Five minutes. That's what Midna wanted. Five measly minutes. But how could I possibly wait five minutes when she was snoring so loudly?! I mean, really, a thunderstorm during an earthquake in a blender filled with gravel makes less noise than her! I stared at the Twilian, bluntly surprised at how loud a little girl could be, even if that girl was a magical woman who was probably thousands of years old with the body of an Amazon. I mean, Kitana was 10,000 years ahead of literally every Earthrealm fighter in the MK series, and I think half the characters from Final Freaking Fantasy were way over 100 years old. Anyway, point is, Midna was snoring loud enough to wake the dead... which, in this sort of setting, was a very real possibility, so after grinding through what I hoped was five minutes, I nudged Midna's shoulder.

"Midna," I said, only to be met by a groan. "Miiidnaaa." The Twilian rolled over to face the other way and I looked up to the sky in exasperation. "Can Hyrule's destiny really depend on such a lazy girl? Midna," I nudged her again gently, "it's time to get up."

The Twilian squirmed and pulled herself tighter into a ball as she mumbled, "F've m're m'nts..." Shaking my head, I walked around and pushed my snout against Midna's shoulder a bit more forcefully. She squinted, and upon seeing my wolfish face right in front of her, her eyes shot open and she screamed. I screamed back and jumped about three feet away. The Twilian clutched a hand to her chest and demanded, "What were you thinking, frightening a poor girl like that?!"

"'Poor girl'?" I asked. "You just eviscerated a giant plant from the inside out."

The Twilian glared and said, "A giant plant that drugged and nearly devoured me, and then I got electrocuted by a bug!"

I snorted and said, "Oh yes, you're a complete Woobie."

Midna clenched her eyes and jaws as she growled, "What do you want?"

"You told me to wake you up after five minutes," I said as I walked over to her. "It's been five minutes."

"Oww, my chest hurts," Midna whined and swatted my nose. "Shame on you, Zach. You couldn't have found a gentler way of waking me?"

I rolled my eyes as she stood up. "I didn't shake you like a rattle, so I think I did pretty good." The Twilian huffed and limped over to my side. As she hoisted herself up, I said, "I hope you're feeling better, because I think there's going to be a Shadow Beast attack in the next area."

"Are you sure?" Midna asked, and I could have sworn there was a tremble in her voice.

Sighing, I said, "Honestly, not really. I was mistaken about the timing of the one before, so for all I know, there won't be an attack, but better safe than dead."

Midna groaned and settled herself on my back. "I don't have enough magic power to use that energy field attack. I don't even have enough to levitate, how are we going to do take them down?"

I hummed in thought as I entered the tunnel leading to the next area. "Well, we need a plan of attack, and for the record, 'I have a plan: Attack' is not an acceptable answer."

"Um, okay then." Midna let out a sigh and I heard her neck crack. "Well, I got nothing. I think I have enough magic power for a slightly bigger jump than normal-"

"Yes, because you've been hopping up and down all day."

"Shut up!" the Twilian shouted and punctuated it with a swift kick in the sides just as we emerged into the open area. "As I was saying, I can jump, but no telekinesis, levitation, warping, or any other spells."

"What about that shadow doohickey?" I lifted my paw and twirled it around. "The thing where you turn into a shadow?"

Midna hummed in thought but then said, "Mm-mm, no good. I could do it, but then I'd just be an intangible girl who can't fly, lift, warp, or anything else."

I lay down and looked at the grass. There had to be a way to do this. I didn't grind through Adventure of Link, the first three Crash Bandicoots, and Power Rangers: Wild Force to be stumped by a tediously simple issue as a Shadow Beast 'ambush'. There must have been some factor I was overlooking, something that could help me and Midna defeat the Shadow Beasts. Whatever it was had to be able to compensate for Midna's low magic power... for which there was a replenishing potion just further into the area! "Of course!" I declared, jumping to my feet and startling Midna.

As she gripped my fur to keep her balance, Midna said, "A little warning next time, if you would be ever so kind."

"My apologies, O Fairness, I just thought of how to get through the next attack, assuming there even is one."

Midna sighed. "Fine, what did you have in mind?"

"Can't tell you," I said calmly, then started to walk into the area where the Shadow Beasts were likely to appear, but Midna pulled on my ears.

"What do you mean, 'can't tell you'?" the Twilian demanded, leaning far enough over for me to see her upside down. "Why can't you tell me?"

"That's how it works," I drawled. "The less I say about a plan, the higher chance it succeeds. If I tell you, it'll almost inevitably fail."

"Yes yes, that's all well and good," Midna waved off, "but I do not want to go through what happened with that Twilit Flier again-"

I turned my head slightly and asked, "What's a Twilit Flier?"

With a groan, Midna said, "You know, the flying animal that dragged us across the sky and flung you into a window?"

I rolled my eyes. "That's a Shadow Kargarok, Midna."

"You say 'Tomato', I say 'Tell me your plan or I will drown you in the healing water, bring you back to life, and drown you again', mkay?"

