"Alrighty then," I declared after a moment. "Two more in the house, then the rest within the woods." Walking forward, I came upon Coro's hut and felt Midna lift herself off my back. "What are you doing?"

The Twilian waved lazily at the house and said, "You'll find a way inside. I am going to use that bathhouse just over yonder and treat myself to a bubble bath."

I frowned and turned my head at her. "I thought you said break time was over."

"Up-bup-bup," Midna chirped, lifting one finger for silence. "I will not be having my authority challenged by a stuck up, half-witted-"

"Don't finish that sentence or you'll piss off fanboys everywhere." I shook my head and walked away from Midna. "Enjoy your 'bubble bath', Your Worship." I heard her grumble but my attention was on the dirt ramp on the other side of the house. Why is this even here? I thought to myself. Seriously, what was the purpose of the dirt ramp other than to let me break in through the window? I sighed and recited to myself, Gameplay and Story Segregation... Thanks, TV Tropes. Walking up the ramp, I looked at the window and groaned at the fact that it was closed, and I was not particularly open to the idea of re-experiencing how I met Zelda, though I did notice the balcony was near enough for me to jump.

With the appropriate infiltration music playing in my head, I coiled my body up and kicked off the dirt ramp, shooting forth and tripping over the railing guarding the balcony, but at least I made it. I picked myself up and investigated. Sticking unnecessarily close to the wall, I inched forward, feet moving in beat to the song, and pushed against the door, but it was shut tight. I continued past and rounded the corner to find an open window on the other side of the house.

"Where's that music coming from?" Midna asked in my head, causing a needlescratch.

"Uh..." If I were human, I might have blushed. "Sorry about that."

"That was you? Wow, what song is it?"

I hopped up to the windowsill and hauled myself over its lip, landing on all fours on the other side. "It's a theme song for a... um, how do I explain this?" I huffed and walked down the hall, spotting a bedroom and stairs along the way. "The song is called Mission Impossible."

"Huh, it's catchy." I paused for a moment but shook it off and kept moving, going down the stairs until I reached the ground floor. "You're pretty good at that."

"Good at what?" I asked as I investigated the room. It was fairly spacious, with a sofa and oven plus a fireplace opposite the bed tucked into the corner, where I found two spirit orbs close to each other. A lantern sat next to the bed, its fiery light outlining my shadow on the wall. I briefly wondered if Iza and Coro could see my shadow, but then I decided that I didn't care.

"When you imagine music, you go all out," Midna said as I looked around for a stick or something to use as a torch. "Instruments were playing in the background while you were singing before. Oh! What was that song, the one about some captain or other?"

I chortled and walked straight up to the lantern, snatching the handle loop in my teeth. "It's called A Man's Gotta Do." As I headed for the fireplace since the two shadow insects were inside, one of the spirit orbs hopped off the bed and snatched at the lantern in my jaws. Engaged in a tug of war, I growled and narrowed my eyes at the orb, finding a faint outline of a woman with an afro inside the green flames.

"Coro!" Iza's voice was faint and echoed but she kept her grip on the lantern. "Help me! They're trying to burn down the house!"

Hm, tempting, but no. The other green orb jumped off the bed and as it approached, I saw Coro's outline emerge from the flames inside. He grabbed the lantern and tugged hard, pulling the lantern forward and me with it.

Midna hummed in thought and said, "I wonder... eh, I'll ask later."

"Sounds good," I replied as I struggled to maintain my grip on the lantern, but it was hurting my teeth and jaws to keep the metal loop in my mouth. And dogs enjoy doing this? I briefly considered just letting go, but I realized what would happen; the siblings would fly backward and cause the lantern to land near something flammable, igniting it and sending the place up in flames, which would be very bad. With that in mind, I slowly inched closer to the two spirit orbs and they moved backward in turn, until they touched the wall behind them. Satisfied that there was no chance of accidental arson, I released the lantern and huffed in annoyance. How was I supposed to spook the shadow insects out of the fireplace if I couldn't get a fire inside? I picked up one of the sticks in the fireplace and poked at the ash and soot, but there was no sign of insect activity. But they have to be here, that's how the game went...

