Dear Hermione,
Who are you?
Dear Hermione,
Sorry for the last letter. I've been in a strange place. I've had these dreams lately... they seem to be about you.
Dear Hermione,
You've been telling me to read books. So that's what I'm doing now. Is it strange that I'm listening to you so eagerly?
Dear Hermione,
The exams are so stressful right now. I wish you were here with me.
Dear Hermano,
Dear Hermanette,
Dear Hermes,
God dammit, that's not it either...
Dear Athena,
No, it starts with an H...
Dear Harriet,
That's obviously not your name. You're not me. At least I think so.
Dear Hermione,
I've been reading Shakespeare today and I stumbled upon this name. How do you like it? I'm sorry I can't remember yours, but at least the first letter is correct. Probably.
I guess I wouldn't have this problem if I kept any of the letters...
Dear Hermione
I dreamt that you responded to my letter. You said that it was alright. It was a strange dream. I can still remember it vividly.
Dear Hermione,
I never noticed how brown your eyes are. They are very brown. I feel like the word doesn't give them justice but I don't have a better one. I guess I should go back to reading Shakespeare.
Dear Hermione,
I'm officially a lawyer now!
Dear Hermione,
I know it's been a couple months since I last wrote, but I feel like you're always with me anyway. How are you?
Dear Hermione,
I didn't think you'd reply. Am I losing my mind?
Dear Hermione,
Do you exist?
Dear Hermione,
You've been confused by my reactions. Rightfully so. I'm confused too. I don't know why I'm still writing to you. You're not real.
Dear Hermione,
I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't be writing to you anymore.
Dear Hermione,
Dear Hermione,
Dear Hermione,
Dear Hermione,
Today...
I...
In my dreams...
How is this supposed to work anyway?
Dear Hermione,
Dear Hermione,
Oh, Girl-of-my-Dreams,
Dearest Hermione,
I wish you stopped crying yourself to sleep.
Dear Hermione,
I have something to admit. Over the past couple of months I've been going to see some specialists.
My psychiatrist has been drugging me but it only made me sleepy and unable to focus on work. My neurologist said she has no idea what's up with me but was hyped up to write a research paper. My therapist said I need to "confront my feelings", as though I wasn't doing it all this time. My priest said you're a demon possessing me and recommended an exorcist. The exorcist said I was fine, maybe in need of prayer. I started praying. It didn't work as of yet.
Dear Hermione,
The results of the research were inconclusive. Which means, my brain is perfectly normal. It made something click for me.
My therapist keeps saying I need to listen to myself, feel my emotions, search for reasons I feel things and confront them. It was that last bit that I finally found myself agreeing with.
I need to confront the possibility that you exist. That this all is real. I'd appreciate you saying that you are indeed real but it wouldn't be enough. I need proof.
Dear Hermione,
I'm not sure how to interpret your reaction. I think it's like you're happy that I'm searching for truth but at the same time you know it's not going to work, because you're not real. Or are those just my fears talking?
I came up with a test. Up until now you only responded to things I wrote down. My hypothesis is that it's the act of writing that triggers whether is happening between us.
So, I'm going to make two letters: one, I'm going to write as usual, the second I'm going to say out loud while holding the pen over the paper as usual but without writing. We'll see how it goes.
Dear Hermione,
This is the letter I write for the test. If you're real, say "cinnamon" three times.
...
Dear Hermione,
Since the last try didn't work, please say "cinnamon roll" right before falling asleep and after waking up.
...
Dear Hermione,
What do you mean, you got two empty sheets of paper? I mean, I did sent four in total, so it makes sense that two are empty, but how did you get them?
Dear Hermione,
Your question took me off-guard. How have I been sending the letters? I'm literally writing to an assumed-nonexistent girl whom I only know from my dreams. I do not send the letters. I burn them with fire.
Dear Hermione,
Based on your lack of reaction, I have to assume you didn't get any of my past one hundred and fifty letters.
Dear Hermione,
That letter you got? What kind of logic is it? I've already tried burning it before! I've tried a hundred different things! And now when I do it as usual again...
I'm stupid. I've tried burning a letter and I tried tossing it into the fireplace but I forgot to try to burn it in the fireplace.
Dear Hermione,
I'll call myself stupid all I want. You have no say in this unless you show up right here and now and put your hand on my mouth.
Also, I realised something. It doesn't matter that I know how to send you letters. It still isn't proof. This could all be just an internal logic of my hallucinations. I'll have to think of something else.
Dearest Hermione,
I came up with a way for us to meet. I'll even do you the favour of not calling myself stupid for not thinking of it earlier. Oops, I already did. Well, you'll have to suffer through it.
I realised that even if you were real, you couldn't visit. Because you don't know where I am. Because I didn't sign any of the letters. Because I was convinced that you don't exist.
Therefore, I'm going to fix that oversight now. I'll give you the address of my office. I'm here every working day, nine to five, for the forseeable future. And I'll be waiting for you to come.
Yours faithfully,
Harry J. Dursley
September 1st, 2006
HD Law Solicitors, 555 Low Street, London