The Bits in Between
Chapter Seventeen: Wrong Man
By Lumendea
AN: This follows the Ninth Doctor's point of view to the end of Child of Earth! Many people have asked for this, and here it finally is! There will be more Ninth Doctor POVs in the upcoming stories as we follow his and Rose's adventures. This is basically a Ninth Doctor's POV run down of series events with him thus far as we go into the final chapter of Child of Earth.
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He's only known the girl for about a month. To him, at least it had only been about a month, though Rose Tyler had known him since she was eleven years old. He'd found her in the back hallway of that damn Circus Museum cornered by telepathic puppets dressed as clowns. At first, he hadn't realised there was anyone there. There had been an odd flash of gold in the corner of his eye, the first traces of a timeline he'd seen since Galli- since the end of the Time War. Then he'd heard the scream; even as brief as it was had alerted him it was a child.
The Doctor had expected someone famous in Earth's future with the way time twisted around her. She had such bright timelines, but her name hadn't been familiar. Still, she'd been clever enough to recover from her shock and give him useful information. Impressive for an eleven-year-old ape. Something about her timelines tugged at him, like something he'd forgotten. Then again, they were the first timelines he'd seen so clearly since the end of the War.
Eleven years old. What was wrong with him? She'd met him when she was just a child. It had only been a blink of the eye to him, and now…
He'd stopped by the next Christmas just to check on her. Rose had been shivering beneath a lamppost while she read a textbook a bit advanced for her. There'd been a stubborn and determined look on her face, and then she'd gone up to the flat. It didn't take his genius brain to put it all together. He'd gotten the girl a bright red bike to make sure she had a good Christmas despite how tight things might have been. And as a thank you.
She'd clearly taken everything to heart. Little Rose Tyler deserved better, but she wasn't whining or crying. No, she was working on getting there herself. He'd been so proud of her. Which only made the present state of things that much worse. You weren't supposed to-
At fourteen, she'd been entangled with the Mona Lisa. He'd done his best not to think about Romana as memories of Paris pushed forward. Rose, in danger, had helped focus his thoughts. It hadn't been enough to protect her. Everything about his new life still felt raw and awkward. He wasn't sure how to still be the Doctor, but Rose had faith in him. They'd been saved by her painting, and she'd just smiled at learning he was an alien. Adaptability was good in a girl that attracted trouble as much as she did. When she'd said 'until next time, he'd been willing to admit that he did sort of hope he saw her again. Yet her painting hinted at something just beyond his reach. Something tugged at his time sense again. Rose had never seen the TARDIS, and yet she'd painted it. Maybe she'd seen it when she was twelve without really knowing. He wasn't sure, but he was curious.
Seventeen was the next time he saw her. Rose had grown up a lot, and he'd actually been at a loss for a moment upon seeing the honey blonde young woman followed by the robots. The boy had been an idiot, but at least he could listen. She hadn't wavered. He could see the fear behind her determination and understood it all too well. The whole of the human race hung on her, convincing the boy. The Doctor understood that and was grateful that she did too, but Rose bore it better than him. She was brave, clever, and kept her head.
He'd been impressed even though his amusement irritated her. Rose was something special and would be utterly fantastic! That much was clear. She was growing into a beautiful young woman. That thought hit him unexpectedly and the Doctor hated it. She was still a child in many ways, but her timeline was brighter, and he could see the woman she was becoming. There'd been a glimpse down her timeline; it was bright but blurry to him.
The idea of having a partner was strange, but the Doctor already knew Rose was going to be more than the usual companion. He'd been a grandfather figure, fatherly, a mentor, and a friend before. But with Rose, the Doctor wasn't sure what sort of role he'd fit into with her.
Rose just kept growing into herself. He'd been waiting for something to change the growing attraction, but every time he met her, it was worse. She was sweet, compassionate, understanding, and far more patient with him than he deserved. The girl made the future better when she convinced UNIT to help the Tervtians, and he couldn't help but ask her to come. When she hesitated, he'd wanted to storm away and sulk. Rose Tyler was meant for the stars. Then she clarified, and he handed over a key. Normally he waited a bit before giving companions a key, if he ever did at all. Here he'd gone a given a teenager who wasn't even currently travelling with him a key. The Doctor didn't think about that too much. Didn't want to. He'd only known her six days then and wasn't sure what was even happening.
He shouldn't have asked her to come. It was dangerous, but he'd been confident that the moment of weakness was over. They were friends. Alistair liked her enough to tease her. She was clever and knew some basics that would help her as a companion. That's all she was. He'd fall into one of the standard roles and they'd explore the universe until she wanted to return to Earth.
