A/N: Sorry y'all, should've posted a note saying that because they sort of talked doesn't mean they are together. I wouldn't let Emma give in that easy. Now, on with the chapter.
"Honestly, I'm not in that big of a rush. Are you?"
Her lips curved up into a smile that's been lying dormant for quite some time, unable to find a use for itself until now.
"No, not at all."
Regina's eyes flickered to my lips, she leaned in but I moved back receiving a small frown.
"This doesn't mean we're together." No matter how much I wanted it.
"I know, sorry, it just felt so easy to fall back in routine with you." and as soon as the words left her mouth I could see it on Regina's face that she regretted it.
"Does that mean you're going to leave me too?"
Regina scowled when my hands dropped from her face. Taking a step away from her I ran my fingers through my hair. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"
"Don't, it's fine. I deserved that."
"No, Regina...I..." I nothing, there is nothing I can say because I don't feel bad. It's already hard enough to be this close without her trying to kiss me.
Turning my back to her I stared at the trees and was too busy worrying about my stupid feelings to hear her walk around me. She gave me a bear hug, one that I fought like hell to get out of but her grip tightened.
"Emma, I'm sorry." her voice was full of sorrow and rejection.
"Regina just stop." I replied, trying to wriggle out of her strong arms.
"Baby, please-" Regina kissed my forehead and I gasped. "I'm sorry-" she kissed my right temple. "-Please-" she kissed my left temple and then one to my cheek. The tingles shot through my body and my firm grasp on reality was fading. Loosening the grip around my body she angled her head down and kissed the side of my mouth. "I'm so sorry." she whispered, and my lips parted even though my mind screamed 'NO!'.
"Regina...don't." I said with minimal force, moaning once her mouth barely grazed mine. This would be the time where I push her away but I can't, so I don't.
And now, I'm fucked. I sucked in a deep breath when her mouth was on mine, kissing me hungrily, urgently. My body, as it normally does, shut down. I can't think, I can't move, all I can do is suffocate in this amazing feeling. Her tongue snaked it's way in my mouth with little struggle, staking it's claim. Regina's hands moved at a rapid pace before clinging to my waist and pinned her hips to mine. I broke away first but she didn't waste a second nipping at my neck. My back arched when one of Regina's hands slid to my stomach and crawled up under my shirt to my bra clad breast palming it softly. My hand shot over hers, encouraging Regina to squeeze and a whimper left her in reply. She began to rock her hips against mine while manipulating my breast.
We had to stop. I knew we had to stop. Regina might be too far gone but I'm not...yet.
I dropped my hand from hers and fortified the strength to use my words. "Regina." I said. Or moaned. It was hard to tell since her tongue was stroking the pulse point on my neck. "Regina." this time with some force but still she kept licking, biting, and sucking. Taking in another shaky breath I brought my hands up, placed them on her shoulders and pushed her body off of mine. Regina stumbled back, fucking Regina, grace personified. Dark eyes stared at me, uncomprehendingly, as if she didn't get why I did that.
"I-"
"Don't." I said. "Don't fucking say you're sorry." Anger, annoyance, and frustration billowed inside of me. "I tried to get your attention."
"I-"
"No. I told you I didn't want to do this."
"But you kissed me back." Regina replied, taking a step forward.
"Because I love you, you idiot. I can't help it when you're that close to me. Don't say you're sorry, because you're not. You're just fucking selfish-" Uh. Oh. "-and your ego is so fucking big-" I should shut up. "-and you are manipulative-" Fuck. "You're just-just a fucking asshole Regina."
And boom goes the dynamite.
I stomped off feeling the steam rise from my flustered state. Whipping out my phone I found Zelena's name and shot her a message: 'come get your sister'…
"A little higher, no higher than that-"
Looking back at mom I saw her curl her fingers around her lips and tilt her head to the side.
"Higher on your side Emma." she said before straightening her neck, pulling her eyebrows to the middle as if she were thinking about something.
"M&M please, my arms are burning." Dad whined.
"No but seriously mom, my shoulders are going numb."
She rolled her eyes, apathetic to our aching muscles.
"Don't be babies, it's fine where you have it." she countered, shaking her head at our mini tantrum. We secured the banner, hopped off the chairs and headed in the kitchen to finish prepping all this fucking food. She may have gone overboard, mom always does, in the end it does disappear but damn it, dad and I are always the ones to prep. So for us it kind of sucks. "How did the picnic go yesterday? We haven't had the chance to talk about it." mom asked as dad and I washed our hands in the sink.
"It was okay." I replied, bracing myself for the questions that are about to follow.
"Was Regina there?" dad asked.
I nodded my head as I dried my hands then made my way to the fruit. "Yup."
"And…?" he urged.
"And it went just as expected. We argued, I ignored her, we argued, I ignored her, she got jealous of guy that I was talking to and, yea." They exchanged concerned glances before dad set up next to me, grabbed the apples and began cutting them in slices.
"How was the movie?"
"The movie was fine." I forced out, remembering how last night did not turn out how I thought it would.
"Fine?" mom pressed.
I dropped the knife on the counter and spun around.
"Yes, fine." I almost shouted. She stared at me with worry flashing across her face, dad hovered over me giving off all kinds of protective vibes.
"Emma, what happened?" she asked, concern etched in her features.
Sighing, I closed my eyes for a moment as a hand ran through my hair.
"I saw Regina at the movies last night-" Mom rushed to my side and drew soothing circles on my back. "We talked outside, I'm not going into the details but she apologized, a lot."
"So you're back together?" dad questioned.
"No." I shook my head while folding my arms over my chest. "She asked if she could kiss me, I said no. After the movie we met up, walked to the park, talked some more, and I invited her over for the party today."
"And now you're back together?" mom replied, slowing down the calming circles.
"No. We just found some middle ground. So we talked some more, sat in the grass, talked some more, walked around, until she kissed me. And I kissed her back."
"Oh." dad replied. "You're upset because you told her not to kiss you and she still did." It's safe to say I will be getting an earful from Zelena today.
"Yes? It might be more than that. I only got a caught up for a few seconds then I was pissed. I mean she kissed me like everything was just a-okay."
"And everything is not okay." mom stated matter of fact.
No, everything is not okay and I feel like Regina knew that and still she let her own desires take over.
