Lucius waltzed through the ministry, looking casually for his mark. He smirked, catching sight of his prey. Oh, how he loved this part of espionage, the hunt. He looked the other way, bumping into his target.

"Watch where you're going!" the blond cried out, eyes shining.

"Pardon me, Lucius," Arthur said, dusting off his shoulder. "I didn't see you there."

"Well, I should hope you pay more attention on raids than you do walking through the ministry," Lucius said, scowling. "If not, we are hopeless against the death eater scoundrels you go after."

"I was unaware of your change in sentiments."

"You should know very well my sentiments. I have heard a certain old man does not keep secrets well from his phoenix."

Arthur smirked. "Very true, and I have expressed interest in taking Molly's brothers' stead...in their memory, of course."

"As I was told." Lucius gritted his teeth. "At length."

"What brings you to the ministry, Lucius?"

"Just leaving. Narcissa informed me she's leaving for a visit with her sister and I am in charge of watching our son."

"She visits Azkaban?" Arthur asked in horror.

"Andromeda, you dolt." Lucius rolled his eyes. "Usually, he would be with his tutor, but the man is sick…"

"Your son is four, isn't he?"

"You can never start too early when it comes to learning." The blond smirked, checking his watch. "I must be going. Good day, Arthur."

"You two get over here!" Molly yelled, grabbing hold of Ron's shoulder. "I told you both to stick by me, and you now disobeyed me twice!"

"But Mum, look over there!" Fred pointed over to Peeves. "It's a poltergeist!"

"I never thought I'd see one in real life," George said, eyes widening.

"Of course you two would want to see a poltergeist," Molly muttered, rubbing her eyes with her free hand. "If you do not get back here this instant…"

"Great Merlin! Is that a house elf?" Fred ran off, George following him.

"Fred! George!" Molly called, but couldn't run. She had Ron to think about. She would lose the twins, and then…

"Excuse me, ma'am?" Remus walked up, carrying George on his hip. Fred clung to his neck. "Are these two yours?"

"Mum, look what we found!" George said, smiling.

"It's a human jungle-gym, like the one at the muggle park you took us to," Fred said, swinging slightly.

"Fred, we do not treat humans like jungle-gyms," Molly scolded. She sighed. "I apologize, sir."

"No problem," Remus said, setting down George. "I work with children for a living. I believe I am used to it by now."

"You're a professor here?"

"No, a private tutor. I work with three four-year-old boys currently."

"And you haven't quit yet?"

Remus chuckled. "It's quite enjoyable, truthfully. I've always wanted to teach, and the kids are all great together."

"What do you teach? Magic?"

"Oh, that would be an interesting mix. No, mostly just the basics. Maths, reading, writing...things that prepare them for primary or Hogwarts."

Molly's brow furrowed. "Are they magical or mixed?"

"Um, I have a half-blood and two pure-bloods, if that's what you're asking."

"No muggles?"

"Well, technically, one could end up in my tutoring class, but his mother…" Remus scrunched his nose. "Thinks he's too advanced. Of course, I caught him eating dirt the other day, so...we shall see."

"Well, what are you doing at Hogwarts, if you teach preschool children?"

"I'm part of a study Professor Snape is heading up."

"Oh, what study?"

The lycanthrope paused, eyes widening. "Uhm...that is a good question. A very normal one...one would ask...when told about a study…"

"You don't know?"

"It's a very wide study. Uhm, but my part mostly has to do with chronic fatigue illness. He's looking into certain...potions ingredients that might help chronic illnesses. My fatigue counts."

"So, you have chronic fatigue and you work with four-year-olds?" Molly asked, eyes narrowing.

"It's not a very wise choice, but we don't always get to choose our ideal careers, do we?" Remus said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Molly looked over at her three sons. "No, we do not."

"How many children do you have?"

"Seven. Six boys and one girl."

"Tried very hard for that girl, did you now?" Remus asked, smirking knowingly.

"Arthur wanted a girl," Molly said, grabbing the twins' shoulders. "Behave, you two!"

"Now, that is a very hard thing to do, isn't it boys?" Remus smiled as the boys nodded. "I once had two friends who never wanted to behave. They had to learn the hard way that the rules exist to be followed."

"How'd they do that?" Fred asked.

