Hi babes. :) *screams to the void* i miss towen so much. that is all thank you.

I really don't know how this came about. I was writing a completely different fic. It was Teddy and season 16 angst and I,... ended up with this LOL. anyways, I hope you guys enjoy.

Disorder - Joy Division

He watches her from afar. The new surgeon. Teddy Altman, or whatever. They shared an OR today and he felt something again. He was woken from whatever catatonic state he's been in. He craved a feeling he can't articulate. It's not love, or at least he doesn't think so. He has Beth after all. But there was something about this bossy, tall blonde that makes him want something. The truth is he doesn't really know what he wants these days. He's just going around doing what he thinks he's supposed to do. One of them is marry Beth. He loves Beth. He misses Beth, he thoughts to himself.

But this Teddy Altman. Skilled. Bossy. Beautiful. Funny. Has a temper. A fiery one that Owen can only equate to passion. He used to have that kind of passion, he remembers those days. But here, in the middle of the desert, the line between passion and necessity gets blurred. They do the things they do to survive. He thinks there's some passion in there, for most people it's probably pure passion, but for him, he just needs to do it. It's his job to do it. He wonders if his passion is still there. But Teddy Altman? She's… she sparked something in him. This little fire now burns in him. That's not love, or a crush. It feels, to him, that there's a little fire in him all of a sudden that's making him want to do more. To be more. He wants to surround himself with people who make him feel like that.

He's more than the uptight asshole who yells commands at his troops. He… has a heart. He has… humor? and… He can be their friend too. All of a sudden he doesn't want to be just barking orders. He wants to lead. He thinks of himself as a good leader, but now he wonders if he's a good leader or he's good at giving orders. There is a difference.

Teddy Altman makes him think of things like this and he's getting antsy. He needs to know more about this person. He wants to always have this person. Not for his own gain, but, she just makes him a better person.

He looks away when she turns and catches his eye. He knows he already made it awkward so he looks back at her and smiles. She smiles back. That smile. Owen's heart skips a beat. No one really smiles at him like that.

"Hey" She says as she approaches him and sits on the spot next to him. "Great job in there"

"You too. You were.. great."

"Thanks." She stares at him a little longer and looks away. He notices but he doesn't say anything.

"Do you play soccer?" He doesn't know where that question came from but it just stumbles out of his mouth. He glances at her with a playful smile. She just nods enthusiastically.

He eventually learns that his new friend—yes, he's taken the liberty to call her his friend—Teddy Altman is fun. In the few weeks they've worked today, he learns that Teddy Altman is lot more fun than any women he's ever been friends with. Beth is…great in her own way and funny and demure. But Teddy? Teddy kicks balls with him. She plays poker with the guys. She drinks beer. Yes, she drinks beer. She's a different kind of fun. She makes him laugh. She has a dark sense of humor, and she has a potty mouth. And she is unapologetic. He feels that he can let loose around her. That some nights they can drink and have fun and laugh and joke. They jokingly call each other names and they are the true definition of friends. In a few weeks, he's felt comfortable with this person that waltzed into his life.

Since that day at the OR, they have become inseparable. They spend waking moments together working or joking around or talking, learning a shorthand, building a relationship, or a friendship. He feels fine and good talking to her about anything—things he wouldn't even think about telling Beth. Teddy makes him feel other things besides complacency. Teddy is complicated, and fun, and grieving. And he always wants to be there for her. He wants to wipe her tears and take away her fears and diffuse her anger when her temper gets the best of her. He found his best friend. He gets that now. He never felt like this with anyone.

Then he starts to wonder if these are romantic feelings. She never gave him anything. She never made a pass. She never flirted like how other girls flirted. And there's Allison. There were a lot of nights where she cried to him about Allison. Telling him stories. Telling him her feelings for her, about her, about the whole situation. He asked her once if Allison was her girlfriend. She said "no, no. She's my best friend. She's my very best friend". Teddy never gave him anything and he thinks it's because all her love and feelings have always been reserved for Allison. And that's fine, that's totally fine because he has Beth. He loves Beth. He misses Beth.

So he's there for Teddy when she needs him. And she's there for him when he needs her.

And he thinks he's starting to feel things for her. The feelings he can't articulate are starting to become real words like 'care' and 'love'. But he wouldn't go as far as being 'in love' because he's not there yet, because he will never get there because he has Beth. And he loves Beth.

