El sat on the rim of the tub in the grey light of morning, fresh off a sleepless night. She dropped her head upon her knees.
In the buzz of the muggy night air, with her skipping heart and her bruised lips, it had all seemed so simple! Yet, as it always did, morning held a different story. Her heart still screamed all the same, its punch drunk longing ringing like a bell. Yet, it could not provide anything more than a begging desire.
It could not provide single safe path forward at all.
Safe… her heart almost begged her to abandon the concept! A shocking sensation, for 'safety' was something that it had taken her years to attain.
El had been through hell to create safety in her life. Years of it, each a little harder than the last. She had struggled through the cold walls of a sterile hell, 'safety' then a word that she could not even comprehend. Upon her escape, the man who had saved her used the word, foreign and confusing to her ear, as he explained their need for her to hide. Even in the years that followed the closure of the lab, once safety was a concept that she could possibly attain, her own fears stood in her way. El suffered through failed attempt after failed attempt to free herself from her paranoia, always checking over her shoulder for that one familiar face that could take it all away. It had kept her in that cabin years longer than she had wanted. Yet she had fought through, breaking down her Agoraphobia and Claustrophobia in ways that felt like sheer terror in the moment until she she had finally come out on the other side.
A sense of safety had been her prize.
El had long since become content with a life that she could predict. There was a unique serenity within the consistency of something that felt sane. She liked it. The quiet ease. The day to day. It allowed her to relax. To breathe. It allowed her to live something akin to the 'normal' that she had longed for for so long.
The outside world didn't see this, of course. They only saw the 'daredevil' and the 'adrenaline junky'. The girl suiting up again and again just to fly up and fall back down. They did not understand that the very sky itself, with its nonexistent walls and its lack of prying eyes, felt like the safest place that she had ever been.
Sure, there was more that El wanted. A little more adventure, a little more spark, that sense of something sweeping her off her feet like she'd always seen in the movies. Yet, she had shied away from those things at every turn, too terrified to rock the boat upon the calmest waters that her life had ever achieved.
Well… at least that had been true up until two weeks ago…
Until Mike Wheeler had appeared.
Like the flip of a switch, El Hopper no longer found herself to be calculating safety with any intelligence at all. Instead she found herself increasingly feeling like a rebel, her hand upon a burning stovetop, refusing to pull away.
El took a deep breath, but it hitched at the tightness of her chest, making her laugh and sigh at the same time.
El knew fear. She knew it well. She knew it had a place. And she knew that she should have feared Mike with everything she had.
She should have feared him like she feared deep water or harsh cold lights. She should have feared him like she feared thunderstorms, his touch lighting up her upin the same way as a lightning strike, the electricity coursing through the air and seeping into her skin, combining with her own power in a way that clouded her nerves the little shocks of sharp pain, leaving her weakened and ill.
Even more than that, she should have feared the aftermath of Mike's touch like she had feared other aftermaths in her life. The aftermath of the rescued plane crash, or the rescued car wreck, or the rescued baby carriage. The aftermath of any time in which she had publicly exhibited her powers. It was exactly the same! After each of those events El had spent months within spirals of paranoic fear, convinced that someone somewhere had seen the signs. Convinced that eyes were prying, working to unravel her secret…
Yet, despite it all, her skin did nothing but sing at the fading sensation of Mike's embrace… his breath on her neck… the stars in his eyes still glimmering in her mind like a night dive, a careen so pure that she didn't know which way was up…
Mike Wheeler was dangerous in a way that El Hopper had never experienced in her life.
He was dangerous in a way that didn't feel dangerous at all.
El let out a dark laugh, the tv trope of the 'bad boy' lilting through her mind. It was hilarious how much Mike did not fit that description. With his kind eyes and his soft skin. With the endless intelligence and self deprecation and acceptance that he laid at her feet, making her soften at his side with an ease that she had so very rarely felt.
Yet he was dangerous. Or, more correctly, he made her dangerous. And, well… that might have been her biggest fear of all.
The caustic smoke from the game console at Thelma's seemed to fill her bathroom with its presence at the thought, seeping from her fresh memory in a way that made her feel like she might choke on it for real. She had utterly obliterated Thelma's bar. She had put her friends in danger. She had put her cover in danger. She had put him in danger. She -
Her thought was knocked from her mind as her doorbell rang in the early morning light. El almost slipped from where she sat on the edge of the bathtub, skittering up with a fresh wave of paranoia.
No one showed up at her house at 7:30am on a Sunday morning.
Breath tight in her chest, El tiptoed into the main room, avoiding the sightline of the windows as she snuck closer to the door.
"I know you're here! Your car is parked out front!"
El's chest released from its instinctual tightness as Max's voice drifted through the door. Heart leaping in a way that made her gasp, El almost ran to the door, flinging it open with desperation.
"Oh, thank god," El cried, her voice manic. She tugged Max's arm before Max could even register what the hell was going on, making her stumble over the threshold into the house. El slammed the door behind them and pulled Max into an instant embrace. "I'm so sorry I yelled at you," El said, burying her face into Max's smokey smelling hair. "Are you okay?"
"Whoa whoa! It's okay! I'm fine!" Max cried with a laugh, her arms, full of coffee cups and a bag, flailing a bit at El's sides from her trapped stance. "Are we not fighting anymore? Because I had the whole big apology planned. I brought apology breakfast and everything. I'm fine. Are you okay? You're acting weird."
"I- I haven't slept, I - "
El pulled away, looking her best friend in the eye. Surprise flashed in Max's expression, her blue eyes darting between each of El's with worry.
In that moment a surge so strong and so dangerous shot through El's body. A begging request to let it all out. All twenty-five years. It would be so easy to just let it slip…
But it was selfish and damning and would only put Max in more danger than El had already laid at her feet…
Her lips slammed like a steel trap against it all. Biting her lip hard, El struggled to find words to replace the ones that she so desperately wanted to say.