"One died and the other went to Azkaban."

The twins paled, eyes widening.

Molly smiled. "That should keep them in line for a little while."

Remus chuckled. "Yes, I do believe I've scared them straight...for a day or two, anyway."

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it." He looked down at his watch. "I do believe I should let you go." He grabbed a bit of parchment from his pocket and a quill. "If you ever find yourself needing a few less children for a few hours, please give me a call." He wrote down his floo address and handed it to her.

"Thank you, kind sir."

"Remus Lupin," the lycanthrope said, shaking her hand.

"Thank you, Remus. I'm Molly Weasley."

"Lovely to meet you, Molly." He turned to the three boys. "By the way, boys, if that poltergeist gives you any problems, remember: Peeves likes bubblegum."

"Peeves likes bubblegum?" Severus sneered, rubbing his eyes. "You told them Peeves likes bubblegum?"

"Well, hello to you, too, Sev," Remus said, plopping Sirius down on the ground. He turned to the young animagus. "Now, that is the last ride for the day."

Sirius turned to the potions professor, holding up his arms. "Your turn."

"No," Severus said as the floo flared.

"But Daddy…"

"For the last time, you are not allowed to call me that in private."

"And he doesn't truly appreciate it in public, either," Lucius added, placing Draco on the floor. The boy ran to Remus, who picked him up without hesitation.

"Hey, I thought you said no more rides for the day," Sirius whined, crossing his arms.

"For you," Remus said, bouncing the blond boy slightly. "As for blond-haired dragons, he hasn't met his quota yet."

"Where is Harry?" Lucius asked, scanning the area.

"Petunia claimed the house was due for some pre-autumn cleaning and she needed help." The lycanthrope scrunched his nose.

"However, I know for a fact that Albus has been concerned about the weakening blood wards surrounding a certain trinket in his office, a certain silver lily and hummingbird combo has been slowing down recently." Severus smirked. "Suddenly, Petunia got a letter from Hogwarts and now Harry is expected to stay at her house more."

"Are you saying Dumbledore keeps track of his charges through the speed at which his trinkets move?" Lucius asked, brow furrowed. "And people wonder why I consider him addle-brained."

"It's actually brilliant, if you think about it," Remus said, sitting down on the couch. "Only he knows which antiques track which interests and only he knows how they work."

"And if he's incapacitated, the whole wizarding world is doomed due to an inability to read knickknacks," Severus finished, taking a seat himself. "But that is neither here nor there." He turned to his two friends. "I know Lupin did his task-albeit annoyingly. Were you able to make contact with your mark?"

"If you're asking whether or not I talked to Weasley, then yes," Lucius said, rolling his eyes. "Seriously, Sev, you're no longer in the espionage game. You don't need to play the part with codes and double-talk."

"But that's the only part I enjoyed."

Remus smirked, shaking his head. "So, Molly and Arthur should soon be discussing the obvious need for some type of education for their sons. Shall I begin drawing up a resolution to send to the HOA regarding my new business venture?"

"Do you really have to write a proposal?"

"According to HOA bylaws?" Lucius pulled out a scroll from his robe and unrolled it. "Cissy says that any preschool with more than five students must get approval from the HOA. Otherwise, they are in violation of specific zoning laws created by the local government." The blond shook his head. "And I thought wizarding bureaucracy was bad."

"So, we can add Ronald, but the moment Fred and George get involved, we must draw up a proposal for a full-kindergarten?" Severus asked, scowling. "That seems a bit legalistic."

Sirius raised his hand. "Oh, I have an idea!"

"I'm sorry," the potions master held a hand four feet off the ground, "but you must be this tall to have an opinion about HOA proposals."

"But I have a way to get around the ordinance!"

"Sirius, no. We can't go around breaking legal procedures," Remus said, shaking his head.

"But aiding and abetting a mass murderer is fair game," Lucius said, sipping his tea. "What did you have in mind, dear cousin?"

"Do you have to remind me we're related?" Sirius asked, scowling.

"I don't. I also don't have to humor you by listening to your idea, but here we are."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Why don't we call it a co-op?"

"A what now?"

"A homeschool cooperative. It's something I read about during naptime yesterday…"

"Why were you reading during naptime?" Remus asked, crossing his arms.

