't know what to talk about, since this whole encounter was Peter's idea.

Eventually, with no other starting point obvious, I enquired, "Thought more about your transformation?"

"Not really, I've been focused on healing," she replied.

Willing to follow along, I formulated a way of discussing the part of her healing process that I had overheard from her conversation with Esme and what Charlotte had confided in me without revealing these sources.

Thus, after a few seconds of thought, I stated, "Most humans are envious of us. They see beauty and wealth, things that in the human world are leverages of power. Or they see vampirism as a way to cheat death, which is false since we can be killed also. I hope that you've been around us long enough to know that in a world where everyone is beautiful, most are wealthy, and neither are necessary for survival, these attributes don't hold the same value as they do to humans. And you don't seem like someone who's out to cheat death."

She chuckled some before admitting, "Originally I was slightly envious of the beauty, but more in a 'I felt inadequate' way. Charlotte has worked hard at knocking that out of me." She chuckled and smiled, as if at a fond memory. "You want to know my core reason, right?"

I smiled at her reading me so well, even if I wasn't trying to be sly about it, and nodded in agreement.

She sighed. "This stays between us?"

"Unless it's a danger to someone else, yes," I agreed, slightly surprised that she would ask.

She sighed again and emitted bashfulness and some sadness. "Especially after James, any aspect of vampirism that looked shiny he tainted. Yet, the truth is that I don't have good options. You know this. I'm in too deep. Death or vampirism. That's all I got."

Tilting my head to the side, I tried to suss out how this matched what she had told others.

As if she understood my confusion, she continued, "Charlotte is one in a million, and all my childhood it was hard for me to make friends. So, when she befriended me, I clung to her. She told me that I would meet other people who would get me, and I did, but no one has given me the sense that I'm safe like Charlotte has. Yet, she was unable to protect me from James. In retrospect, I can see that it was her vampirism that gave me comfort, because she could keep the human world from harming me. But she can't protect me from everything. My absolutes are greyer. I don't have straightforward answers anymore. For better or worse when I was too young to know any better, I chose her as family. That choice has a price.

"I'm not as certain as I was. I can see what Charlotte was trying to tell me more clearly now. Edward's words ring truer than ever before. Yet, even with all that, the idea of growing old, leaving you all behind, and having you grieve my ending is too high a price to pay, especially as I want to keep you all for as long as possible. So, even though every option has a heavy price, I'm choosing vampirism." She frowned and then confessed, "And I'm beginning to think that picking between two costly options is what being an adult is about."

"It is," I confirmed.

"This growing up thing sucks," she stated with irritation.

"Without doubt." Then, pausing a second to get back to what she said, I stated, "It sounds like you're choosing to become a vampire primarily in order to protect others from the heartache of your death, while you dying costs you a ton. You will become a blood drinker. Intellectually, eating meat might be the same as drinking the blood, but the experience of squeezing the life out of a creature, actively draining it is entirely different than hunting with a weapon, and then eating the meat. On top of that, every connection you have in the human world, even your shape shifters will die. It's a heavy weight."

She bashfully looked over at me, her cheeks filling with blood in a way that hadn't in a few years.

"Is there no selfish reason?" I checked.

"I don't admire vampirism like I first did," she admitted, "but getting to be in your coven sounds like a great pro."

Staring at her, I found myself confused at her answer. It was like she wanted me to be her mate, but didn't want to say so.

She sighed in a soft regretful way like the next thing she would voice would cost her much. "Look, Jasper, you might not remember your human life, but being human isn't great. There's a ton of downsides. Sure, there's pluses too, but isn't that life? The same is true of being a vampire. I'm old enough now to know that there aren't happily ever afters. And certainly a plus for me is that we'll be able to date."

My mouth dropped open. I knew she wanted to date me, but enough to become a vampire? That sounded crazy.

Softly, I refuted her, "I'm not worth it."

"You are," she disagreed. "Just like Charlotte is a one in a million, so are you."

"And Peter?" I teased wanted to lighten the conversation.

"Dime a dozen," she retorted with a smile.