"I said some really shitty things to her." I mumbled.
"It couldn't have been that bad." Nice try dad, but no it was.
"After I pushed her off, I called her an egotistical, selfish, manipulative asshole." Mom cringed at my words while dad tried to hide the flashes of admiration crossing his face.
Do I feel bad? Yes and no. I was pretty clear on not wanting a kiss, I only teased her that one time. Maybe one time was too much? But again she's a grown ass woman who should be able to control herself or am I the asshole for teasing her and then getting upset about it? Or are we both the asshole?
"Will she be here today?" mom asked, sliding her hand off my back and stepping around to face me.
"I don't know. I didn't un-invite her. A part of me says no she won't come but our relationship, if you can even call it that, is in this strange area. Because of that, maybe she will show up."
"Do you want her to show up?" dad pressed as he moved to stand by mom.
"No-" I shrugged my shoulders. "-Yes? I don't know."
They glanced at each other, doing that silent conversation with their eyes but the usual pep talk didn't follow.
"I could really use some advice." But they didn't answer, all I got was a deflated sigh. Awesome, not even my parents can help me with this fucked up situation.
"Listen Emma, we can give you advice but you have to do what you feel is right." dad spoke tentatively, choosing his words carefully.
"I want things to go back to how they were." I replied, wearing my honesty on my sleeve. He clenched his jaw before placing a hand on my shoulder.
"Honey, I hate to break it to you but things will never be how they were." Well, who pissed in your Wheaties this morning? "What I mean is-" he backtracked, probably noticing the confused expression on my face. "-generally when two people fight they don't listen to the other side, they wait for their turn to speak. To me, fighting is not something to shy away from in relationships the key is to make it productive. We fight because of differences the goal is to obtain a deeper level of understanding from the opposing side, therefore moving past what the relationship was."
"Okay…?" I drawled out, oblivious to where this is going.
"As you know your mother and I are firm believers that what you say and how you think gets put out into the world, so when you say you want things to go back to the way they were you're asking for the same happy moments, yes, but you're also asking for the same problems, you're asking to stay in the position that you were previously in." Damn, I've never really thought about it that way.
"But I don't want to stay in it."
"We know you don't honey." mom said, taking over where dad left off. "We will come back to that, I have a question for you. When you say you fought and talked did it feel like Regina listened to you?"
I pursed my lips in concentration, running through the events of last night in my head like a flip book.
"She answered my questions." I offered, suddenly wondering if the so called progress I thought we made was false.
"That's not what I asked, did it feel like she listened to your concerns?" and even though her words were sharp, I know she's not doing this to make me feel bad.
"Um…"
"We know Regina has no legs to stand on-" mom continued, brushing past my comment, or lack there of, "-and I'm not saying you should give her the benefit of the doubt, the question must be asked to you as well. Did you actually listen to her, did you understand not just what she was saying but why she was saying it? There is a reason you exploded the way you did when she kissed you, yes because she defied what you had asked of her, but what is the true reason?"
"I-uh, um,-" why does she have to bring up all these points that make sense? I honestly don't want to listen to what Regina has to say. "I feel like I'm right and she's wrong." the frustration of this situation was getting to me, it's constantly getting to me.
"Does she know that?" mom asked in a soft voice, trying to calm the rising tension from her truth.
"She should." I huffed out.
"But did you tell her?"
"I shouldn't have to tell her. She was the one who fucked up, she was the one who put us in this position." My chest puffed out as anger flooded my body and the blood rushed to brain, heating up my face on the way. "She should be making things up to me. Regina knows I love her, she knows how hard it is for me to stay in control around her. She should know how I'm struggling not to fall back in her arms, she should know-"
Pause. How should she know all these things if I haven't told her?
Oh.
Okay.
"I see what you guys did there. So it seems we still have a lot to talk about." Because the kiss was not the reason I was upset, I was upset because I'm afraid of falling into our old routine, I'm worried this will all be brushed under the rug, I'm terrified of falling back into her. Maybe it's not the fall itself but the height at which I'm falling.
"Exactly." mom and dad said at the same time.
"And maybe Regina did see that in you and she did what she thought best, which sounds like it was to show you she wants the same things. Maybe she can see you are struggling not to run back to her and she's telling you it's okay. But honey, if you are not ready then she needs to know that." dad leveled with me while brushing strands of hair out of my line of view.
"How do I know when I am ready? What if I'm always nervous?"
"There is a difference between letting fear and nerves hold you back and not doing something because your intuition is telling you not to. Now it's my turn to ask you some questions." he teased, sticking his tongue out at me and it fulfilled it's purpose in making me chuckle. "So let me ask you, don't over think it, do you want to be with Regina?"
I bit my lip, of course I want to be with Regina but not as some second choice or as some thrilling fantasy.
"Yes." I said, despite all of the other 'ands' and 'buts' I wanted to blurt out.
"Are you in love with her?"
"Yes."
"Do you feel she is in love with you?"
"Yes..."
"And you are also afraid of getting hurt again."
"Yes."
"Then you'll know when the time is right. The best advice we can give you is for you to tell her everything you just told us and remember it's okay to fight, scream and yell but you have to listen. It's okay to be upset, it's okay to be angry because healing takes time but I don't want you to hold on to those feelings. It won't be easy but what is it they say,'a rose grows faster in soil than in concrete'."
I chuckled at his words before taking the time to look at both of them.
"I'm not sure if that's even how it goes but-" I paused, still keeping the smile on my face. "Thank you, you really are the best."
Immediately I was wrapped in a hug and I'm sure I would've cried if I hadn't shed all my tears for Regina. They bring up some really solid points but it's also a pain staking reminder that we have so many things left to work out.
I opened the door and smiled at Ruby, Jefferson, and Killian. They grinned back, holding gifts and snacks in their hands. Stepping to the side I let them in, shut the door behind Killian and led them to the kitchen.
"What time is Belle suppose to be here?" Ruby asked, popping a strawberry in her mouth.
"They'll be here in twenty minutes, everyone else should be here soon." I replied, tidying up the last few things that need to be done.
"Everyone?" Ruby countered with a raised eyebrow. The three of them had found out a few days ago that Regina and I are taking a hiatus, I did not give them all the details but enough.