"BUG!" Iza screamed, which startled me and made me bump my head against the fire escape. Grumbling under my mental breath, I looked around the room and found the shadow insect clinging to the wall. Well, to be more accurate, I watched it leap from the wall and onto my snout.

"You are one ugly motherfucker," I growled as I shook my head from side to side.

"EXCUSE ME?!" Midna yelled in my head.

"Not you!" I bucked my head up and flung the shadow insect into the air, then caught it in my jaws. It actually did taste like marshmallows, which was delightful except for the metallic aftertaste. As the light orb drifted away, I wondered where the second bug was hiding. Not in the fireplace... not behind ze bookcase... Come on, it has to be here somZZHHRRT! Electricity course through my body as the shadow insect stung me in the shoulder. Fire blazed across my vision as I collapsed on the floor, muscles twitching and spasming while I struggled to shake the bug off. Just as I was about to black out, the electricity ceased and I felt the stinger slide out of my skin.

After a moment, I was able to control myself so that I could stand up, though my legs were a little wobbly. "KILL IT!" I heard Iza screech, followed by a crunch as her brother smashed the bug into the floor.

"Convenient. Midna," I said as I limped back up the stairs. "Bugs in here are dead, now... let's..." I trailed off as I noticed a parchment on a nearby shelf, the elevation from the stairs allowing me to see it.

"Let's what?" she asked, but I was too distracted to answer. "Hey! I don't appreciate being ignored!"

"Sorry, but I found a map." I read the title in the corner: Kokiri Marsh. "I think it's a general area of where the Fused Shadow is."

Midna appeared beside me and nodded at the parchment. "That ought to be handy." As she rolled up the map and tucked it away into a pocket dimension, I noticed that her lips and eyelid were a curious shade of blue.

"Are you sick?" I asked, not intending it to be an insult.

The Twilian frowned and crossed her arms. "What? A girl can't put on a little makeup?"

I lifted a brow ridge at her and queried, "Where'd you get the lipstick and eyeshadow?"

Midna seated herself on my back as I returned to the open window. "I always keep a little when I go out. I have dozens of unused beauty items because I keep forgetting to empty my purse."

"You have a purse?" I asked as I climbed over the windowsill, my muscles still twitching a bit from the electric shock. "Why not just use your transdimensional warp pocket thingy?"

"That is my purse," said Midna. I walked along the balcony before coming to the edge closest to the dirt ramp I used before. "Don't your women have that?"

"Well, they have physical purses, not your kind of purse." I hopped onto the rail and then to the ground just below. "There's no magic in my world."

Midna shuddered as I ventured into the tunnel leading into Faron Woods. "That's so boring! How can you cope with no magic?"

Walking through the spider and rat infested cavity, I answered, "Movies, video games, music..."

"Skipping the first two," Midna murmured, "what kind of music do you like?"

"Yeeeaaahhh, sorry, the information you were trying to locate cannot be found, please try again at another time."

"Fine," Midna cuffed. "I didn't want to know anyway." We emerged into the open area with the enormous tree, and the entire ground was smothered in a noxious purple fog, but luckily I was on slightly elevated ground. "Next two are just to the right," Midna said. I nodded and turned, spotting one of the damn creepy crawlies skittering about in the grass. Crouching low to the ground, I inched closer to the bug. "You know, it's considered rude to turn down a conversation with royalty," the Twilian hissed into my mind.

"So you're royalty, big whoop." I pounced on the shadow insect and squeezed the light out of it, ignoring Midna's huff of annoyance. "That doesn't really mean much here. As far as I'm concerned, you're just Midna."

As the light orb floated out of sight, Midna muttered, "Yeah... just Midna..." Rolling my eyes, I looked around for the next shadow insect and found it latched to the rock wall nearby. I sighed and lay down in the grass to think about how to reach the bug while Midna kicked her heels into my side. "What did I tell you about sleeping on the job?" she asked in a sickly sweet voice.

"Relax, Princess," she swatted me on the head, "I'm just trying to figure out how to get that buggy bug bug." How could anyone not see that?

