A/N: wow, it's been a minute, huh guys. Well, I'm back. The good news is I got this chapter finished and obviously it's posted. The bad news is I go back to school tomorrow, so I have no clue when I'll be able to pump out another chapter. I meant to post this on the day I wrote it, actually before Christmas and then pump out another couple chapters.

Obviously, that didn't happen. I'm doing my best to get these chapters out, but I have a social life as well as school as a priority. I am in college, which is a totally different ballgame than high school, I've been in community college for almost 7 years and I'll be 25 on my next birthday (which is next month), needless to say I am trying to graduate and transfer this year. I will get the next chapter out when I can.

The next time I will have a break is spring break. I will try and get at least one chapter then, if I can I will try and get another out before then, but I make no promises. The silver lining is I am taking summer off seeing as this fall will be my last semester. So, I will likely finish the story this summer. Thank you to those of you who have been baring with me on getting these chapters out and I'm so glad you guys are enjoying the story.

Without further ado I give you…

Chapter 12: Not meant to be

"I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt to lose something you never really had"

~ The Wonder Years

Overlooker's POV

It was three days before Christmas, and Joe Masters was at his wit's end with all of it. He just wasn't feeling the holiday spirit this year. He and Paulina were on the rocks, and he was drinking more and more. It seemed she was working long hours, more so than usual. Their beautiful condo was beginning to feel less and less like home these days.

Joe needed to feel something other than this emptiness that seemed to surround him these days. He was lonely. He was hurting and feeling guilty about killing Larney and ruining her and Damaris's happy life. They were humble ice cream parlor owners with a family. They had found what few people ever find; happiness. Now all that they had once had had been reduced to ash. They had to trade in their happy, humble life for a life on the lamb, always looking over their shoulders, never really being able to breathe.

He had single-handedly ruined them, and he didn't know if he could forgive himself for that. Maybe drinking and being distant with Paulina was his way of punishing himself. His burden had become his conscience that he had now been reminded that he had, and once you remember something like that. It's tough to forget.

The truth is he was lost; he was torn and was always on edge.

He didn't know who to turn to, and the worst part of it was he couldn't turn to Paulina, his current girlfriend and one of the great loves of his life. The truth of the matter was Paulina was in the dark about Joe and his father's dealings (or so he thought) Joe wasn't ready to come clean to her, but he needed to talk to someone lest he go insane.

So he settled for the other great love of his life, the one who got away, Sam Manson. After their last meeting, he never expected to end up calling her, and Sam certainly never expected to hear from him, but when he had called, Sam couldn't come fast enough. She didn't know what made her come at the drop of a dime.

I mean, she hadn't really had much contact with him after high school despite how close they had been at one time; that seemed like ancient history now. However, a part of her would always love him. Of course, not in the way she once had, but they had a bond to a certain extent. She understood him, and she would always have love for him.

Soon enough, Sam found herself pulling up in a parking spot at his condo's parking structure. Numbly she got out and began to walk the next thing she knew she was at his door. She didn't knock right away. He had been somewhat cryptic over the phone, and she was concerned about what he may want.

Still, she knew he sounded desperate, like he needed someone, and even though she had made it her mission to take his father and, by default, him down, she knew she needed to be there for him.

So she knocked and waited for him to open the door. Once he did, he said nothing but opened the door and ushered her in. she sat down on the couch, and for a few moments, neither of them said anything.

Finally, Joe broke the awkward silence. "Anything to drink?" Joe asked, clearing his throat. Sam shook her head as much as she could use the drink. She figured this would go far better sober. "I'm not here to have a drink with you, Joe. I'm here because you wanted to talk. So talk." Sam said, slightly more stern than she wanted it to sound. It just came out that way though she didn't know why.

Joe sighed and said, " very well, but I'll be having some scotch. You can let me know if you change your mind." finished Joe as he poured his scotch and sat down next to Sam on the couch. It was Sam's turn to sigh now. "Joe, why have you called me here? I mean, thought after our last meeting, you wouldn't want to see me." Sam stated sternly though this time she meant it to be stern. She wanted to get her point across. She wasn't one for small talk.

She was blunt and focused and preferred to get right down to the nitty-gritty. Joe took a sip of his drink and nodded. He knew she was right. To be quite frank Joe didn't care much for small talk either. "I called you here because, believe it or not; I needed a… a friend." Joe sobered, not meeting Sam's eyes. Sam's face softened. She truly felt for him.