"I don't know if she's going to be here." Grabbing the veggie and fruit platter I walked to the dining room and set them on the mini buffet table we had made.
"Hey-" Jefferson said, placing his hand on my shoulders. "Freeze. We are here to help you so tell us what you need done and we'll do it while you go upstairs and change."
Turning around I gave him a soft smile as Killian and Ruby walked up behind him.
"Seriously, you look stressed." Killian added. "Let us take over while you gather yourself together." a genuine smile was sent my way and I nodded.
"I just need to clean up the living room, get the rest of the food on the table, finish blowing up some balloons, the taco bar needs to be set up, and we need to find a spot for her cupcakes."
"We got you girl, now run along." Jefferson replied and as I jetted up the stairs I heard them bickering about who was going to the delegating once more people started to show. When I hit the top the doorbell rang, with a sigh I trudged back down the stairs and groaned, meeting Ruby at the entrance.
"Dude, go get ready. We can handle it" she reassured, pushing me away from the door.
"Thanks, sorry for being so all over the place."
"You're not all over the place, what you will be is late to a party at your own house if you don't get moving."
Chuckling, we playfully swatted at each other before I ran back up the stairs, hearing T and Aliey's voice float through the house. I moved quickly, put together a decent outfit, took a fast shower with enough time to wash my hair, threw on the clothes and began tying my shoes when I heard a knock on the door.
"Come in!" I shouted and when the door opened a familiar floral scent of perfume wafted under my nose. I paused mid movement and looked but only found mom stepping in and shutting the door behind her. Great, now I'm imagining Regina's smell.
"You almost ready?" she asked. Mom sat down beside me, cautious and stiff. When I finished tying my shoes I sat up and studied her rigid shoulders, the anxious tap of her foot, and the creased lines resting between her eyebrows.
"What's wrong?" I almost sighed out. Pretty sure I have enough on my plate as it is.
"Nothing is wrong per se." she reached out and gripped my knee, giving me an encouraging squeeze.
"So then what is it? Is Belle not coming? Did somebody cancel? Did Jefferson break something?"
"Belle is still coming, nothing is broken and...everyone is here."
"Okay, so I don't see-" Oh, fuck me. "She's here?" Fuck! I literally left her standing in the park by herself, has she come to chew me out? Or say she's done, officially?
"She was sitting in her car when your father and I pulled up, we invited her in. She wants to talk to you."
Of course she does. Why did I invite her again? Oh yea, because I got caught up in a stupid moment.
"Is she downstairs?" I asked, preparing myself for another exhausting argument.
"She's right outside your door."
So I wasn't imagining things. This is both good news and bad news.
"Fine." Sighing, I stood up and pressed out of the wrinkles in my pants while mom walked to the door, opened it and whispered something. All I heard was a quiet 'okay' from Regina before she glided in my room and if I wasn't so upset my mouth would've dropped. If it wasn't from the black long sleeve, loose fitting dress with the buttons open showing off her chest, then it would've been from the thin brown belt that accentuated the pinch in her waist, or the fact that I can see her black bra underneath. It's basically see through. Her hair was in what Belle and I call lazy waves, where it's not curly and it's not straight but floating somewhere in the middle. Parted at an angle, she had one side clipped behind her ear while the other flowed without care. Christ, save me.
"Hey." Her shy and timid voice threw me off. I was expecting clenched jaw, pushed out chest, broad shoulders, back straight but not this. I glanced at mom who gave me a subtle nod then she shut the door and here we are again, just her and I.
"Hey." my tone however had a certain bite to it. Regina clasped her hands behind her back, her simple movements seemed to put me on edge even more.
"I'm sorry, about last night. I didn't mean to kiss you, I mean I did mean to kiss you just not like that." she shook her head as if her inner thoughts were telling her how silly she sounded. But she doesn't sound silly, I get what she is saying but I'm going to let her ramble a little while longer. "I mean, I want to kiss, I just-okay, let me start over." Through an intake of air I watched Regina compose herself. "I'm sorry for kissing you when you asked me not to."
"You're starting to sound like a broken record." Nodding in reply she casually leaned the top of her shoulders against the door. "Do you understand why I was upset?" I asked, testing mom and dad's knowledge.
"Because I kissed you and you told me not to." she repeated, the solemn look sketched in her features was difficult to ignore.
"No, well, yes but that's only half of it" I took a step closer despite my raging hormones and mood swings. "Do you understand why I asked you not to kiss me?"
"Because you said it wasn't a good idea." Regina answered, confused on where I was going with this. But what dad was saying makes sense. She really doesn't get why I said the things I did and honestly, I didn't really understand the things she was saying either, I'm not sure that I trust everything she said. So yea, we need to talk, again.
I locked eyes with her as I took a few more steps and now, I'm close. My body is already humming at the shortened distance and she swallows thickly, straightening up her posture.
"We really need to talk."
Her eyes darted away from mine as her head turned towards the wall with the photos of my friends and I.
"It makes me nervous when you say that. Are we, um, are we done?" Don't think I've ever seen Regina so damn scared.
"Do you want to be?"
"No." she turned to her head, pushing off the door, and we locked eyes. "I really don't."
"Then-" I started, taking another step towards her. "-We really need to talk." My eyes swept over the length of her neck before they dropped to the black bra peeking from under her dress. "Is it sad that I still feel your lips on mine?" her pulse point jumped as her chest rose and fell at a much faster rate than before. "I miss you Regina. I miss our happy talks, your laugh, your smile..." I reached out and trailed my fingers from the base of her throat to the middle of her sternum. "I miss touching you-"
"Emma..." Regina slipped out in ecstasy. Saliva pooled in my mouth and my body reacted in way that it always has whenever the lust pours out of both of us.
"I miss being inside of you, feeling the way you would clamp down around me." I continued, and there was a jerk in my pants that I was glad she couldn't feel.
"Emma, you have to stop. It is already difficult to control myself around you, this is not helping." her shallow pants brushed against my face as I stepped closer and when she took a step back I smiled at the sound of her body hitting the door.
"How you taste..." ignoring her words, I continued, whatever it was I was doing. "I miss us, I miss you, I want that back but I want it to be better. I also don't want to make it simple for you and I also don't want to drag it out. So yes, we need to talk to make sure we're on the same page."
