She knows this time is different. Not just because he hid his relationship with Paula. Also of the signals she lost. She unconsciously let her walls down and her hopes up to them. To have something. An opportunity. A glimpse of anything more than just friends and co-workers.
For all the other times he was in a relationship, she was always part of his life. Sometimes, way too much. The blurry lines in between him and his women. It was always Harvey and Donna and the girlfriend.
Now he's been putting her aside.
They're already distant from each other because they don't work so close. Their schedules don't match: when it's not him busy, it's her. They have little time to talk and enjoy some time together.
And in those times they had an opportunity to do the old stuff—drink whiskey, listen to his father's songs; he chose to be with Paula.
That's why she's feeling lonely. She lost the only company she truly had for the past decade. She has friends, of course. None of them have the complexion, the dependency and the history she shares with Harvey. And none of them stayed for so long.
Harvey is, besides her parents, the longest relationship she has ever had. Him and the firm are pretty much her core. But she is losing him. He is slowly slipping through her fingers and she doesn't know how to keep him. Keep them the way they were.
She steps in the hall of the hotel, thinking of how miserable she's to be wandering to the room of a married man with the intention to fuck him. But she is tired. Tired of putting everyone else over her. And of feeling alone.
It is a pity to feel this way. A feeling she's not used to. Which makes her feel unsure on how to deal with it. So, right now, she doesn't care. She needs to go inside and, for a few hours, feel something besides the loneliness she's experiencing. To be the object of someone's affection.
The door is in front of her. Her only mission is to knock and walk in. She does. Her cell phone vibrates inside her pockets. A few messages from Rachel. A reminder she isn't expecting: she deserves best. And she's not alone.
The timing is perfect. Rachel is out there rooting for her happiness and acknowledging how incredible she is. Maybe she's losing Harvey. But now she has so much more beyond him. She's surrounded by incredible people who love her. A family built not by blood but by affection and by choice.
With that new feeling rising inside her, when Mark opens the door she knows this is far from the best decision. A night hooking up with an old boyfriend will not make her feel better. She knows she's not alone anymore. That's what she needed tonight. So she walks away.