"Last night… It was - " El sighed, "It was crazy and good and bad and - and I just - I - "
"Hey…" Max said softly as she finally found a way to jostle the coffee cups in order to give El a hug back. She pulled El in in a comforting manner, "Everything's okay. Thelma's okay and Lucas put out the fire and Mike looked… well Mike looked more than okay. Way more than okay. And I'm sorry I butted into your shit. I shouldn't have done that. Everything's okay. Really."
"Okay," El breathed, her friend's embrace and naive words delivering a sense of grounding that made up for some of her lost sleep. Max pulled away after a moment and led the way into El's living room. El followed, not releasing her hold on her friend. They both collapsed onto the couch, Max mostly due to the fact that she didn't have a choice.
"Here. Coffee. Drink," Max said, shoving a cup into El's hands. "I added three extra sugar packets just like you like, you monster."
"Thank you," El replied, gratefulness growing like a bloom in her chest. She smiled shakily, her voice almost a pout. "I'm glad you're here."
Max snickered, "I can tell. Now, care to tell me what the hell has you acting like the world's burning down? Because from what I gathered last night, you should be feeling very different."
"What do you mean?"
Max gave her a knowing look, "Oh, just that Mike seemed pretty unable to talk after you left last night. His face was like completely frozen in a smile for the entire hour that I was around him. What the hell did you do to him?"
El shut her eyes, her quirked lips once again trying to betray her raging anxiety. Her voice was quiet when she answered. "I made out with him on the hood of that old car in the back."
Max squealed, "El Hopper, you dog! Was it good? Was it great? Was it everything?"
El cringed, peering carefully through the fringe of her eyelashes, "I…"
Max clearly had no interest in a coy reply, "El Hopper, you were mean to me last night! That means you have to pay. I will happily take payment in details, so spill!"
El sighed, "It was…Yes, it was good… too good?"
Max's eyebrow rose curiously, "What the hell does too good mean?"
El seethed, the answer searing on her tongue, completely unable to voice.
"I'm… scared." she managed.
"Scared of what?"
"Um…" El took a breath, "I've… never done this before?"
It wasn't a lie…
"What part? Liked a guy like this?"
El nodded, the words more true than Max could have ever known.
Max's expression turned sympathetic, her smile almost amused. She leaned back into the couch cushion, turning toward El directly, "Sweetie, listen. Are you worried that you're falling for him? Because that's obvious and I really think you're safe there. That guy seems like he's been knocked over the head for you. And if you're worried about the other, you know, the other stuff? Well… that makes sense. You don't…" Max bit her lip, hesitant, "You don't have a lot of experience."
Good analogy. Really good analogy. El jumped at it.
"So… yes. ok!" El almost yelped, "Right. I don't have a lot of - experience at - this. I - I don't - Max, I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like a mess. My brain is all scrambled and it's overwhelming and I'm worried I could hurt him - "
" - hurt him? Like his feelings? - "
" - No. I mean... yes? His feelings! Yes?" El corrected, almost gasping at the catch, her words getting ahead of her. She tried to force a breath. "I guess I… I don't know how to… act around him? I don't want to mess… anything up."
"Sorry… I'm not following. Are you trying to tell me that you're afraid you're falling for him too fast?" Max asked, looking at her with a bewildered look. "Is that it?"
El couldn't blame her for her confusion.
"Um…" El wilted a bit, her hope fading that she could possibly communicate anything close to what she truly meant.
It was then, though, that Max burst into an instant and blinding smile. She dropped her head back into the cushion in the most gossipy way. "Oh my god, look at you! You're so cute!"
Blowing up multiple things due to the first hint of hickey was not what El would characterize as 'cute', but there wasn't much that she could say about it.
"Ellie," Max said reassuringly, "If you're so worried about all of this then you should just take it slow."
The words, so obvious, so clear, hit El like a dull smack to the chest.
"What do you mean… slow?"
"What do you mean what do I mean?" Max replied, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Don't rush into anything if you're not comfortable. I mean, it's not my move, obviously, but you can take all the time you want if that's what's bothering you. It's VERY obvious that Mike is interested. I bet if you just told him you that want to take this slow he'd get right on board. I mean, don't take this wrong the wrong way but he doesn't really seem like he has too much experience either. You could probably keep things entirely PG and he'd be cool with it."
El stared at Max in a bit of a daze, her advice so simple and obvious that it kind of dumbed El's senses with its obviousness. El went through the rolodex in her mind, each anxiety tossing itself up for scrutiny to the idea.
…Taking a step back. Being near him but not as much as she'd desperately wanted. Constraining. Controlled…
"Slow. PG. Yes. That might work..." El whispered to herself. She looked back at Max, wide eyed, "Should I… talk to him? About - would that be weird?"
Max snorted, "I mean, talk to him if you want to. From how he acts around you I'm pretty sure he'd say yes if you told him that you're saving yourself for marriage, or that you want to be courted and that you want your entire first year of dates to be supervised by your dad. Have you seen how he looks at you? You don't have anything to worry about."
Max fell quiet beside her, watching her as she drank her coffee. El thought through the idea once again. It tickled like a feather against the steel trap that had seized her heart through the night. In reply, her chest softened, dealing her a slightly better breath than she'd been able to take all morning.
"So… are you please going to tell me what happened?" Max asked after a moment, her voice edging with giddy impatience. "Or am I going to have to torture it out of you?"
El's expression cracked into an involuntary smile, her senses a little lighter, her heart thudding with a tiny ray of relief.
"I uh…" she hid her face in the cushion, her voice muffling as she continued. "It was wonderful."
"Details, Hopper," Max chided, digging her finger into El's side. "Feed me details."
El's eyes shined as she opened them, "We looked at the stars all night. He taught me about space stuff and then he told me I was amazing and he's uh… yeah. It was… it was perfect."
"Awww!" Max cooed, ruffling El's hair, "What a perfectly nerdy way to seduce you!"
