Petunia pulled on the little arm again. "Come along, brat. I don't have all day."

"Uncle Sev?" Harry asked, whimpering as she tugged his hand again.

"Yes, I'm taking you to Severus," she said, pulling him up the steps. She dropped his hand and knocked on the door.

"Hello?" Severus asked. He glared. "Oh, you."

"Yes, me." Petunia pushed past the man, letting herself into his home.

"To what do I owe the horror?"

"I'm taking Dudley to the zoo…"

"And you're finally going to introduce him to his biological family," Severus said, smirking. "That's very honorable of you, Tuney."

"Shut it, Snape." The young woman's eyes narrowed. "What's with all the boxes?"

The potions master turned and sneered at a tower of cardboard moving containers next to him. "Moving day."

"Oh, you're moving out?" Petunia asked, a faux frown gracing her lips. "You'll be sorely missed."

"I'm not moving out, you imbecile." Severus crossed his arms. "My roommate is moving in."

Petunia raised her eyebrows. "Your roommate?"

"Sev," Remus called, walking into the room, "do you know the number for…." He stopped, eyeing the obnoxiously tall woman. "Uhm, hello?"

"Lupin," Severus smirked, "you remember Tuney, right?"

"Who?"

"Petunia Evans…"

"Dursley," Petunia corrected, sneering. "Petunia Dursley."

"Uncle Remus," Harry called out, running over to the lycanthrope.

"Harry, my boy," the wolf said, picking him up.

The despised woman turned to her childhood nemesis. "You have two minutes to explain."

"Well," Severus's smile broadened, "I can't be here all the time, and Remus needed a place to stay…"

"This isn't an explanation…"

"What more do you want to know?"

Petunia rolled her eyes and picked up the first thing she saw from the box. "Is this a photo of you?"

Remus took the moving picture. "Yes, that's my school friends and me."

She scrunched her nose. "Wait!" She grabbed it back. "Is that Potter?"

"A little old to be Potter, isn't he?" Severus asked, eyes sparkling.

"Shut it, Snape." She held up the photo. "Is that you with James Potter?"

The lycanthrope's brow furrowed. "Why does it matter?"

"You were one of his friends."

"No duh, Sherlock," Severus said, crossing his arms.

"Uncle Sev," Harry called, reaching from Remus's arms toward the sour man.

The potions master rolled his eyes. "Come here, imp." He picked him up and held him close to his side. "Ready for a day of fun with Draco?"

"Draco?"

Petunia rolled her eyes. "Just don't give him too many sweets." She crossed her arms. "Last time he came back, he was bouncing off the walls all night."

"Shoot," Severus's brow furrowed, "are you saying I shouldn't have given him two sodas, a coffee, a chocolate cake, and ice cream before sending him home?"

Remus turned to his new roommate, mouth agape. "You didn't actually do that, did you?"

The man leaned into the wolf's ear. "Two pepper-ups and a piece of Honeyduke's finest."

"Good, because this is a child. He's not just a weapon to annoy your neighbor."

"If I don't go now, we'll be late." Petunia dropped off a diaper bag. Remus picked it up.

"Wow, that's light."

Severus sighed, watching her leave. "It's empty. It's for show."

The werewolf unzipped it, sifting through it to find something, anything. "Well, you weren't wrong."

"I never am." The potions professor walked over to the play chest and picked out Harry's favorite stuffed toy. "Now, what poisons would you like to make first, Mr. Potter?"

"Excuse me?" Remus ran over. "You're having him help you with potions?"

"You take everything too literally."

"I don't know what to expect with you, Severus." The werewolf's eyes narrowed. "And why the hell are you brewing poisons?"

"Language, Lupin," Severus said, smirking. He picked up the cardboard book Harry loved and handed it over. "Apparently, the publishers of 'My First Magic Books' don't know the difference between harmless ingredients and deadly plants."

Remus scanned the pages. "I guess they're hoping children don't, either."

"They're supposed to be educating the students I then have to reteach."

"Do you have to bring in your job at Hogwarts in every conversation we have?"

"I'm a teacher. I don't get a life outside of grading and instruction." Severus sat down next to Harry. "So, Mr. Potter, what would we like to make today?"

"You're seriously going to spend time with Harry? On the floor? Playing?"

"I've been doing so for a year now."

"Fine," Remus threw his hands in the air, "then I am going to go garden. Your flowerbeds are atrocious."

"Don't you dare pull out my nightshade."

"Who grows deadly poisons in their flowerbeds?"

Severus glared. "Where else would you want me to grow them?" He turned back to Harry.

"Can't argue with that," Remus said under his breath. He walked toward the door.

"And get those boxes out of my hall!"