"Is that all?" Midna sighed and picked up a nearby rock, then hurled the rock at the shadow insect and knocked it off the wall. "Fetch, boy!" I growled at the imp as I chomped down on the bug. "Mm, obedient to a fault, aren't you?" Midna giggled and patted my shoulder, causing me to wince when she touched the shadow insect bite. "Aw, you got a wittle bitty bug bite. Next shadow insects are clustered on that dead tree, but you can get there from that log," she said, pointing at a nearby fallen tree. Just beyond the log were two rock formations that led to the large tree trunk. I nodded and followed point, then stopped at the edge of the log, but the Twilian remained seated on my back. After several moments, Midna asked, "Well, what're you waiting for?"

"Um..." My brow furrowed and I gestured to the rocks. "Aren't you going to help me get across?"

"Seriously?" The Twilian sighed distastefully. "You can't jump that tiny little gap?" Midna then leaned back and yawned. "Besides, I'm tired and I don't wanna help you more than I need to."

"Regular Good Samaritan, you are," I said, then crouched low to the ground and judged the distance to the rock. Ignoring the burn in my shoulder, I tightened my muscles and shot off the log... only to overshoot and trip over my own feet as I slid off the rock and into the poison mist. I tried to take in a breath but I choked on the toxins that flooded my lungs. My vision blurred as I tried to stand up, but my limbs were nonfunctional. Just before darkness took me, I felt something large hoist me up and onto clear land. The air now clean and relatively fresh, I took in hearty gulps of oxygen and ignored the sting in my eyes.

From somewhere far away, I heard Midna say, "You are a special kind of stupid, aren't you?"

Glaring at the blurry imp, I growled, "Don't call me stupid."

"Hmph!" Midna crossed her arms and shook her head at me. "I will call you whatever I want, however I want, whenever I want, and if you don't like it, well, that's just too darn bad."

"And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a hypocrite," I muttered, then realized that Midna would hear me no matter how quiet I was.

"Hypocrite?" Midna asked sweetly, and that was when I knew something bad was about to happen. "You know, you are really starting to get on my nerves, especially after I've saved your life four times already."

I blinked and counted in my head, Drowning in the sewers... Getting the Shadow Beasts off me... and the poison fog just now... "I count three."

The Twilian rolled her eyes and muttered, "I tripped one of the monsters you were fighting before, the ones with blue skin."

"Aw man, I thought I did pretty good with that..." I sighed and looked Midna in the eye. "Okay, fine. I apologize for calling you out on your inappropriate behavior-"

"MY behavior?" Midna barked. "You're the one who's done nothing but insult me since the moment we met! Hmph, I've done nothing wrong, you're the offender here."

"You did slam my head into the ground," I pointed out. "Repeatedly."

Midna stretched her index finger into my snout and snarled, "Yes, after you insulted me and my people-"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, here we go with the 'My people need me, I'm part of a proud race' crap."

The Twilian's eye twitched and her face turned blank as she let her hands fall to her sides. "You will not speak of my people in that fashion. Ever." She glanced away as if to speak to someone else, her brow furrowing as she seemed to have some sort of internal debate.

While she was lost in thought, I sighed and went over the details of what to expect in the Kokiri Marsh. From what I could tell from the map, the place was similar in layout to the Kokiri Forest and Great Deku Tree area from Ocarina of Time. Strangely, it didn't have anything about the Lost Woods or Sacred Forest Meadow, but that could easily be chalked up to the Sacred Grove... the same Sacred Grove that held the Master Sword, the item that would free me from being a wolf after-

"If we don't hurry up, the Twilight will expand and make hunting the shadow insects a moot point," Midna said with a tired sigh. Shrugging off my own thoughts, I nodded and glanced at the rocks I needed to jump to, then frowned as best I could with a wolf face.

"You couldn't have at least dropped me off on the tree trunk?" I asked sardonically, then was treated to Midna dropping herself hard on my back.

Tugging at my ears, the Twilian said, "I thought I told you to earn your keep."

"Yes, but there's a difference between having me get a sword and setting me back further than I need to be."

"Blah blah blah, quit complaining!" With a deep and weary sigh, I trudged forward and leapt off the edge of the log, landing relatively stably on the rock formation. "Congratulations," Midna mock-cheered, "You've reached Idiot Rock, so named after the bumbling fool who discovered it."