I didn't get her thinking, and didn't want to argue about it, so changed the focus of our conversation some. "Even though where you are at in your maturation process is hard, I'm grateful for it. Living with Edward all these years has made it apparent to me the downside of being turned at an age where you still see the world in black and white. The greyness you see now might be more challenging to grapple with, but I believe it will serve you."

"And you," she teased, "are trying to avoid living with two seventeen year olds for centuries."

"Absolutely," I concurred, smiling widely. "My observation is that this era's humans develop slower than even Edward's. This is one part of why I've petitioned for you to have time to heal and grow into yourself more."

"I might now show it, but I appreciate it, Jasper," she voiced with fervency. "More than anything it is a demonstration to me of how much you care."

"I do," I validated.

We chatted about inconsequential things before she found the courage to ask me, "How have you been about James?"

Frowning some, as I didn't know exactly how to answer her questions honestly, I considered Peter's push, so started with, "I was made into a vampire by a nasty warlord named Maria, who used pain and sex along with blending the two as a way of training her charges. She had recently lost her territory to another vampire and along with that her coven. She joined forces with two other females who had experienced similar losses and the three of them were my masters with Maria my Coven Master."

Evaluating her emotions of my brief explanation she seemed horrified and sad with a slight wistfulness. Uncertain of what those meant, as I didn't know her like I did my coven or the Cullens, I waited in silence.

Eventually she got the hint and divulged, "I was thinking about how your life is the vampire version of the DR Congo's boy soldiers. I wish no one was ever treated like that and such evil didn't exist."

"Every evil that exists in the human world does in the vampire one, and I committed all of them in her name," I confessed, while watching her carefully. "I tell you that so you can understand my answer. The business with James healed me."

She emitted surprise briefly and then a sad kind of compassion. A few seconds after her initial reaction, she checked, "And you haven't told the Cullens this?"

"They know of my background in general terms," I confirmed. "Only Peter and Charlotte know the details, and that's because they lived it with me."

Tears began to collect in her eyes as she stated, "I meant what I said after your telling. You're an incredible man for what you did and your background only makes it more so. I am sad that the three of you had to go through that, but glad that you're my friend and here to tell the tale."

Smiling sadly at her words, I changed the subject. "How's your healing process going?"

"Slower than I would like, but going," she admitted. "I miss Charlie and nothing will change that, but I don't think vampirism would have suited him. I'm actually having more trouble coming to terms about Renée. All my life I thought about her as my best friend, and there's truth to that, but a young girl needs a mother instead. Charlie might have been absent, due to the distance, but he was a father to the end."

"And you would have lost them both by choosing vampirism," I pointed out.

"True," she conceded, "but in that path, Charlie would have lived out his life. Grieving the never will bes has been a challenge."

"Charlotte helping?" I checked.

"For sure," she agreed.

"You're resentful?" I questioned.

She looked at me confused.

"When everyone left for Anchorage," I explained.

She sighed. "If given the choice, I would have stayed behind. But it aggravates me that I wasn't given a choice. Because of James' and the fall out, I am jailed. It's a great jail and I get yard time, so it's not terrible. But I'm not someone who does well with my choices being taken away. He was all about taking away others' choices. It grates on me that he's doing so to me in his death."

Without thought, I voiced, "Maria was the same." Then, after a review of my memories added, "She only gave the appearance of choice, same as James."

"Ugh! That's terrible!" she exclaimed angrily. Softer, she added, "And you lived with that demon for over a hundred years?"

"Yeah," I agreed, and got lost in thought. Barely in the background I heard her call for Peter and he assured her that my statuesque appearance was because I was in shock.

I came from an era where options and thus choices were thin on the ground. A war had been thrust upon us and came to our doorstep irrelevant of my desires. Yes, I had chosen to join the effort, but from then on I was told what to do by my commanding officers, and then dictated to by Maria. When I had left Maria's camp with Peter, suddenly for the first time probably ever, including being human, I was free to choose, along with having others to lead with no superior over me. There was a great chance that it had been this unknown, which had actually been the largest contributor to me leaving Peter and Charlotte, while everything else, although also contributed, was more window dressing. Had I run from the freedom of choice to bind myself with someone who eliminated options due to her ability? Even now, was I really choosing freedom? Yet, I knew from experience that being a lone wolf only led to problems. Every person needed the wisdom of others. Did I like having limited choices, was it simply familiar, or a combination of the two?