"Max!"
"Did he finally ask you out?"
"I'm seeing him Thursday if that answers your question," El replied, a blush hinting upon her pale cheeks. "And it turns out he was trying to ask me out yesterday but you and Dustin had to go and ruin that."
"Doesn't seem like we ruined anything at all," Max said with a wink, "Well, except Thelma's. I think we ruined Thelma's. At least Contra. Ugh, that was my favorite console. I'm pissed. How crazy was that explosion, by the way!?"
At that, El's mood screeched to a halt.
She averted her eyes. "I… didn't really see it."
"It was insane!" Max cried, gabbing about it like it was just another event and not the growing source of El's tremors throughout the night. "I've never seen anything like it. The lights got really bright and then they were flashing and the music screeched to static and the consoles all just went white and glowed really bright for a split second. Then it all stopped at once and that one console just 'BOOM!' burst into flames."
It was a unique type of torture, hearing the play-by-play, every sensation of the destruction still memorable within El's veins. She winced, attempting with so much discomfort to feign casual interest. "Is everything okay, though? With Thelma? And the building?"
"Yeah, I think so," Max said with a shrug, "Lucas put it out right away, thank God. What a nerd. He checked where the fire extinguisher was when we arrived? Who does that? Especially, what kind of guy that I would date does that? Anyway, Thelma was a little shaken up. I think she's going to close off the back room."
"Shit," El griped. "I should go check on her. I feel bad."
Max snorted softly, "Oh Ellie, you saint. You didn't even do anything. You weren't even there. You were outside getting felt up on the car."
"I wasn't getting felt up! Jesus," El retorted. "We were just making out."
"Awww that is so adorably high school."
"You're enjoying this way too much."
"Damn straight I am!" Max cried, reaching forward to unpack her breakfast sandwich. "I've been waiting years for your sweet dorky butt to fall head over heels for somebody. I'm not going to waste it now. Unless, of course, you're not ready to get felt up. In that case I will support your boundaries and not joke about it."
"Well… I'm not ready," El lightheartedly bit back, "I'm… yeah… I'm going to take it slow. It's good advice. Thank you. But yeah, I'm worried about Thelma. I'll check on her after work today. Which, hey. We're probably late. I still need to get ready."
"No need, didn't you get the text from admin?" Max replied, her mouth half full of sausage biscuit. "It's going to storm all day. Flights are cancelled. It's supposed to rain every day until Wednesday. Sucks. Damn Mother Nature ruining my paycheck."
El cringed, just the simple concept of a stormy week giving her a headache. "I missed the text. Until Wednesday? Ugh, that makes me lose the whole week. I won't even be in on Wednesday."
"What's Wednesday?"
El leaned forward and picked up the sandwich that Max brought her. "I have to help my dad throw a retirement lunch for his dispatcher back at home. You think it'll be clear by Thursday?"
"Why?" Max asked with a gleam in her eye, "So you can work or so it's nice and clear for your date?"
El, cheeks now stained permanently pink, averted her eyes. "Both." She took a bite of her sandwich and turned back to Max, eyes wide. "So wait… if there's no work, did you just come here to bring me breakfast?"
"Apology breakfast," Max corrected, knocking her sandwich into El's in a bit of a toast. "Plus, I needed Lucas to give me a ride somewhere and this felt better than home."
El almost choked on her sandwich. "You stayed with Lucas last night?"
"Well," Max shot El a look, "My ride ditched me at Thelma's so…"
"Ugh, I'm sorry…"
"I'm kidding! I probably would've gone home with him anyway," she said with a wink, "We cuddled all night. It was… nice."
"Sounds like you're taking it slow, too."
"Oh no," Max said with an amused shake of her head. "That was after."
"…Oh!"
"But, you know, the cuddling was still nice," Max dropped her head back into the cushion with the slightest bit of abandon. "He's a major dork and he's very opinionated but he's hot and he's…. nice?"
"Nice guys are good! I've been telling you that for years!" El cried, bumping her shoulder into Max's.
"And I didn't listen but…" Max shrugged, ducking her head. "You might be onto something."
The normalcy of the moment brought a sense of relief that seemed to clear the fog from El's eyes and, bit by bit, she felt her hot-wired brain relax. There was work to be done. There were messes to be cleaned up and there were things to be taken slow. However, with Max at her side and some sense spoken into the air, El had to accept that at least for now everyone and everything, her secret included, was still safe.
"So, you're sure that the lights lit up really really bright for a second before they started flashing and the music went to static?"
"Yeah."
Brow furrowed, Mike turned on his heel and paced back in the other direction upon the kitchen floor, "That first part is exactly what happened on El's porch. The lights shot so bright that they burst."
"So, what are you saying?" Will asked.
"I don't know what I'm saying yet. I need to think about it more," Mike said, "What if we've stumbled on like some really bad issue with the electrical grid? I've never heard of anything like this before, but think about it. It's the only working hypothesis I can think of. Both were some kind of power surge."
"I guess you do have a point," Will replied, scrolling his phone, only half listening.
"I'm convinced!" Dustin declared as he entered the kitchen, "We're witnessing a government conspiracy. You solved it, Mike. Now, time to go."
Mike groaned.
His mind was spinning in a million different directions that morning, all fighting to arrest his emotions. At least for now, the mystery of the explosions felt like the safest place to reside. If he were to admit it, though, he'd had hopes to spin Dustin up inside of it. Dustin had always been the friend who was most interested in Mike's endless curiosity. And he had good reason to want to distract him… Yet, as Dustin walked to the wall and grabbed his car keys from the hook, Mike realized with a lurch in his chest that his attempt had not been successful.
"You ready?" Dustin asked, holding out the keys.
A sharp pang of nervousness threaded through MIke's limbs. His eyes narrowed on the metal in Dustin's hand.
"We don't have a lot of time. It's going to rain in a couple of hours," Dustin reminded him, edging toward the door.
