Okay so I have really listened to pre-Folklore Taylor Swift but I was listening to the Fearless (Taylor's Version) album this morning.. and this song just struck me like a bus. And I don't know what made me write this but here it is. This isn't really.. Towen? But it is Towen? I don't know you'll just have to read it. I don't even know if it has a point. But here it is.
The Best Day - Taylor Swift
"Dad! Dad!" She screams, running as fast as her little five-year old legs could take her. Allison is breathless and panting. Her heavy coat weighing her down, but she still runs with all her might. She finally can see her parents from a distance. She loves her mom but she needs her dad. She finally found the perfect pumpkin. The one she wanted. She knows her dad would appreciate this pumpkin more than her mom. So when she finally reaches him, she looks up at him and takes his hand and pulls him towards the pumpkin. He was laughing but she's not even going to ask why. It's definitely about whatever her mom said. She didn't hear because she's out of breath and her heart is pounding and also she's just too excited about the pumpkin.
"Did you find the perfect one?" Her dad asks
"The most perfect" Allison says. Her dad squeezes her hand and lets her lead him to the pumpkins she made her older brother guard. "The best ones. Leo too!"
He picks up the pumpkin with ease and places them on the wagon. Allison watches, satisfied with her choice.
"What about for me and mom?"
"Uhm" Allison said, looking at her brother. "Okay we'll look." And they're off running. She glances and her dad is watching them with a smile on his face. She loves him. He's her favorite person.
She loves this day. She doesn't remember going before because she was too little but there were pictures. She remembers the pictures. But today she remembers every single detail. The way she's snuggled in her dad's lap, protected and safe during the hayride. Her mom next to him and then brother. It was chilly so they were all snuggled amongst the bales of hay. They were dropped off at the petting zoo, which is her favorite thing in the world. She takes her dad's hand and pulls him towards the goats. She loves the goats and the sheep but she's a little afraid of them at first. She knows her dad will make sure it's safe to pet the goat before he lets her near it. She watched as her dad crouched down to pet the baby goat.
"See, Al, he's so nice and wants you to be his friend"
She reached for the goat with hesitation at first, but it nuzzled into her hand. Allison lights up and relaxes around it. She feels safe because she knows her dad is watching and if the goat goes rogue, he'll swoop in to save her.
She takes a handful of goat food and feeds it with an open palm.
"Why can't we have a pet goat?" She asks.
He just smiles and says "Oh Allison." He leaves a little kiss on top of her head, and she just knows he loves her with his whole heart. "Do you want to see what mom and Leo are up to?" Allison looks around and sees them playing with the bunnies. She just shrugs. "I like the goats better"
After the petting zoo they went to the tractor rides and then they saved the pumpkin picking for last. She looks up at the sky and it's changing color, and the trees are golden, and it's getting colder and breezier. She and her brother finally found two more pumpkins and their dad loads them in the back of his truck.
Her dad kneels by her and he can probably sense that she's getting chilly, so he zips her jacket and nuzzles her for a second.
"Did you have a good time?" He asks her, and nuzzles his nose against her tiny one.
"The best day" she says as he carries her in his truck and puts her in her carseat.
She watches the colors of the trees are changing and the sky changing, and it's a long ride back to Seattle. She fights to keep her eyes open because she likes watching the city lights. But she had a long fun day of running around and playing with goats, so she gives in and falls asleep on their way home.
She doesn't like middle school. She hates it, actually. She hates her friends. She hates everyone. She thinks everyone is childish. She feels….out of place all the time. She has friends. She actually has quite a few. Some of them she's known since kindergarten. Ava is one of them. She's been her best friend since the first day of kindergarten when Allison walked up to her and introduced herself. Allison has always been more fearless. She and Ava bonded over their love for giraffes and the color purple and the fact that their names started with an A. They were inseparable for years. They excelled together. They got in trouble together. They told each other secrets. They called themselves the A-team and they made silly friendship bracelets that she admittedly still keeps somewhere in her bedroom but doesn't wear anymore.
But naturally, just like most (almost all) people, they've both changed. Their interests changed. Their personalities changed. They hung out less and less. They gained other friends and lost others. They still tell people they're best friends because they technically still are. But are they?
She's flown under the radar in school. She wasn't one of the popular kids, but she wasn't one of the…unpopular kids either. She's just there, somewhere in the middle. She's known as that artsy girl who likes to paint and would rather spend her lunch break most days with the quirky art teacher painting and being messy in the art room.