Even the possibility that I was more comfortable with a cage, no matter how gilded, than freedom rankled me. Yet, the more I searched myself, the more truth of my conclusion I found. Alice had been a perfect match for me when we met. I might have convinced myself that her ability and how she used it annoyed me, but underneath that was the reality that it brought me comfort. All these years, I had been evaluating others, and especially Alice, from a false belief of myself. I was devastated and disappointed in my failings.

From what seemed like a far distance I heard Peter warn me, "You're projecting, Major."

Automatically, I pulled my feelings in.

But James had changed me. Removing Alice's terror had changed her. We were not the same as individuals or as a couple. Unfortunately, our relationship had suffered under the weight of these alterations.

After all of that, did I want to continue in these patterns and beliefs? To give her up and not change these patterns seemed idiotic. I knew they would be hard to change, as vampires didn't change easily. Nevertheless, my answer was yes. I did not want to be the man tomorrow that I had been yesterday.

Reflecting over Bella's words give me the awareness of how sexy I found her choosing vampirism to be. She came from an era where her options were vast, and yet she was choosing pain and transformation in order to hold tightly to love. If she had not told Esme, I would have never known that she was choosing to join my coven because Charlotte loved her and she was holding on to that love with all her might. It was a beautiful and attractive quality in my book. And yes, there was self-sacrifice in there. I don't know if she would be Bella without that piece, as she had many of Esme's qualities. Simultaneously, she seemed to be getting what she wanted out of the bargain.

The question was what did I want? Certainly I did not want to be the perpetual soldier. I didn't want to be the leader of troops. But I had been enjoying being the leader of our coven. Peter wasn't completely accurate. True, Carlisle I had taught me the value over the years in introspection and contemplation, but I was far more instinctual than any Cullen. Willing to follow Peter's guidance and allow my instincts to lead, I searched myself.

The very first thought I had was to create some space between my coven and the Cullens. I wanted distance from the family's feelings and to have more of a sense of being a coven leader.

It was a good start.

When my awareness re-entered Bella's room she was asleep and Peter was standing guard.

"Hunt with me?" I requested.

Opening the window, I dropped out, confident Peter would follow. In a kind consideration of Bella's needs, he closed the window behind him.

After finding a moose, I found a spot where the stars could be seen.

"I'm going to ask for a separate dwelling for us," I told him, breaking the silence.

"Good," he agreed.

I confessed to him, "I have done you wrong in so many ways. Yes, Maria conditioned me, but the military and my human life had done so to some extent even before her. It is easy to imagine myself as a human wanting to be top brass, while knowing that I didn't have the right family connections to make that happen. I hadn't known before you forced it how much of my humanness I had brought into this life. Maybe that's what Maria saw in me. I already had much of what she needed. I was ambitious, but willing to be content in my place, even if I deserved more based on my capacity and efforts."

"They were shitty times where money and family connections determined your military rank," Peter agreed. "There was no draft. Men showed up at your door and took you. Running back home was a disgrace and got you shot. Nothing but shitty options. You did well to become a Major in the midst of that."

"Didn't hurt that so many of our side died, especially brass," I mused.

"The slaves were given a gun and often saw it as an opportunity to take out their oppressors," he agreed.

I sent him surprise and a hint of teasing.

"I have a brain," he defended, as if offended.

"Cause you certainly didn't live it," I teased back, and tackled him.

He avoided me at the last moment and went to pin me. We went back and forth trying to get a hold on the other for a while.

Eventually, I grew tired of our game, stopped, and told him earnestly, "Thank you for pulling my head out of my ass."

"One of my services," he stated, his tone serious, while he emitted joking playful emotions mixed with his version of forgiveness. After a few moments he spoke once more, his emotions turned sombre. "We are all influenced by our pasts, even our human ones. In some ways, humans had more options available to them in my era than yours, but there are far more now. They have more job options, more entertainment options, more options for exploring, more options for relationships, more options of how to be in the world, generally. They have no idea how lucky they have it and are instead overwhelmed with the options before them."