Remus ignored him and walked out to the gardens. He scanned the beds: nightshade, asphodel, witchhazel, and was that belladona? He shook his head. At least there were some dandelions and crabgrass that even Severus wouldn't want in there. He knelt down and began picking.

As he weeded, he began plotting out a small spot for himself. It would be nice to have some real flowers, maybe some hydrangeas or a few daffodils. Harry needed something he could pick without fear of ingesting a harmful substance. The man smiled to himself as a vision of a small concrete bench surrounded by mulch filled his mind.

"Uncle Remus?"

The werewolf jumped, swivelling. "Harry?"

The little boy giggled and hugged the man. How had the child snuck up on him?

"What you doing?" Harry asked, cuddling into Remus's side.

"Well," the lycanthrope furrowed his brow, "the garden needed a little bit of cleaning, like you do. Instead of soap and water, we have to go in and take out the bad stuff by hand."

"I help?"

Remus shook his head. "Sorry, cub, but this is not a good place for little ones to be." He looked over his shoulder at the sprawling lawn. "How about you watch me from over there?"

"Okay," the little boy said, running over and sitting in the grass.

"What happened to Severus?"

"Uncle Sev say to go to Uncle Remus. Bad man in fire."

"Bad man?" the werewolf's eyes narrowed. "What bad man?" Harry shrugged. "Never mind. I'll ask him later."

Remus turned back to the garden, humming to himself as he began pulling out some grass. Right here would be a good spot for him to place a small vegetable garden. A few tomato plants here, some lettuce there…But what was he going to do when they started to have rabbit problems? Could he convince Snape to tether Moony to the front yard on full moons? Supposedly, the wolfsbane would allow him to keep his mind. Might as well be productive…

A hissing sound punctured the silence behind him. The lycanthrope turned slightly, brow furrowed. Harry was laying in the grass, hands under his chin, legs crossed and kicking back and forth. Green eyes narrowed, and the little boy's eyebrows scrunched together. After a moment, the child let out another hiss.

Remus shook his head. Okay, apparently toddlers hiss. Why not? They babbled and cooed at times. He turned back to his task. He was not going to question the tot when he was obviously entertained. He shifted over to the adjoining area, lips pinched in thought. What could he do over here?

"Uncle Remus, Uncle Remus, look."

The man turned slightly and jumped as an adder was pushed into his face. How Harry had snuck up on him again was completely thrown out of his mind as the venomous snake stuck out its tongue at him.

"Severus!" Remus screamed, pulling out his wand and pointing it at the boy.

The potions master ran out the door, eyes widening. He whipped out his wand, pointing it at Remus. "What the hell, Lupin?"

"Language," the werewolf said, smirking before his brow furrowed once again.

"Put the wand down, or I will not be held responsible for my actions."

"Okay, so you want me not to protect Harry?"

"By pointing a wand at him?"

"Look at what he's holding."

Severus turned to the boy. Harry's green eyes sparkled and he smiled joyously.

"Uncle Sev, look." The boy held up his new friend, then turned and started hissing.

"He's hissing at the creature?" Severus asked, eyes narrowed.

"That's your big question?" Remus snorted. "He's holding a venomous snake."

"Yes, and hissing at it."

"He's been doing that for a while now."

Dark eyes flashed. "And you didn't think the question it?"

"Children do a lot of strange things. Making animal noises is not usually considered one of them."

"I don't know many children's books that say, 'The snake goes hiss hiss'."

"Maybe you should write one." Remus turned. "Harry, could you put the snake down, please?"

The boy pouted. "But…Ursinii is my friend."

"Ursinii?"

Severus rubbed his eyes. "That's the adder's latin name."

"And you expect a two-year-old to know that?"

"He's almost three."

Remus glared. "He doesn't know how to spell his own name." The man's eyes widened. "He doesn't even know how to spell. He doesn't know the alphabet."

"Do you talk about snakes a lot?" Severus asked. "Because he didn't hear it from me."

"Yes, Snape, that's my hobby: talking about venomous animals with my nephew."

"Harry," the potions master turned to his charge, ignoring the other man's sarcasm, "put the snake down. It's dangerous."

"But he said no hurt me," the boy said, pulling the snake up next to his face.

"Harry, no!" Remus lunged out and tried to grab the boy's arm.

"Lupin, stop!" Severus grabbed the other man's hand before the snake could attack. "It's apparent that the snake is not currently harming Harry, but if you cause it to feel threatened, that could change."

"So, you're perfectly fine with him playing with an adder?"

"No," Severus looked between Harry and the snake, "but I need to convince the child to let go of his newfound playmate. Annoying the thing will not get us anywhere."