But the problem was that the Doctor was becoming aware that he didn't want to fulfill one of his usual roles. He didn't want to be a teacher or father figure to her. When he found her leaning over components and humming to herself, heat had pooled in his gut as the world tilted. Physical attraction wasn't completely unknown to him, but it wasn't something he'd had to deal with often. Time Lo- his species were much more mentally based. Marriage was logical and based on alliances between the Houses of Gallifrey. Half the time, they dissolved upon regeneration. Yet, as eighteen-year-old Rose Tyler smiled that damn tongue and teeth smile, he'd noticed that she was beautiful.
No, he didn't want one of his usual roles. What he wanted was so much worse. It hadn't been a fully formed thought or plan or even a vague idea. It had just been a sharp swoop in his gut, but it had been enough. Thankfully she had already left, and he retreated to the TARDIS to lose himself beneath the console. He was not going to be attracted to Rose Tyler. He wasn't.
Then there was the Autons, and she'd saved his life. It was a touch worrying to realise how reckless he was getting. The TARDIS was humming angrily at the back of his mind. Rose pointed out that she saved his life, and he heard a hint of reproach from her as well. He should never have had tea with her. The girl ripped down another wall. She wasn't supposed to know about the Time War, but she did. She knew too much. He'd been braced for her anger, her disgust, and instead, she'd thanked him. Rose had thanked him for saving the rest of the universe. It was bitter, the worst thing he'd ever faced, but the reminder that if he hadn't, she wouldn't be there helped. Something broken in his chest started to mend a little. She squeezed his hand, her skin warm and soothing compared to his own, and smiled at him.
He kept running into her. Honestly, at this point, he should have stopped letting the TARDIS take him to Earth during that period. Rose could handle it, but Thane was a serious issue. Rose had shown up again. This time she had a sonic pen. Not as good as his screwdriver, but apparently, he would give it to her. That was crazy; sometimes, he didn't trust companions with keys to the TARDIS, much less alien technology. Still, she knew what she was doing.
Rose had seen into a time schism. Human brains weren't meant for that. He hid his raw relief that she was even alive. A song. That made sense, he supposed. Honestly, with her twisting golden timelines, it was surprising that she didn't hear the universe singing all the time. Why was she so important? What was she supposed to do? He didn't know her name from history, but she was turning out to be this bright little presence on Earth that just seemed to make things better. Not just Earth. Leaving her behind was always hard, and this time, she left him with messages that helped so much. It was a good thing he'd gone into the Vortex before playing them. He might have done something humiliating. He was the Doctor, and he didn't beg on his knees for humans to come travelling with him.
He planned to avoid her for a bit after that. That odd burst of desire he'd suffered when she was eighteen at the old UNIT HQ had mostly faded, but it lingered in the back of his mind. Made him feel uneasy and guilty. But then she called. Rose was crying, and everything else went out the window. The sound of her broken voice, her sniffing as she tried to keep herself together, had made up his mind before he even considered it. He'd set the coordinates and had the smoothest flight since the Time War getting to her.
The Doctor helped get her friend out and wondered just how close they were. Rose was grateful to see him, but he wasn't the focus on her attention. He tried not to get jealous; he was a Time Lord and above that. Rose was just another companion. She wasn't even that yet, not really. Still, seeing her in need of his protection and help made the strange ache fade a little. He preferred protectiveness being inspired in him. That was familiar and infinitely easier.
The TARDIS took him to the desert this time. An old spaceship was leaking, and he was just planning to patch things up, so it didn't hurt anyone. Just passing through. Rose was supposed to be on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. Then she found him and told him a bit of the trouble Section 13 was having, but they were attacked. Rose got sick, and there was another him. He knew that he'd look after her in the future; there'd been enough hints of that.
But when the hell had he popped around for breakfast with her in a future form. Why? He pushed those concerns aside. Rose needed help, and his next self was offering it. Damn pretty boy. He looked closer to her age, acted more human, and even talked a bit more like her. The Doctor didn't want to wonder, but he did. Things went a bit hazy, but they managed to keep Rose safe and stop this Black Sun group. For the time being, at least. Still, he had an odd feeling that he was missing something. Had forgotten something. Then again, crossing his own timeline was always a bit messy.
All he'd been doing was refuelling. It wasn't fair. Park the TARDIS over the Cardiff rift, open the doors, and there she was. He could almost hear the TARDIS laughing at him. At first, it's nice. They go out to lunch and just chat. He knows they're getting some looks. They aren't acting like family, and he can see judgement in their eyes. Yeah, he's a dirty old man, but he had a beautiful blonde sitting across from him and smiling.