Sending him my agreement, there were no more words needed.

As we ran back, he asked, "Bella?"

"I admire her ability to choose what she wants and go for it," I divulged.

"Admiring a human," Peter mused, "now there's a new one for you Major. Maybe the Cullens really have converted you."

I tapped his shoulder with mine and he laughed.

When we returned Bella was making breakfast.

"Good hunt?" she asked me, probably noting my lighter coloured eyes.

"Yes," I told her, "and thank you for the insight you gave me."

She smiled like she had won the lottery and told me, "You're welcome."

"Let me shower, and we can pick up from where we left off," I told her.

She agreed, going back to her meal preparation.

When I returned we talked about her beliefs in the nature of life, her philosophies, and how being a child of divorced parents influenced her. I shared with her my views of vampirism and our society.

Surprisingly, we shared more in common than different, and a couple of times her words had me examine my worldview. These moments forced me to consider how much I'd really changed since being turned, and made it apparent of how much work I had to do.

Peter had made himself scarce, causing me to wonder his motives.

When Bella left to get some rest, I placed myself back under the stairs. Except something had changed. Within me was a warm content feeling, and I found my thoughts desiring to speak more with Bella. It wasn't intellectually stimulating like a conversation with Carlisle or eye-opening like with Eleazar. It wasn't even comforting like Esme. It had challenged me in a good way, even though it made little sense to my brain, my instincts told me to protect her at all costs, that she was precious and rare.

Nearly at the exact moment I had my epiphany Peter arrived, acting like his appearance was expected. Going with it, I admitted, "Irrelevant of the cost, we must have her in our coven."

"Yes," he agreed.

"Charlotte?" I checked.

"Yes," he confirmed, and then added, "And you."

"What do you know?" I questioned, unwilling to allow him to keep this nugget to himself.

"She has the potential to heal you from all the nastiness from Maria, if you'll let her and if you can get out of the way," he stated sadly.

"What does that mean?" I pressed, slightly irritated.

"I'm not really sure," he admitted, "but Charlotte and I can only do so much."

Disliking the grievous, slightly inadequate emotions he was emitting, I put my hand on his sleeve over his left arm and sent him appreciation, my care for him, and my feeling for him as my brother-in-arms. "You saved my life in more ways than I can measure and continue to do so. Everything that is bright and has joy in it is because of you. It is sufficient."

"Perhaps," he offered softly, "but I want more for you. I want you to be free of it all."

"Thank you," I offered back, humbled by the strength of his conviction.

A few hours later, while Bella was still sleeping, everyone returned from the shopping.

The excursion seemed to have done them some good.

The next morning, after Bella was ready, we came together once more.

Alice started sharing next. She added only a little more in terms of information, but her guilt made it hard to hear, as she kept repeating that she hadn't found a better way. Each time Bella asked for a break the family tried to offer Alice support, but she was yet able to accept it. My warning to her that her expectations of herself related to her ability would one day be to her detriment had unfortunately come true. At that thought Edward met my eyes and nodded.

She'll get there and hopefully have learned something along the way, I told him as a form of encouragement.

Despite the information from her gift and her struggles, it took her only five days to complete her telling, as she did not repeat the information I had told.

Perhaps because it was close to Christmas, and they were pressed to have the telling complete before the holidays, the family agreed to come together again in four hours. I retreated to my room where Charlotte and Peter joined me shortly after. The emotions in the room had been on the more negative side and difficult collectively as well as that they were Alice's, since a part of me wished that I could have kept her from the pain she suffered.

"Can we see if the meditation will help, given the time limitation?" I requested of them.

Without words, they sat on the floor in the triangle and I joined them. Although we can certainly meditated together before, we were testing its limits, given the feelings I had been bombarded with. I would have gone out with them during the breaks, but each time a family member has sought out my company and requested a companionable hunt or run. Their emotions seemed to indicate that they were attempting to assure me as much as they had Alice. As much as I had appreciate their sentiment, it had added to the accumulation of my ability. We stilled and joined as we had before. This time I added imagining that the circle created washed away and emptied my internal holdings. It didn't complete work, not as well as sex anyway, but it was centring me, which was its own aid.

