yes yes, i got this song from Tiktok and I cannot stop listening lol. There's something about thunderstorms that makes me feel all mushy and sad. I am in a MOOOD, people. if i bang out two sad one shots today you can all blame the weather :)

death bed [coffee for your head] - Powfu

Teddy can't sleep. She hasn't been sleeping in days. It's not the kids, they're finally sleeping through the night, it's just that her mind won't slow down. It won't shut up. Her heart won't stop racing. Her soul… her soul is lost and confused and upset.

She and Owen are taking a break. They decide it's probably for the best. They lived separately for a week but Leo cried for "Weddy" almost every night and Allison just would not sleep without Owen, and on day three they switched babies and both cried for the other parent. They then decided to stay in the house. Teddy takes the bedroom and Owen takes the guest room.

They're barely speaking. When they do, it's mostly about the kids. At work they don't really talk. Her heart literally aches when he wouldn't even look at her. She suppose she deserves it.

She hasn't been sleeping so she's paced and she scrubbed the kitchen and rearranged everything she can rearrange. Maybe she can try to meditate. That might help her fall asleep. Maybe if she just lays down and closes her eyes—but that won't work because today her anxiety is at a 95 and she wishes Owen is by her side holding her. But Owen can't even stand to look at her these days. So she sits on the couch and she turns on the TV and stares blankly at whatever syndication is playing.

Her mind was elsewhere. Her mind was in Germany, that one snowy day and someone was pounding at her door. Her mind is trying to summon that feeling she felt when she opened the door and saw Owen. She's trying to go back to that time where Owen Hunt was naked in her bed. That time Owen flew to Germany. She doesn't know how she's feeling now. She doesn't feel anything except guilt and sadness and regret. She can't remember how it felt that night anymore.

The laugh track of whatever sitcom was playing interrupts her thoughts. Some couple is professing their love for each other and she just sighs and changes the channel, not that she's really watching.

She and Owen have a long complicated history of loving and hurting each other. But they always find back their way to each other. She wants to figure out what's going to happen now. Are they going to try to get past this or are they just going to keep avoiding each other and living in the same house. Is he going to talk to he again. Is he ever going to look at her again. Does he still love her. Are they going to be okay.

She tries to make sense of what she did and why she did it. She can make all the excuses but the truth is she really doesn't know what caused that sudden impulse. But if there's anything she's sure of it's that she loves Owen. She loves Owen and she's always loved Owen. She wants to make things right with him and marry him and promise she'll never love anyone but him. She's loved Owen for years—decades. And since they found their way to each other, Owen has only shown nothing but love for her. Owen's always had her back. Always.

Teddy doesn't cry, not really, but she's doing a lot of that lately. She can't stop. She can't control it. But now she's crying. She's crying a lot. It's 2am and she's sitting in the dark crying her face off. Crying for everything she lost. Things that she could have had that she's thrown away. To ruin something she's had with someone she's loved for decades. She's crying because she's afraid he'll never forgive her. She doesn't know if she could move on. She doesn't know what to do now. So she sits in the dark and she lets herself cry and release all the sadness and pain and guilt and regret.

Owen stares at the ceiling. It's impossible to sleep. Every time he closes his eyes, all he sees is Teddy. Today was especially hard. He ran into Teddy in the hospital and her eyes were red and puffy and he was almost sure she had been crying but before he could chase her down and ask her, he was paged to the pit for a trauma. Although maybe he doesn't know if he wanted to talk to her. He loves her. He cares about her, deeply. He has loved and cared for decades. That just doesn't go away because she slept with someone else and hurt him. He still wants to comfort her. He still doesn't want to see her cry.

By the time he got home the kids were already asleep and Teddy was already in her—their?—bedroom. And they haven't been talking and his pride is stopping him from knocking and asking if she's okay. He's confused and he doesn't know what's been going on in Teddy's head. It's uncharacteristic and it pains him that she can do something like that.

He told her that his answer will always be 'I love you' but lately he can't even wrap his mind around that meaning of those words anymore. Sometimes he sees her and he hears the moans in his head. Sometimes he gets a whiff of her perfume or her shampoo and he's dizzy from the longing, from the absence, and also from the betrayal. But after all that he doesn't feel hopeless. He doesn't feel like it's over forever. There are days, like today, where he just wants to scoop her into his arms and tell it's all going to be okay. He's been close to doing that but he gets close and he remembers and he just stops himself and walk away.

