I started this at 1am last night, I'm not kidding. I didn't want to sleep until i finished it. And then halfway through i trashed it because i thought it was garbage. hahah but this is long, and I think so far, it's my favorite out of all the one-shots i've written.

Past Life - Maggie Rogers

"Teddy! Come on, you gotta stay with me."

The voice was fading. Everything was moving very slow. She was panicked and she doesn't really know what's happening. There are shapes and colors and noise. Voices. Definitely. She's panicking and she can't breathe. Okay, inhale…two… three… four… …. Exhale in four… thee.. two…. Teddy, you gotta pull yourself together, she thinks. She doesn't know why but she gotta.

"What do you mean we're lost?!" She asks, obviously panicked. The sun was about to set. It's still light out but it will definitely get dark very soon.

Allison just laughs, which infuriates Teddy to know end. "We're fine. We'll find our way out."

"It's not fine. It's getting dark and we're lost in the middle of Central Park"

"We're not lost. We're exploring."

"You just said we're lost!"

"Okay, but you need to relax. We're not lost." Allison smirks at her. "Okay you see that building?" She asks pointing at a building with two towers. "That's the San Remo. And the sun is also going that way which means that's the west side. Or it could be the El Dorado? Either way, that's the west side. So we just have to go that way."

Teddy groans loudly "I know that sun sets west BUT in case you haven't noticed, Allison, we're basically in the forest. It's not a straight shot west! I knew we shouldn't have strayed from the path."

"You're no fun."

"Wait." Teddy says "Wait. Wait. What's happening."

Allison pulls her and sits her on a bench. "Teddy."

"Allison. What—I'm confused."

"Okay, yes. I know. I know. So. Let me explain—"

"Why—why am I here? This is a dream? Right?"

Suddenly it's blurry again and it's echoey. Something was beeping. Some lights flashing into her eyes, blinding her for a second.

"Teddy. Listen to me" Allison takes her hands. "I know it's confusing. But.. do you remember when we got lost in Central Park?"

"Yeah—how could I forget? The guy on the boulder playing his harmonica. The San Remo."

Allison smiles warmly at her. "We just gave up and wandered aimlessly and we ended up on the east side."

"And we walked home all the way downtown and to the west side"

Allison laughs and nods.

"What's happening?" Teddy asks, serious all of a sudden

"I'm not sure but I don't like that you're here" She says.

"I'm not…de—"

"I don't think so."

"That night—" Teddy starts "That night we walked home. That's when I realized that you were my entire world. That you were my best friend."

"Me too."

"Something happened to me?" Teddy asks her. Allison just nods. "And this is a memory?" She shrugs.

"I don't know"

The beeping comes back again and Teddy feels woozy and confused. "Push another round of epi" she hears someone say and she frantically turns to Allison. Their hands gripping each other tightly.

They hear a harmonica playing in the distance and Teddy squeezes Allison's tighter.

Then there was a shock. A flash. And Allison was gone.

Tragedy always gathers people. People you don't realize care suddenly show up. They step up. It could be general empathy. Or sympathy. Either way, suddenly everyone is gathered in the waiting room. Owen is pacing. Tom is sitting in the opposite corner of the room, basically catatonic. Meredith and Webber and Bailey are sitting staring off. Other doctors, residents come in and out. Everyone is silent. Unsure of what to say.

"I can't just sit here. I'm gonna go check if there's anything I can do" Meredith gets up and leaves

Bailey goes up to Owen and asks if he needed anything. He just shakes his head.

"Okay, do you believe in spirit guides?"

Suddenly Allison is back in Teddy's side, which startles Teddy for a second. Teddy laughs at her question. She's still very confused but she's not going to dwell on it.

"Allison, you know me better than that."

"A lot of things has happened that don't make sense. You joined the army, for starters."

"Okay. No. I don't know what's happening. I don't believe in spirit guides"

"Fine. Well, they're usually with you all the time. They're from the 'other side' and I generally believe that we all have one. Some have a stronger energetic connection than others"

"I don't think I have one."