We had been at it for nearly three hours when a knock came at the door, the heartbeat indicating that it was Bella. Unfortunately, her interruption had broken my concentrations, and the circle ended abruptly. Both Peter and Charlotte frowned like the ending had been unpleasant.

"That was like a hard slap in the middle of the bliss of an orgasm," Peter complained bitterly.

Raising an eyebrow at him, I muttered, "Later," while I called out, "Enter."

Bella did shortly after, closing the door after her.

"Meditating?" she checked, as she examined us.

"Yes," I confirmed.

"Can I join?" she wondered.

Peter and Charlotte both sent me their willingness, and Peter added a bit of worry.

"Sure," I agreed, willing to see what would happen when she was awake, "but you should be warned. I have no idea what effect it will have on you."

"Never tested on a human before," she teased.

"None that were willing," I responded in seriousness.

She frowned as my words dawned on her. Standing in front of the closed door for a few minutes, she seemed to be weighing her options. Eventually, she uttered, "I trust you."

"You might not want to," Peter teased, for which Charlotte slapped his arm gently, as to not make too loud of a sound.

Charlotte moved away from Peter and indicated for Bella to take a seat between them.

"What do I do?" she asked once she was seated.

"Find a place of calm within yourself," Charlotte told her with a sweet even instructive tone.

"My ability will flow towards Peter and Charlotte, since our hands are touching on top of our knees. I can feel their calm and it helps me. As I calm, they can feel it, and it becomes a loop," I tried to explain the most basic loop, since that was the one I planned on doing with her added.

She smiled and emitted affection, longing, and a touch of lust. It was her usual cocktail around me, which had only deepened since our conversation during the family's shopping trip.

"Inner peace," I reminded Bella with a soft smile.

She nodded with slight embarrassment and seemed to re-orient her emotions, which seemed to be an unusual trait for a human, but then she had always been odd. Her finding a vampire comforting being the first case in point.

The energy didn't flow as easily or as well in comparison to when the three of us had been in her room at Charlie's and she had been asleep. It was like the energy wanted to be Charlotte, Peter, and I recreating what we had experienced together after my last hunt, and Bella was a resistor instead of a conductor.

Trying to suss out what might be causing that, I then asked, "Bella, do I have your permission to use my ability to explore your inner world?"

She gulped and then squeaked out, "Sure." Without doubt her nervousness was due to our last conversation and the vulnerability in her it created.

"How about sending you emotions?" I checked.

"Sure," she agreed more easily.

Concentrating, I entered into Peter's emotional world. I did not take note of anything, but merely sank into it, allowing it to caress me. Then, when I was wrapped in him, I looked around for his connections. His bond to Charlotte was easily found, as was his with me, leaving little else. Very slight, like the tiniest sliver of a thread, came into my awareness, so I followed it gingerly, as if the slightest touch would break it. On the other end I found gratefulness, determination, affection, and happiness. From their tenor they were Bella's.

Travelling through her, I went up her emotional world and then back down, searching for her connection to Charlotte. There was a thread that contained reservation, so I assumed that was her friendship with Alice. Interestingly, her connection with Peter had been at the second to highest emotional level, while Alice's was at the second to lowest level, but the one with Charlotte was at the deepest level. It was so similar in tone to the emotions that dwelt there that I missed it multiple times. The thread was fairly solid. Nevertheless, I was extremely careful as I travelled it towards Charlotte, as I had no idea what might be the effects using my ability like this on a human.

When I came near Charlotte it was like she pulled me into herself and showered me with being cherished, in her deep abiding care, endearment, and thankfulness. The pull was so strong that it held me tight. Only when I sent her affection, trust, appreciation, and respect did her hold on me begin to loosen. Remembering the feeling that had come over us three right after my release, I imagined sending it through the connections and making a circle. The energy move sluggishly in Bella's section of the circle, but at least the connection between us four was working. After a bit, the resistance within Bella increased, so I began to ease out of the three of them.

"Don't bother them," I vaguely heard Alice say.

"Please, Emmett, let them be," Edward agreed.

