Marinette's POV

I spend the week in my room, bored. Adrien comes by during lunch to drop off my homework and hang out, and Cat is by at night, but nothing's really happened. There haven't even been any akumas. I mean, yeah, they're bad, but I'm so bored I would kill for one. My bruise is pretty much gone. My period ended, so I'll be back at school tomorrow. You know your life is sad when you're actually looking forward to school when no one likes you…

It's also been a week of both Cat Noir and Adrien teasing me, knowing I can't actually do anything about it. I'm so horny it's ridiculous. It's getting dark outside, and I've been waiting all day for Cat Noir to show up so I can finally get my revenge for his teasing. Adrien's will have to wait until tomorrow, unfortunately.

I'm lounging in some short-shorts and a sports bra that zips up in front, knowing it will bother him when he gets here. Before he can, though, I hear the tell-tale signs of an akuma.

"Are you kidding me?! You couldn't have come earlier this week when I had no plans and was bored to death?!"

I quickly call for my transformation before I head out, swinging towards the residential area. When I get there, I see a small figure with black stains on his cheeks. He's holding onto a photograph that has been ripped down the center, but still holds together at the bottom. I bet that's where the akuma is.

I hear Cat Noir land next to me and turn to him, fighting my arousal so I can focus on the akuma. I find an angry kitty staring back at me.

"Cat No-?"

"What are you doing out here?! After that hit you took last week, you should be resting!"

…what?

"I can't believe you would be so reckless!" He continues on, but I've had enough.

"Cat Noir, I don't know what has gotten into you, but knock it the fuck off! I am perfectly capable of handling an akuma for one thing. For another, you can't purify them! So, I have to be here!"

"No! You need to be resting so you feel better!"

"What the hell are you talking about?! I feel fine!" He's about to argue with me when I slam my lips on his, silencing him. When I finally pull away, I rest my forehead on his.

"Your concern is touching, but I'm fine. Now, we really need to handle this akuma because I, for one, am horny as fuck."

He growls. "Fine."

We turn back to the akuma to see what he's been doing. It looks like any couple who was walking down the street is now fighting, and anyone who seemed happy is now in tears.

"I think the akuma is in his picture, Kitty, but I'm still not sure what the motivation is."

"I'm assuming it has something to do with a relationship, based on how his powers work."

"Yeah, but he's too young to have been in one himself. He's, what, five? Six?"

We're interrupted from our musings by the child.

"Ladybug and Cat Noir! My name is Splitmaker. Give me your miraculouses or you'll be split up, too!"

"We aren't going to give them to you, and you won't be able to split us up." I say, placatingly. I'm hoping we can talk this one down instead of fighting, but it seems he has other plans, as he holds out the picture and fires at us. We dodge, but the unfortunate people who get hit in the crossfire begin to act like the others we saw.

"What's the plan?" Cat Noir calls to me.

"Well we obviously can't talk him down. Lucky Charm!" Toy miraculouses fall into my hands. "I'm not sure this will work. Akumas have fallen for this before. Surely, Hawkmoth would see through this…"

"We have to try, M'Lady."

I have Cat Noir hide, in case things go south. I walk up to the kid.

"Here. We don't want to fight."

"Where's Cat Noir?"

"He went home."

I hand the child the fake jewelry before I quickly snatch the photo from him and fully tear it in half.

"Oh, wow. That worked. Anyways, enough evil-doing for you, little akuma! Time to de-evil-ize!"

I capture the butterfly and call for the Miraculous Ladybug before I walk over to the little boy.

"Hey, buddy. Wanna tell me what happened?"

"My mommy and daddy said they don't want to be together anymore and are getting a divorce. They said they will share custody, but I don't know what that means."

I gather him into a hug.

"I am so sorry. But it isn't all bad. Were they fighting a lot?" He nods. "Well now, they won't have to fight as much. And shared custody means you'll have two homes. You'll get to live with both of them in different places. You'll get two Christmases and Easters and birthday presents."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Your parents may not love each other anymore, but they love you more than anything, and I'm sure they're worried about you. Do you know where you live?"

I take the boy home, and his parents thank me. Then, I call Cat Noir.

"Hey, Kitty. That surprisingly worked, so I'm going to head home, alright?"

"Yeah. I'm just going to head over to Marinette's for a bit."

"Oh! Okay! Bye!" I don't wait for his reply, quickly hanging up and racing home. I drop my transformation in my bedroom just as I hear the tapping on my balcony door.

Time for my revenge.