"I wasn't tired."

"Is that why you fell asleep during supper?" Severus humphed. "I had to carry you to bed."

"I thought we agreed we weren't going to speak about that," Sirius mumbled. He shook his head and continued. "If we claimed this as a homeschool cooperative, we wouldn't have over a five-to-one kid to adult problem…"

"I have a quick question." Lucius raised his hand. "Did this HOA consider a widow of six moving in?"

"This specifically applies to a business," Severus pointed out, scowling, "and our main issue has been, and still is, that we need to claim this is a business venture for the wolf to get Weasley involvement. We need those twins for our study."

"We need all three, technically," Remus said. "Ron, Draco, and Harry combined create a great baseline and the twins allow us to create an upper limit."

"And while a homeschool co-op may solve our HOA conundrum, it creates a different problem: we wanted to test their magical abilities without their mother knowing."

"As Narcissa reminded me multiple times: after the war with Grindlewald, the international community created these very annoying things called human rights. One says it's illegal to experiment on other people's children without their consent." Lucius sighed. "Pesky United Nations. Always ruining the fun."

"We can argue about the Geneva Convention later," Remus said, waving his hand flippantly. "We'll just have to create tests that will gauge magical levels without teaching those three anything they would want to show to their parents."

"You've just created the impossible task," Severus sighed, rubbing his eyes. "There is nothing you can teach those two that will not end up in their repertoire of pranks."

"But maybe there are some things we can pass off as accidental magic," Sirius said, smirking. "I mean, a simple Lumos at the right time at night could be argued as a means to protect from nightmares."

"Not if they're saying Lumos," Remus pointed out, scowling.

"Oh, like they haven't heard their parents say it before."

"This isn't some curse word they heard on the playground, Sirius," Lucius said, setting his cup on the table. "And why would they be suddenly afraid of the dark? Those twins are perpetually stuck in their terrible twos. They are fearless."

"Not after they hear the tale of the tea party from hell…"

"Oh, no," Remus shook his head, "you are not telling them about the time you snuck off to imperius an acromantula army. That'll just give them ideas."

"Could you repeat that? Because Cissy and I are thinking of writing a book." Lucius smirked. "I Survived my Maniacal Cousin."

"To be fair," Sirius raised his hands in surrender, "it was James's idea."

"Why did you need an army?" Severus asked, crossing his arms.

"The Slytherin Quidditch team cheated that game in third year and you know it."

"Yes, I caught them going over their plans in the locker room, but the main target was Potter, so I wasn't going to stop them."

The little animagus jumped to his feet, hands on hips. "He could have died."

"In front of thirty well-trained professors? I highly doubt it."

"He was still out for the remainder of the season."

"That was Gryffindor's last game! All of you were out for the remainder of the season!" Severus roared, rubbing his temples.

Lucius pulled out a quill. "So, let me get this straight for the publisher: it was the last Gryffindor game of third year…"

"Lucius, you were there. You watched Cissy score the winning goal."

"I hardly recall much about that day except for Cissy."

"Pervert," Sirius muttered, flopping back onto the couch in defeat.

"We've strayed from our main purpose, I believe," Remus said, taking the quill from Lucius and inking it. He took a piece of parchment from the coffee table. "So, spells I could teach that we can easily pass off as accidental magic. I'll go first: Wingardium Leviosa."

"Wait! You have yet to explain why you believe it could instill nightmares into the terrible two Weasleys…" Severus scowled, "and why it was called a tea party."

"How do you think I was going to get close enough to one to imperius them?" Sirius motioned above his head. "Obviously, I had to invite them to tea first."

"Also James's idea," Remus said, not looking up from his scroll. "Alohomora."

"So, you're glossing over the fact Potter obviously was joshing with Black and…"

"That he's an obtuse idiot? Yes." The lycanthrope put the feather tip to his mouth.

"Who gave us the idea of acromantulas in the first place, Moony?" Sirius asked, scowling.

"If I recall correctly, my exact words were, 'What do you want the school to do? Imperius an army of acromantulas to scuttle down to the Slytherin dorms and threaten to eat them one-by-one until they admit the truth?'" The wolf said, scribbling down more notes.

"James's original idea included centaurs."