Thank you, I told Edward truly not wanting the interruption, in order to protect Bella.

"Fine," Emmett responded in his slightly teasing, slightly irritated that he didn't get his way tone.

When I opened my eyes Bella was struggling to move.

"I need to pee," she blurted out, "but my body is too stiff."

"I'll help," Charlotte offered, while Peter and I worked at not laughing.

Charlotte returned shortly after.

"How was it?" I asked them too fast for Bella and too quiet for the Cullens downstairs.

"Odd," Peter stated, and then added, "foggy?"

"I feel more connected to Bella," Charlotte stated, "and there was a sense of completeness like Bella's presence was a missing piece, but muted and off."

"I think it's her humanity," I mused. "I think her blood and physical body is more of a resistor than ours." Then, musing a little I added, "I think her unconsciousness allowed for an easier flow. Not sure why, though."

Peter looked at me funny and then asked solemnly, "Are you suggesting that humans' bodies are made to contain their life force and we suck it out of them into us?"

"I think that's a Carlisle question," I replied, but it explained some of what had happened.

When Bella entered the room, I asked her, "What was it like?"

"What am I, a test subject?" she teased.

"You volunteered," shot back Peter to which she smiled widely and chuckled.

She stopped for a moment and then told me, "Like having the sun's rays warm my skin, but from the inside out."

"Come on guys," Emmett yelled, clearly unable to contain himself any longer.

"Guess we shouldn't keep Emmett waiting," Bella teased, clearer aware that he would hear.

The three of us agreed, but mostly because we didn't want Emmett barging in on us.

Bella and I travelled the hall and then downstairs, while Peter and Charlotte returned to their room.

Esme's telling was difficult emotionally on everyone. Out of us all, she, Charlie, and Bella had been James' greatest victims, and Esme had taken the most of his cruelty purposefully in order to protect others.

She described how she had tried in the beginning to get James to let Bella and Charlie go. Her telling made it clear how much James enjoyed playing with her sentiments and giving nature. Despite being torn apart, put together, torn apart, and consuming human blood, she held no regret regarding her choices to protect those she loved, even if it had been a little more than futile. At the same time, she was devastated in how after all she had done, it still hadn't been enough to save Charlie from death. On top of that, she never said so, but her emotions indicated betrayal when she described Alice's and my arrival. Her narrative suggested her belief that we would rush in and take James down like we were some action heroes.

The hardest part was that somewhere around the time of her draining the pregnant women, thereby also killing the baby, James had managed to convince her that her sacrifices were pointless. Even though she never spoke these words, her emotions that had once been her deepest were at the surface, so I refuted the belief. It was unsurprising that James had brought her human emotions to become her primary state. Them being so accessible to her meant she had an opportunity for healing, but it meant facing her human past also. Somehow it seemed as I spoke the words that they were also meat for me.

The others repeated my sentiments, and our words helped, but it couldn't repair the damage James had done. It would take time and a lot of hard work. Fortunately, she had studied Family and Marriage Counseling in the 1970s and so was at least somewhat aware of what path she needed to take to gain true healing.

Since she was the last to go, there wasn't much detail, and she kept most of her emotions to herself, so it took approximately a day and a half.

At the end Carlisle wrapped her in his arms while telling the group, "James enjoyed damaging the connections between others. And although we are in pain, he will not win, because we are a family of choice. We choose to stand together. We must choose to heal together. Let's take some time, but we have more to discuss."

Everyone groaned, but all agreed.

Once she finished her telling, the couples retreated with Esme and Carlisle going hunting, as Esme had begun being thirsty, which was a sign of healing in my opinion.

Bella took care of herself and then joined Peter, Charlotte, and I meditating once more. Knowing what to expect made it easier to make the circle, and to manage the flow. Afterwards, as the four us sat chatting, Peter's words rang in my mind. It did seem like Bella was the missing piece to us four. She made us a true coven, rather than three deserters of Maria's army.

A/N: This chapter is a little shorter than usual, because through my writing and then edits, it became over 12.5K, which seemed like too much. On a good note, the next chapter is then in draft form already and only needs editing. Hopefully, that will mean that it won't be quite so long before I have the next chapter up.