"O-okay." the response she gave was shaky, perhaps thrown by my assertive actions.
"And, I'm really sorry for calling you all those things last night. I shouldn't have done that." My fingers lid trailed over the swell of her breast before zig zagging to her clavicle and tracing over the protruding muscle in her neck. Regina exposed more of her neck by tilting her head an angle, the white hot coil in my stomach tightened. My cock twitched again, this time against her leg.
"That feels amazing." she whispered. Brown eyes glazed over with lust as her pupils dilated. They moved over my face and stopped at my lips. "Also, you should've called me all those things, it brought the reality back into the situation. I was selfish, only thinking about myself in that moment. Your lips are just, so-" she bit her lip then let it slide through her teeth. "-so...I should stop, yea I should stop before I do something stupid again."
"If it makes you feel better all I want to do is rip that dress off of you." I replied, enjoying her laugh.
"It sounds like you want to take it slow but then you tell me all of that. I wouldn't say it makes me feel better, it's more like torture because my hands want to roam all over your body, I want to do things to you and show you how much I love you and how much I have missed you."
"What kinds of things?" I teased, knowing I'm definitely pushing my limits here but I can't help it.
"Emma..." Regina warned.
"Fine fine, I'm done. For now anyway." A teasing grin spread across my face. Her cheeks blushed over with a red tint as she dropped her head. I could be mistaken but did I make her a little shy?
"I can tell you about all those things but not right now. Text me when the party is over and I will swing by." she replied, gently pushing me away from her.
"You're not staying?" I asked, forcing down the moan when she popped up with an eyebrow raised. Those perfect fucking eyebrows.
"I wasn't going to, do you want me to stay?"
"It doesn't make sense for you to leave if you're planning on coming back." that was a round about way to say yes.
"Well I might to have to leave and change, because, I'm really wet."
Um, wet? Like…
Her smile grew as the realization dawned on me.
"You're wet?" Yes that is what she said, dumb ass.
"Very." Gulp. But I'm not backing down, this is my room.
"Just because you're wet doesn't mean you have to go."
"What do you suggest then?"
"You could take them off?" It was joke. That's all it was suppose to be but I should know by now to never challenge that woman. There was no smile or glint in her eye as she hiked up her dress and slipped her fingers under the hem.
"Regina?"
"Hm?" she replied in her flirty voice, slipping her panties downher legs and leaving them clinging to her ankles. Oh man, I'm fading. Stepping out of them she bent down and grabbed them off the floor. Regina seemed to skate across the room as she balled the black lace thong in her hand and pushed it against my chest when she got close. Her heady scent snaked up my nose filling my brain with memories our previous sexual rendezvous.
"Isn't your dress see through?" I asked, reaching up to take the lace from her.
"Only from my belly button up." her warm breath hit my face and I sighed. I'm fighting a losing battle. "I'm going to head downstairs and leave you to do whatever it is you were doing before I interrupted you." her nose crinkled as a smile pulled on her lips. "Okay?"
"Okay."
And then she was gone.
The smart thing for me to do would have been to hide them. Did I? Why of course not, I shoved them in my pocket because I'm a perv and she knows this yet loves me anyway. With a smile on my face I made my way down the stairs, greeted by broad grins and laughter. As I made my rounds I noticed Regina in the kitchen talking to my parents. Their expressions were blank, dad having a much harder time keeping it together than mom.
"You alright?"
I jumped at the sound of Ruby's voice, glaring at her when she chuckled. "You're an ass."
"Yea, I know." she replied, stepping in front of me and planting her hands on my shoulders. "Belle should be here soon, also, if you need a good laugh you must observe the way Jefferson flirts with Coach, it's the funniest thing."
"Is it?" my gaze shifted over Ruby's shoulder finding mom and dad chuckling at something Regina had said. A frown married the expression on my face until Regina glanced over her shoulder, we watched each other, anticipation building between us as we did.
"Emma?" A hand waved in front of my face breaking us from our staring competition as my body shook.
"Dude, what?" I asked, annoyed that she was pushing so fucking hard to get my attention. Ruby pulled back, dropped her other hand from my shoulder and held both of them up in mock defense.
"I'm sorry, jeez." she smiled at the end but I heard the agitation hug her words.
"No, I'm sorry." something I've been saying a lot of lately. "There's just a lot and all I want to do is focus on Belle."
"So let's focus on Belle also don't feel bad, I'm sure it has to do with all that pent up frustration."
I rolled at my eyes, she knows me so damn well. Regina and I have been at each other necks but we still long for one another. She still craves the constant contact with my skin and I crave to see her writhe underneath me, to watch the sweat accumulate on her forehead before dripping into her hair. Plus, I've been so fucking spoiled with all the attention Regina was giving me that my hand just doesn't do it for me anymore.
"Okay everyone, places." Mom shouted, walking from the kitchen with Regina by her side. Again I ask the question, why did I invite her? After giving a short and semi false smile to my sort of ex I left Ruby, darting behind a couch. Long legs came up beside me and I couldn't think how this woman got me so fast until Zelena bent down and I let out the breath I was holding, relief flooded my body.
"So about last night-"
And now the relief is gone.
"We really shouldn't be doing this now." I whispered, not at all. Not when it's quiet and everyone can probably hear us whispering.
"I just wanted to say, I'm sorry." Zelena replied, dropping her gaze and shifting to her knees. "For what she did."
"You don't need to apologize." I looked at her, watching her solemn expression shift to a neutral one. "It's not your fault. Really, no-"
"Shh, sh, sh, I hear them coming." mom said and I was thankful for the timing. I was not expecting her to say she was sorry, I was expecting her to chew me out for saying a bunch of shitty things to her sister then leaving her dumbfounded in the middle of the park.
Movement beside me grabbed my attention and when I glanced over Regina was lowering to the floor, smoothly landing on her knees then leaned back on her heels. Her eyes glanced to my pocket and I frowned, knowing she didn't have x-ray vision so how could she know. I cast my gaze away, gritting my teeth once I saw the tip of her panties dangling out of my pocket. She reached out, twirled her finger around the end and gently stuffed them back inside. Her finger then slid to my low back and grazed over my ass.
"Do you know how unfair you are?" I asked in a hushed tone, wiggling her touch off my butt and scooting closer to Zelena.