"Sure, but whatever 'limbo' we're in right now, I'll volunteer to be your guide."

"What do you mean 'limbo'"

"All I know is you're here. On my side. And I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to be here. Or maybe you are. We don't know. Hence, 'limbo'"

"How come my limbo is Central Park?"

"I did not pick your limbo."

Teddy is starting to panic again because she's really hoping this is just some bad dream "But of all the people I've lost how did I get you as my guide or whatever"

"I'm always watching. I just happened to be there." Allison beams "Why do you sound offended that you got me?"

"I was just asking questions. If you're always there watching, then will you tell me what happened to me?"

"What was the last thing you remember?"

"I don't know. I can't be here, Allison. I can't. I have kids. I have my daughter. I have.. an…. Owen…"

"You were in a car accident. Some car flew and t-boned you. T-boned you hard. Do you remember that?"

"No."

"You were alone in the car. The driver was drunk out of his wits"

"Okay, but I'm still alive?"

"Amelia and Maggie and Link are operating on you. Well, I may be watching but I still don't understand your medical jargon."

"I still don't understand why my limbo is Central Park, it just doesn't make sense" Teddy says as she climbs a boulder to sit on." She sighs "So if Amelia and Maggie are working on me then I guess something is wrong with my brain and my heart. Which is… true in more ways than one I guess. And Link so my bones, oh god I'm gonna be paralyzed aren't I? Oh god."

"Like I said, I didn't pick your limbo. Do you have particular attachments to this park?"

"Not really. Wait so if we're in Central Park how do you know what happened to me"

"Nothing makes sense on the other side. We can be wherever we want."

"How do we change locations"

"I don't know"

Teddy groans in frustration. "The kids weren't with me in the car?"

"No. They were with Owen."

"Good. That's good."

Teddy perks up when she hears faint beeping. She looks at Allison, her eyes asking if she can also hear it.

"The veil is thin… for you.. So you're still pretty close to your side."

"So what happens now?" Teddy asks

"We wait."

"For?"

"To see if they fix your brain and your heart. And if they do then you'll have decide."

"Decide what?"

"Whatever it is you need to decide."

Teddy sighs, exhausted "Can we walk west now? Towards the San Remo?"

She reaches out for Allison's hand. Allison takes it and they walk in silence.

Owen finally sits. He stares off. He's angry and tired. But mostly angry.

"Teddy is a fighter. She'll fight this." Miranda says. Owen just looks at her with his sad eyes. "She'll make it. You have to believe she'll make it."

"Did you know we haven't been speaking? For months now?"

"What?"

"We're figuring things out. And we haven't been together in a while. We live in the same house but we don't really.. talk"

"I knew you didn't get married but—"

"If I don't ever get to talk to her again… If we don't resolve this… I don't know. I'll never forgive myself" He can't help but look at Tom. He catches his eye, Tom just takes it as his cue to leave.

"What happened?"

"It doesn't matter now."

"She'll pull through"

"I ran into Claire"

"I know. I watch everything, remember?"

"Do you watch Claire?"

"Yes"

"So you've seen my baby girl?"

A wide smile spreads on Allison's face. "Yes. She's beautiful."

"She is. But her features are all Owen's"

"Yeah."

"I can't die."

"Well then, let's hope your fiancé's ex-wife doesn't gork you."

They reached the castle at Central Park and took in the view. "The San Remo!"

Allison just laughs "That's the El Dorado"

Teddy just groans "It doesn't matter anyway. Because this isn't real life. This is… limbo…"

"So… You and Owen…"

"Me and Owen. What about me and Owen?"

"I watch everything. I mean, everything minus the things I don't want to see."

"So then you know." Teddy said, kicking a small rock "Can you see him? Right now?"

"I can imagine he's a wreck."

"Is he?"

"I don't know"

They stay quiet. In the deep silence Teddy can hear beeping soft voices that don't belong to her and Allison.

"The guy who hit me?…"

"Dead on arrival."

"Lucky him."

"You don't mean that."

Teddy stays quiet, contemplating her state. This is all weird. This is all just a dream.