"Your threat is empty," I snorted.

"Is it?" Midna asked sweetly, making eye contact and refusing to blink at me.

After an arduous staring contest with Midna, I sighed and said, "Fine, the plan was for me to get as close to the barrier as possible, then you super jump over it, look for the green potion just further down, chug it, and hurry back before I get viciously mauled." Once a few seconds passed, I added, "No pressure."

"Hmm..." Midna released my ears and sat back. "That could work... but won't you be on your own for the short time I'm looking for the potion?"

"Aw, you do care about me." I shook my head.

The Twilian huffed and said, "Oh please, I'm only concerned because of the fact that you're not completely useless."

"I know, but it's fun to pretend. Anyway, I'll be fine." I walked forward, and sure enough, the columns of Twilit energy plunged into the earth, a portal opened above, and three Shadow Beasts thudded to the ground, though one was farther away from the other two. "Aw, no one wants to play with that one." My mental voice turned dark as I growled, "He dies first."

"Whoa, where did that come from?" Midna asked sharply.

Taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, I said, "That one is isolated from the others, so if I can take him out on my own while you get your potion, we'll have only two to deal with."

"...Oh. Well, you don't have to sound so rude about it."

"It should have been obvious, so yes I do."

"Argh, just get over to that barrier so your 'great and wonderful plan' can play out, you horse-face!"

"Horse-face?" I asked as I walked along the border of the force field. "I'm a wolf, you couldn't come up with a more accurate insult?"

Midna clutched the fur on the back of my neck painfully and hissed, "Fine, you little bitch, how's that for accurate?"

Whoa whoa whoa... Midna said a swear?! My brain stopped for a moment to process that. If she's upset enough to swear, who knows what else she'll do... Meh. "Needs work," I said, and before she could say anything else, I darted forward and skimmed the border closest to Trill's stand. I looked back and nodded when I saw the three Shadow Beasts lumbering around and minding their own business."Coast is clear, go go go!"

Midna lifted herself up and placed her feet on either side of my spine. "Hold still, I can't jump very well if you keep rocking like that!" With a sigh, I stood still and Midna attempted to walk on my back. "I'm not tall enough... need to get higher..." She placed one foot on my shoulder and precariously placed the other on the top of my head, her entire body wobbling from the uneven surface.

"Ow..." I turned my head to look around and saw that the lone Shadow Beast was getting closer. "Hurry up, Midna, Misery's lookin' for companyyy!"

"Almost there..." She somehow managed to get both feet on my head, but one slipped and slid onto my snout. "Still not high enough..."

"Oh for the love of..." I lurched onto my hindlegs and tentatively stepped closer to the barrier, which was still a good two feet higher than me. How the hell do dogs do this?! "Is this better?"

"Much!" The Twilian shot off my head like a rocket and soared through the air... and got caught across the belly on the barrier, which then unleashed a burst of electric energy and sent Midna flying right back into the arena. She landed on her leg and rolled to a stop on the far side, with Misery blocking the way, yet the other two Shadow Beasts remained oblivious.

"Midna, you okay?" I heard a groan and took that as a yes, so I waited for Misery to get closer to me. Backing away, I stopped just shy of the barrier and watched the creature lift its fist to strike me, only for it to accidentally hit the barrier first. As the Shadow Beast convulsed, I darted under its legs and dashed over to Midna, who by then was twitching and nursing her right foot. "Twisted ankle?"

The Twilian nodded and gritted her teeth. "I didn't-t-t have as much magic-c-c as I thought-t..." she mumbled.

Shaking my head, I lay beside her and nudged her with my snout. "We'll get a chance to fix it once we get through this, so get on."

"Zach, I don't have any more magic," Midna protested. "Not to sound glum, but how are we going to do this?"

"I'll think of something, just get on my back." The Twilian sighed and saddled herself down. I glanced around and noticed that the other Shadow Beasts were approaching. "Just great..." My ear twitched in excitement when I then saw Misery, recovered from his shock therapy and lumbering down to recover his strength. "Midna, you ever played Leap Frog?"

Midna made a confused sound and gripped my fur. "I don't even know what a frog IIIIIIIIIS!" She continued to scream and shout orders as I ran full speed at Misery's back, but I drowned her out by humming the William Tell Overture. My claws dug into the Shadow Beast's skin and provided enough traction for me to push off its shoulders and shoot over the barrier.

"I'm free, I'm free! Oof!" I crashed into the ground harshly on my right paw and continued to roll haphazardly to a stop near the potion stand. "Dang it..." I looked down at my paw and found that it was twisted to the side and swollen a bit. "Well, that went well," I said as I picked myself up, favoring my left side more than my right. Hm, Midna's so light it's like she's not even there... Turning my head, I found that Midna was indeed not there. She was laying in the grass nearby, foot in hand, and glared something fierce at me. "Heh, oops."

"You almost got us killed!" Midna screeched, and she swatted me on the head to emphasize how she was feeling.