"Oh, I didn't know you've been here before," I retorted, ignored Midna's indignant gasp, then jumped to the next rock formation. The top of the rock was a bit wider than the previous one, so I had a little more room to spread my paws. Coiling up one more time, I leapt at the tree trunk and landed perfectly on all fours, then spent a little time making sure the cloth wrapped around my left foreleg was still tight and secure. Good, it hasn't shaken loose or anything. Now... where were we?

"Hey..." Midna whispered, but her voice sounded very strange, like she was daydreaming. "You..." she took in a deep breath through the nose, "you smell that?"

"Um..." I sniffed at the air a bit and found a peculiar aroma. It was vanilla, with a splash of mint, a dash of fruit punch, and a pinch of... of... what was that extra special little something? It seemed so familiar but I couldn't place it, but whatever it was made my mouth water. "Smells..."

"Really good..." Midna finished, and it felt like she was swaying back and forth on my body.

Nodding slowly, I walked forward without realizing I was even moving. That smell was just intoxicating, like it was all the scents I found appealing gathered up in a single whiff just for me. I wondered what it was that I was supposed to be doing, something about bugs and... well, whatever, I was enjoying the smells too much to care about anything else. The trail led me to a decent-sized entrance just a few feet from where I had jumped on the tree, and the smell was much stronger, almost suffocating, but that made it more enjoyable.

"You know..." Midna murmured as she lay down on my back and stroked the tuft of fur on my head. "I bet if we..." She twirled her other hand as she searched for the right words.

"Yeah?" I stepped over the glowing red threshold and felt something soft and mushy beneath my paws. I couldn't explain it, but I was feeling such euphoria that I barely noticed the skeleton tucked to the side. Everything felt so good, I wanted it to last forever.

"I bet if you weren't such..." Midna's voice was funny, she was slurring her words a bit. "...such a mean little know-it-all... and covered in furrr..." She giggled at her own dialect. "I'd be glad that I need you..."

That stopped me dead in my tracks and made me ignore the hauntingly alluring aroma. There was no way Midna would say that, not so soon after our last argument. Taking in another deep breath through the nose, I finally realized what that last bit of something was in the scent... Blood. "Good feeling's gone." I spun around, ignoring Midna's yelp of surprise, and tried to run away as fast as I could, but my feet were slipping and sliding all over the inside of the cave, which I immediately realized was not a cave. "Midna!" I yelled as the red borders above began to drift downward. "MIDNA, WAKE UP!"

"Huh?" The Twilian lounged on my neck and made a shushing sound. "Just relaaax... I'm so sleepy..."

"No, Midna, we got to go!" Something latched onto my back leg, and I turned to find a grotesque green-purple tentacle wrapped around my ankle and pulling me into the cavity from whence it came. "Midna, we have to leave NOW!"

"Mmmhmmm... Oh leave me be, Orochi..." The Twilian yawned and wrapped her arms around my neck just as the entrance fully closed, leaving Midna and I trapped in darkness. "Your fur is sooo soooft... Like a walking talking," she spontaneously yawned, "pillow..."

I closed my eyes and hoped the gods would be kind to me. "Midna, you worthless, useless, ugly, stupid, pathetic, annoying, freaky little sack of shit, WAKE UP!"

Like someone had flipped a switch, Midna reached up and yanked so hard on my ears that the back of my head touched her stomach, allowing my good eye to see her most displeased expression. "HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!" The Twilian brought her fist down on the top of my head, and holy shit, she was a lot stronger than she looked, because my vision was spinning. "YOU OWE ME AN APOLOGY! RIGHT! THIS! INSTANT!"

Damn, she's pissed... "Um..." I tilted my head and found a toothy maw waiting around the tentacle still clinging to my leg. "I will apologize... right after we get out of this giant plant that is trying to eat us."

Midna turned her head around and snarled, "Harvest time!" Leaping off my back, the Twilian summoned the Ordon Sword and drew it out of the scabbard, where I found something most peculiar about the blade; it was thin near the hilt and then fanned outward slightly, just like the Master Sword. Huh. Don't remember that. Midna twirled the blade deftly between her fingers and sliced through the tentacle like it was a rubber band, meaning that I shot forward from the sudden release of tension and slammed into the wall. That was when I heard a gutteral screech from the bowels of the Giant Shadow Baba and the plant rumbled with its own voice.