"I'm open to suggestions."

The potions master kneeled down. "Harry, would you like a biscuit?" The boy nibbled his lip, nodding. "Okay, well, we can go get a biscuit, but we have to let go of the snake."

"But, Ursinii is my friend," Harry said, wrapping the adder around his neck. "He come with?"

"No," Severus shook his head, "snakes are not allowed inside the house."

"Why not?"

"Uhm…" The potions master wrinkled his nose, looking behind him. "We can't have snakes in the house because werewolves are allergic to them."

Remus glared. "What?"

"Do you want an adder for a roommate?"

"No."

"Then," Severus's eyes narrowed, "it would stand to reason that werewolves must be allergic to snakes." He turned back to the tot. "It'll make Uncle Remus sick."

Harry frowned. "But…"

"Put him down in the garden. I'm sure you'll be able to find him again."

"Snape," Remus sputtered.

"He'll forget about this by tomorrow," Severus said, lowering his voice. "Children do not have that great of a memory."

Harry tilted his head. "Biscuit?"

"Two biscuits," Severus said, nodding, "and some milk. But only if you put the snake down now."

The child sighed, hissing before grabbing the adder and placing it on the ground. The snake turned to the boy and hissed back. Harry shook his head, hissing some more. Finally, the snake bobbed and slithered over to the other end of the garden. Harry looked up at his uncles expectantly.

"Biscuit?" the boy asked.

"Yes," Severus said, grabbing the boy's hand. "And I believe Uncle Remus wants some, too." He snuck a peek over at the lycanthrope, whose mouth hung wide open. "Right, Remus?"

"Are we just going to ignore the fact he had a conversation with a snake?" the werewolf asked, eyes widened in horror.

"No, but I think that this is best discussed over milk and biscuits before someone takes his nap."

"Didn't you say something about the Malfoy boy?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Is that what you want to talk about?"

Finally, Remus rose, dusting himself off. "No, but I did question it."

"Biscuits, morning nap, and you and I will discuss this morning's happenings before we are surrounded by blonds."

"Surrounded?"

"Lucius needed something to do to get out of this week's emergency Wizengamot meeting," the potions master said, picking up his charge and placing him in his high chair.

"So," Remus grabbed the milk from the fridge, "Malfoy goes to lords meetings, but not Wizengamot trials?"

Severus headed to the cabinet, grabbing the digestives. "This particular trial may include a death eater who has evidence he was not under the influence of Imperius."

"Wait," the wolf swiveled, "are you saying that Lucius should be in Azkaban?"

"Just because he was not under the imperius, does not mean he deserves to be in Azkaban."

"He killed countless muggles."

"Shh," Severus put a finger to his lips, "don't try to be logical."

"How many other death eaters escaped persecution through lying?"

"Would you rather talk about the obvious pitfalls in our justice system," the potions master gave Harry his biscuits and sat down, "or would you like to discuss the child's ability to talk to snakes?"

Remus sighed, rubbing his face. "How in the world is he a parselmouth?"

"I don't quite know."

"Has he shown this ability before?"

Severus's eyes narrowed. "Yes, Lupin, and I just now thought it would be funny to send the child out the play with adders." He shook his head. "No, he never showed an affinity for the ability before."

"Wasn't Voldemort a parselmouth?"

"Yes."

"Could this cause concern that Harry could be a dark wizard?"

The potions master looked over at the boy, currently making his biscuits converse with his milk. "Yes, obviously, the boy is the next dark lord."

"Severus…"

"No, it's passed down genetically. Ever see Potter acting strangely around snakes?"

"Not that I can recall." Remus scowled. "Not that we played with snakes much."

"Yes, you in fact had a crusade to ensure they had miserable lives."

"I just did what they told me. I was happy to have friends." The werewolf crossed his arms. "I wasn't about to stand up to them and lose them."

"Well, I think it's time for someone's nap. Then, I could use some help in the lab…"

"You have a potions lab here?"

"In the cellar." Severus stretched, grabbing Harry after wiping his mouth and hands. "I have a few thoughts concerning the wolfsbane, and I wanted your opinion on them."

"My opinion?"

"Yes, I also need to know of any specific allergies you might have. Don't need you going into anaphelactic shock with your first dose."

"Just don't put any snakes in there, apparently," Remus said, smirking as he followed the potions master up the stairs.

Several hours later, the floo flared. Lucius walked out with Draco on his hip. He smirked as Harry ran to him, babbling happily.

"Hello, Harry. Look who I brought with me." The blond set his son down. Draco beamed and began talking animatedly with his friend. "Severus, I'm here for that brandy you promised."

"The two of you are watching children and you're having brandy?" Remus asked, leaning against the door jam to the kitchen.

