Goblin Comedy:

Late Saturday night before his slumber was filled with comforting thoughts as the dinner has been nice – someone had fussed over him, and he was not responsible for cooking or feeding anyone. Harry, however, did offer to help with the rest of the dishes, and Amba was only too glad to have him – she had an impressive pan and pot collection, and she had utilised every scrap of it, to cook dinner that night. Harry was quite aware that tomorrow was his first shopping spree and he liked the idea that his 'mum' was going to purchase things for him. Even Ved suspected the boy's excitement, as he cleaned every item squeaky clean without complaint, as his mind was elsewhere.

Mum.

That was exactly the sentiment that reflected how he viewed Ms Singh. After all, Amba and Ved had insisted that Harry call them Grandma and Grandpa. But he had not called Ms Singh anything but Ms Singh or just Miss. Maybe sometime later tomorrow he would…test the waters?

The next day, Harry awoke for the first time, feeling truly safe. Priya had explained the previous night that upon entry into the Wizarding world, that he would see entirely new animals and creatures. He would keep calm, and take in the sights and sounds.

For his clothing needs, decent school clothes, extra underwear, socks, and a lot of track-oriented apparel for exercise were necessary. For his technological needs, access to a good laptop, a wireless internet connection and a decent smartphone would suffice. Of course – these items had not been suggested by Priya. Rather she had asked Harry to make a "wishlist" and she would attempt to fit everything into their budget. Harry felt like he was getting compensated today for all the birthday presents he had never received and naturally, his excitement propelled him like a hyperactive cat, as he began to bustle around the room. He performed his morning routine for getting dressed and then sat in the living room until Priya came out in full wizarding robes. Harry realised that gone was the schoolteacher. This was a full-on Witch and she meant business.

Priya began to explain what she knew about Goblins. She explained the tensions and some of the other problems, that had led to the current state of affairs. Harry after listening to everything, chose to comment on what he suspected, had occurred:

"So you are saying that they made a mess of that too?" asked Harry.

"They did. The relationship between Wizards and Goblins is very strained. You must respect them and….."

Priya continued to explain how Pomona Sprout had carried out their transaction with the Goblins when she came to collect her fourteen years ago as a young doe-eyed student. Pomona had used a cordial "Good Morning/Good Afternoon" as her opening statement and proceeded to explain the type of business to be conducted when she first stepped into Gringotts. In Harry's case, he would have to lead the negotiation and mention that Priya was his guide for the day. He would mention "Potter Accounts" to get information about the current status of his family's wealth. She also explained the purpose of the Leaky Cauldron, the significance of the magical partition and what to expect in Diagon Alley. Transportation would occur with side-along apparition. Both of them would wear a glamour or a 'magical face' that had been conjured by magic. He was to stay close to her, and not wander off.

Harry then allowed Priya to glamour him and he observed his face in the mirror. Blue eyes, blond hair – he was a completely different person and he appreciated the practical display of magic. Priya also took on an alternate appearance before holding Harry's hand, as she apparated both of them to an interesting lobby within a strange building. Priya ten gave up her smartphone and a small bag to a person behind the desk and proceeded to walk across the road to a rather strange and positively old fashioned looking pub. Harry began to feel the beat and pulse of magic as he approached. It was alive and it was being shaped by almost everything. Out of curiosity, he decided to use his magical eyesight selectively. He thought to himself…

"I want to see the magic in objects and the air. Just enough for my brain."

Magic obeyed his intent and suddenly his world exploded in technicolour. Priya led Harry to the brick wall and before she could tap the brick with her wand to open the partition, Harry waved his hand over a complex inscription that was embedded under the surface of the brick. Some of his magic left his hand and it powered the door. Priya of course could not see anything unusual, but Harry could see every bit of the Runic array. Priya was surprised – he had wandlessly opened the passage into Magical England.

