Guest: I am aware of the crystal purification, and the general method behind it, but does Cal or Cere? Cal was scrapping on Bracca for years and Cere actively denied the force for years and it wasn't like Nur was going to hand out classes on the subject while torturing her. Besides, do you think the inquisitors would know that skill in any capacity and candidly talk about it around her? The concept for a red lightsaber is bleeding, so theoretically it could be healed, but seeing as they don't need to, they probably won't think about that too hard. Ashoka separated from the Jedi for a vey long time, and we have no idea what she picked up on her travels.
And as for Cal having a cyan lightsaber? Well it was honestly the closest I could get to white, and in this fic, it fits Cal's views on the Jedi. He is much more open in his beliefs and not bound to the dogma and restrictions of the Jedi anymore. He intends to rebuild AN order, but not THE order.
All credit to respective owners.
-Y.A.R.N.
Waking from the vision wasn't like waking up from sleep, it lacked the rested feeling and warmth one would get from covering up in blankets. It was like trying to swim to the surface of a lake made entirely of mud, thick and choking and so incredibly heavy. Merrin peeled her eyes open to see her face centimeters from Cal's whose eyes drifted open, himself rousing from the vision they briefly shared. Their eyes met as their foreheads were still touching and for a moment they just remained in that position, staring into each other's eyes.
"Thank you." Merrin whispered.
"I promise to always be there if you need me Merrin." He replied softly, "Always."
Despite the lingering pain, she smiled.
Cere looked pained at Merrin's recollection of her vision, Cal frowning at the memory of his fallen other. Merrin had been too shaken to try again and Cal took her back to the Mantis so that she could distance herself from the place where the visions assaulted her.
"So we all have to face our demons when we meditate there?" Cere sighed heavily, "Only then can we train with those Masters?"
Xavier stared at the saber hilt in his hand with a complicated expression as they all mulled over the visions triggered by the temple.
He knew what he would see.
He knew who he would have to face if he went to the temple.
X-1.
Falon.
His brother and 'father'.
His two greatest feelings of grief and guilt.
He had never considered fighting since his newest friends landed on Dantooine. He had worked so hard to forget only for the jedi to come and remind him of the family he held close as a soldier and fighting alongside those he could trust. He relished the feeling, but at the same time he had never wanted to talk about his past till he was ready. And he felt he needed a bit more time till those skeletons were ready to be faced. Yes, he had talked about them and he knew Cal read his life with his psychometry, but he hadn't really faced them head on as he knew the temple would make him.
Cere knew her faults with Trilla and her own failures, but she had already made her peace with her issues. Seeing them again would not discourage her or question her beliefs, but that only made her wonder what the temple might show her. She missed Trilla, she always would, but teaching Cal had helped ease away the pain of he loss and Trilla had relented in the very end before Vader struck her down. If nothing else, the temple would force her to face the fears she still had but may not have even realized, which had the potential to be a very valuable learning experience.
Still, no one wanted their biggest regrets shoved in their face.
Cal looked at Merrin who was sitting on the ground, blankly staring at the setting sun, lost in thought.
"Merrin." He said softly.
She jerked a bit in suprise, but turned, "Yes?"
"You really need to stop thinking about it." He said without preamble, "Dwelling on it won't help, it'll probably only make it worse."
She frowned, "It's... not easy."
Cal walked forward and sat next to her, "I know. I carried pain and guilt for so long. I was just like you. And even now, there are times I wish I could've done better."
Merrin was silent for a moment, "But?"
Cal smiled softly, "I can't go back. I can't turn back time and save those who I lost. All I can do is honor them by making it through everyday and living my life the best I can. It's hard to let it go, and it hurts in its own way. But the pain? It's a good pain, letting you know you're still alive and have a chance to be better than you were for your loss."
Merrin leaned against him, "I'm don't know if I can... I'm scared of just how much I disgraced the memory of my sisters because of Malicos. I don't know if I am strong enough that I can ever let go."
Cal leaned back, "You've already done it. And you are one of the strongest people I know, Merrin. Everybody believes in you. All you have to do is do the same."
