Summary: Full of anger and regret, dying in the sea of fire and blood, the glorious Violet Spider opened her eyes to find herself back in the time before everything transpired!
What would happen now that she is given the chance to relive her life and how would her decisions change the future of not only hers, but the people around her?
But why is it that everyone's not acting as she remembered?! Why are you all looking like that? Don't blush while looking at me! And why are you talking to me so frequently?! This doesn't make sense!
.
Or the story where everybody falls for Yu ZiYuan because she is a freaking Queen!
└(ω。)┐-=≡- ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ)
Author's Notes: This is the story I continued while on lockdown instead of updating the first fanfic that I should be working on hehe sorry
I think Yu ZiYuan is one of the best characters to have a rebirth story like the ones frequenting webtoons and manhua :3
Once again, English is not my first language so please excuse any grammar mistakes. Also, I am but an amateur writer so don't expect anything great from this lol
I had to create the names of many characters because they weren't mentioned in the original work, just in case I renamed a character when they actually have a birth name, please let me know so I can correct them (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o))) Also, I find it fun to incorporate monster and Sect names from the other novels I've read so you can try to guess where those are from. I absolutely have no idea if I got the timeline correct and the mentions of dates or years are all made-up :3
If people can write fanfictions where Jiang Cheng has an effing fan club, I don't see why I can't do the same for my dear Madame Yu - my way of course (灬 ω 灬)
Feedback and constructive criticism are very much welcome. Let's see how we'll go from here ^_^
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Lotus of Yunmeng
September 9, 2019
Chapter 01
The Awakening
"Mom, Father isn't back yet. If anything happens can't we manage through it together first?!"
"So what if he's not coming back? Can't I do anything without him?!"
The rage in her heart has never settled. After almost two decades of being mistress of a household that never warmly welcomed her, she now finds herself defending it from the shameless mongrels that bared its greedy teeth against it, using that very same anger to fuel her every move. Settling her nerves knowing that her son and daughter might yet survive the ordeal, with an angry roar at the bastard who killed her maids who had been with her since before she turned ten years old, ignoring the throbbing wound on her shoulder, she expertly and gracefully hacked at the insignificant bugs who came after her and went for Wen ZhuLiu, that pretentious swine. Deep within her, she knew that she'll most likely meet her end here but she didn't care, however, she'll be damned if she didn't take as much of these dogs with her in hell.
While ashes and fire painted the scenery around her a vivid color of blood, in her mind's eye appeared the sudden image of the husband who never truly looked at her. Her heart immediately filled with joy and helplessness, fury and sorrow, and an emotion she thought she long buried and refused to name. You fool, you utter fool. Even after all this time, why don't you just let go?! She viciously berated herself.
She felt her violet eyes sting with tears and she wanted to scream at herself. Such stupid sentiments at such a time could very well get her killed! She just yelled at that man this morning that they would never meet again. How ironic that it truly should happen.
Good! That way, the words that wanted to spill from her should never see the light of day and shame her. She looks pathetic enough as it is, being the wife of a sect leader who never wanted her. The things she never meant to say hurled instead of the sorry sentimentalities wanting to burst from inside of her should be enough for the both of them. She hopes that he'll never come back! She doesn't want to see that irritatingly calm face with that smile he never directed at her. She would have wanted to scream at him one last time to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. Stay away! Never return! You coward of a man! You hide with your son and daughter!
Survive.
She sharply parried a thrust by a Wen disciple and send the dog to the afterlife but this gave her a blind spot and before she knew it, that lap dog Wen ZhuLiu is about to hit her heart head on. This is it. At the last moment, a glare of a sword shone in their direction and forced Core-Melting Hand several steps back, missing a few accurate shots. She just escaped death but her blood turned ice cold, dread filling her, she would never mistake that sword glare.
No.
"My lady!"
No!
Jiang FengMian appeared from the smokes clouding the night sky, covering the stars, his usually composed countenance twisted with both worry and displeasure. He landed beside her and she knows her face clearly shows her disbelief and irritation, she felt another bout of tear incoming and it made her temper rise even more.
Whatever he might have wanted to say next was drowned by her scream, "WHY ARE YOU HERE?! YOU COMPLETE BUFFOON! YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE COME!"
Shock completely suffused the man's face and she would have laughed in derision at finally making him show an expression aside from placid indifference and repressed exasperation if not for the distress causing her heart to hammer in her breast.
As expected of her husband's self-possession, he recovered from her outburst after merely seconds and sighed in what she could call relief, "It's good to see that you're well, my lady."
She could feel the veins in her neck stretch and she thought she would vomit blood in her vexation. She would have screeched some more when one hand caressed her injured shoulder, jolting her in place, and the concerned frown on that handsome face returned, "You're injured." Jiang FengMian whispered, nettled. Blue-grey eyes, now scarlet from reflecting the licking fire surrounding them, stared straight into her red-violet ones with unmistakable remorse, "Forgive me for leaving you to handle such a situation all by yourself."