"She can't die, Miranda" Owen says tearfully "Not like this."

"Amelia and Maggie are the best."

Owen gets back up and paces and people came and went. Owen's mom eventually gets there. She sits and prays. Teddy's has been a daughter to her way before Teddy and Owen were a couple.

"Can I get you anything, Evelyn?"

She just looks at her kindly and says no thank you.

Owen keeps pacing. He doesn't like being in waiting rooms. He feels himself hyperventaling and he just hears her voice in his head. "Head between your knees, Major" So he sits down and puts his head between his knees.

"So, do you wanna talk about you and Owen now?" Allison pokes again as they walk down some path in Central Park towards the Bethesda fountain.

Teddy suddenly noticed sun never set, it was just perpetually dusk, which she finds extremely weird. She was going to say something about it but Allison will just say something like 'the other side is weird'.

"How do I know if it's time for me to go back to 'the other side'?"

"You'll know. So you loved him? For years."

"I still do."

"Then why?"

"Let me ask you this—when you were actively cheating on Claire, did you regret it? Did you love Claire any less?"

Allison just smirks at her. "I didn't love Claire any less. I just loved you more. Are you saying that was the case for you?"

"No, that's where we differ. I didn't love Tom more. I just… chose to do something I knew was wrong. It was a bad call. And he made me feel good and like I'm the only one that mattered, and that feeling is addictive. I have SO much love to give—that's not an excuse—And I love Owen, more than anything, but Tom made me feel loved too. There's a difference."

"And the feeling of being loved is addictive. Sure."

"It is. And Owen makes me feel loved, but that feeling scares me because he has so much baggage that I'm afraid everything will just crash and burn. Tom? Tom is easy. Tom is uncomplicated."

"But you choose Owen"

"Because it's always been Owen. But… Owen doesn't always choose me. And Owen won't even talk to me, so it really doesn't matter. I'll be alone anyway."

Teddy also noticed that there is no one else in the park. It was just the two of them. No normal humans, no whatever from the 'other side'—she's not sure what to call them. Spirits? Souls?

She leans against the fountain and takes it all in. This is so weird.

Allison doesn't say anything. She just sits on the ledge of the fountain and stares off.

"That's if I don't die. Which is apparently a thing now." Teddy adds. Allison just looks at her and smiles. "Do you see other…uh…spirits?"

"Usually, but we're in your limbo. Not mine."

"I can't die, Allison. There's still so much I want to do. So much I want to teach my daughter. I have the whole world to show my daughter. I can't. I can't do this. You have to guide me back or whatever it is you're doing."

"We can't do anything right now. We just have to hang out" Allison hops off the fountain and take Teddy's hand. "Come on, let's pace."

"I want to go back. I want to hold my daughter and Leo and.. I swear if this is just a dream I need to wake up, like now." She tells Allison as they walk down the mall. The street lamps. The benches. The leaves on the ground. "Allison. I need to go back. I need to wake up."

"It's really not up to me."

Teddy walks up to a bench and pulls her legs into her chest and hits forehead onto her knees.

"I know you believe in this past life, afterlife, karma, nirvana, whatever—Is this.. Karma? For what I did? Is this me repaying my debts? I had to be hit by a car and now my life is on Owen's ex-wife's hands? Really?"

"Well, Tom tried but—"

"But he couldn't" Allison just nods in response. "Tom really loved me. He loved me more than I could ever love him or give him. And I should've just...not done that."

"Yeah, well. That's that."

"Yeah." She sighs. "I want to hold my daughter. I want to wake up. This is... torture." She feels herself panicking.

Allison just gives her a soft smile and gives her arm a reassuring squeeze.

"I called Megan. She's flying in tomorrow" Evelyn tells Owen. He nods in response. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know. I need Teddy to be okay."

"She will be."

"I can't lose her. Allison, Leo… They can't."

"How bad was it?" Evelyn asks as she rubs her son's back, trying to comfort him.

"Bad. It was touch and go for a little. They had to stabilize her before they could operate." He sighs "I can't lose her, mom. There's still so much more to say"

"It will be okay, Owen. You'll get to say whatever it is you want to say."