Merrin was quiet and Cal contently watched the sun slip below the horizon and night unveil the star before she replied, "Okay."
A month passes in relative flurry of preparations for their band of misfits to visit the temple so they can face their fears. Cal continues his training with the spirits of the jedi who have long since passed, but makes time for learning how to fight with Cere, Merrin, and Xavier. The first few coordinated attempts are less than perfect — barring Cere and Cal as they had a whole year to figure out their styles and work around them and with them — as The Force is the only thing that is saving them from smacking into each other and nearly lopping off each other's limbs. But after the fumbling first few exchanges, they managed to settle into a rhythm that worked, it would take some time — and probably more bumps and bruises — before they would actually make it a formidable threat, but time was something they had a decent amount of.
Cal had managed to grasp the technique of healing provided as he needed to stop moving for a moment and settled into a mediative stance before starting to heal himself, now he had to refine it to a sort of moving meditation. It wasn't as though it were impossible, Cal knew that much of the abilities — practically any and all of the advanced levels — the force could bestow had been largely unknown to him as he was a thirteen year old padawan on a ship in the middle-end of a war that all but wiped out the jedi. Having a teacher again did make things much easier as he was led through the teaching and didn't have to improvise how to do it. He had the ability to be a master one day — everyone recruited by the jedi had that potential — so all he really needed to do is reach that level by training.
With that decision now firm, he goes back to meditating and feeling the force croon in contentment.
Cal is watching Merrin and Xavier pair up against Cere as he contemplates reforming the Jedi Order, which he had next to zero idea how to do except for a few generalized ideas. It wasn't easy, and while he knew he had help to ask for, he wanted to get at least a foundation built before anything else.
The problems were pretty simple.
They were arrogant.
They considered themselves above reproach.
They fought in a sham war dedicated to weaken and vilify them before the Emperor killed practically all of them.
They never even considered the fact that the Sith existed even with all the records of Jedi who left or fell to the dark side while training to be or having become Jedi.
Wonderful.
How to fix that?
They had every right to feel secure in their power as the Jedi stayed in power since the 'annihilation' of the Sith (Fallen Jedi notwithstanding). Cal was never going to be that arrogant as long as he was alive, but he wouldn't live forever and his mantle would have to pass. He wouldn't be able to stop the damage if — and that was a big if, not when — they beat the Sith down and the past was perpetuated without him. If he ever had an apprentice, how would he impress the NEED to be vigilant and keep abreast of the galaxy around them and how best adapt. Cal had the 'benefit' of living through the rise of The Empire in the wake of the decimation of the Jedi and the reformatting of The Republic. Many of the jedi in the war had been too preoccupied in fighting and leading troops to see how the war itself had changed how they were perceived.
With the Empire currently existing and in power with its oppression, the next generation of Jedi — provided that they were created reasonably soon — would be able to see how a corrupt governing body of one person would be bad. But to be involved in politics? That had been something that had led to the belief that the Jedi were attempting to take power for themselves. He didn't believe much in the idea of entangling Jedi with political affairs, Jedi were peacekeepers and diplomates, the last thing he wanted was to be seen as attack dogs of the government. That would make them no better than The Empire.
Cal groaned in frustration, these issues were not his forte!
He could train a padawan in saber play and force abilities, but dealing in politics with people in a theoretical government than hopefully be established after the not-of-yet realized defeat of the Empire? He wasn't some well-spoken diplomat or disgruntled ex-senator! He wasn't even a normally-recognized jedi knight (as in there was no ceremony to cut a braid of hair and for a number of Jedi to surround him as his master knighted him with a lightsaber). By the force, he wasn't some charismatic leader like Saw or some brilliant and caring public senator like Padme Amidala or Bail Organa had been before the Empire came to power.
Cal wanted to put it off for now, maybe after he was a bit wiser he could look into something, but honestly he wasn't about to go into politics if he had his way about it. Building the Jedi and stopping the Sith would already take everything he had! He knew that in the future, that he would somehow need to prevent the Sith from ever happening again. But how? The jedi thought that they had accomplished it, and their mistake cost them everything.