He fell in love with his best friend. He's always loved her. There's no doubt about that. Every little thing she does makes him smile. Makes him melt. Her smile. The way her eyes light up when she laughs. The sound of her laugh. The way her hair smells. The way she feels in his arms. When all the terrible things and noises fill his head, he focuses on everything he loves about Teddy. It's the only reason he's still here. It's the only reason he's willing to try. If he were to make a pro and con list about Teddy, there are hundreds of pros. Hundreds. He's loved her for decades. They've wasted decades. He wishes that the hurt will stop too because he knows he will keep loving her. He doesn't want to waste more time. But the pain? Right now? The pain clouds his judgment. It stops him from even looking at her. He can't. Not yet.

He gets up to get a glass of water. He notices the glow from the TV illuminating the living room. He walks down the hall and he hears soft sniffles and a sob. He stops in his tracks when he sees her curled up on the couch staring at the TV blankly. He realizes she doesn't notice his presence. He thinks about walking to her and holding her and telling it's going to be okay. They're going to be okay.

But what if she's thinking about Tom. What if all this time she's crying about him, longing to be with him.

He just turns around and quietly walks back to the guest room.

Teddy feels horrible. She feels horrible about everything. She can't stop crying. She can't breathe. She feels terrible and she looks like shit. She wants to crawl into bed. Into Owen's arms. Maybe she'll finally fall asleep.

She thought she heard him, so she turns her head towards the hallway. He was there. But he had just turned around and walked away. She just stares back at the TV and wraps her arm around herself. Maybe they are hopeless.

Teddy wakes up in their bed. She instinctively reaches for his side of the bed but it remains untouched. She's just automatically filled with dread and despair. She barely slept. She eventually went back to bed after spending a good few hours staring blankly. Now she has to get up and live her life. She hides under the covers for a few more minutes until Allison's cries interrupts her hiding. She gets up and runs into Owen in the hallway. They both stopped on their tracks and just look at each other for a second.

"You.. uhm.. You go ahead" She says, motioning for him to go into Allison's nursery.

He opens his mouth to say something but he just quickly closes it and just goes in. Teddy just holds her breath and retreats back to her bedroom and resume hiding under the covers. She can hear him moving around talking to their daughter. She can't help but tear up. She stops herself from crying, scolding herself. Just get up, Altman. Just… get up. Get dressed.

She eventually drags herself to the shower and just stands there. No motivation to do anything. Nothing. But she'll keep going. She has to. She can't just wallow in the shower forever. She wishes she could stay in there until Owen leaves for work.

They've choreographed an early morning dance. One would get the kids ready for daycare and the other would get dressed and they would switch. It was unspoken. It was just something they just did. They knew each other well that they knew how and when to avoid each other.

Teddy walks into the kitchen and Owen was standing there with Allison on his hip and Leo is on his high chair trying to eat his oatmeal by himself. Owen was pouring coffee on two travel mugs, which brings a small smile on Teddy's face.

"Hey." She says softly. A friendlier tone than usual these days. He turns around and also offers a small smile.

"I made coffee."

"Thanks"

This was new. He hasn't made coffee. Neither has she. They would just wordlessly move around, passing children around, getting on with their day.

But today, Teddy takes notes that he made coffee. He made her coffee.

She takes Allison from him. He already dressed her up. Her very little reddish blonde hair in cute pigtails. Teddy's heart clenches. He's a great father. He's a great guy. She doesn't deserve him.

She sits by Leo and helps him with his oatmeal. He smiles at her and squeals "Weddy". She leaves a kiss on top of his head.

She wonders if the kids can sense how different it is now. Probably not. They're still so small.

She loves her family. Her kids. Owen. One day it will hurt less. One day they will be happy again. They'll all snuggle in one bed for a nap. Or they will have their movie nights. Or their picnics in the backyard.

One day she will stop feeling dread. She will let the light back in. She will stop feeling the guilt and the pain and the sadness. And she will let go of her ghosts. Of her impulses.

He will forgive her. She will make sure Owen will forgive her.

Owen made coffee for the two of them. He knows she didn't sleep. He didn't either. After finding her crying, a good hour or two had passed until he heard her pass by the guest room and go into the bedroom.

She could possibly be thinking about Tom but it doesn't hurt Owen any less to see her crying. She could be thinking about him but the most he can do for now is make her coffee.

Today he'll keep an eye on her. Maybe today he'll talk to her. Maybe today he can let go if she wants to go. Maybe today they can move on. Maybe today he'll muster the energy to talk to her. To talk things through.

He misses his best friend.

So he'll start with coffee. Then they'll go from there.

guys i need season 17 like yesterday. we all know they're endgame why are we prolonging my suffering. I've been suffering for ten fucking years. free me. i found a towen fic i wrote TEN YEARS AGO lmfao (also a teddy/mark omfg) anyways my point is, pls end my suffering. thank you have a good day.