Surprise pumped in her blood and she could feel those pitifully quelled and unanswered emotions that was solely for this man reappear from beneath the surface of her heart and once again, that infernal mix of vexation and powerlessness well up to eat her alive and this time a trace of liquid managed to betray her by slipping pass one eye. She couldn't help but whisper, "Why—"
Seeing her moment of weakness, something rather mysterious passed by light orbs and it seemed like Jiang FengMian was about to say something when the rain of dust showering them shifted and they had to separate as that low life of a Wen ZhuLiu tried to sneak up on them with an attack from above.
Desperation began to claw at her and she mercilessly crushed it to the ground even as squads of disciples in that horrid red and white sect uniform began to arrive in their position in hordes. After maneuvering skillfully to avoid attacks, she found herself leaning on a broad back and felt Jiang FengMian's heat radiating through her soiled robes. Before her is the image of countless lifeless disciples in purple robes stained with crimson and the glorious place she called home engulfed in sea of savage flames and despite the walls she built around her heart, she can't help the cold hand that ruthlessly gripped it. But not because of the things she already lost which is now literally scattered at her feet but for her inability to save the warmth that is behind her.
Curses be upon you, you damn Wens.
A large hand firmly clasped her tightly fisted ones from behind and gave it a squeeze once, making her heart tremble again. Words that were restrained in her chest for years and years jumbled up her throat, despairing and wanting to be heard. But what for? So she could feel her failure even more? Don't take her for a fool!
"My lady, I—"
Choking but refusing to relent she cut him off, "Don't be distracted, Jiang FengMian." She gritted as she glared at the insufferable maggots in front of her, "If you have something to say, say it after we're done here."
She froze when the fingers clutching her hands wormed their way to intertwine with hers. She hesitated but then gave in to weakness and unyieldingly held on as she heard her husband's calm reply, "Very well," she thought she could hear the small, rather helpless smile on his face, "My lady."
Reluctantly letting go, they broke into the fray and fought as befitting of masters of Lotus Pier. She lost count of how many she slayed or of how many wounds she had to endure but as Wen ZhuLiu joined the battle and the end became apparent, she struggled to look at that face belonging to the man she never meant to care for. The man who refused countless proposals from her sect until he no longer could. He's just the man who lifted her red veil. The man who fathered her children. The man whose back she got used to seeing walk away from her.
And yet, as blades and spiritual energy began to pierce her, tears and death blurring her vision, she desperately tried to locate him from the locusts that surrounded him, her mind conjuring up that image of him offering a jade pin to her for the first time, an unsure expression on his youthful face. She dismissed him then but had she been a bit more honest…
As wide red-violet eyes stared straight into blue-grey orbs, her last thought was next time I will…
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A gasp sounded out and red-violet orbs flew open in shock, Yu ZiYuan rolled to her sides, hand flying to grip the fabric over the unholy beating of her heart. Despite the cold that seeped through her veins, her whole body felt light and comfortable, like she should after a good night's rest. It took her several minutes of panting before she even tried to register her surroundings.
White silk draping embraced her lying form and she couldn't understand for a moment why the room feels familiar and alien at the same time. She was about to draw the snowy curtains when two young women carefully entered the room. From the shadows she could make up, they seem to be carrying things which they quietly put on a small table not too far from the bed before both proceeded to kneel before her bed.
"Mistress, you're awake. Would you like to get up now?" the room might be confusing her but she would never mistake that voice for anything and Yu ZiYuan felt an electric jolt of surprise and disbelief ran down her spine at the youthful but still unmistakable voice of one of her trust-worthy maids, Yinzhu.
She immediately grabbed the hangings separating her from the two and violently swung it aside to the shock of the two attendants.
"You two!" she rather aggressively albeit tremulously started, "You're here!" her heart begun to dance painfully in her chest once more at this unexplainable event. She's so sure she just saw the both of them die one after the other just about an hour ago!
After fighting with angry tears at the recollection, she finally registered how young the two of them look, "Why, why do you look like this?"
"'Like this' Mistress?" Jinzhu asked with a slight tilt of her head, obviously baffled at her question.
"Are you alright?" Yinzhu added with a look of concern.
"You look bewildered. Have you had a nightmare?"
"You're sweating so badly! Please let us assist you now in your morning preparation."
She couldn't understand why they're looking at her as though she's the one being strange. She doesn't understand the situation at all. She was about to snap at them once more when a masculine voice from a distant memory intruded in her mind which made her soul settle but heart race.
'My Lady, that's the very reason why I asked you to not impatiently charge into anything without fully knowing the circumstances.'