Harry was now within the famous Diagon Alley. As Harry walked after Priya, he saw many bookstores and even a place that sold brooms. He stopped and looked on, as he was excited about using his eyesight to evaluate his first magical object. There was some kind of magic that accelerated the air behind the twigs. Also was a huge pivot in the middle of the broom that allowed the broom to swivel. The seat looked like a bicycle seat – but it didn't seem to exist physically? Priya was curious as to his intent focus on the broom. After she inquired if he was interested in purchasing one, Harry explained that he was curious about the object and he understood how the broom worked - it was essentially like a fireworks rocket with extra bits. His explanation confused Priya very much - How could he understand so much about the brooms operation? Could he sense magic that intimately? Broom development was a closely guarded secret and here he was spilling the well-guarded insights like it was nothing special.

Harry, who was interested in the hushed conversations, decided to selectively augment his hearing. He stopped the mage sight and said, "Let me hear the whispers of the people" Suddenly he began to hear a conversation about the 'Mudbloods' needing to die. Some were talking about 'Quidditch', whatever that was, and then another pair seemed to be having a tender and loving affair. It seemed that they were planning to elope? As he approached Gringotts and gazed upon the building, he heard a discussion between a man and his son:

"Son, the Goblins are a warrior culture. You greet them by explaining how their enemies should die. Then you wish that they make profit. Always address them as Master Goblin - demonstrate respect, they manage our money. We already have a lot of bad blood with them."

Harry faintly remembered an old piece of dialogue that the Prophets had told the Arbiter in the second Halo novel. Something about hanging from entrails and being paraded around the city. Considering the stupid amount of discrimination present in Wizarding Society, he opted to play the comedian, when it came to describing the preferred form of death for their enemies.

He would brazenly insult Wizarding society as part of his greeting.

Harry entered the bank and went up to the teller. He considered that they needed to conquer their enemies physically. Perhaps monetary conquest was acceptable also? He then began one of the most memorable interactions that the Goblins would remember. Harry spoke slowly and channelled his magic, as he did not wish to mispronounce any words.

"Well met Master Goblin. May you hang your enemies by their entrails and parade them around the city so that everyone can see their failure. But don't forget to buy them out first." He gave a childish grin and hoped he had not offended them.

Priya's face was now completely surprised. Where did that come from? But yet, her magic sensed that they liked what they heard so far? It seemed that his intuition paid off and most of the Goblins turned their head and displayed a feral grin. Some of them found this amount of violence ghastly even by their standards.

The boy was suggesting that they hang their enemies by their…..intestines? Who was this child?

"And oh, let me not forget. May your profit be so bountiful that it may drown the stupidity of Wizarding England. I just got here, first time in the magical world – not impressed at the morons outside your venerable institution. The majority of your clients are probably petulant donkeys. I am hoping I might do better?"

Wispy eyebrows were now raised high – the Goblins considered that there was not enough gold in the world to surpass Wizarding England's stupidity. Mind you, there was a good reason for this opinion. Gringotts England had been at the rock bottom rankings among all the international Goblin enclaves. While Harry was not aware of the finer issues, even the idea of some sympathy for their issues was….surprising? He was hoping to do better. An offer for… amicable business?

His voice sounded comfortable, confident and warm. The Goblins who were accustomed to hostility were surprised that a wizard would insult his own. Perhaps he was a muggleborn who thought Wizarding England was primitive? His magic was strong and there was no deception. Every Goblin in the lobby considered the novel incredulity and the candour of this young man and then proceeded to laugh.

They even howled.

This young man had the bravery to give his honest opinion to the Goblins. Honesty was a trait that the Goblins respected and they found themselves rather amused at the refreshing behaviour of the young man. Honesty was important when dealing with gold, after all. The other wizards, who had been oblivious to the exchange in the institution, had gotten scared. Laughing Goblins – what was this? What were they laughing at? Most of them had missed the conversation, too busy being self-important. An old Goblin who had been walking behind the counter heard the choice of words and realised that his client had come forth. That voice – it was full of a particular style of sarcasm that he had only ever heard once. Every bit biting, bold and somewhat deadpan.