"Maybe we should wait, then," Will chimed in, glancing to Mike with a hint of worry.
"Listen, we can start in an empty parking lot. We'll go to the school. It'll be easy!" Dustin offered.
"Dustin, we don't have to make him do this," Will said, before he turned to Mike. "You don't have to do this."
His friends bickered the slightest bit as Mike stood there, very still. He felt so stupid. Even after so many years, after the countless signs that things had gotten better, he still felt the same old sensation wash over him.
Heavy. Unreal.
Yet, he reminded himself, this was part of the bargain. Part of the plan. The agreement that he had so rashly made. It was the expected trade off for Dustin's favor that had led to Mike to an absolutely perfect night.
El…
Like a bubble, something soft rose within his mind.
Mike stepped forward and swallowed through a thick lump in his throat. "No, I promised," he said, "Starting in a parking lot would be good."
He chose not to look at the surprise on either of his friends' faces as he reached for his shoes and tugged them on, leading the way out of the door. His heart was racing was the climbed in the passenger seat of Dustin's car, dread pooling in his gut.
Yet, he forced himself to think, El had been right. However much she knew it or not. This wasn't him. This was the ghost of something that he was finally ready to try to let go.
It was oddly easy to block out the drive to the campus parking lot once his brain was on that track. The grey morning air blanketed the world out the window, but his thoughts were twelve hours in the past…
The sweetness of El's kiss goodbye had almost beat the one that they had shared on the car. Her toes had risen her height with an expectation that he could help but match. It had ached to say goodbye to her so quickly. In the frenzy of everything he had even almost stupidly offered to drive her home, thanks to the shocking amount of worry he'd had for her burgeoning migraine and nosebleed.
Maybe he could someday…
He was already counting down the moments until he saw her again, itching to text her though he knew it might be too soon. There was just something about her that consumed him, flipping his consciousness sideways and dislodging his old crutches in the process. She -
"We're here."
Mike looked up, shocked back to reality. The massive empty parking lot behind the building where he taught labs laid out before him, expectant and waiting.
He gulped. "Well, I jumped out of a plane twice yesterday… I should be able to handle an empty parking lot."
"That's the spirit!" Dustin cried, patting Mike encouragingly on the shoulder before he put the car in park.
Long legs out the door, Mike stood up. He took a deep breath as he crossed around the car and crawled into a space where he hadn't sat in just over three years. Hardly fitting, he adjusted with a grunt, trying to ignore the sensation of his hands shaking all the while.
"Oh man, I forgot you were going to mess up my alignment," Dustin joked as he watched Mike push the seat all the way back.
"You were the one who insisted we do this," Mike retorted darkly.
"I know, but it's been set with a scientific precision! I'm never going to get it back to fitting perfectly again."
"You good, Mike?" Will, ever the empath, interrupted Dustin and checked on Mike from the back seat. Mike caught his eye in the rearview mirror and nodded in reassurance. Will gave him an encouraging smile and sat back.
Mike put his hands on the wheel, fought off the lurch of his stomach, and shifted into drive.
And shockingly… it was easy.
Mike almost wanted to laugh at himself. The anticlimactic feeling of moving forward on the pavement was almost hilarious. After a twenty feet or so, Dustin cheered. Mike rolled his eyes but found himself smiling all the same. Wheels under his control, he slowly accelerated from 10 miles an hour to 15 and beyond, until he was moving in wide loops through the huge parking lot at 25 mph like not a day had passed.
The threatening sense of flashback was surely eating at the edge of his brain, but it felt washed out by something else… something new… something fresh.
Maybe it was the cloud that he was still floating on from the night before. Or, maybe it was the slew of other fears that he had recently faced. Or maybe… probably… it was her.
It was almost like he could almost hear her there beside him, her calm composure filling the car as her hand ghosted in his, just like it had the first time that they had jumped, reminding him that maybe, just maybe, this didn't need to define him anymore…
"I want to try the road." Mike said, not asking. He turned the wheel toward the exit of the parking lot.
"Whoa, are you sure?" Dustin asked, a trill of hesitation in his voice.
Will slapped Dustin on the shoulder from the back seat, "He's doing great. Go for it, Mike."
Only when he reached the exit and flipped on the turn signal did the first spike of true anxiety arise. It wasn't a very busy street, but it was busy enough to make him second guess himself. He inched forward a little more slowly than he would have in the past, the barrier in his mind shaking a bit against the compounded fear that he was trying to block out. Yet, he managed to do it. Easing onto the road, he had to admit, it all felt a little bit… normal.
Which was nice. For, before everything had happened, Mike had really truly enjoyed this.
Driving had once been a place where Mike could clear his mind. It was a habit, moving through the dark streets and winding back roads of Hawkins in his mom's hand-me-down car. It was an escape. A solace. A safe space to wait out the yelling at home.
Those years had been rough in the Wheeler household, and in reply Mike had escaped to the road more than he'd cared to admit. He did so alone at first, but as the months progressed he began to take his little sister in tow, opting to save her from the growing toxicity of their parents in the same way that he saved himself, and in those years they forged their bond.
In their late night drives they'd developed some rituals. They'd get milkshakes in the drive-thru or candy from the convenience store with money that Mike had swiped from his mom's purse. They'd drive through the backwood roads, listening to Holly's favorite songs, Mike begrudgingly singing the melody as Holly pieced out the high harmonies like she was a pop star. They did anything they could to avoid the topic. To avoid the lies. To avoid the shaky foundation that their family had turned out to be.
As the years passed and things in their home didn't get better, Mike's morale for the situation began to fade. College came and, in reply, Mike couldn't shake his guilt that Holly was now stuck in the middle alone. For, with just one child left in the house, it seemed as though his parents had forgotten that Holly was there at all. The house was still pristine, but under the surface there was burgeoning alcoholism, disdain, a growing consistency of tv dinners, and disagreements that echoed from the walls. Disagreements about anything and everything. Money, infidelity, and unraveling threats of breaking it all down.