"On a scale from one to ten or is that rhetorical?" she replied, chuckling at my low growl. Woman, you know what the fuck I mean.
I didn't answer, instead shook my head, dismissing her comment.
"Okay everyone." Dad said, followed by the sound of the door opening. "Hey Belle! Good to see you." his boisterous voice boomed in the house.
"Hey Mr. S, hey Mrs. S. Can you tell me where my Swan is?" My cheeks grew warm at her statement. Her swan, she's the best.
"Oh she's around here, you know, um, somewhere, but first...Happy Birthday." mom replied. I cringed at her unbelievably shitty attempt to keep up the charade. She is the worst at this, the worst.
"Um, thanks guys. You seem really happy about it this year, which is great but also strange."
"That's because we have a-
"SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" we all yelled, jumping up from our various spots and her reaction was well worth the weeks of secrecy. Belle's hands flew to her mouth, muffling the high pitch scream. She spun around, staring at her parents who had just walked in.
"Did you know about this?" she asked, pointing an accusing finger at them. They nodded their heads, fighting the smile that was threatening to break.
"We did." her dad said. Belle whipped her head to me, eyebrows contracted when she smiled.
"Emma Swan, you are sneaky. Is that what all the whispers were about this week?"
Innocently I shrugged my shoulders, sporting my famous crooked smile and waited for the next thing to fly out of her mouth. She didn't speak but instead ran in my direction, climbed over the couch and fell into my arms.
"Thank you so much." she whispered, pulled back and gave me kiss on the lips. Regina shifted next to me, probably jealous and Zelena murmured 'I fucking wish'. "Killian, Ruby, Jefferson-" Belle exclaimed. "Get over here."
Pretty soon we were falling to the ground with the laughter of our friends and family surrounding us.
"Happy Birthday Belle." I whispered, she glanced at me then winked before instigating a tickle fight with Jefferson.
Belle and I laid on the glider bench, the soft notes of Killians acoustic guitar had us gently swaying back and forth. The volleyball team, Belle's parents and Coach had left a few hours ago, now it was me, Belle, Ruby, Killian, Jefferson, Zelena and Regina. I was thrilled when my parents offered them to stay the night and after saying yes, Ruby, Jefferson, and Killian ran to the backyard, starting the fire pit while the two ladies helped my parents clean up. Regina and I kept a fair amount of distance between each other the duration of the party, if I moved to one area of the house she walked off to the opposite, like she was afraid that being in the same vicinity as me would somehow give her away. Now that we're outside and people who are here are the only ones who know about us, she's not so stiff.
As Regina picked up random items of trash my eyes tracked over her smooth legs that edged out when she picked something up and dropped it in the trash. When she casually turned her back to me my gaze dropped to the dress resting in the crack of her butt, deeper then it normally does. My eyes stayed on her backside as she swayed the music of the guitar, her calf's flexed with each fluid step she took.
"You have seriously lived every kids fantasy." Belle said and I dropped my head to look down at her tiny body laying in between my legs. I began to comb my fingers through her hair, smiling when I heard her sigh, she was content.
"What do you mean?" The way I see it, this is no fantasy.
"Oh come on, hot, young teacher who actually knows how to teach, wearing clothes that are questionable when it comes to the policy. It is every students dream to hook up with a teacher like that, you actually did it."
"It wasn't some conquest." I sighed
"I know, but like, just look at her." she rolled her head to the side, infatuation beamed in her eyes as she watched Regina.
"Hey!" I objected.
"What? I'm just saying, she's fucking hot." Belle stated with zero shame in her voice.
"Don't you have another older woman to ogle at?"
"Don't worry, I've been doing that too." She flipped over on her stomach and slipped her hand under my shirt. I trembled under her cold as fuck fingers, goosebumps instantly rose. "So why are you over here with me and not with her?"
"Because it's your birthday." I gave her a cheeky grin but judging by the studious look on her face she's calling my bluff.
"Emma..." Belle drawled my name out as she raised an eyebrow, sitting up so I could do the same.
"I'm not ready to talk to her. I want to take it slow but every time I'm near her I just want to rip her fucking clothes off."
"I thought you guys were good again."
"No, definitely not." I fucking wish we were.
"Oh..." Belle glanced in Regina's direction, biting her lip, perplexed by the situation. "Killian said she ran upstairs to talk to you. I was hoping that meant...but I guess not. I'm sorry, this really sucks."
Everybody is sorry.
But coming Belle it's different. She is a rare type of person, someone who really does have our best interests in mind, she is the type of person to make my problems her problems just so I don't have to go through it alone.
"Thanks, we were suppose to talk after the party but now that you are all staying I think I'm going to rain check it."
"No-" She grabbed my face and leaned in. "We get you all night, she does not. Do not be afraid, remember, she is the one who has to make it up to you. Go talk."
She kissed my forehead before shooing me off the glider. Regina's hips were still swaying and I never wanted to be a garbage bag more in my life as the plastic slid against her legs. I licked my lips, took a few hushed breaths but instead of walking over to her I walked inside, up the stairs and to my room. She's already been in here, some spot cleaning never hurt anyone, though. I rushed around, putting away the random articles of clothing, organizing the books on my desk, and straightened the bed sheets. Moving to fluff the pillows on bed the key Regina gave me flickered on the nightstand and I paused feeling a need to reach out and touch it. My fingers ran along the grooves, a faint smile spread across my face as I recalled the words she used when she opened her place up to me.
"Knock knock."
The hair on my arm stood at the sound of her voice but I kept my eyes on the key.
"You can come in." I said, tracing the chain and taking quiet deep breaths with each step she took.
"Did I bother you?" Regina's voice was much closer and soon she placed a hand on the nightstand, sliding her fingers to mine. "You seem focused."
"No, you didn't, I'm good. Thinking." Rounding the chain once more I looked at Regina from under my eyelashes. "How are you?"
Regina tilted her head, deep brown eyes trailed over my features when she licked her lips and subtly grazed her finger over mine.
"I'm nervous." her fingers walked over the top of my hand and I forced my eyes to stay open.
"So am I." I admitted, slipping the mask on my face so she couldn't see how my body was melting under her touch. "You know I've never been good with sugar coating things so I'm just going to say it."