"What's wrong, Joe?" she said, trying to sound comforting. Joe took in the soothing sound of Sam's voice. It'd been a while since she heard him speak to him in that manner. Sometimes he missed her. He missed the moments between them that were electric when they were so in sync that sometimes they didn't need words. They could just lay together and just be. Other times they'd have the most heartfelt deep conversations.

Though it was ancient history, he had loved her. Now it hurt that in polite society, they weren't allowed to have quiet moments like this anymore. He was with Paulina, and she hadn't really gotten with anyone else, but she'd long since closed the door on her and Joe being endgame. Still, Joe figured, he still needed her. Not in the way he once had, but like he said, he needed a friend, and there was no reason why they couldn't be friends if not lovers.

"What isn't wrong, Sam? I'm just so lost. I'm so torn about all of it. Paulina doesn't know what my father and I are really doing at Vlad Co., and if I told her, it'd be the final nail in the coffin of our relationship." Joe said as he poured another glass of his scotch and began sipping it. "Joe first off, you shouldn't even be talking about this with me. You should try actually talking to Paulina instead of drinking and wallowing in your own shit. Second of all, give Paulina some credit. She isn't who she was in high school, and all she wants is for you to be honest with her." Sam said partially harsh but partially in a way that was almost walking on eggshells. She didn't like the idea of a drunk pissed off Joe Masters.

"Oh yeah, like it's easy, I just walk up to Paulina after a long day at work and say, hey baby, sorry I've been distant it's because my fucking father is a sociopath who has an experimentation lab where he cuts people and ghost open all day, oh, and sometimes he orders me to kill people, and I do it. Yeah, that'll go over well." Joe said with a sardonic laugh at the end. The beginnings of tears were forming in his eyes at the thought of coming clean from Paulina.

Though Sam pitied him, she wasn't about to go easy on him. It was her M.O. at all. He either called her because he was desperate or because he needed a kick in the ass, and who was she to deny him of that. She was thorough walking on eggshells.

"Joe, do you think you're dealing with a fool here? Paulina is an intelligent fashion journalist. Let me tell you something about women Joe, we always know something is up, and we're just waiting on the men in our lives to tell us. It's better you tell her than she finds out on her own. Now I'm not going to mince words. She may be done with you either way, but you owe it to her and yourself to at least be honest with her." said Sam sternly. This seemed to anger Joe quite a bit. He downed the rest of his scotch.

For a moment, he said nothing, but then it was like he flipped a switch. It all happened so fast. His eyes became bestial. He threw the empty glass across the room. And it shattered against the wall. He didn't through it at Sam, but still it frightened her, she flinched. "There are only two people outside of my family that I've ever felt anything for. That's you and Paulina. I lost you a long time ago. Paulina is all I have left; if I lose her, I'll lose the only part of me that feels anything at all. My father is a monster, Sam and I know that, but I shouldn't have to spend my life paying for his sins." Joe said, trying to sober himself after throwing the glass. Sam just looked at him and shook her head.

She was still too shaken up to say anything. There was silence as Joe waited for her rebuttal. Finally, she gathered her bearings and spoke. "Joe I want you to know that I didn't leave because I didn't love you. I left because I knew you had killed people, and I knew you had liked it, and I couldn't lie next to someone like that and expect to sleep. So maybe I didn't love you enough, or maybe I just loved me more. Whatever the case, part of me will always have love for you in my heart, and part of me will always pity the hand you've been dealt, but I want you to know from the bottom of my heart that if you lose everything, it won't be because of your father's sins. It will be because of your own." said Sam as she grabbed her bag and left before Joe could respond.

Joe watched as Sam Manson walked out on him a second time, and all the feelings came flooding back. He remembered how he had loved her and how she had abandoned him. He only hoped Paulina would never find out about his true nature. He knew she'd leave him in a second because Sam was right. Paulina wasn't mean and cruel like she was in high school. She had blossomed into a vibrant and, dare he say, sweet and caring young woman. She was someone he was proud to love and not just a piece of ass as she had been when they went together in high school.

He couldn't lose her. He just couldn't. He had to do whatever it took to keep his skeletons in his closet because he knew one thing if he was this lost with her, he didn't even want to think about who he would become without her.