It should have broken Mike's heart, but honestly it just pissed him off. He grew darker when he was there, until one night during spring break of his sophomore year, Mike simply snapped. Snagging his sister's arm and marching them out the door after a few bellowed words that he got into the fray.
It was the last time he was behind the wheel -
"Mike! Change lanes!" Dustin cried. "You're getting - !?"
Mike smashed back to reality with a start. Cars whizzed past his driver's side, laying on their horns, passing him so quickly that he felt like he had been flung into a tailspin. A clap of thunder boomed from the sky above him at the exact same moment. In a snap of fright, Mike saw his knuckles go white on the steering wheel.
"Change lanes! You're going on -"
- But he couldn't - His brain could not catch up with his body's response - Fingers frozen on a path to -
"- the interstate - "
"Fuck!" Mike cried through gritted teeth. His breath went tight as big drops of water began to hit the windshield, blurring his vision in a way that washed out the present day.
- He could only see it in flashes, but it stole his entire mind -
- The instant storm - the thin winding road - the careen of the hydroplane - the blue mailbox flashing through his headlights with a blindingly bright intensity - the squeal of his tires mixing with his sisters screams - his foot paralyzed on the brakes that did nothing at all - the incoming darkness of the massive tree trunk, coming so close that he saw his life flash before his eyes - the instant wrenching STOP, tossing his sister, always trying to not wear a seatbelt, forward - the pale visage in a flash - the crumpled hood of the car despite… despite… - the blood trickling from Holly's hairline, her eyes closed, unconscious, so desperately needing a hospital that he instantly spun his car around from its stop and drove back to town as fast as he could… the car still running all the way -
…The next thing Mike knew, the rain was coming down in sheets and he was steering Dustin's car onto a gravel strip at the side of the road. He threw the car into park, his breath catching so fast that he fell forward, his forehead collapsing onto the steering wheel.
Everything was quiet for a moment, the rain insulating and assaulting him at the same time, both trapping him in his flashback and reminding him that, outside, life still moved on.
After time undeterminable, Will's hand appeared on his shoulder.
"Here, drink some water."
Mike took the water and leaned back in the driver's seat, tears biting at his eyes as he tried to fight away the visions of the flashback. He let his eyes unfocus onto the ceiling of the car, his attention flicking from tiny dot to tiny dot of stains on the interior, helping him return to the moment in an innocuous way.
"I'm… so sorry," Mike gasped, shame seeping over his chest. To their credit, neither of them said anything. "I - " his throat almost hurt to talk, "I'm done for the day."
"Yeah, yeah of course," Dustin said in an understanding yet slightly frazzled tone. "Let's just uh, let the rain chill out a bit and then I'll drive us home. It was uh… good there for a while."
"You don't have to encourage me. That was horrible."
"It really wasn't as bad as you think," Will said, "You just veered off the road really fast but everything else was fine."
"Really?" Mike asked, a frisson of fresh fear coursing through his veins. "Seemed way worse than that."
"No, really. You did okay! It was a good first go," Dustin said, some pep returning to his voice. "Maybe we can try again later this week."
"I'm busy." Mike barked back in an involuntary instinct. "I have training for my summer TA teaching for the next two days."
"Well, what about Wednesday then."
That wasn't happening, but Mike didn't have the energy to retort.
"Mike's coming with me to Hawkins on Wednesday," Will interjected, taking ten pounds of weight off of Mike's chest with a well placed lie.
"Y-yeah," Mike agreed, "Gonna go spend the day with Holly."
That was how Mike found himself back in a car for the first time in days on Wednesday morning. Will's trip to see his mom and visiting brother had turned into the perfect cover for Mike to get as far away from another 'driving lesson' as possible.
Which, to be honest, he didn't know if he could handle.
The fallout from Sunday's attempt had been difficult, to say the least. It had now been three nights and Mike had hardly slept during any of them. Insomnia was an old familiar foe. It was something he had gotten a hold on over the years, but in the wake of a fresh flashback it was hard to shake.
It had leached the color out of his days, stealing the euphoria he'd had on Saturday and replacing it with shame, embarrassment, and something far more sinister that he didn't want to name.
He had found himself night after night desperately pouring over his old notebooks, just like he always had before. The theories he'd had… the countless calculations…. The questions and confusions… They still led to nowhere. Nowhere but dead ends and fears for his sanity.
Sanity that he desperately needed back.
"Can you take the back road into town?" Mike asked Will, trying to keep his voice steady.
Will looked over at him with a knowing reticence. "I - do you think that's a good idea?"
"It's not a bad idea," Mike replied, "I just… I need to see the spot. I want to check something."
Will sighed, "Mike, we've checked dozens of times…"
"Then it'll just give me peace of mind," he said shortly, trying to bite back his frustration. "Please?"
Will caved. "Okay."
Within a few moments they got off at the interstate exit labeled Gas City, one exit before the main drag to Hawkins. Will knew exactly where to drive and where to turn. After the short drive through the small town of Gas City, Will turned northeast onto an increasingly windy road that went through mostly undeveloped woods. It was not commonly traveled, yet it cut easily into the back of Hawkins near his parent's home.
Back in the day it been Mike's favorite drive, the woods and the winding making him feel so very far away from the suburban flatland of Hawkins that seemed to spread all around. Yet, in the aftermath, it felt almost haunted.
Mike gritted his teeth as Will wound down the narrow path, his heartbeat feeling thick against his chest in a way that made him feel both idiotic and overwhelmed at the same time.
It had been a long time since Mike had checked the spot. He was sure that he wasn't going to find anything new after all of this time, but the needling frustration still begged for a peek all the same. It was a desperate request, yet it was something he needed to understand.
