The Bits in Between

Chapter Four: Love

By Lumendea

AN: Set during Child of Earth.

…..

Love was an odd thing, and it was difficult for Rose Tyler to pin down. As a girl, she'd never had the benefit of an example of a healthy relationship to learn from. Her father had died when she was just a baby, and while her mother still carried a torch for him, it hadn't kept the loneliness away. Jackie had a string of boyfriends that varied widely, with more than a few tending towards abusive or at least using.

Some of her mum's boyfriends had been decent and talked to her like a real person. Alan had taught her some knots and told her a bit about his life as a sailor, but he was gone within a couple of months. Patrick had been a mechanic that her mum seduced and hadn't reacted well to learning about her. Neal had been sweet to her, but looking back maybe a bit too much, which might explain why he was given the boot. Edward had been a good sort but fairly dull. There were others that Rose had long since forgotten. Many were only at the flat once or twice before vanishing, and some like Jim and Tom that she feared she might punch out if she ever saw again.

The point is that Rose hadn't really been prepared for the Doctor. She'd dated a bit once she was fifteen, if you could call hanging out with a group of friends dating. They'd been boring and uninterested in art or science like her for the most part. It had been expected that she date, so Rose dated and kept the hormones in check before she made a mistake that could ruin everything. It had been practical and a bit dull but safe. She wouldn't end up like other girls on the estates or like her poor mum, who needed someone else to make her happy. All those years of watching her mother's men had made her a bit shy towards the whole thing. And Rose knew that she could do more in life than that.

Then the Doctor had stolen her first kiss and sent her young heart fluttering. To be honest, it hadn't been at all fair. He had been someone she respected for saving others and someone she honestly liked and found interesting. Then he changed the rules and pulled the rug out from under her. Not fair at all, but her hormones hadn't cared.

She'd had a weakness for him after that. There'd been nothing smart about sleeping with a future incarnation of him, but she had. The hormones had finally won, but she'd comforted herself with a knowledge that he really honestly loved her. Still, she hadn't really understood that. She cared about him, showed him kindness, and tried to support him as someone who had affection for him. Seeing the Doctor and knowing how devastated he was at her future absence was humbling, exciting, and terrifying. He was the Doctor, and yet she had so much power over him. It had frightened her, but she'd tried to face it bravely even if she didn't fully understand it.

After that, it had been a rather strange thing. It became less frightening to have him visit, more comfortable and reassuring. They talked, joked, and kissed more freely, and he was careful with her, never pressuring her. Hormones eventually won again, but she felt safe in the arms of the Doctor. There had been moments of guilt whenever he whispered that he loved her, and she couldn't say the same, but they kept going. He needed her, and Rose could feel herself slipping into something much deeper with him.

Respect had never really been part of her mum's relationships, and half the time, Rose didn't think her mum actually liked the men she dated. But she knew that the Doctor respected her. That he liked her as a person, as a clever woman with strong morals and a willingness to stand up against even the worst things. Respect hadn't been something she was too familiar with then, and she'd liked it.

Love had come before she was really aware of it. She'd know in the back of her head that she would love him. Rose knew herself well enough to know that no matter how amazing the bloke, she'd never settle for less than love. Then he'd been reported dead, and she'd felt like her one heart had been ripped out. There'd been terror at the thought of him not being there anymore, even if it was in the distant future. She loved him. It had snuck up on her around their talks, flirting, dates, and moments of comradery. Thankfully he hadn't really been dead.

Then she'd told him for the first time in her timeline. It had been a relief, and she'd almost cried at the feeling of knowing that she was looking at the man she loved and who loved her. He'd kissed her, held her, and Rose knew that she was never letting go. Not of this, not of something that could survive so much. Her mum and the other companions could tease her and urge her to date humans all they wanted, but this was something that time and space couldn't pull apart. They were tougher than that.

Sharon and Shireen sometimes joke that she isn't qualified when it comes to human romantic relationships. In some ways, Rose thinks they're right. She's kissed a total of four men: the Doctor, the Silver Lord, Jack, and Gavin, who in truth had kissed her. She'd never had a third date with any of the boys she saw in secondary, so yeah, maybe she doesn't understand what a breakup is like. She doesn't understand using the internet to stalk your ex, watching them love someone else, or crying to her friends when things go bad, but she does understand what a good relationship should look like now. She understands respect, affection, and boundaries. She understands building trust and standing by each other.

When she worries about their boyfriends, she tells Sharon and Shireen. While they may make jokes, they do listen to her concerns and usually follow her advice because while she may not know what a human relationship is like, she is an expert on the forever kind of love. Rose knows what love really looks like.

She didn't as a child or a teenager, but Rose is confident that she knows the most important stuff. The sacrifice, the comfortable silence, the holding their hand, so they know you're there. Respecting them even as you acknowledge that they aren't perfect, caring about them as a friend, and trusting them not to hurt you. She knows it is crazy to date a later incarnation of the man you love and be okay with the knowledge that someday he'll go back to a younger version of you, but Rose is just grateful to know that he'll have her to support him on the bad days. It may not be a normal human relationship with different species, a huge age gap, different cultures, and time travel, but it is a healthy relationship. And it is love which doesn't just belong to humans.

Still, Rose knew she didn't fully understand love yet. She didn't think she needed to. What she needed was the love, affection, and respect that this one amazing being in return for hers. She'd been happy to give up having a house and kids if it meant being with him, and as much as she adored Astra and Alistair, the knowledge that someday they'd have kids scared her. But together, they could face it. They would face hundreds of challenges together, and at the end of it all, they would walk away together. She had faith in that.

Now she was counting down the days until she would leave Earth with the Doctor in his ninth body when she thought he loved her. His future selves said that he already loved her, but Rose knew it wasn't the safe sort of love yet. This was the fragile kind of love she'd first felt. The sort that wasn't in your bones yet wasn't a permanent part of who you were. He wasn't ready for that yet. It was in his eyes, creeping up on him as it had her. They were now reversed. She loved him even though he was harsher and sadder in this body. But she would be patient with him like he had been and would be with her. She had promised him that. Because love was patient. And love was a promise. That much she understood.