"Good job, Midna," I said, offering genuine praise rather than sarcasm. "If we can-"

"Shut up, I'm mad at you!" the Twilian shouted as she plunged the Ordon Sword into the gap between the Baba's jaws and attempted to pry the thing open. Just as she managed to make enough room for a tiny bit of air to get through, the entire floor slowly tilted backward, making me slide deeper into the Shadow Baba's gullet.

I growled and clawed at the ground just as the Bokoblin skeleton drifted into the Baba's stomach. "'Feed me, Seymour!' Fuck that, I got shit to do!" Propping my paws against the walls of the plant's mouth, I managed to stop my descent, but only barely, and it was getting hard to breathe. "Midna," I said, gritting my teeth from the effort of staying out of the Baba Maw. "Any ideas?"

"Still mad!" Midna yelled as she hovered beside me, Ordon Sword in hand, and gripped my left foreleg tightly, though from the look on her face, I don't think it was out of fear.

"Relax, I only said most of those things to get you out of your stupor."

Midna glared at me and stabbed the sword into the Baba's gullet, causing the entire thing to vibrate and groan in pain. "MOST?!" she screeched.

"Well..." Come on, this is one of those times when phrasing is key! "You're annoying, that part is definitely true..." At Midna's eye twitch, I thought, Dammit! "B-but not any of the other things-look, can we talk about this after we're out of the carnivorous Jumanji plant?"

"So..." Midna started slowly as she jabbed the Ordon Sword into the Baba again. "I'm not worthless or useless?"

"Of course not." I couldn't believe she was really going to do this right at that moment, but there was not much I could do.

"Ugly?" She seemed particularly upset at this, so I quickly shook my head. "Stupid?" I shook my head again. "Pathetic?" Once again, I shook my head. "Freaky little sack of-"

"No, you're not that either, now can we please get out of here?" Midna pursed her blue lips for a moment and then sighed.

"Fine, but this marks the fifth time I've saved you." With that, the Twilian pressed her body against one side of the Baba's mouth and pushed against the other side with her hair. Grunting from the effort, Midna managed to force the damn thing's jaws open enough for us to get out. With her free hand, she pointed at me and shot orange magic from her finger tip, then whipped her arm at the exit. Like clockwork, I was flung out of the Shadow Baba's mouth and landed in a heap on the other end of the tree trunk.

Looking back, I gaped at the size of the plant; about as big as Audrey II, with a coarse black outer shell and muscular black neck stalk. How the hell did I not notice that? After a moment, I nodded to myself. Right, the scent must have been specifically designed so that critters wouldn't see it until it was too late. A flash of movement to the side caught my attention just as Midna popped out of the Shadow Baba, and I pounced down on the shadow insect. The light orb drifted away and Midna landed roughly on her feet, then whirled around when we heard something shift behind us. The Shadow Baba's neck stalk extended, allowing the plant's head to tower above us, its red lips opening and closing in anticipation of its meal. "That's just great..." Faster than I thought possible for a plant that size, the Baba shot out and headbutted Midna, knocking her back a few feet and causing her to drop the Ordon Sword. The Twilian swung her hair in a fist that collided with the plant's carapace and made a dent, but that was a moot point when the Shadow Baba swung its head around, batting Midna into the wooden wall behind her.

As the Shadow Baba opened its maw and prepared to devour the Twilian, I snatched up the Ordon Sword in my jaws and ran forward. Swinging my head to the side, I sliced at the plant's neck stalk and left a painful-looking gash behind. The Shadow Baba screeched and whirled around to face me, which was not what I was counting on. I jumped to the side just as its head shot out at me and I managed to get another lucky hit on its neck stalk, but it was only a superficial wound. I was about to slash again, but Midna flew in front of me, grabbed the Ordon Sword out of my mouth, and cleaved through the Shadow Baba's neck, using my first gash as the entry point. The plant's head flopped over and chomped helplessly at nothing as its neck stalk flailed about, spewing putrid fluids everywhere, including me and Midna.