"What would you do first?" Allison asks as she paces in front of Teddy, who was curled up on a bench panicking "Like when you wake up."

"If I wake up…"

"Can we please sprinkle some positivity? Do you wanna wake up or not?"

"I do!"

"So what would you do first"

"Hold my children. Tell Owen I love him. Change my life. Change my ways. Believe in crap I can't explain with science"

Allison just laughs.

"Allison. You have to distract me. I can't do this… I'm losing my fucking mind"

"Okay, okay." She says as she crouches between Teddy's legs "Teddy, listen to me. Everyone is doing everything they can right now. Link is fixing your bones so you can stand up for yourself and be a stronger person than you already are. You're strong, very strong. But lately…. It's been… questionable" She starts and winks when Teddy finally looks at her in the eye. "Maggie is fixing your heart because it's weak and I know you're an expert on hearts, but yours need a little help. And when it's fixed, you have to put it to good use. You have to trust it to make your choices, you have to listen to what it says, you have to understand it and meditate on what she's saying when you're scared because she holds all the answers. And Amelia? Amelia likes you so she's going to make sure your brain and your spine heal, and when it heals, you have to use it to process what your heart is saying. Not use it to argue with your heart or override what your heart is saying. Just use it to process. And your spine? You'll use it to stand up for yourself. And you will stand strong and hold your ground, Teddy Altman, because you have a good thing going."

Teddy blinks her tears away and Allison wipes them from her cheeks.

"This isn't karma. This is an awakening. You made lousy choices, Altman, because you keep letting fear get in the way of your foundation, your instinct, your gut, your intellect." Allison holds Teddy's face and kisses her forehead. "WHEN you go back there, you have to fight to be stronger. Everything else will figure itself out, but you have to believe in yourself that you can do it. Now come on. Let's go for a walk."

She pulls Teddy up and they keep walking down the Central Park mall. Teddy looks ahead and she sees a bright light, the beeping noises are back, the muffled voices. She holds Allison's hand tighter.

Owen jumps up when he sees Amelia approaching. Maggie and Link following behind her.

Amelia gives him a smile. And Owen finally releases the breath he's been holding for hours. "She's in the ICU. She's stable right now. She's still intubated. It looks good. It was pretty smooth sailing, but you know recovery's going to be…not easy."

"I know."

"She's not awake yet, but I can take you to her…"

"Amelia, thank you." He says pulling her into a really tight hug.

"Is that light to… heaven or… back to earth or whatever"

"I don't know."

"It feels really warm. Are you warm?"

"No."

Teddy holds onto Allison's hand tighter. "I want to go back but, I'm not ready to say goodbye to you yet." She says, as the sound of the beeping gets louder. The voices get clearer. She feels sensation on her arms and head. Something she realized she hasn't been feeling this entire time.

"Hey, I'm always with you. Now go back to that side and hold your Allison."

Teddy clasps her hand tighter, shaking her head.

"I think Central Park was your limbo because it's always been our spot. The mall. The fountain. The castle. Getting lost in the Ramble. Picnics in the lawn. You never really had closure. And maybe you wanted to go back somewhere back in time when everything was easy and carefree and your biggest problem was getting out of the Ramble before sundown. Things are hard, Teddy, but there's a reason you have to be on that side. It's not over. You just need to be shaken up a little."

"Tell me this isn't a dream, that this side exists."

Allison lets go of her hand and shoves her to go ahead. "I'm gonna leave that up to you. Now go." She says, blowing Teddy a kiss.

Teddy walks on, she looks back and waves goodbye for the last time. Allison watches her walking until she can't see anymore.

Owen stands by her bedside, petting her good arm, holding her limp hand. She twitches when Owen squeezes her hand. Owen perks up when he feels her move. He caresses her face and she slowly opens her eyes.

"Teddy."

She blinks and stares into his.

"Hey. You're back. Welcome back." He leans over and kisses her on the forehead.

hi. i love you. tell me what you think. lol