"Have you seen Ichigo?"

Orihime did not enjoy asking this question. She and Ichigo had been together for almost two months now. Still, the thing between them was unspoken, her claim to him tenuous. It felt silly to be standing here, a neatly packed bento in her hands, asking Renji where her boyfriend was.

No. Not boyfriend. She mentally corrected herself. Not quite.

Renji, to his credit, smiled down at her. Awkward but kind. She had approached him on the soccer field after Ichigo had failed to materialize throughout the school day. It wouldn't have bothered her – he sometimes cut class on a whim – except that she had made him lunch.

He didn't always bring lunch to school, and she liked watching him eat. He was such an impenetrable, finely tuned machine. And it made him seem softer somehow to slurp noodles alongside her or peel fragrant oranges with his teeth. Eventually she started making things for him a few days a week. Initially he seemed hesitant to accept these meals. But then she would only insist he take half of her own lunch, and so he conceded.

The truth was that Orihime loved to mess around in the kitchen and having a new palate to please was exciting. To cook was to make a thousand small choices. Ginger or lemongrass? More Chili paste? Another dash of soy sauce?

She liked making these choices with him in mind, testing her own understanding of his experiences and preferences. He seemed to understand her so well, see her so completely. Here was something she could do to understand him.

Still, her cooking was adventurous, and she would send him little warning texts in the morning before seeing him.

Ok, we're going to learn if you like squid today. Get ready

Or

As it turns out you actually CAN put too many toasted sesame seeds on a sweet bun. This thing is going to be a hazard to eat.

And today

You like your curry spicy right? Really spicy? Really really spicy?

He never missed one of her lunches. He always ate every bite and complimented her cooking, even when it was clearly outside of his tastes. Once, she had made scallion pancakes with kimchi so funky it made his eyes water. Even then a smile had teased at his mouth while he said, "This is an impressive amount of fish sauce Hime."

It was a game, of sorts, one that she thought they both enjoyed playing.

But he wasn't here today, and his curry was getting cold.

Renji seemed conflicted. He was one of Ichigo's friends. Though they rarely did more than nod at each other in the hallways. They had been in martial arts classes together since they were children. Like Ichigho, Renji was tall and powerful. His frame was perhaps less graceful but no less intimidating. An effect that was exacerbated by the tattoos lining his skin. But his voice, when he spoke, was warm and open. "Don't worry Inoue, you know how he is, he misses school every once in a while." And then, perhaps sensing her anxiety, "He is always ok. Things can come up unexpectedly. At his job."

Orihime nodded like she understood. She did not understand. Orihime wanted to probe, demand more from Renji than he was clearly comfortable giving. Instead she smiled brightly at him and pushed the bento box into his hands "Thanks Renji, have some lunch ok?"

Orihime walked home alone that afternoon. On the way she sent a single text, hoping it was not too much, not too cloying.

Hope work is ok! Let me know if you want to call tonight.

Ichigo's work. The first time he had alluded to it, they had been at the park, under their tree. It was a Sunday, and the weather was too beautiful to stay inside. Orihime had been laying in the grass on her stomach, reading a textbook. Notebooks and papers were sprawled around her as she got ready for her history final. She had been wearing a short cotton dress, and the feeling of the sun on her skin was almost as delicious as the feeling of Ichigo's eyes on her exposed legs and shoulders.

"Are you sure you don't mind just watching me study? We can go to a movie or something if you'd like."

He had been quiet that day, contentedly sitting against the tree trunk tracing lazy circles on the skin of her ankle. "Study sweetheart, you always feel better when you've gone over your notes."

Sweetheart. The word had made her glow for a moment. And she couldn't help but smile dorkily, her nose scrunching. "Hey, let me make you dinner tonight! We can watch that horrific looking zombie movie."

His fingers had stopped cold for a beat, before resuming as he said "Not tonight Hime."

There was an unreadable expression on his face, almost sadness. It made him look older for a moment, preoccupied.

This had been happening more and more. The sudden, unexpected absences. especially now that their lives had begun to mesh into each other. Hurried minutes after school had grown into more. Ichigo went to the grocery store with her, reaching things on the high shelves. He chatted with her as she folded laundry in her small living room. Some weekends they would lay on her couch and watch movies as his hands slowly, tortuously, moved across her body.

But these hours, no matter how carefree, were always beholden to something. Some other, greater force that could take him away at any moment. Something she was not privy to.

Orihime gave him a small smile to show that she wasn't upset "Ok! Whenever you'd like then. You know I'll be watching most of it from behind my hands anyways."

She had gone back to her book then, getting lost in accounts of the black plague, only dimly aware of Ichigo's thoughtful expression.

"Hime." He had said finally "Could you come here for a second?"

"Yeah!" She pushed herself onto her knees so that she could sit beside him, but this was not what he wanted. Instead, he looped an arm around her waist and pulled her onto his lap. Orihime squeaked involuntarily as she found herself cradled by him, his chin resting on the top of her head as if to block out the rest of the world.

The denim of his pants was rough on her bare thighs, and when he pressed her into him his torso was a solid, unyielding wall. Still, his hands were gentle on her back, and he smelled of warm skin and laundry detergent.

They stayed this way for a while before he said "I'd like to…I wish I was able to be with you all the time. Whenever you'd let me really."

Orihime had tried to look up at him, give him a reassuring smile, but he kept her pressed firmly into him as he continued.

"I have…work. I have work to do sometimes. Nothing interesting but it helps me take care of my sisters. My dad's away a lot and I need to make sure they have everything. I don't mean to be a shitty … I don't want to be a bad guy to you."

The word boyfriend hung unspoken in the air, and Orihime tried not to feel hurt by his reluctance to use it.

He had not offered up any details, and she was hesitant to push him. If he wanted her to know these things he would tell her. He would tell her in his own time.