Regina struggled to stay composed, I could see she wanted blurt out a million words, knowing her she probably rehearsed a mini speech during the party. Reluctantly I pulled away and sat down on the bed, noticing the timid steps behind me. She sat down beside me, slowly, tentatively. She lifted her dress to cross her legs then smoothed her hands over it. The flash of silky skin made my own twitch and I clasped them together as I cleared my throat like that would erase the sound of her harsh, breathy pants in my ear while I worked her clit. Jesus, I need to fucking stop.
If my mind didn't live in the gutter it would be homeless.
"Okay, um,-" God I'm terrible at this. "Last night I got upset not because you kissed me, it's how you made me feel when you kissed me." Regina pursed her lips thoughtfully at my confession. "It felt like old times but also like it was new and like I had admitted earlier I don't want to make this simple for you but I also don't want to make it so hard that I push you away to the point you give up. I also don't want to be a second choice, or a back up plan, or even some fantasy of yours." I shifted on the bed, turning my body so my back was resting against the pillows while stretching my legs. Regina glanced down at my feet before her hawk like eyes traveled up my legs, resting at the crotch of my pants. "Regina?" I questioned and her eyes darted up to me, the look in them was almost indecent.
"Sorry-" she pushed herself off my bed, not stepping away but enough to create space between us. Hands were clasped behind her head an an exasperated sigh filled the room. "You are not a second choice and I couldn't give up on you Emma, or on this, not before we've really gotten a chance to be together." Regina continued and on the tip of her shoes she turned around to face me. "I want nothing more than to pick up where we left off but I also want to take it slow. Last night, when I said it was easy to be with you-" I sucked in a sharp breath as her hands fell to her side and her eyes cast down to my waist. She leaned to her right and trailed her fingers over the top of my foot, "-I didn't mean easy like how it was with Warren, it's hard to explain but I will do my best. Easy with Warren was boring, or-" Regina chuckled and shook her head. "-maybe that's not the right word. It was very routine, you could say. But easy with you..." her fingers skipped over the exposed skin from my ankle to my jeans. They danced up my legs, light enough so the pressure didn't reach my skin, which sucked because I was aching for her touch. I'm literally this close to ripping off my pants. "-is different, it's something I've never experienced before. You are not embarrassed to laugh with me when I make a fool of myself, I can be me because you love for who I am. There is no need for continuous conversation, having you nearby is enough, things that were never interesting before became fascinating because of what they mean to you. Simple stuff brings you in my mind whether it is a burger, or the sky, or a car, or...a napkin. With you being easy means experiencing love and joy in a way I've never thought."
Regina withdrew her hand and it twitched by her side. I dropped my head back to look at her, dark and concerned eyes stared at me. I could see she was worried, that she was scared, and was having a difficult time keeping her shit together so I turned to my feet, because I did not want to comfort her. Regina, Regina who had seriously fucked up, Regina who had tried to turn her actions into a holier than thou moment. No, this isn't a sorry not sorry situation this a not sorry not sorry situation. Fuck that.
"I get it, I feel it's very easy to be with you too which is why I'm so nervous to do this all over again. You really,-" Ugh, it just sounds so fucking melodramatic coming out of my mouth. "-and now, I'm just angry, it's honestly the only thing keeping me together at this point, the only thing stopping me from doing what I really want." I closed my eyes as I rested my head on the wall. "What were you thinking?"
"I wasn't." she answered swiftly.
"No, I want to know what you were thinking, before you kissed me, the whole thing Warren, and your mom. I'm trying to understand where you are coming from but I'm having a hard time. So, help me..."
The slow pace click of her shoes moved away from me, I cracked open an eye, watching her walk around my bed with her head facing the wall. When she turned I snapped my lid shut, soon after the bed dipped beside me as she got comfortable and then it was quiet. Not sure how long we stayed like that but it was too long, for me anyway, so I let my eyes adjust to the light then looked down to see her laying supine, hands intertwined resting on her stomach. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was even like she was meditating.
"I feel you looking at me." Regina said in a soft but semi teasing voice. I blushed and looked before chancing another glance. As I expected, her eyes were still closed.
"Are you going to answer me?" I was not abrasive or accusing, it was shaky and lacked confidence. I don't know where this is coming from. A minute ago I was fine, now that she's laying in my bed I can't seem to get my shit right. Regina drifted her eyelids up, most likely hearing the uneasy tone I was speaking with.
"I'm just organizing everything in my head." she reassured as her lips spread into a smile.
"Don't try and organize just talk, I don't care if we jump back and forth. I know how to keep up, remember...multi-tasking." I replied with my best smile, then tapped my temple with my pointer finger.
Regina chuckled, rolling her head to the side, wriggled free one of her hands and slid it over to my leg so her pinkie was barely grazing the outside of my thigh.
"This is what I mean. Simple conversation. You, me, talking about everything before all this, before I fucked up."
"Well..." I shimmied down the bed, laying flat on my back. Regina didn't move her hand and now it was near my waist, brushing over the hint of skin showing between my pants and shirt. I decided against commenting on it, because who am I kidding, my body loves her touch. "We can do that after." I finished, clasping my hands together and placing them behind my head. A sure fire way to make sure they don't do any unnecessary wandering.
"I'll start with last night then..." Regina inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. I stared at her profile. She feels me, letting her eyes shoot to mine and I have to keep reminding myself that we are still on rocky grounds. But her eyes are warm and the smile is still on her face, the longer we gaze at each other my level of uncertainty raises. That fall seems so much higher now. "The only thing I could think about was myself. How much I missed you and needed to kiss you. I heard you loud and clear but my drive was stronger and I'm sorry. I see how that could be taken as me forcing myself on you."
"You didn't force yourself on me, it wasn't-it wasn't exactly against my will."
"I know Emma, which is what makes this worse. I could tell you were struggling not to run back to me, I knew if I kissed you, you would have a hard time stopping. I wanted you to have hard time with it and then kissed your forehead, your cheek...your lips, they were so close." Regina closed her eyes momentarily, biting her lip, savoring the memory. "You are a great kisser and also very honest. You were right to call me all those things, I was or I am that."
I rolled over on my side, using my elbow to hold myself up and a hand to rest my head in.
