After the funeral
Chapter 2
"Is this the last of them?" She checked as she put the final box into the boot.
He nodded sadly.
"Yeah just a few little bits and pieces and then we are all done."
She stepped closer, very mindful of where they were, and just gently touched his arm. She knew today was going to be hard, a punishment for his crimes. Today was the day he had been given to move out of his quarters. The last chapter in his life in the Army.
He attempted a smile, understanding the knowledge of her gentle touch.
"Just going to get the last one in then I'll be heading off too." He sighed sadly, looking at her full car. "You go. Get on the road. I'll see you there."
She nodded; she knew the plan.
Today she had helped to move him out of his quarters. Somewhere he had lived for the past two years. Somewhere, when she walked into for the first time, was shocked to see there was absolutely nothing of Charles in that environment.
She knew instantly the moment she saw the impersonal room it had been a place where he'd gone to sleep. A place where he had retreated to, but not enjoyed. He had just existed there, not lived. In fact she was unsure that since they had separated, since he had admitted his mistake with Georgie, with his career, had he never lived.
His days had been events, count downs. He was trying to get help and was slowly becoming the man he used to be, yet Molly wasn't stupid, she knew this blow, leaving the Army, was going to be a setback for him. And so despite it all she knew she couldn't abandon him. That even though she still hadn't forgiven him, stopped hating and hurting from what he did, she had to be there for him. Only in his recovery, his path to returning could she also find some peace, some hope out of all the mess their lives had become after Elvis' death.
"Reckon it will take me about two hours, maybe three hours to get to your Mum's from here." She said as she moved towards the car getting ready for her long journey.
He smiled. "Bloody hell Molly." He held the car door open for her. "Maybe if you manage to do more than 40 miles an hour for once, you might even get there sooner!"
She shook her head and sealed the sarcastic comment she had wanted to give. Knowing it was based heavily on fact that everyone knew she wasn't fond of driving fast, and that whenever they used to go anywhere when she was behind the wheel they always used to go there at a snail's pace.
As she sat down in the front seat, turning to look at him, she saw he almost dipped down to give her a goodbye kiss. A habit from years gone by, but he stopped himself and merely touched her hand. The look on his face as he did said it all, and the loss in her heart matched it.
"Thank you."
She saw the tears in his eyes he failed to blink away.
"We'll get there Charles. You'll get there." Then with a reaction and energy she didn't know she had she pulled herself out of the car, and kissed him on the cheek. Savouring the smell.
When she stepped away from him she noted that he looked happier That there was a definite smile to his face, and something there that hadn't been there moments ago, and she knew she was the cause of that. In one sense that thrilled her, in another it terrified her.
Time was ticking by and she didn't have enough of it to consider what it meant anymore. She needed to get on the way.
"Stay safe" were his last words to her.
As she drove away and let the hours tick by she had enough time to reflect and think on her life with Charles before Georgie, and then after.
They weren't there yet; they still had a very long way to go. She still had too much going on in her nut to forgive it all. Yet Fingers' funeral was a wakeup call to them both, and now she appreciate that perhaps she wasn't ready to throw, the little they still had, away.
And so in the past six months since that walk around the park they had been trying. They were friends, a little bit more than friends something, but a lot less than lovers. Yet each and every time they met, talked, they made small steps to being something that was still undefinable, but steps towards something that still made her happy.
They met up with each other at least once every weekend where possible. They were involved in each other's lives in a very strange way, but without that daily contact she missed him and she knew he missed her. His counselling and her willingness to listen to him, without interruption, allowed them to progress. Her turn did at times come, when he listened too, and she never held back in her feeling nor the volume at which she delivered them. She knew she hurt him at times when she did vent, but knew she needed to if they were ever going to be something more.
Time, patience and a potential for something was all they had. They would be no promises. No declarations of love. They just wanted the days back when they could smile in each other's company without the horrors of their past eating away at their future. A bad journey to take but one they had chosen to take together.
And so as miles were being eaten away in the car that was filled with Charles' boxes and stuff, driving towards his mother's home, Molly realised that since Fingers' funeral she was finding a sense of peace in the new wave of their relationship.
She was grabbed into a hug the moment her foot landed on the pavement outside of his parent's home. Charles' mother was unforgiving in the joy at seeing Molly again.
"You're here; you're finally here." She didn't give Molly the chance to reply. "I've been so worried, what took you so long? Charles called to tell us that you had set off hours ago."
Eventually Molly was given the space to move away from Elizabeth and smiled. She knew it wasn't a criticism but a long-standing family joke. And it felt good that they were still joking as a family.
She was touched by the love this woman had for her still, and happily walked behind Elizabeth as she was lead into to the house, and guided into a seat. It was last thing Molly felt like doing, sitting again, after being cramped up in the car for the past 3 1/2 hours, yet she didn't protest. She followed the orders that Elizabeth gave, sat down and was instantly rewarded with a cup of tea and some freshly baked scones. Elizabeth speciality. Molly's favourite.