Severus's face contorted. "So, I'm starting to notice that the whole of the marauder's planning strategy consisted of Remus making a sarcastic comment, James taking it seriously, and Black implementing it." He scowled. "What did Pettigrew do?"

"He found the kitchens on the second day of school." Sirius shrugged. "He was on snack duty."

"And he was the bait for that one tragic incident with the mermaids," Remus muttered.

"What made it tragic?" Lucius asked.

"He survived." Remus shrugged. "So, any good suggestions, or would you prefer to hear more of the misadventures of Padfoot and Prongs?"

Severus smirked. "Shouldn't there be a Moony included in that one?"

"Moony was smart," Remus looked the potions master square in the eye. "Moony tried his best to stay out of it."

"Liar," Sirius said, crossing his arms. "The skeletons in the Slytherin closets coming to life was all your idea."

"That was you?" Lucius asked, jumping from his seat. "That happened in your first year!"

"The better question is why you had skeletons in your closets." Remus quirked a brow.

"You're asking why the house named after a man who keeps a large snake somewhere in the school for kicks and giggles has skeletons in their closets?"

"Okay, but you don't have to fit the stereotype."

"Wait, there's a snake hidden somewhere in the school?" Severus asked, mouth dropping.

"If a certain diary is to be believed, then yes," Lucius said, pouring more tea.

"My son lives there."

"I didn't realize you cared, Daddy…" Sirius smirked.

"Sirius Orion Black…"

"I have a question," Remus said, raising his hand. "Whose diary are you reading?"

"Not reading, talking to," Lucius said.

"Uhm, I have more questions…"

"Lucius Abraxas Malfoy," Severus rubbed his forehead, "didn't your father tell you not to talk to something unless you could see where it kept its brain?"

"What's it with you and middle names today, Sev?" Sirius asked. "Besides, it's no fun to follow the rules your parents give you."

"For once I agree with Sirius Black." Lucius stared into his tea. "I may need to reconsider some of my life choices."

"Whose diary?" Remus asked, ignoring the father/son duo currently arguing over proper titles when in the company of others.

"Tom Riddle's."

Severus stopped, swivelling to face his friend. His mouth dropped in horror. "You're talking to Riddle?"

"Who's a riddle?" Sirius asked.

"You're a riddle clothed in an enigma, but that's beside the point," Remus said, turning to the two Slytherin's currently staring at one another. "Who is Tom Riddle?"

"Do you know the history of the dark lord?" Severus asked, never looking away from the blond smirking in front of him.

"Why would I?"

"Know thine enemy?"

"I've always taken the approach of trying not to have any…" the wolf poured himself some coffee. "Let's pretend for a moment I don't. Why are we so in awe of this Riddle fellow?"

"Before Voldemort was, Riddle is."

"He's not a god, Snape," Remus said, rolling his eyes. "Just speak plainly. Stop with all the riddles…" He shook his head. "I fell into that one."

Lucius shrugged. "Did you truly believe someone named their child Voldemort?"

"Some hippy named their kid Apple, so I have now suspended my disbelief in the stupidity of the general parenting population," Remus said. "Especially considering the fact my own name refers to a man raised by a wolf and my last name is Latin for wolf."

"Voldemort used to be a man by the name of Tom Riddle. He grew up in an orphanage and went to Hogwarts when Dumbledore was still teaching Transfiguration."

"So, you're casually conversing with the diary of the dark lord, and you didn't feel it necessary to inform us?" Severus asked, brow quirked.

"It didn't seem relevant. I mean, how often do we talk about our personal diaries?"

Sirius crossed his arms. "Severus writes in his diary all the time."

"Potions journal," Severus said through clenched teeth.

"It had a lot more than potions theories in it last time I read it."

"You read my potions journal?"

"You leave it just lying around."

"In a locked cabinet, in my office."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Sirius Black…"

"It's been a while since I got to pick something."

Severus sighed. "Back to the matter at hand: Lucius, give me the dark lord's diary. We will monitor it until we have a better understanding of what it was. Remus, any first year spells should be fine to use as tests, as any can be misdiagnosed as early on-set accidental magic. And Regulus Snape…"

Sirius gulped. "Yes?"

"I catch you in my office again without supervision, and your bottom will be sore. Do we have an understanding?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Now, onto experimental parameters…"