Lucius scowled. "What are you doing here?"

"I live here now."

"And I need to avoid silver."

The wolf glared. "Low blow, Malfoy."

"Don't go after my brother, then."

"Go after? What do you think I'm doing with Severus?"

"Waiting for a full moon to have yourself a nice treat?"

"Sirius already tried that once," Remus rolled his eyes, "it did not go well."

"I thought we agreed, Black's name is taboo here," Severus said, walking in carrying brandy and three glasses.

"Why is the wolf here?" Lucius asked, plopping down on the couch.

"I need a babysitter during the school year."

"I thought that was my job."

"Last year, Harry almost died from the flu."

Remus's mouth dropped. "Merlin, is he alright?"

"You're keeping this Gryffindor around?" Lucius asked.

The wolf slapped his forehead. "I spent too many years with idiots. Do forgive my momentary lapse of reason."

"He's my experiment," Severus said.

"I really do wish we could find a better word," Remus said, taking a sip. "Is this peach flavored?"

"Test rat? Guinea pig?"

"What are you experimenting with?" Lucius asked, crossing his legs.

"Wolfsbane." Severus poured himself a second glass. "I saw an article about some amazing breakthroughs in the continent."

"You want to help these half-breeds?"

"Do you want a bunch of rabid werewolves that could possibly attack your son, or lucid ones who spend their nights sleeping?"

"Or playing cards…" Remus said, shrugging.

Severus glared. "With whom?"

"Other werewolves?"

"Do you have a club?"

"I don't know." The werewolf sipped his brandy. "I don't truly remember what happens on full moons. For all I know, we're secretly plotting to take over the ministry of magic."

Lucius tilted his head. "That'd be an interesting coup." He gulped his drink, pouring another. "However, it could only happen once a month, so it wouldn't be very effective."

"Yes, we'd probably be stopped within a week of the first."

"What is your new government's goals?"

"Sending guilty death eaters to Azkaban," Remus said, smirking. "Also, lowering the price on all chew toys."

"I'd have thought you'd focus on the rising concern of fleas," Severus said, smirking into his brandy.

"Oh, we'd have to pass some legislation requiring all fleas to register with the ministry to be tracked."

"So, what? Fleas are the new werewolves?" Lucius asked.

"Have you ever had fleas?"

"Have you?"

Remus rubbed his neck. "There was an incident sixth year I'm legally obligated not to discuss."

"Yes, legally obligated…"

"Have you read a Marauder's contract?" The wolf shook his head. "James should've been a barrister. That thing is detailed."

"So, werewolf takeovers aside…" Severus said, rolling his eyes. "How was the lords' meeting this month?"

"Come to one and you'll find out," Lucius replied, smirking.

"I'd rather help in the coup de lycanthrope."

Amber eyes sparkled. "Does that mean I can add you to the petition?"

"If you can find Greyback to notarize it, then sure."

Remus's eyes darkened. "If anyone's name should be taboo in this household, it's his."

Lucius poured his third brandy on the rocks. "What? You don't worship him?"

"What do you think?"

"I thought all werewolves were the same."

Remus shook his head. "I hate the beast. I was five when he turned me." He rubbed his eyes. "Do you know what it's like to be five and tormented by a condition you can't control?"

"My apologies," the Malfoy lord said, side-eyeing Severus.

"With that happy discussion over," the potions master turned to his friend, "I did have a question for you. Has Harry ever found enjoyment in talking to your snake?"

Lucius stared at his empty glass. "I must've had one too many already." He set it down. "Could you repeat that?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "The snake you keep in your office. What's its name?"

"William Snakespeare?"

Remus snickered. "William Snakespeare?"

"Narcissa has an obsession with Romeo and Juliet."

"And you let her name it?"

"It was a birthday present." Lucius shook his head. "Harry's never been in my office. I don't make it a practice of letting little boys alone with a five foot python."

"How do you feel about little boys befriending adders?" Severus asked, smirking.

Lucius choked on his drink. "What?"

"We have reason to believe Harry is a parselmouth."

"How?"

Remus sighed. "That's what we'd like to know."

"Vernon won't be happy," the Malfoy lord mumbled, massaging his temples.

"That's the understatement of the century," Severus agreed, knocking back the rest of his glass. "What should we do?"

"My suggestion?" Lucius furrowed his brow. "Explain to Harry that talking to snakes is only something he does with you."

"That could work."

"Make sure you don't make it sound like a bad thing. He's sensitive and could feel he did something wrong."

"Okay."

"And maybe offer Petunia a pet snake for her birthday."

"Why?" Remus asked, eyes narrowing.

"The look on her face would be priceless."