Taking the unwanted advice now, she dismissed the conversation and let herself be led from her bed to the dresser looking around her and confirming that she's currently in her old room in Meishan Yu, an inkling finally forming in her consciousness.
When she saw her reflection, it took all her composure not to scream in distress; goosebumps appearing all over her skin, her breath catching in her throat.
Bright and sharp red-violet eyes looked back at her, the youthful lady on the mirror copied her movements when she raised a hand to touch the pale skin of her right cheek.
"Yinzhu, what is the date today?" she numbly asked, hoping her voice wasn't quaking too badly, feeling her head reeling at what she's seeing.
"8th day of the 3rd month." came the ready answer.
"The year?" she continued, a little impatiently.
"The 29th year of Jianshi."
She froze. It can't be. She couldn't believe it before but it's now apparent, she has turned 14 once more. She came back 27 years.
Did time turn back? Or was it all a dream? Or is this the dream?
She looked at her hands, smaller than what she's used to. She could still remember the firm hand that she last held before waking up. That didn't feel like a mere dream. Not that warmth. Not that pain. Not that sorrow. And definitely not that anger.
She felt herself tremble, clasping both her hands to her stomach, welcoming the pain of the quivering grip. For good measure, she clawed one hand over the other, feeling the slightly long nails dig sharply and hurt the soft, white flesh, confirming her current reality.
Is this her second chance?
She swallowed down the hysteria she could feel creeping up from the pit of her guts and when she felt tears stream down her face, she harshly wiped them, ignoring the worried glances of her maids. She's the Violet Spider, the mistress of Lotus Pier, a mother of two, how could she let herself breakdown like this? Get a hold of yourself!
Are the heavens playing with her? Is this her punishment? Or might this be her reward?
What should she do with this?
Stop the Wens?
Kill that damnable Wen Ruohan?
A certain calm and genteel face surfaced before her eyes as thought the tall man is standing before her again with that smile that was never for her and a bigger turmoil burdened her core.
'My Lady.'
Jiang FengMian.
Even just remembering his name hurts.
That stupid fool!
She was unable to save him then.
Could she make her marriage work this time?
There were chances in the early parts of their union that she had wish she could change. Maybe learning to be more demure could help her or maybe this time—
What is she saying?
Why am I so stupid? came the derisive thought. Even the gods turned back her time to before everything started but she's still being so selfish as to chase after something that was never hers to begin with.
She felt her lips turn up slightly, unknowing of how sad and painful the slight smile looked on her beautiful face.
Maybe, she should save him now.
From his marriage to her at least.
Her father is yet to offer the engagement. That happened when she was 15. They got engaged when she was 16. They married when she was 17 and he was 21.
It's not too late.
This time…
This time, she should let him go.
Ahh, but…
A-Li
A-Cheng
Her only treasures - the only ones who made it bearable.
But you made them suffer as well, a voice whispered viciously inside her head and she furrowed her brows as a different kind of pain filled her chest. Remembering what she did to her son out of desperation and frustration.
She should have treated that child better. Her one and only son. Her A-Cheng. She suddenly recalled how he had the habit of holding on to her robes as a child and tug in that adorable way to get her attention.
She should have loved him better.
Without meaning to, a pitiful laugh escape her as wet trails finally escaped her dark orbs.
How foolish! Now you want to be a good mother! They're no longer here! And you won't get the chance to hold him again! If you have anything like mercy, you won't subject him to such a life again!
The image of his crying son as she embraced him one last time and the smiling face of her daughter as she saluted her before departing days before that pierced her chest and before she knows it, she was uncharacteristically crying silently with regret. She doesn't even know if they survived in the end.
Her maids exclaimed in alarm at seeing their steadfast young lady overcome with misery.
"Mistress! What's the matter?"
"Mistress, don't cry! Oh, are you ill anywhere?"
It took her a long time to cease her tears, soundless though they may be, as though finally releasing them when she only coped by raging with anger before.
When she stopped finally, her eyes filled with life and light again. Determination swam there and so did loneliness, she dared admit, but she didn't care. It's not as if she never learned to live with it in her first life. She lived through much already. This won't stop her.
Her breath steadily becoming firm, as she drew that last shaky inhale, she furrowed her eyebrows but forced a little, slightly mocking, smile.
A new life.
She looked at the man in purple in front of her. In front of her heart at least for she's perfectly aware that she never entered his sight. She tipped her chin out as though in challenge against the phantom.
I'll live without you now.
Ignoring the subtle twitch of her lips, forcing her goodbyes out of her chest, taunting her eyes to water once more as the smiling man quietly disintegrates before her, she never would have thought it's possible to break your heart multiple times over one man.
I should be without you now.
Goodbye…
…husband.