Will stopped at the exact location that he always did, pulling off onto the gravel across the street from the shrouded driveway where it had all occurred. Mike's fingers rattled a bit against the door handle as he pushed it open and stepped out of the car. Tilting a bit, he peered through the trees, careful to ensure that the vehicles in the deeply recessed driveway were gone for the day. After one time when they had been chased off the land, the owner of the property clearly not wanting visitors, he had been much more careful.
The coast looked clear.
Mike felt the familiar bile rise in his throat as he trotted across the empty road toward the unforgettable blue mailbox and large tree that he knew all too well. Will's door slammed softly behind him and footsteps joined him on the way.
Passing the mailbox, he moved hesitantly toward the tree, desperate for it to be different this time. Yet, just like every other time, it held the same truth.
"No scar."
"It's been a few years now," Will offered.
"A collision like that would leave permanent damage." Mike said. He shook his head, his heart almost dropping in stupid predictable disappointment.
He would never, no matter how hard he tried, understand. And that was the plague.
It wasn't the accident or the mistake that haunted Mike. It wasn't the injuries that had left Holly with a concussion that took her months to heal… though that was terrible in and of itself. No, it was the pieces of the puzzle that would never match. It was the sense of unreality that coated his mind when he let it lead. The fear that came with it was so debilitating, leaving him with a terrible sensation that he couldn't trust his own mind.
And if he couldn't trust his own mind… what could he trust?
"Maybe there was something in the road that you didn't see." Will offered, just as he did every time. "You clearly hit something. There was a collision with your car. I really don't think you hit the tree."
"I would have seen it," Mike replied immediately. He stamped past the mailbox and crossed the road back to the car.
He didn't speak for the rest of the drive.
About twenty minutes later, Will dropped him off in front of his house. He was endlessly patient despite Mike's stormy demeanor, making Mike feel bad in a way that he didn't quite know how to express. He thanked him, their plan set to head back to Indianapolis after dinner.
Mike hurried up the front walk and shouldered the door open to the house, the tightness in his chest feeling so obscenely heavy. He tried to mask it for his sister's benefit as he called her name.
"Holly?"
"Mike!?"
Rough footsteps clambered down the stairs. Holly, still only 5' 2" despite being sixteen, rounded the corner on the stairs with a smile, her blonde hair swinging in a clean ponytail.
"Ugh, I'm so glad you're home," she said, pulling Mike into a quick hug. She pulled away and spun into the kitchen. "Mom is being the worst. I cannot begin to tell you what a shit her new boyfriend is."
"There's a new boyfriend?" Mike groaned, following her into the kitchen. On instinct, he took a peek in the fridge. He grabbed a string cheese and leaned against the appliance to open it.
Holly dramatically rolled her eyes. "I texted you about it on Monday. You didn't reply," she deadpanned, shooting him a look.
"Sorry, it's been a… shit few days."
Her expression instantly changed as she caught his eye. His eyes traced up to the scar at her hairline. He fought back the shudder of guilt that threatened to weaken his knees.
"What's wrong?" she asked. "Did something happen?"
"Nothing," he said, averting his eyes to his snack, his interest suddenly focused on the packaging.
"Bullshit," she said. She put her hands on her hips in a way that reminded him so very much of Nancy, "Spill it."
Mike cringed. His voice was low and quiet when he spoke. "The guys made me try driving."
His shudder was echoed in Holly's eyes. She bit her lip. "I'm going to guess it didn't go well."
"I don't… wanna talk about it," he said with a dismissive wave. "What's up with mom's new boyfriend?"
Holly scrutinized him for a moment, her eyes heavy on him in a way that made him sure that she was not going to let the last subject go. Yet, she surprised him, shrugging as she leaned against the counter opposite of him and shook her head.
"He's a dick."
"What else is new?" Mike asked, "That's mom's type."
"Yeah, but this guy is a dick in the exact same way as Dad," Holly replied, tightness behind her bright eyes. "He doesn't listen. He doesn't look at her. He's distant unless he has an opinion and then he's a fucking asshole."
"How long has he been around?" Mike asked. "Can't be long."
Holly rolled her eyes. "Two weeks or so."
"Then he'll be gone next week," Mike said with a wry shrug. "At least she's predictable."
Holly let out a laugh. "You're terrible and you're right."
Mike looked around the house, the walls of the place feeling a little too tight for his liking. "Want to go get lunch? My treat?"
"Okay," Holly agreed, her smile perking back up as her eyes glittered with something menacing and excited. "But I'm driving."
Mike shuddered dramatically, "That's terrifying."
Holly scoffed. "You know I got my license last month."
"I know but… wow," Mike said, his eyes big and teasing. "It almost makes me want to drive just so I don't have to experience it."
Holly dug her keys out of her pocket and held them up to Mike with a dare, "Have at it, then."
"Yeah, no thanks," Mike replied with a dark laugh. "I'll endure it. Where do you want to go?"
"There's a new bakery on the edge of the old downtown that has really good sandwiches. And they make really cute cookies."
"You think I'm going to buy you lunch and dessert?" Mike replied, tugging lightly on Holly's pony tail as he passed her out of the kitchen. "I'm a grad student. You probably have more money than me."
"Fine," she scoffed. "I'll buy the cookies then. Cheapskate."
There was something about Holly's presence that always seemed to settle Mike. In the wide world of things that piqued his anxiety, she held a unique space of being neutral. Maybe it was because they had been through so much of it together, leaving no need to explain. Whatever it was, though, he couldn't deny that it felt like a major relief.
He fell into her wake as she led the way to her car and to lunch.
The sun was shining and the air was warm for the first time in days, and within the sunlight of the drive to Hawkins, El had found a quiet comfort. It had been raining almost nonstop since Sunday, thunderstorms popping off here and there, causing her to lose sleep, her startled nervous system harangued in a way that she could hardly bear.
She hated this time of year, when storm after storm blew through the region. The electricity in the air pulsed against her like the old wive's tale of a broken bone that could predict the rain. It left her with a dulled headache, frayed nerves, a tight neck and too many hours hiding in a dark room to minimize it at all.