He wonders why he has the need to remind himself of Beth every day. Is it because maybe he loved Teddy more. Is it because he cares about Teddy more.

All he knows is he always want to be around Teddy. His days are better when she's around. He feels lighter. He can actually say there is some semblance of light in him.

He often wondered if she felt the same about him, but that is not a conversation they're going to have because it doesn't matter anyway. He's engaged to Beth. And Teddy? Teddy is… in a web of confused feelings about someone else. She is still grieving. She is angry. All he can do is be there for her. And they can't talk about it because that's the easier way. Because that's the right way. Because that's the uncomplicated way. Because not talking about it is better than making it weird and not having her by his side.

So now he's going to sit next to her and sip their cold beer in the heat of the dessert. And they're going to talk about anything else. He glances at her and she's looking ahead at the sand that goes as far as the eye can see and he imagines that she's thinking about Allison. About her own trauma. About her loss. Or about the limbs they've sown together and lives they've changed. He imagines that she is thinking about the choices she's made to make a difference. To put her anger elsewhere. To serve her country, that is hurting just like her.

"Favorite band?" He asks, disrupting whatever deep thought she was spiraling in. He figured she needed the distraction. He notices when she gets quiet and her eyes get a little dim.

"Oh, I don't know. I can't pick just one. That's not fair."

"Okay favorite band this week."

"Duran Duran?" Teddy says half-heartedly with a shrug.

Owen guffaws. "I thought you were much cooler than that"

Then just like that the light is back in her eyes, Owen notices immediately. She laughs just as hard as Owen "You said this week! I've had Come Undone stuck in my head all week. I don't know if this ever happens to you but sometimes there's a song playing in your head on loop and it's—"

"That doesn't happen to me."

"At all?"

"At all."

"You're so weird" She says in jest.

"I'm weird? You're the one who has songs in their head while they move through the world."

"It's like a soundtrack" Teddy says laughing "You make me feel not normal. Like last week? Remember that shooting, you know when we were going through soldiers after soldiers and it was pandemonium?"

"Yeah."

"Blitzkrieg Bop. The entire time." Teddy says with a laugh "The 'hey ho let's go' really got me through most of that" She takes a sip of her beer presses the bottle against her cheek.

Owen finds everything endearing about her. The way a tendril of hair falls from her bun. Him doing his best not to tuck it behind her ear.

They lock eyes and for a split second he thinks about leaning for a kiss, but she looks away. He just decides she doesn't feel the same way about him and he looks ahead again. Far ahead. Where the sky meets the sand.

"Favorite movie?" She asks, also looking ahead. Taking in the view. The underrated beauty of endless sand and sky and space.

"I don't know. I don't think I have one."

"You are strange, Owen Hunt. What about book? I bet you're a John Grisham guy." She teases

"What's wrong with John Grisham?"

He laughs when she rolls her eyes in response.

"So tell me more about Beth" She says. His heart skips at the pivot in conversation.

They've talked about her before. The basics. Or when he complains to her. But he never brings her up to Teddy because of the maybe-feelings he's feeling for her. Or maybe because he just doesn't think about Beth when Teddy is around.

"What about her?"

"Does she like music, movies, books?"

"I don't…. Know?" He says. He wonders if he even asked Beth these questions. Beth IS an important person him and all of a sudden he doesn't remember anything about her. His mind is blank when Beth is brought up. Just… blank "What about Allison?" He asks instead

Teddy just smiles "She's definitely the Annie Lenox, Stevie Nicks type. The old movies from the 40s type. The Audre Lorde type."

Owen doesn't know what that type exactly means but at this moment he knows for sure that Teddy is in love with her best friend, and not him. So the hopes he had raised of kissing this badass, skilled GI Jane has come crashing down on him, which is probably for the best because there's Beth. He has Beth.

But he has to put all that aside because he and Teddy? They're going to be best friends. He has to accept that that's just that for them. Because eventually he go home and he will be married to Beth. And he has his best friend by his side for forever, hopefully. He doesn't know what the next few years hold for him and Teddy, but for now he's glad they're friends.

hi! thoughts about this one? prompts for future ones? requests? (yes i am needy lolol)(ty love you)