"So how did it go everything okay?" Elizabeth asked, the worry hard to disguise.
He was her one and only child, a grown man. A person that had screwed up his life and as his mother she worried. She was lucky though. Luckier than some because, just like he had done so with Molly over the last six months, he had started to confide in her too. Calling her once or twice a week. Needing his mother in his life once again, and she was grateful, as well as interest in how her favourite ex daughter in law and him were working out their own relationship.
Mulling over the question she chose her words carefully. Knowing the weeks following were going to be hard weeks for Charles, as well as his parents, and she willingly needed to be there for them all.
"It went okay." Molly said screwing up her face. "As best as you could expect. We got all the boxes in his and my car. And I guess he'll be here soon." Looking at her watch. "He just had a few things to sort out. The walk out inspection, the paper work, final interview, and then he'll be on his way."
Elizabeth said nothing, noticing Molly hadn't finished. She began picking away at the pattern on the tea cup that she was holding in her hands. Considering what she was going to say. "Do you know he still had boxes in the room that he hadn't unpacked from when we separated? They were still there. Still taped up the way I had done them, still with his name on them the way I wrote it. You could tell he hadn't unpacked a single one."
"Never got to see his room. In the whole time he was there." Elizabeth admitted. "He never invited me there, and honestly I didn't want to go."
"It was like he hadn't moved in." Molly continued sadly. "There is a bed and a chair, there was a desk and there is nothing else. Impersonal." She sighed. "Kind of brought it all back to me." Molly still hadn't looked up. She still kept her eyes down, but Elizabeth moved her hand across the kitchen top , pulled on Molly's making her look up.
"It wasn't your fault." She said with honesty. "I don't even believe…" She chuckled in disbelief. "That it was even Charles' fault." She paused. "What happened was shit, but he's working through it, it you're working through. Together even?
"Elizabeth. Don't go getting your hopes up." Molly said with a warning tone. "Friends, just friends, maybe a little bit more, but that's all I can offer him."
"But you're trying? You're both trying?" Elizabeth said with such hope.
Molly could say no more. Silence filled the kitchen, both ladies mulling over it all. Elizabeth thinking about her son, and his life. There were hardships and struggles he faced and still had to face. While Molly sat opposite her to sitting thinking about the same man. The man she had loved for almost the first moment he let slip down his hard icy front. The man who she loved and continue to love even though he broke her heart..
Finally the front door burst open and both of them let out a sigh of relief. Thankfully smiling at each other as Charles made the way down the hallway into the kitchen. He caught the sad looks on their faces . He knew he had to start to lighten the burden of them worrying about him. He knew today had to be the start of that.
"Knew you lazy buggers would be sitting here instead of unloading the car." He tried to sound happy.
Elizabeth giggled and stood to hug her grown baby.
Molly thankful to finally stand up, stretch her limbs and moved across to him. Smiled a smile of gratitude he was here, he was safe. Then gently punched him in his arm. "You're a sarky bugger you are." And then she squeeze her eyes tight and the relief brought her on to say. "I'm so pleased your here."
He stepped forward, marching her sentimentality and press a kiss to forehead. She lovingly accepted it. "Come on then Dawes . Stop slacking, we've bloody cars to unpack."
It had been six months. A long six months since that first day she had returned to his parent's home. Since that day he had finished with the Army, and tried to recover, and in that time had had plenty of time to think. And so that's just what he did.
He had tried to get on with the new life that had been forced on him. He tried to start to claw something back, and he hoped he had.
The boxes, in his old childhood home, this time, had been unpacked in the main, and some just simply stored away. It was another sign of his progress as the time had passed. This time, the spare room that he now lived in was more of a home to him than any place had ever been since he and Molly had separated.
He knew he had a lot to be grateful for. His parents supported him. They helped him in a way that was immeasurable. He still had some people who loved him. Still had a relationship with his son. He still had a few friends. And so due to the counselling he also had the prospect of starting off again. Finding some employment that suited him. He knew he was lucky. His parents never pushed. Never pressed him. All they did was support him.
Slowly day by day, week by week, milestone by milestone, session by session Charles could feel himself climbing back up to a level that was acceptable. Still not where he used to be still not the man he used to be, but he could feel himself step-by-step getting there.
The loss of his life in the Army was so hard to take. It has been his identity for so long, but now he was getting interested in the new life that he now had. The life he needed to make the most of. He didn't have it all. He hadn't regained everything that he lost but he knew he was one of the lucky ones, and he had more, much more, than many others had who had been in his position
There was just one regret though he had in his life. One thing he wanted back, but realistically knew the chances were small.
Molly.
He hadn't seen her for over six months. The last time they had spent any quality time in each other's company was the day they drove his life to his parent's house. They had kept in touch, talked, texted, but there had been no more opportunities to meet.