Heavy boot steps trailed in her ears from the hallway of the police station, bringing to her attention the arrival of her dad. She was tucked away in his office twisting streamers for Flo's retirement lunch. A donut dropped in front of her on her end of the desk.
"Sorry about that. Old Man Harrison's called in four emergencies this week. Every time it's been because the neighbor's dog broke into his chicken coop."
"You're doing such important work, dad," El quipped with a smirk.
"Shut up," he replied with a light flick to her hair. "How you doing? Good week?"
El shuddered, "If a good week is a week where I can't dive because it won't stop raining, so instead I just hide from the lightning under the blankets for three days, then sure, great week."
Her dad looked up, examining her features, "No sleep, huh?"
She shook her head, her eyes darting down to the donut as she reached out for it.
"You've been off work all week?"
"Yeah," she sighed, "Just been watching too many movies and waiting for the weather to even out."
"Yeah, that's fair. You holding up okay, though?"
"Not terribly. I feel like shit, though. Today is a nice break. I like the sun," she picked up a multi-colored streamer from where it laid on the lap on her dress. "So, how do you want me to set up?"
"Hold on," Hopper said with a laugh, holding up his hand. "I just got back. You don't need to run off and set up right away."
Hopper took a seat, his gaze upon her in a way that she knew too well. She narrowed her eyes. "You look like you want to ask a question."
"Well, that's probably because I want to ask a question," he said, leaning back heavily into his chair. "Anything else happen with that… thing last week?"
El had been prepared for this topic, but it still took work for her to even out her expression. "Nope," she said, the lie feeling traitorous on her lips.
"You ever find out his last name? What was his first name, Mike?"
El scoffed. "Don't act like you had to work to recall his name. I'm sure you've scanned the files of every Mike in Indiana by now."
Her dad feigned insult. "Give me some credit. Only the ones in Indianapolis."
"Well uh… there's nothing to worry about."
El was impressed by the steadiness of her statement. For, the steadiness of her voice didn't match her internal world at all. She was both counting the hours until he saw Mike again. He was the only thing she had thought about in the indeterminable hours that she had laid in the dark, jumping between losing herself in the thought of his touch and trying to piece out how to say to him what she needed to say.
Her dad looked at her suspiciously for a moment, but much to her surprise, he didn't dig. "Okay, but you'll keep me updated?"
"There's nothing to update but I'll keep you updated," she said, "Now, what do you need me to do?"
"Just run next door to the new spot, pick up the lunch order and the cake, and then lay it all out in the break room and set up all of these decorations you've cluttered my desk with."
"Easy, do they have a tab like the other place?"
"Yep, just tell them to charge it to Hawkins PD. Flo already called the order in."
"For her own party?" El scoffed. "You made her do that?"
"Give me some credit," Hopper replied, waving her criticism off with his hand. "She did it before I got in today. She wanted to set everything up before you got here but I wouldn't let her."
"Should I go now?" El asked, peeking out of the window behind her dad's chair.
"Yeah, it's probably ready."
It was only a few minutes later that El was out of the door, feeling lighter than she had felt in days, her Dad's acquiescence regarding information on Mike washing over her with a massive relief.
It seemed simple. El was a twenty five year old woman, after all! She deserved to have a private life! And if that meant keeping Jim Hopper out of the potential blowback of a dangerous attraction as much as possible, then so be it.
The bell to the bakery dinged as she entered and made her way up to the counter. It was a small place with a deep wall of booths, the large wall of windows facing the back of the police station in a parallel line. A friendly looking middle aged woman with red hair and flour on her hands appeared through a couple of saloon doors that led to the kitchen.
"Hi," El said. "I'm picking up an order for Hawkins PD?"
"Flo's last day, huh?" the lady asked as she dug through her tickets by the register.
"Yep."
"Well, darling," she said, looking over her shoulder to the order window. "It should still be about five minutes. Feel free to take a seat."
And with that, she disappeared back to the kitchen.
El turned, surveying the new bakery for an empty spot.
"…El?!"
El spun in surprise only for her eyes to land on the very last person in the world she could have expected to see.
"Mike?"
He was staring at her, his jaw slack, his dark eyes wide. His messy hair flounced and his glasses fell askew as he jumped up quickly from his seat, almost stumbling over his feet as moved in her direction. A hurried rush of awkwardness swept over her as he neared, her arms jittery as she tried to piece out what to do. Yet, she needn't have worried, for Mike swept her up in a quick hug that caught her completely off guard.
All of the days in between, the panics and the storms and the loss of sleep, flashed away in an instant as he hugged her tight yet fast, his presence assaulting her senses in a way that made warmth spike through her limbs. His green t-shirt was soft against her cheek where she pressed for the briefest moment, his scent clean and calming yet frenzying all at the same.
He pulled away quickly, adjusting his glasses as he smiled down at her, bewildered.
" - What are you – "
"- Are you – "
" - Sorry, you first.".
"What are you doing here?" El asked, trying and failing to keep her voice casual.
"I'm from here?" Mike replied, confusion knitting his brow. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm… I'm from here, too…" El replied. "well…"
Mike's jaw dropped so fast that she thought he might have hurt himself, "Wait… really?!"
"Um. kind of…? Not really. I don't - I'm just picking up an order for my dad's office?"
"Oh, your dad works around here?" Mike asked, fascinated.
El's eyes slipped to the building through the window. "Yeah, nearish…" She regarded Mike again, almost needing to shake her head to make sense of the moment. "I'm sorry, this is just really unexpected," she smiled softly. "Hi."
"Hey," Mike replied, shifting on his feet.
"Do you - do you want to join us?" he asked, motioning over to the booth and a blonde teenager who was watching them with very curious look on her face.
"Um… sure," she said with a shrug. "I'm waiting for the order so I won't be here long but… sure,"
"Cool, great. Yeah, so. Right," Mike stuttered, motioning over his shoulder again before he turned on his heel and led the way back to the booth. "Um. This is my sister, Holly. Holly, this is… this is El."