"You aren't that...all the time. It's sounds like how I felt when I kissed Rachel and confronted you at school. Not really thinking about you or how it would make you look but wanting to assuage my guilt." I dropped my free hand and placed it next to hers.
"Is that why you did that?" Regina raised her eyebrows, an amused smile played on her lips.
"Yes."
Again, we looked at each other. So, maybe dad really was right, understanding one another is the key.
"I didn't know that." she whispered, inching her pinkie out to mine.
"It seems we do need to do a better job communicating with each other." I replied, judging by her smile she caught on to my reference of last night.
"I suppose so." her smile broadened. "Now, with Warren." and just like that our happy moment is over. "I don't really know where to start with that."
I flipped over on my back again, fucking Warren. I know, I asked for it but still, he's just so...bleh.
"Did he ever try to kiss you?" I was hesitant but I needed to know. I figured they weren't having sex but I wouldn't put it past him to kiss her and for her to caught up in that shit.
"He tried after you left with Zelena that night of the dinner." she responded.
Awkward. Fucking. Silence.
"I moved away before anything happened and then I slapped him. Roland saw the whole thing and came in like some knight." Oof, love that kid. "He yelled 'the lady said no'. He's something else."
He is something else. That also explains his immediate change in behavior towards Warren, I knew something happened after I left.
"I don't get why you let him stay with you." My hands balled into fists.
"I wasn't always so-"
"Just the fact that he even assumes you are going to let him kiss you is so fucking ridiculous." Man, imagine if he actually kissed her.
"Emma?" Regina said, placing her hand over one of mine.
"He probably hasn't even made you cum back to back, he probably just leaves you unsatisfied." Okay, time to stop rambling because I have no idea where this is going.
"Nobody has ever made come like you have."
I snapped my head to her, raising a skeptical brow, "Seriously?"
"Yes-" Regina paused, thinking over her next few words.
"Say it, it's okay." I urged.
"Yes...little one, seriously." little one, a simple, lame pet name. But it's my pet name, so fuck off. "Back to your question?"
"Yea, sorry about that."
She shrugged her shoulders and crinkled her nose, a smile smile gracing her lips. "You can be upset..." her thumb grazed over my hand settling the annoyance. "But there was a point where I wasn't supported, financially, and when we were friends, he let me stay with him when nobody else would."
"And you felt you owed him?"
"Yes, even after he tried to kiss me. He told me the reason he was at the dinner was because mom said 'i wanted to talk to him but I've been afraid'. I know that wasn't the grandiose answer you were expecting but it is the truth."
Yea, I know. However I can't get my mind off that little bomb about Cora.
"You know, I don't think I've ever disliked someone so much in my life." I scoffed, not giving a shit if Regina's offended.
"We don't have to worry about her anymore." she squeezed my hand encouragingly but I rolled my eyes.
"We shouldn't have had to worry about her in the first place." I countered. Do I feel bad? Absolutely not. I looked to my door, ignoring the grip around hand.
"Please look at me." she said, almost beseeching.
"Let me calm down first." my hushed breaths muffled my reply but when her hand left mine I assumed she understood. Or not, when it went to my chin, gently tugging in her direction. Gritting my teeth, I shuddered as she palmed cheek and finally...I gave in. Her thumb brushed across my face, keen dark eyes gazed at my conflicted ones.
"I should have never let that happen." she said, Regina's voice was confident but soft as she spoke.
"But you did." my eyebrows pulled in, I was struggling to stay angry with her face so close to mine. She closed her eyes and breathed in through her nose, taking a moment to gather her thoughts.
"I know, how do I show you I'm sorry?"
I shrugged, it's not one thing it's many things. "Over time, I'm sure I'll get there. Same with your mom, I don't get why you feel the need to please her. Well, I do, but I don't. I may never understand but what makes me nervous is that she seems to have been such a huge part of your life. Can you really cut her out?"
"I can. I admit I was afraid, even though she has been nothing but trouble my entire life she is still my mom but I would chose you over her any day. I hesitated at first and because of this I know I have some work to do, I mean it though, I would chose you...over anyone."
Ugh, she does have a way with words and I hate it but am I convinced?
"Would you? You were so quick to agree, you can't expect me to believe that." the words were harsher than I meant for them to come out.
"I don't expect you to believe me right away only when I've proved it. And yes, I want you and only you."
"You look so serious when you say it." I replied, relaxing into her touch. I'm not entirely sold but I want to be, over time.
"That's because I am. I want to show you, I want to make you smile again, it seems the only thing I manage to do is piss you off."
"And turn me on." I smirked, wiggled my eyebrows and she laughed, driving a small hole in the brick wall made of tension.
"That's good but I would like to do more than that." Regina continued, inching her body closer to mine. Her hand slid from my face, down my neck and stopped over my heart. "This, this is what I want." A long sigh bristled through my teeth. I placed my hand over hers, pushing it firmly against my chest.
"We will get there." my voice was low but full of certainty. I love Regina, she loves me, I know it will work out.
"Yes we will." The relief was flooding off her and her body relaxed beside me, unfortunately I still have some unfinished business where Warren is concerned.
"How did it happen?" I blurted out, mentally scolding myself for never being able to keep calm whenever he pops in my head.
"What?" she asked, scrunching her brows.
"Warren, how did it happen?"
Her white teeth came out to bite her lip and her attention was completely focused on me.
"After we argued at school that one afternoon and you left he could tell something was up with me. I was being snippy and dry, taking all my frustration out on him. I even convinced myself it was his fault all of this happened, I know it's not but at the time I didn't want to take responsibility. I'm not perfect, I do my best to be a good person, I pride myself on that but what I did to you was horrible. How I made you feel-" Regina shut her eyes, a pained expression crossed her face. "-it was really shitty of me, I didn't want to accept that. He got upset with me for being angry and not telling him why, we argued and he left. When I got home we didn't speak and it was fairly silent until the next morning, when he confronted me before I left for school." Regina's chocolate eyes were once again looking at me, they were sad and I tightened my grasp around her hand in response. "When I walked downstairs to make some tea he blocked the kitchen and asked 'who is it?', naturally I was confused and he said 'don't give me that fucking look, who are you fucking?'."
I winced, picturing his skin turning red as he yelled in her face.