She was still in the Army. Still making a name for herself . Still one that others sort out and asked for in times of need. And so she had been very busy. Away once again on a peace keeping mission to somewhere hot, sweaty and potentially dangerous.
He had worried about her from the moment she left, and would until the moment she returned .
They had e mailed. She had even called him many times, and he had written, and she had even replied. It felt familiar. It felt friendly It felt good, but still he missed her and was desperate to see her.
He knew he wasn't her number one priority when she returned home anymore. That he had no right to meet her off the plane or demand to see her as soon as she was free. And that hurt. Hurt him more that be dared to admit. He knew he had given away that right when he had messed them up, but still he wished it was different.
He was desperate to see her. Though he never once told her that out right. Too scared, and so tried to tell her in softer terms. Still unsure of who and what they were to each other. And so he waited. Waited for her to have enough time in her life on her return to come and visit. To have time for him again.
So when her return date was known, and then achieved, all Charles and Elizabeth could do was merely wait.
"When exactly did she get back?" Elizabeth asked pretending that she only had a vague interest. When the truth was the exact opposite. She was desperate for Molly to make contact with Charles. Desperate for her to be back in Charles' life, one way or the other.
"At the weekend." He sighed. "She messaged the other night. Said she was having a few days at her parent's and then was off to visit some friends." He tried to keep the sadness out of his voice. Hoping that he had succeeded in hiding how disappointed he was when he had received the message from Molly
"Oh. Well. I guess you'll see her soon." His mother muttered out as she focused on her task rather than her forlorn son.
Charles just sighed.
He knew she wasn't staying away on purpose, that she needed to catch up with others but he had missed her. He had depended on her for so much, before and after, and now he longed to see her again and could only hope it would be soon.
He spent a lot of his day's thinking. He no longer had thoughts that were consumed by the fog of the past. Most days it was more a thin veil of smoke that came and went. So it meant he could move forward, and he did. He was.
The phone vibrated on the kitchen counter and he jumped to answer. It was the call he had been waiting for.
"So I reckon after six months without decent food or beer you might offer to take me out!" The voice teased over the phone.
He chuckled. It was so good that the banter between them was friendly again.
He moved out of the kitchen, not before catching his mother's smug grin as she clocked who was on the phone.
"I reckon I could do that Dawes." He replied back half serious. "Just say when and where and my wallet and I are at you convenience."
She laughed. "God you always were so easy to bribe into getting you take me out," She smiled down the phone at him. Hoping how happy she was to talk to him was conveyed in her voice.
"Not at all." He played along. "Just happen to like good food and good company. So if you know of anyone who can fit that bill I can take them to a nice little place I know that serves good food. But if you don't I'd suffer your company instead."
"You cheeky bugger..."
He laughed out loud at her pretend indignation. A sound that rarely escaped from him now.
"God it's good to hear from you Molly. So good."
"So good to hear you too Charles." She replied. Then quietly she added. "Think I might have missed you a bit. Actually."
His heart boomed. "Well I know I definitely missed you." He gushed out. Unable to stop himself. "Always have."
They stopped talking for a moment to consider what they had both admitted.
Then she began. "So this meal?"
"Just say where and when." He offered. "I'm free."
"Yeah. Me to." Then she pretended to consider. Yet her plan had already been set before she had risked calling his number. "Tomorrow. I could come to you. Or.…."
"Yes. " He snapped up her offer. Then asked. "Or? You said 'or'. Should I be worried?"
"Nah. Just meant, or …well you could come to mine. Stay over on the couch. Or is that too much? You have your course starting soon don't you. Maybe you're busy? Getting stuff ready and that!"
"Yes." He shouted out. Not even attempting to curb his enthusiasm. "No not busy, and yes please. Me coming to yours. If that ok. Then I'd like that… a lot….."
She giggled. "Bit keen ain't you!" But she knew he was desperate to see her. Just like she was desperate to see him. Six months was too long, yet it was long enough to make her realise that he still meant the world to her.
"Very keen." He lowered his voice. Grasping on to her phone so tightly it almost hurt. "Is that ok?" He dreaded the answer.
"That's ok." She confirmed. "So tomorrow? About 11. At mine. Stay a few days! If you want. I have a long leave."
"Yes. 11. At yours. And yes a few days." He reacted back.
"Good." She relaxed. "It's a date then."
He caught her words and was unsure if they were what she had meant. They shocked him.
"A date?" He asked.
She hesitated briefly. Considered. Life was for living. Smurf. Elvis. Fingers had shown them both that. And Molly so desperately wanted to live again. Live a life the way her friends had never got the chance to live. "Yeah Charles. A date. I think it might be." She replied. "Is that ok?"
"That's bloody perfect. Molly." He gave back. "Absolutely fucking perfect."