Blon had been discovered. Rose had broken down, reminding him painfully of how young she was with so much on her shoulders. The Doctor was angry at UNIT, angry at Lethbridge-Stewart, Benton, and anyone else who'd put Rose in the position of having to make the hard choices. She cried against his chest, and he understood all too well. At least he was able to give her that understanding.
But it broke down the barriers he'd been building. That initial awkward bit of desire was transforming, had transformed while he'd been trying to forget it had been there. This was less embarrassing now, less horrifying, but even more tragic and impossible. Love was something he liked. Platonic love and friendship were wonderful and something he'd enjoyed with many people. He loved the universe in general even when it was cruel and loved these silly apes more than any of his people have understood.
But this was different. Blon openly asked him about it, mocked the fact that he had feelings for Rose Tyler. It was terrifying, twisted in his gut like a cold knot. The only thing worse than having an inappropriate reaction to a girl he'd known since she was eleven was developing feelings for her. That guilty feeling was back, and he prayed to deities he didn't believe in that he hadn't ruined their friendship. At least Rose didn't seem to have imprinted on him; that would have only made things worse. The Doctor just needed some time. Picking up Rose could wait, had to wait. At least that had been the plan.
Yet, he'd come back to Earth. Thane was causing trouble again, and Rose was right in the middle of all of it. Again. Jeopardy Friendly did not even come close to describing that woman- girl. That girl. He needed to think of her as a girl. Twenty years old was still just a babe to him. Remembering that was important. Then they'd been separated by Thane, and the whole time he'd been working his way through the damned traps, he'd been worried. Thane was obsessed with Rose. He should have kept her away from him, should have locked Rose in the bloody TARDIS if necessary.
Rose had shot Thane. She was crying a little and in pain. The men with her had died in an electric trap. The Doctor was sorry for that but grateful it hadn't been her. Holding her, cradling her body as he took her outside and away from the grim sight of Thane and those men had made his heartache. He wanted to make it all better, but he couldn't. All he could do was shelter her injured body with his and feel his own hearts speed up as she relaxed against him.
All the wrong thoughts came to mind. She was soft and warm. Curves in all the right places and clutching at his jumper. His mind hadn't known what to focus on. Thane wasn't a danger, but someone had helped him. Maybe those Black Sun folks. Rose was injured, and there were too many soldiers and guns around. But Rose's breasts were pressed against him. All that desire came flooding back, made brighter and hotter by those feelings. Still, he'd stayed with her. They were friends, but it was a special form of torment.
The Doctor stayed. Usually, when the trouble was passed, he left—this time, he didn't. Rose was with UNIT medical. She was fine and would wake up soon, but he found himself staying. No one said anything, but some of the staff didn't seem sure what to do with him sitting at her bedside. Benton had stopped by to check on her. He hadn't been surprised. The Doctor wasn't sure what to make of that. It hadn't been until she was up and moving that he finally left. Even then, he'd held her hand and walked with her slowly. He'd held her too long in that hug, and it had hit him how long he'd stayed. His ears had probably been red when he finally took off.
Eclipse had ambushed him while he investigated. Japan was far from Rose, but he was on Earth, and that always made him think of her. The Doctor wondered how long it would be before this planet didn't make him think of her. They'd been so many humans in his life, and yet somehow Rose had become THE human, and Earth was HER home. His distraction had made it humiliatingly easy for Eclipse to capture him. At least they didn't seem to know who he was for sure and didn't have the TARDIS. Once they realised that the 'spy' had two hearts, he was knocked out and sent away.
When he woke up, Rose was there. She was angry, everything hurt, but she was tenderly treating his wounds the best she could. He'd been surprised that she came. She'd just looked stunned at the idea that she wouldn't. The Doctor's hearts had jumped a bit at that look of devotion in her eyes. There were a lot of other things to worry about, to think about, but Rose Tyler looking at him like that. His hearts didn't seem to work quite right anymore.
Thankfully, UNIT came. He didn't like being around guns anymore. UNIT soldiers never used to bother him, but now they did. Even Alistair, but his old friend, quickly provided him with a distraction. The Doctor focused on Eclipse and not on Rose. They knew about her, and fear gripped him. He'd been relieved when the man shot himself; at least he couldn't go after Rose. Marion Beckett, they'd called her, but he decided to leave it alone. Rose would call him if she needed him. She'd proven that before, and this time had shown up to rescue him. Embarrassing, but that look in her eyes would stay with him. The Doctor just wished he knew what sort of affection it was. He'd play whatever role she desired but knew the one that he desperately wanted. The dangerous one he couldn't have.
Rose did call. There was an infant with a bomb inside her, but all he'd really focused on was Rose calling him. She'd smiled at him, and the world had gotten brighter. Her timelines were glowing, and it was so tempting to look. It went against his own rules, but he wanted to know. There'd been chaos outside before he could give in to that impulse.
