The Bits in Between

Chapter Seven: He Loved Her

By Lumendea

AN: This follows Mickey's point of view through Child of Earth.

…..

It seemed that there had never been a time when Rose Tyler hadn't been a part of his life. Sure he was a few years older, and Mickey knew that there must have been a few Roseless years in his life, but it seemed impossible. One of his earliest really clear memories was of the little baby Rose smiling up at him with wide bright eyes. Even as a little boy, he'd had to admit that she was cute. A little bit of blonde hair and a toothless smile, but pretty cute.

Something about Rose always had his attention. He wasn't supposed to be worrying about a girl younger than him, no matter if she lived in the council housing by his Gran's house. Yet Rose was always exploring everything and watching the world with so much wonder he couldn't help but notice her. Rose was always the first to offer someone a hug when they were upset, even when she was only four years old. Jackie was worried about her being kidnapped with her utter lack of stranger danger understanding. He'd kept an eye out for the little bundle of curiosity and compassion.

In truth, he should have seen her as a little sister or something. With the age difference and him seeing her grow up, that should have been the case, but it wasn't. When he first started noticing girls, he wasn't happy with himself when he wondered what Rose would look like when she was a bit older. His first girlfriend Mandy hadn't been impressed with how much he kept an eye on Rose no matter his insistence that he was just looking out for her. It was weird, but he knew that Rose was special. He likes to think he knew before anyone else. So yeah, he looked after her.

Rose, as it turned out, didn't need a lot of looking out for. He'd been worried when kids started disappearing and wanted to keep Rose close. She'd been a bit withdrawn after Shireen vanished, but nothing too weird. Then he was… gone. He couldn't really remember it, but then he'd been back in some sort of underground bunker, and Rose had been overhead on a catwalk. There'd been soldiers and questions, but only Rose ever seemed to know what had really happened.

Everything changed after that. Others were slower to notice it, but the spark in Rose's eyes had bloomed into a star. The little concern she'd once had for what people thought of her was gone, and she didn't even pretend with the other girls her age. Rose could be seen walking across the estate with her nose in a book, found doing her homework on one of the outdoor tables in the streetlight because the electricity bill was too much, and she never seemed to mind. Rose did most of the babysitting because all the adults agreed she was the most responsible. Mickey wasn't sure what to make of it. Rose had always been smart, they all knew that, but something had slotted into place in Rose Tyler. She walked with confidence, her head held high and a soft smile for anyone that needed it.

Mickey sort of loved her then.

It just got worse as time went on. Rose kept growing and becoming prettier and prettier with each passing year. Other boys noticed, some of the same ones that would tease her for being a bookworm. Mickey didn't like them suddenly changing their tune on Rose, especially not with some of the things he'd overheard them say about Jackie. He didn't need to worry; Rose ignored them for the most part. She only went out on dates when Jackie all but made her. Mickey hated it but was reassured that Rose wasn't going to get herself into trouble. No, Rose Tyler was at the top of the class and going on to a bright future. He just wasn't sure how he fit in with that. There were many times he thought about asking her out himself, but he never mustered up the courage.

Mickey was pretty sure he loved her then.

Then he found out the secret. There were aliens, and Rose was mixed up with them. Shireen and Sharon had been one step from panic, and he hadn't been much better. He was just a mechanic, but Rose was in trouble, so he drove them to Rose's school. There was an alien, a proper alien, and a ship with kids being held prisoner. They'd freed Rose, and despite what had just happened, she took off to stop the alien. And she had, and in the aftermath, he'd been offered a position at UNIT.

At first, he'd felt adrift. People there knew so much more about aliens than him. Others just wanted to hear about Rose. She apparently had a bit of a reputation. It just kept growing, and he was proud of her. They had lunch together sometimes, but they were never dates. Mickey kept trying to muster up the courage to ask her out. He talked himself out of it, decided it was better to wait until she was eighteen. Things became easier with each month, and he made friends at UNIT, gained some respect and some confidence, but he never stopped caring about Rose.

Mickey knew that he loved her.

Then Rose was eighteen and the hero of UNIT. Everyone was cheering her on, and even the legendary General Lethbridge-Stewart had suffered a Tyler scolding. Mickey went out a limb before she left for Cambridge, but she had said no. He was her brother, and while it stung, Mickey didn't completely give up hope. Rose Tyler was a girl worth carrying a torch for, as long as he didn't admit out loud how long he'd been carrying it. Sadly she admitted to him only a month into school that she had someone. Rose said it was complicated, but something in her voice was like a knife in his heart. Still, he didn't want to completely give up hope. He knew the truth about her and her work; would anyone else understand?

Except there were rumours about UNIT. Contrary to what people thought, he hadn't started them. Why would he want to spread rumours that the woman he loved was with someone else? Each year they got a little louder and worse. Mickey watched Rose and went over all their conversations. He became more and more convinced that she had someone, even if Jackie didn't know it. Rose had even all but admitted it to him once. He'd been hurt at Becket Enterprises, and the Doctor had apparently come to help save him, but after Rose called him. Mickey had pushed away the suspicions. But he knew Rose well enough that something settled in his gut. Some part of him went ahead and accepted the truth then.

Rose got engaged to a guy that sort of crept Mickey out. Something in his head rebelled at her getting married to Richard, and he didn't think it was just his feeling. Brigadier Benton seemed worried and even distressed though the lads just laughed it was because he was going to lose money on the bets. No, Mickey knew what Benton believed, and he understood why. Mickey couldn't laugh it off any more than Benton could. Shireen and Sharon were shaken up but wouldn't tell him anything, and Rose herself seemed… somehow less. Her smiles were a little vacant, and her eyes were distant and not the gazing into the stars she loved so much. On the surface, she seemed happy, and Mickey understood for the first time what trying to keep Rose Tyler for himself on Earth would do to her.

Mickey knew he was scared for the woman he loved.

She was the Doctor's. Rose had been saved from a trap marriage, but it confirmed all the rumours and wild speculation. Rose and the Doctor really were a thing! Benton collected his winning, and Mickey kept silent about the whole thing. The Doctor. He knew the name, all the people at UNIT did. He knew the stories and the praise that the officers gave even when he wasn't around. To Mickey, though, he wasn't a great hero or an ally. No, the Doctor was the one who was going to take Rose away. He wanted to be angry, wanted to hate the Doctor, but all there was sad resignation. Rose had never given him false hope; he'd only given that to himself.

Time helped. The pain slowly dulled. He saw other girls, but they just fell short. Mickey knew how amazing a person could be and wanted someone like that. It wasn't fair to compare them all to Rose, but he couldn't help it. If he couldn't be with her, then he at least wanted someone smart, compassionate, and unrelenting. Rose just kept on living her life, saving the world and enchanting almost everyone who met her. He still loved her but found it easier to smile for her. Mickey knew that she loved him in her own way. Between her mum and his Gran, they had a little family, and he was grateful for it.

Still, Mickey wished that he'd been braver when they were young. Mickey knew that he wouldn't have been able to hold onto Rose, no she was too much like starlight to ever be held in one place, but it would have been nice to be with her, even if only for a little while. Still, this was what she wanted; this was what would make her happy. He didn't have to like it, but he was one of her oldest mates, and he loved her enough to want her to be happy.

Mickey knew that he loved her, but she didn't love him as he loved her. All he could do was let the feeling fade and hope that someday he found someone he could love even more.