"I told him it was none of his business, that we weren't together so I'd appreciate it if he stopped acting like my boyfriend. It was quiet for awhile until I spoke, telling him we were never really together, that I have zero interest in being with him, and..." Regina paused, digging her fingers in my chest, "and that I had fallen in love with someone, I mentioned that part of the reason things are strained is because of the current living situation, I asked him to leave."
Damn, just like that? That really sucks.
"Wow. I'm guessing he didn't go without a fight?" My feelings for this guys are confusing but being led on all this time only to have the woman you love tell you she's in love with someone else and on top of that, kick you out when you have no place to go. It's a tough break.
"Your guess would be right. That's when he asked who it was over and over again, each time taking a step to me and when I was against the wall and he was screaming at me I just..." Her features were slightly pinched and it breaks my heart to see she had to hurt someone she cared about. "I broke down and confessed. He called me sick, twisted, manipulative, bitch-" she chuckled, sliding her hand from under mine and placed it behind her head. "-he used that word many times. We argued and then just stopped. Scared of what could happen I asked if he could keep it a secret and he scoffed, saying 'I'll have my things out before you get home'." Regina let the words trail off. I mulled them over, wondering what to do from here. "Listen, I know it will take us awhile to get back to being, well, us so if you are okay with it, I'd like to set some boundaries. Figure out what we are both comfortable with, what is off limits, and everything in between."
Boundaries? Yes, boundaries.
"Before I give you my answer I want to make sure we recap." I held up a fist, flicked my pinkie up and pointed at it with a finger from my free hand. "First, Cora is cunt. I know you don't like when I use that type of language but she is. It will take me awhile to get over that but I do want to move past it, it seems you do too?"
"Absolutely." she responded, hints of the old Regina were peeking through.
"Good, as things go on between us I may have questions that randomly pop in my head about your relationship with her. Will you answer them?"
"Yes, of course." Regina's eagerly responded.
"Okay, second." My ring finger flipped up and my pointer moved to it. "Warren. I do understand you have a place in your heart for him that is platonic. It also frustrates me he'll know you better than I ever will and have this piece of you that I don't, I know this because even after the whole kiss and slap thing you still let him stay with you. So you two must have a strong bond but now its you and I, I know we'll have our own bond the more we get to know each other." I gazed upon her intently and she looked at me with the same passion and love in her eyes. "Third, boundaries. I'll just tell you the things I want to hold off on: sex," unfortunately. "really anything sex related, kissing because that always turns into something sex related. So basically I want to date but without having sex." Sex, sex, sex...did I mention sex?
"So I can hold your hand? I can take you out? We can still do stuff?" Regina asked, almost timid.
I rolled over on my side and draped my arm over her stomach, smirking when I heard her gasp.
"Yes, yes and define stuff."
"Stuff as in we can hang out, sleep over, talk on the phone." she rambled off, as her breathing became uneven from the light patterns my fingers were drawing. "We can still do...this?"
"Yes. I don't want to stop talking, touching, hugging, or being with you. Sleep overs are a hesitant yes, maybe we can try it out next week or the following. Anything else?"
She rolled over, a broad smile spread from ear to ear. Regina nuzzled up against me, tucking her head under my chin and I was having a hard time remembering the boundaries I rambled off while her breath tickled the base of my throat.
"Just one thing...dance with me?"
I was silent.
"I'm not sure I understand." because what the fuck?
"Do you have a speaker?" she asked and I was so tempted to say no. But my brain fails at sending the proper signals to my mouth.
"Yes."
"Then dance with me." Regina removed her head from under my chin, gazing up at me. "Please?"
I bit my lip nervously. I do not dance.
"I'll lead." Already she was wiggling out of my grasp and walked to my dresser. She grabbed the small speaker, plugged the cord in and held out her hand. "Phone?" Without questioning her I got off the bed and gave her my cell. Her eyebrows furrowed as she searched for what I'm presuming was a song. "Ah, here it is."
And soon a soft melody flowed through the speaker. I wasn't familiar with the song but the brazilian vibe already has me tapping my foot. A male's voice followed a few bars after, singing in Spanish. Regina grabbed my hand and led me to the middle of the small space available in my room, laced her fingers from one hand in mine, with the other she lifted my arm and placed my free hand on top of her shoulder then hers slid down and snaked it around my low back. A small moan escaped when she pulled our bodies together.
"This song is called 'The Girl From Ipanema', my grandparents use to dance to this." she whispered.
"Use to?" I frowned, stumbling back when she tried move us. Leave it to me to mess up something as simple as this.
"They passed away when I was sixteen."
"Oh, I'm sorry." I never know what to say when I hear about a passing, 'sorry' doesn't quite do it, silence isn't any better.
"Such is life and trust me, they lived a good one. Also," she bent down and I closed my eyes when I felt her breath hover my ear. "….relax, little one. I've got you, right?" a whisper so hot it sent chills down my spine, she was still seeking permission as her fingers trailed across my sacrum. The tingles shot through my body, my breath came out wobbly. A strong consuming need crawled under my skin and I slid my hand from her shoulder to the back her neck.
She moved her foot again and this time I didn't fight it as we took a step and then another and another. We were dancing and I wasn't stumbling.
...Oh, but he watches her so sadly
How can he tell her he loves her?
Yes, he would give his heart gladly
But each day when she walks to the sea
She looks straight ahead not at him…
We twirled around my tiny room, occasionally she would spin me under her arm before pulling me back in with a smile on her face. It's like we've done this a million times, we move like magnets.
Tall and tan and young and lovely
The girl from Ipanema goes walking
And when she passes he smiles
But she doesn't see
My body molded against hers, tingles shifted to a calm hum, and I found myself staying focused on the here and now.
Oh, but he sees her so sadly
How can he tell her he loves her?
Yes, he would give his heart gladly
But each day when she walks to the sea
She looks straight ahead not at him
I turned my head and nudged the side of her neck taking in this moment between us. She chuckled that ended in a blissful sigh when my lips grazed the nape of her neck.
"Yea." I whispered. "You got me."
A/N: Thank you all for the comments on the last chapter.
This ending doesn't mean they are together, we'll call it a step in the right direction. Enjoy the weekend! Enjoy Halloween if you celebrate it. My wife and I are dressing up as Wilma from 'Where's Waldo'. Til Next Time...