There had to be some middle ground, Cal knew he was toeing the line every time he thought about the dark side, he knew could provide him power, but power wasn't what he wanted. It would be useful sure, but he didn't want to replace one dictator of the universe with another one who was younger. He wasn't arrogant enough to believe that he was the only one who was capable of mastering his darkness, he could so easily be like Malicos (and the thought of that happening made his stomach turn). Could he be in balance with both, understanding the darkness while remaining in the light?
Wait.
Balance.
Maybe...
Maybe it wasn't about just the Jedi.
Maybe it wasn't about just the Sith.
Maybe it was simply about the force, not the light and dark.
Maybe...
Maybe it could be both yet neither.
Cal blinks and wonders if the the force humming loudly around him is a sign.
Merrin grasp on Cal's hand may have been a bit uncomfortable for the knight with how tightly she held on, but she couldn't bring herself to care beyond the fact that he was beside her side when she felt the stale air of Dathomir once again brush against her skin. This had happened before but she had been alone and now she wasn't and the difference was incomparable now that she knew who was waiting. She had done this before, but that hadn't been a mental battle, it was mainly Cal against Malicos while she supported where she could. Here, she had to be the main focus of her demons and doubts while Cal supported her. She let out a shaky breath but felt Cal pull her to her feet and squeeze her hand. She looked at him and he nodded at her.
"I'm here and I am not leaving." He promised, voice calm and even, "I trust you to be able to do this."
"Perhaps you shouldn't Kestis." Malicos' voice called, "Sister Merrin will stab you in the back to save herself."
Cal turned to see the specter of Malicos walking towards them, idly spinning his lightsaber hilts as he approached. He smirked arrogantly at the two as he spun his weapons before igniting them, their red blades casting red and black shadows up his face and body. Cal firmly squeezed Merrin's hand before igniting his saber and setting himself into his stance, cyan blazing. Merrin took a deep breath — centering herself as Cere showed — and ignited her own lightsaber, twirling it once before getting in her stance. Malicos looked unimpressed at the two before getting into his own stance.
"This won't play out like last time." Malicos challenged.
"You're right." Cal replied, voice cold and sharp "This time I'm going to kick your ass and make sure you pay for all the lies you told Merrin. You're going to pay for every single second you took advantage of her grief and pain."
"Neither of you could have hoped beat me alone." He replied arrogantly, "DO you think that you can now that I know what to expect?"
Merrin took a step forward, eyes blazing with determination, "You are blind Malicos, I am not alone Malicos. Cal isn't alone. Maybe I am the last of the nightsisters as he is one of the last of the jedi, but if you face one of us you face us all. I had forgotten that simple truth, but my sisters and now my friends will always be with me."
Malicos scoffed, "Brave words for someone who had very nearly lost herself to fear."
"I did." Merrin admitted, "I was scared of what I had buried and hid. The betrayal of our magics to you. My attempted murder of Cal. The years I spent in hate and grief. But when Cal came to Dathomir, it made me realize that waiting will not grant me peace, it won't help me come to terms with all that had plagued my nightmares. Action will. A family will."
She raised her lightsaber to point at Malicos chest.
"Killing your ghost and all that it represents will." She finished with a scowl.
Malicos scowled and lunged.
Cal was already there to meet him as Merrin dropped back, the force roiling them.
Their blades crashed in a flare of light and loud crackles as Malicos almost immediately disengaged and began to slash at Cal. Cal brow furrowed in concentration as he traded blows with the ghost, saber crashing against each other in streaks of cyan and crimson. He hadn't been the neophyte duelist he was back then, he had gotten much much stronger over the year and half he had been since Nur. He matched Malicos blow for blow, blade weaving to clash and disrupt Malicos' saber each and every time. Merrin hand gathered her magics and waited till Cal leaped away from his fight to lash out with a force push that sent Malicos skidding away to fire four simultaneous spheres of green flames at the ghost. He cried out in pain as the explosions of flame scorched him rather than wash off of him as before. Merrin dashed at him, saber a blaze of red as she slashed across his chest, decorating his torso with a line of scorch as he leapt back to avoid a killing blow.