She doesn't care about the school drama and who's dating whom and she never wanted to be one of the popular kids. She just wants to do her own thing. But middle schoolers are mean. They're cruel. Most of them think they're much older and much cooler than they actually are. So she stays away from the drama and the annoying girls because she just doesn't want to be involved.
Today was different. Today she hates everyone. She hates school even more. She hates everything. Everything and everyone just got on her nerve easily and she was in no mood to be in school. So when her "best friend"—who is now one of the most popular girls in school thanks to her genetics that gave her boobs—verbally attacks her for seemingly no good reason and calls her names loudly in the hallway in front of everyone, she just could not control herself. Next thing she knows is she's shoving Ava against a locker and Ava pushes her back and they're on the floor wrestling and pulling each other's hair. No one stopped them. Everyone just gathered and watched and some cheered. Eventually someone breaks up the fight and she finds herself sitting in the stupid principal's office with stupid Ava being reprimanded and suspended.
She always finds herself standing up for her friends, but it feels incredibly lonely when no one stood up for her. In her thirteen years of life, there is nothing more trivial to her than a mind of another thirteen year old. She can't wrap her mind around how someone can be so cruel to each other.
So she gets home knowing full well she is going to be in trouble. Her mom is in a conference somewhere and her dad is most probably at work. Her brother is at soccer practice so she knows no one's home. So she slams her bedroom door and puts on her headphones and screams into a pillow. She doesn't like showing emotions. She doesn't like appearing weak. She grew up in a household where they were taught how to healthily express feelings but she can't seem to do that. But she was sure she was home alone so she screams as loud as she can.
After a few moments, after ripping out her earphones pulling her into a deafening silence, she hears a knock on her door. And her heart is beating loudly and she doesn't know if it's from being out of breath from screaming or from being caught screaming and showing emotions. If it was Leo, she can brush it off because they always cover for each other. He'll never pressure her to talk or bother her. Who needs Ava when your brother is also your best friend. He's much cooler anyway. If it's her mom then she might be in trouble from being suspended but she will probably understand the screaming. If it's her dad… she actually doesn't know what he'll do.
"Allison?" She hears him behind the door. His voice is soft and actually kind, so she feels less nervous "You good?"
She takes a deep breath after realizing there are tears streaming down her face. She cries mostly when she's mad. She can't hide in her room forever. Her dad doesn't knock again. She knows he's waiting, respecting her space. She eventually gets up and opens the door. He just pulls her into his arms and hugs her tightly. She couldn't help it but she just lets it all out and cries in his arms.
"Want to go for a drive?"
"Yes" She responds meekly.
They get in the car and no one has said a word. All you hear is a sniffle from her and he's silent. He eventually puts on some song. The Doors. She knows this because she actually likes it. She likes old music more than any pop song of her generation. Car rides and music is a standard in their family. It doesn't matter how short the ride is, there will be music. Her dad and Leo listen in moderate volume. But she and her mom would listen way too loud. The Duran Duran car rides are mostly Leo's nightmare but she and her dad don't mind, but those happen more than it should. No one should be listening to Duran Duran that much. She used to enjoy Duran Duran until she knew better. Her mom likes to remind her of the countless of videos in her phone of baby Allison singing to Come Undone. She always turns beet red at the memory. Leo likes rap music and minding his own business. But she and her dad have a similar taste. She thinks it's good taste. They have an understanding of each other's preference. She also made her dad listen to newer songs she thinks he'd like from her time and he never seemed to mind listening to them. So she doesn't mind when he puts on The Doors because it actually relaxes her too.
She doesn't know where they're driving to. But her mind was so wrapped around the music and she doesn't even notice that they're on the highway and that her dad has not said a word. She glances at him and he just glances back and gives her a smile.
"So the school called…"
"I'm suspended."
"A fight with Ava?"
"I don't know what happened. I just got mad."
"Aren't you two best friends?"
"You never fight with your best friend?" She retorts.
"Your mom is my best friend and you know that she and I fight. But no one is shoving anyone or wrestling anyone on the ground."
"Because you and mom are mature adults. And you're not mean to each other. You fight because there's something to fight about. People my age are mean and cruel. And terrible. And they don't care about each other's feelings"
"Want to tell me what happened?"
"Not really. It doesn't matter. She's an awful person."