Lilly Potter's boy was here.

In an almost grandfatherly way said to all the others in the hall in Gobblydook, "Hear, hear – He is like his mother. An acid tongue and witty. Like King Gobblydook himself. He is mine." The Goblin leaned over the desk and mentioned "Bloodaxe – Potter Accounts, follow me."

"Excellent. Harry Potter at your service. This is Ms Singh." he whispered, not wishing for anyone to hear any names. "She is my chaperone for today."

The goblins who were very sensitive to magic made note of this woman for future interactions. It was no secret that the boy had lost his parents to the Dark Lord. And yet, this woman loved the Potter boy like her son. But more importantly, she had taken a magical oath to look after the boy? And to feel the link so strongly from her mere presence? This witch was powerful, and perhaps new events would surely be afoot, soon. Family had always been important to the Goblins and after the Dark Lord had killed a Goblin family in the last Wizarding war, the sorrow was still there. And to think that the young man who had stopped the tyrant, had found a witch to look after him? Some Pureblooded women did not love their children, the way she loved this boy.

The Potter Family had been murdered with ambush tactics and cowardice. There was destiny written on this boy and she would guide him as his parents were longer alive. This was a respectable deed that the woman had undertaken. To take care of someone, not her own blood, genuinely in the name of love? In the name of magic itself?

There was a slow imperceptible nod, particularly among the female tellers.

Ophelia Greengrass, who had heard the entire conversation, devoid of Bloodaxe's reply, wondered about this boy. He seemed to remind her of Lilly. But according to him, he had said that it was his first time in the wizarding world? Surely Harry Potter would know his heritage? No this could not be him. Surely Petunia would have at least said something? And the hair – that wasn't the hair that she came to associate with James Potter. She remembered Lilly mentioning before her death that even under glamours, Harry's hair had a mind of its own. This young man's hair was well styled and settled. That was not the hair of James Potter, one bit. Ophelia concluded that this boy could not be Harry Potter, even though she had a nagging suspicion somewhere in her head that this was the case. There was no way to tell if the boy was wearing a glamour, so she dropped the issue. In any case, they were now behind the counters and a conversation could not be facilitated.

Meanwhile, Priya and Harry followed as Bloodaxe opened another door that led to the V.I.P banking area. Harry stood and examined the halberd one of the Goblin warriors carried and he casually commented, "You need to use magic to get the blade vibrating – a Vibroblade. Better cutting capability. Adding a stun function to the blade could be beneficial. After the initial contact, you could rip your stunned enemy in to bloody pieces." The Goblins were even more surprised by this suggestion. And yet the idea made…perfect sense? Harry continued:

"…..or perhaps a hidden flamethrower might do. Just when the enemy thinks he is safe because he is far from the blade, toast him to death. Maybe hollow out the pole perhaps? Good psychological intimidation for either option. Have a wonderful day, Master Goblin."

Another Goblin in the lobby yelled in Gobblydook over the rest of the tellers, "Write that down, write that down. He is one of us! He is going to screw the old goat over. Taking bets right now! Taking bets right fucking now!"

Priya immediately became apprehensive until Bloodaxe decided to explain the situation.

"Not to worry Ms Singh, my colleagues are merely expressing their admiration for his ideas." replied the old Goblin in a fatherly tone. Priya nervously fidgeted with her clothes, and wondered if she would ever get a break from the rollercoaster? But Harry was her student, and he was also Lilly's boy. Of course, he would be exceptional. Why see him for anything else? Many of the Goblins had decided Harry Potter, unlike the rest of the morons they dealt with, was worthy of respect. Only Charlus Potter and Arcturus Black had ever been held in that kind of regard, in recent times. They immediately concluded that Harry Potter understood weapons.

Lady Magic watched on as Harry began to win the allies, that he would eventually need. She hoped that the cosmic machinery that had been awakened last night, would aid him appropriately.