Malicos scowled and hissed as his hand gingerly traced the burns on his body, "Don't be so arrogant witch, you can't defeat me so long as you're afraid. As long as you let your mistakes linger, so will I. You'll never be able to let go."
"Shut up." Merrin growled.
"You still aren't sure!" Malicos sneered, "You will neve-"
"I'm pretty sure Merrin told you to shut up." Cal interrupted as he walked up next to Merrin, lightsaber humming at his side, "You already talked enough when we beat you to last a lifetime Malicos. Merrin has darkness? So what? I do. Cere does. Xavier does. Every person in the galaxy has their own pain and darkness. But the answer isn't to ignore it or pretend to let it go; it's not to let it consume you so that you can revel in its seduction. It's to use it as a chance to improve, to face it and not let it dominate our life. My master died and it hurt, I hated myself because of it. But I finally confronted the darkness of my guilt back on Dathomir, and I beat it. In the enclave I found darkness again, and while I didn't beat it, I didn't let it discourage me either. Maybe if you had learned that before landing on Dathomir, you might've been able to call yourself a jedi when I found you."
Malicos scowled, "You have no right to lecture me boy."
"I prefer the term Jedi Knight Kestis." Cal replied, amusement clear, "You really should address your superiors more formally; isn't that right Sith?"
His mocking had the desired effect.
Malicos slashed wildly at Cal, abandoning his skill for strength. Cal knew the darkside would further fuel Malicos' power, but he would start to loosen his form. Cal used his blade to interfere with several strikes while weaving around the rest before he slashed at Malicos. His lightsaber sliced into the shade's stomach and Malicos cried out in pain before leaping away, a dark line of sizzling flesh decorating his abdomen. He neglected to account for Merrin, who shot out a burst of green fire which blasted the shade farther away, adding to his pain. Malicos twisted in the air to land on his feet and — the dark side flaring around the shade — raised both of his hands above his head.
Several boulders ripping themselves free of the ground in accordance with the shade's manipulation of the force.
Malicos roared his anger and lowered his hands, boulders diving towards the two jedi from the air as he directed the force. Merrin formed flames in her free hand as Cal lifted his hands, both of them readying themselves against the barrage. He hurled the rocks at them, each one an attempt to kill them. Merrin fired spheres of magic as Cal lashed out of the force, the rocks crumbling into dust under the combined assault of the two working in unison. Cal didn't try to tear the rocks out of Malicos' grasp, it would only waste energy needlessly in grappling over control with the fallen shade. Cal lifted his hand and lashed out, destroying them with a lance of the force was a much more efficient and useful move.
But Cal was suddenly blinded by a wave of dust that came out of absolutely nowhere.
Malicos grinned as he leapt past Cal to engage Merrin, who brought her lightsaber up to block one of Malicos' lightsaber before twisting out of the way of a swipe with his second.
Cal made to rush Malicos when the force whirled and a storm of rust-colored clouds stopped him cold before blasting him off his feet and to land a few feet away. He was about to use the force to rip though the smoke when the force whispered to him that this must be done by Merrin herself. This battle is one that she need to do with her own presence, she needed to move past her fear as Cal had. Cal gritted his teeth, Merrin wasn't skilled enough to take Malicos in lightsaber combat alone, that was the whole reason he was helping her in this fight! He scowled before his face smoothed over and he dropped into a kneeling position, closing his eyes and manipulating the force to surge around him.
Maybe he couldn't help her by fighting alongside her in the vision, but he was going to help her one way or another.
'Merrin.' He whispered through the force, tracing the connection and his own feelings towards the night-sister, 'If you need power, take mine.'
And he channeled the force as he poured it through their connection, adapting the way he used the force to bolster his healing and instead enhancing Merrin's strength.
'Kick his ass Merrin.'