The Doctor hated leaving her behind. Hated knowing she was defending them while he helped Skye. It was the smartest course of action, and Rose could handle herself, but he still hated it. Worse was he wasn't sure why he hated it. Was it just his normal protectiveness or tied to those feelings? When the Metalkind came crashing in, it was only the sound of Rose's voice calling out a warning that kept him from panicking. She was fine, a little shaken from the gas, but he'd fixed that.
Like him, Rose had secrets. He didn't like it. There had been references in the past that she'd met other incarnations. Rose couldn't give him details, but she didn't hide it or make a point of sharing. It was just the way it was. But apparently, the Guardians were involved. He didn't want them anywhere near her. If the White Guardian had shown up then, good or not, he'd had put himself between Rose and the White Guardian. That wasn't all that would have happened. He had questions, so many questions, about what they did and, more importantly, why they didn't do anything during the War. But Rose wasn't bothered by it. She was accepting, always so calm and accepting. Of everything.
Even him. He wanted to ask her more, get answers as to why the Guardians were interested in her, but Rose shrugged off his concerns. She smiled at him, giving him that tongue-touched smile that caused heat. His knees threatened to give out, but he kept smiling at her. Their friendly banter had a hint of flirtation to it. At least he thought so, but maybe that was just wishful thinking on his part. She was so beautiful. Her hair was a mess, she looked tired, but standing in the glow of the afternoon sun through the window, she looked beautiful. Rose had moved to kiss his cheek, but when Spock beeped, he'd turned just enough that her lips brushed his.
The heat exploded. His knees had almost gone out, and he knew he'd turned red. Rose had blushed, but she looked a bit pleased. That was almost worse. It tempted him to think that he could get more. He'd shoved his hands in his pockets and retreated to the TARDIS. Running again. To her graduation in theory, but the fear was building. Could he really dare to travel with her? Then again, could he leave someone like her on Earth? Would she be safe? Past experience insisted no.
He loved her. There weren't enough curses in the whole of time and space, and he'd spent two days just knocking around the TARDIS shouting. Screaming at the universe. He couldn't love Rose Tyler. Attracted to her, sure, he'd accepted that. Rose was a beautiful, confident woman with a smile that threatened to melt his brain. Protective, sure, he had a duty to take care of her. After all, she'd protected him; it was only right. Admiring, well, the girl did save Earth on her own fairly routinely. But love. He couldn't do that. It wouldn't go away.
He shouldn't return. Rose could keep the TARDIS key and stay on Earth with UNIT. It would be better that way. This thing wasn't going away. That Slitheen woman had seen it, and so had a Dalek. If a Dalek could see it, then he was truly lost. And it had seen it. A Dalek had used his love for Rose against them. If she hadn't been so… fantastic, then they'd all have been dead. Rose Tyler, so fantastic that she completely changed a Dalek. It should have made him happy, but it just made his chest ache.
What was he doing? Her offer to leave university to travel with him, to stay with him, had made both of his hearts stop beating. So when she'd gone to speak with UNIT, he did the only thing that made sense. He'd gotten in his box and run. He'd put time and space between them as he tried to gather his senses. Surely Rose hadn't- no, that wasn't fair. She knew what she was suggesting. She knew what she was giving up. Rose knew enough of his former companions to know there was no promise of getting back at the right point in time.
He was the wrong man for this. Love had somewhat interested in his sensitive fifth self, and had he met Rose, then maybe something could have happened. His last body before the Time War certainly would have been brave enough to pursue her no matter how poorly advised it all was. She was human and would live only a few years compared to him, but his Eighth self had been a romantic at heart. That was gone now, burned away, leaving a killer in its wake.
Yet Rose didn't see it that way. She'd thanked him for the universe, and there was absolution in her eyes. The guilt drifted away, and the echoing void in his mind eased when she took his hand or stood close to him. But he was too old, too jaded, and too damaged for someone like her. Rose Tyler deserved everything. He could at least give her the stars for as long as she wanted until someone worthy of her came along. The Doctor half figured it would be some grand king of a galaxy or brilliant artist in the distant future. They'd just better be worthy of her because as much as he knew he shouldn't, the Doctor loved her and wouldn't settle for Rose having anything less than what she deserved.
That just wasn't him, no matter how much he might wish it was. He was the wrong man now. If he was completely honest, he'd always been the wrong man. But Rose considered him a friend. He'd keep his promise and let her travel with him. He'd do his best to protect her until she found the right man. She'd healed something inside of him, and he owed her for that, even if someday she was going to be the one that shattered it. Yes, he was definitely the wrong man.