"Just please tell me there was a good enough reason"
"I think I'm a pretty reasonable person, dad"
"I know you are. That's why it's shocking when I get a call that you were in a fight"
She just sighs. She's just glad he's not yelling at her. "Does mom know?"
"Yeah."
"Is she mad?"
"No. Just confused."
"Where are we going?"
"I don't know" he says. "Far away."
"I think I just had a terrible day. And I got mad and I acted impulsively. And I'm sorry." She says quietly.
"Just don't do it again."
"I won't"
"You were upset but you didn't have to get physical. Wanna physically fight someone? Put that energy elsewhere. Somewhere worth it. Ava's not worth it."
"I know."
Neither of them know what town they're in. They're somewhere in the state of Washington. Somewhere far away from Seattle. Somewhere away from everything and everyone. It's a small town. Her dad pulls into the mall parking lot. She looks at him confusedly and he just shrugs and gets out of the car.
They spend the entire afternoon roaming around the mall. She can't recall a time she spent time alone with her dad on a school day, let alone roaming a near empty mall in the middle of Washington.
"So you and Ava are not friends anymore?" He asks as they walk around, sharing pretzel nuggets they got from some pretzel stand.
"No. She kind of turned into a terri—into someone I can't get along with"
"People do that."
"Yeah"
"It's annoying."
"It is."
"What about your other friends? What did they do?"
"I don't know. They just stood there. Whatever. I don't need them. Once I go to high school I'll probably make other friends anyway."
"I'm just relieved you're not suspended for doing something with a..boy"
She couldn't help but laugh. "That's funny, dad. Because boys are totally into me" she says rolling her eyes. Boys don't take a double look at the weird tall gangly art girl.
"Or a girl, whatever you prefer. I'm saying 'boy' because boys are awful."
"I'm sure you know this based on experience…"
"Smart ass" he chuckles "because if a boy broke your heart I will come for them."
"I won't let them break my heart."
"Good because I will kill them" He says jokingly "But it's inevitable, getting your heart broken. Lovers will do it to you, friends, even family.. It's part of life. But know that I will always have your back. Always. I mean that."
"I know." She said, stealing the last pretzel.
They walk by an art supplies store and she stops and looks at him, eyes pleading to go in. He nods and follows her inside. She promised herself she'll only look. She was raised to earn things they want, that things are not just handed to them. Being suspended from school definitely does not warrant a reward, but she walks out of the store with a new set of oil pastels and a new paint set.
"Thank you" She says. Her eyes twinkling with glee.
"Don't tell mom"
"You know she'll find out anyway."
"Just don't tell her."
"Fine"
They walk back out to the car and drove back to Seattle. The drive back was much lighter. The music was a little louder and she got to pick the music this time. She forgot about why she was having such a bad day. She forgot about her shitty best friend and her passive friends. She hasn't even checked her phone for text messages. She just doesn't care anymore. She doesn't need a best friend because her dad always has her back. Her day went from one of the worst to one of the best.
They eventually made it back to Seattle. They picked up pizza on the way home because Leo texted that he's starving and there's no food at home.
They got home and ate pizza and watch some dumb movie about aliens. She doesn't care much for it but her dad and brother are content. Her mind was elsewhere as she snuggles into her dad's side.
She has vivid memories of pumpkins and Halloween. Her dad carves her pumpkin and she paints hers and gives it her own flair. Something that shows her own personality. She was probably five or six. The earliest memories she remembers. Then she thinks about the video from when she was three. She definitely does not remember but she has the video somewhere and she keeps going back to it when she tries to make sense of who she is. Her mom was taking a video of her painting on the kitchen table. Her dad got the paint set for her. It was just some basic watercolor for kids. Leo's was next to hers but he completely abandoned his. He was running around instead. Her dad was talking in a low voice, almost a whisper, to her. He was completely enamored by her, you can see it in his eyes. And she giggled as she picked up the paint brush and started painting little shapes. No one remembers what's being said but she knows it was the moment the shaped her. So she leaves him a kiss on the cheek and gets up from the couch to go to her room to paint.
Her dad told her to put her anger and energy somewhere worth it. So she's going to put it into her art and she knows that will make her feel better. She'll play an old record and she'll put paint on the canvas and she'll be in her element and nothing else matters in the world.
It's just one of the most ordinary day but it was still the best because she got to spend it with her dad. She doesn't know what's going to happen tomorrow or when she goes back to school. She knows she'll be brave because like her dad said this is just part of life and this will pass. She'll be fine.