The Shadow Baba head weakly opened its jaws one last time before the whole thing exploded into dust, leaving a conveniently placed shadow insect behind. Pouncing forward, I shook the bug as hard as I could before it finally stopped moving. As the light orb floated away, I sighed and looked over at Midna, who was wiping Baba blood off her arms and face. Once she decided she was clean enough, the Twilian limped over to me while holding her right leg and favoring her left. "You okay?"

The Twilian waved lazily and vanished the Ordon Sword. "Tired, sleepy, hungry, fatigued, take your pick," she grumbled as she hoisted herself onto my back. "Filthy too. I smell like a man-eating flower."

"Well," I started, then noticed a bug-shaped shadow crawling around at the far end of the tree trunk. "Look on the bright side." Running over, I clawed at the ground and revealed the shadow insect. Once it was vanquished, I said, "We're more than halfway there."

"When the last shadow insect is dead at your feet," Midna muttered, "then I'll share that sentiment."

I sighed and glanced over at the edge of the tree trunk that overlooked the spot where I unlocked the gate to rescue Talo. Between the ground and tree trunk was a large root that sprouted from the ground and then looped right back down. Before I could try to jump it, Midna flew out on top of the root and waved at me. Not willing to start questioning or arguing, I nodded and jumped at her, landed safely on the tree root, then finally leapt to solid ground. "If we live through this, remind me to never start a garden."

Midna huffed and said, "If we live through this, remind me to never eat salad again." Looking around, I found two more shadow insects skittering about on the ground. As I pounced on one, the other jumped into the air and floated about with its wings. Before I could finish squeezing the life out of the shadow insect, the flying one dove down, its stinger poised for my neck. Midna's orange hair hand shot out and enveloped the bug as the Twilian said, "I'm not in the mood to watch you try to catch a bUGHUGHUGH!" Electricity sparked out from Midna's hair as she spasmed and seized about on my back, and via the physical contact with her, I felt jolts of pain scatter through my body. The sudden muscle spasms caused my jaw to crush the shadow insect in my mouth easily, but I wasn't really paying attention. My vision was extremely blurred as I collapsed to the ground, but I did manage to hear Midna growl angrily and then yell.

An orb of light drifted out of Midna's magical hair, which retracted as I muttered, "Sorry about that."

"N-no, that-t-t one was on me," Midna sighed out, her muscles twitching periodically. "Should have thought-t bett-tt-tter than t-to squeeze an annoying l-l-little bug with a sting-ger."

I thought about continuing on to get the last three shadow insects since, after all, there were just three more, but then I recalled that the next Shadow Beast encounter was supposedly in the next area, and I was exhausted. Should I risk it? Hm... "Um... Midna?"

"What-t-t?" she asked harshly.

"Look... you're tired, I'm tired, we're all tired... so I think we should..." I dug my paw into the ground nervously. "We should... take a few minutes to calm down, y'know, catch our breath." Midna dismounted my back like I was a horse and limped in front of me, and I could see her muscles twitch as she strained to stay on her feet.

"You suggest-t that we take a break n-now, when we're so close to getting the last-t-t three shadow insects?" Her face was blank but from the sound of her voice, I didn't think she was amused.

"You're barely standing on your own two feet as it is," I pointed out. "All I'm saying is that five minutes of cooldown won't be the end of the world."

Midna glanced to the side and stayed like that for about half a minute before finally saying, "Fine. Five minut-tes, and not a second more, understand?" I nodded and flopped ungracefully on the ground. Midna followed suit, removing her Fused Shadow helmet and laying on her back perpendicular to me with her head next to mine. "Do you..." She started slowly, only to be interrupted by a yawn. "Do you wanna t-talk?"

That set me on edge. Talk? Midna wanted to talk? "Talk about what?" I asked, hoping that my nervousness was not showing.

The Twilian shrugged and said, "I dunno, an-nything, I guess."

Yeah, that doesn't really help. "You know, I'm not a big fan of conversations..." Looking over, I saw Midna yawn once more while nodding her head. She rolled onto her side and tucked into a ball, her eyes drifting closed, and I chuckled slightly when I noticed that she actually put makeup on both eyelids. What a shocking development.