Holly held her hand out as Mike took a seat and El followed behind. El instantly noticed the amusement in the girl's eyes. "Hi," Holly said. "Tell me, how do you know my brother?"
"Um…" El said, her attention glancing quickly to Mike and back to Holly. "He took my class?"
"Really?" Holly asked. She leaned forward on her hands with an almost too sweet smile. "And what do you teach, El?"
"Skydiving."
El's answer was clearly not what Holly had expected. Her attention swung to her brother like whiplash. "You went skydiving? You. You went skydiving?!"
El winced as she looked back at Mike. A light blush lit up the freckles that danced across the bridge of his nose.
"You don't have to sound so surprised," Mike said, looking down at his coffee cup. "But yeah. The guys took me for my birthday."
Holly almost vaulted across the table as she smacked her brother's arm. "Why wouldn't you tell me something like that?!"
"Because I knew you'd act like this!" Mike said quickly. He turned to El with an apologetic look, "Ignore Holly. She's very protective of me."
"So, El," Holly continued, undeterred, "Wh – "
"Order up for Hopper!"
El winced at the call of her name. "That's me," she said hesitantly, "I should go. But it was good to see you…"
"Yeah, you too. And in Hawkins?" his eyes raked her face with an intense sense of confusion, but it melted into something shy as he met her eyes, "I'll uh. I'll see you tomorrow? Seven still good?"
A smile quirked onto El's lips. She nodded, "Yeah. You have my address. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Great," he said, mirroring her look.
"Order for Hopper!"
El shook her head, scrambling up. "Um… Bye. It was nice to meet you, Holly."
"Bye, El!" Holly called, all smiles and waves. El waved back, taking one last glance at Mike, who hadn't looked away, before she turned and gathered the bag of sandwiches and the cake box from the lady at the counter. El darted from the store, her brain exploding with more questions than she could possibly conceive.
Mike watched El through the window in a daze. Her light blue dress dusted right above her knees as she hurried along the sidewalk… in Hawkins….
His heart was in his throat, mixed with a spike of shock and splendor. Throughout the last couple of days, he'd felt a growing nervousness for Thursday night. His confidence shaken, his worries intense. But the second that he saw her at the counter, prim and summery, her hair sweeping down against her shoulders in a way he had never seen, all of his nervousness had seemed to fade. And when she turned to him, her smile lighting up her face he -
"You jumped out of a plane with that girl. You jumped out of a plane PERIOD? You, Mike Wheeler, jumped out of a plane - "
El turned the corner by the police station and disappeared from view. Begrudgingly, he turned back to his sister.
"You're in love with that girl," Holly stated.
Her arms were crossed, her expression matter of fact.
Mike rolled his eyes, the presence of his sister suddenly more annoying than he cared to admit. For, his cheeks were flustered and his eyes were wide. His breath was short and his lips were frozen into a gobsmacked crooked smile. He definitely didn't want his sister to see him like this. "I'm not in love with her. That's crazy."
"There's absolutely no other reason why you'd agree to jump out of a plane."
Mike trained all of his attention onto grabbing a fry and dipping it so as to avoid the prying eyes of the girl across the table. "Well, I can't be in love with her. I've only known her for two and a half weeks."
"Ooh, and how many times have you seen her in this very specific amount of time that you seem to have memorized?"
"Four times," he said, more quietly than before.
"Wow," Holly cried. She dropped her hands on the table. "You know that number right off the top of your head."
"Holly…" Mike groaned.
"WAIT?!" Holly gasped. She reached out and latched onto Holly's arm. "Were you just confirming a date? Did you actually get up the courage to ask her out?"
"How little do you think of me?" Mike retorted, "Yeah, I'm taking her out tomorrow."
"Mike Wheeler," Holly said with a chastising air, "you have a date and you didn't tell me?"
"Because I knew you'd act like this!"
It was then that she dropped the act like she always did, her annoying kid sister demeanor fading in an instant, almost to the point where her voice changed. Her smile became more genuine. "Mike. That's really cool. I'm happy for you. That's big. She's cute. A little weird. Eagle eyes, but that seems like it would be your type so.."
"- God, Holly -"
"I'm just saying she seems like a good fit for you. How did you not know she was from here?"
"How did you hear that?" He asked, sure he had only said it ten feet away.
"One, I have excellent eavesdropping skills. Two, you were practically yelling. It was awkward. She looks your age, you don't know her from school?"
Mike shook his head, his bewildered stupor overcoming him once again, "I'm almost certain of it… One of the guys would have remembered her if we did… I think she's told me she was homeschooled though…?"
"Aww, Mike!" Holly cooed, swooning dramatically in the booth across from him. "What if she was under your nose the whole time and you crossed paths over and over again and you never even knew it?!"
Mike replied with an eye roll, the prospect too big for him to entertain. "I highly doubt that."
El drove out of town, her eyes wide upon the road.
The afternoon had gone off without a hitch, but she hardly remembered any of it at all. Her brain was simply spinning. She had known that Mike was from near Indianapolis, but not in a million years had she expected that he was from the very town that she had been in and around for the entirety of her hidden life.
It was almost on instinct that she decided that her drive to Indianapolis could wait. Her dad's cabin was calling her name in the way that it always did when she had something on her mind. The cabin felt almost like a neutral zone, removed and recessed. Always an excellent space to think.
Neglecting the main road, El took a left turn. She winded down the zig zagging rural path, the trees growing thicker by the mile. Eventually, she slowed at a familiar bend. The blind drive was shrouded by the thick leaf cover of a large tree by the road. The blue mailbox marked the entry, just as it always had, in a way that she couldn't miss.
She steered into the driveway of home.
Leave me a note below or find me on tumblr at el-borealis or IG at el_borealis - I'd love to hear what you're thinking!
- L -