I rolled my eyes and limped over to Trill's shop, wincing with every ginger step. "If you had just let me carry my plan out without all that explanation nonsense, you wouldn't have been electrocuted and gotten a twisted ankle." I hummed and nodded at the potion bowl. "Speaking of which, you should get some magic in your system." Midna growled and tenderly limped over to the stool and hopped up. The Twilian leaned on her left leg as she lifted the bowl and drank it dry, finishing it off with a begrudgingly adorable belch. "Feel better?"

Midna turned to me and flashed a smile before she floated into the air, keeping her right leg slightly more elevated than the other. "So much better. Magic makes the world go round. Eee hee hee!" She giggled and twirled around for a bit, apparently enjoying her zero gravity shenanigans.

"When you're done," I said. "We have three shadow bugs left before I get to be me again." The Twilian pouted and rolled her eyes before sitting down on my back, then her magic hair lurched up and smushed one of the bugs against the rock wall behind Trill's stand. "Two more, then. I assume they're up at the top of that wood path?" I gestured down the way toward the spot where Talo was held captive.

"How did-"

"That's where they were before," I said before limping off to the path, and then noticed that the Bokoblin bodies were gone, not even a drop of blood remained. Midna kicked her left heel into my side, and I continued on. The final two shadow insects... were nowhere to be found. "Huh? I thought they were here..." The monkey spirit was also not there, and that made me even more paranoid.

"Proven wrong at every turn?" Midna gasped dramatically. "Oh the horror! The horrorrr... Stupid mutt, they're behind those two pillars." I rolled my eyes and stomped forward, instantly regretting it when I put pressure on my injured paw. "Eee hee! Aw, you hurt yourself. That's what you get for being stupid."

Growling, I ordered, "Shut up, Midna," and circled the pillars.

"First, you don't give me orders." I jumped on the nearer shadow insect and squeezed it to death. "Second, when you speak to me, you will address me as Princess Midna, Your Royal Highness, or Midna the Magnificent." She giggled at her own joke. "Third, don't ever tell me to shut up. Got it?"

I glanced up and smirked in my wolfish body. "Okay, Midna the Maleficent. By the way, that bug is floating around and I can't exactly jump with this injured paw, so..." I felt the Twilian shift on my back but she said nothing. "Um, hello?"

"Hm?" Midna coyly asked. "Oh, I was unaware you were speaking to me." She giggled and patted my head. "I suppose once that shadow insect dies, you will return to normal."

Something about the way she was speaking set me on edge. "Yes... So, if you don't mind..." I nodded my head at the bug, but Midna had yet to move.

"I don't think I am obligated to assist you here," she said. "If you think you know so much about this world, then I am confident you can find a way to swat that bug."

I narrowed my eyes at the Twilian and growled. "Fine. I'll show you." I looked around for something to throw, but there was nary a twig or rock in sight. The only strategy I could come up with was to bait the shadow insect and strike when it got close, but that would require sidestepping, which would be extremely painful with a twisted paw. One for the 'team'... I approached the bug and barked, catching its attention. Electricity sparked around its shell as it unleashed its stinger and divebombed, but just before it made contact, I hopped to the side and smacked the bug out of the air even with my pulled muscles screaming in agony. The shadow insect skittered on the ground as I leapt onto it and squeezed the light essence out of it, relief flooding my senses when the orb coalesced into the air.

The orb expanded and enveloped me and Midna, wrapping us in a warm bubble of light. Blissful liquid sloshed over my body as I found myself in Faron's Spring, the sun shining brightly and birds chirping in the trees. I closed my eyes at the wonderful sensation of standing on two human feet, breathing in through a human nose, listening with human ears... "Aww, but it was so nice here in the Twilight..." Midna said. I looked up and found the Twilian hovering above the water in her shadowy visage. "What's so great about a world of light, anyway?"

"Midna," I said quietly and lifted up my hand. "May I please have my eye back?" The Twilian nodded and dropped the damn object into my palm. Turning away so that she wouldn't see, I inserted the damn thing into my eye cavity and sighed at the familiar feel of damn plastic lodged in my skull. I looked back at Midna and said, "Thank you." She shrugged and dove under my shadow as the resident light spirit appeared above the spring. Faron resembled an enormous squirrel, with off-white skin and swirls of gold spanning its body and tail, and a pulsating golden orb was tucked in its clutches.

"My name is Faron," said the spirit. "O brave youth... Look at your awakened form..." I slowly looked down and couldn't suppress the giggle of excitement when I saw what I had on. It was not the Hero's Tunic, but something even cooler: Thick dark brown midcalf-length boots, tan slacks tucked into the boots, a belt with attachment for a sword sheath, my bracers, a dark green dress shirt, chainmail top, and a black leather vest. Ooh, leather, they gave me leather! "Your name is Zach. You are the Hero Chosen by the Goddesses. You know your task?" I nodded and flexed my hands, relieved to find my injuries all healed up, and Faron nodded slowly in turn. "Because of its nature, it is a power that should never be touched by any who dwell in the light. But this world weeps beneath a mantle of shadows, and so there is no choice... If you would seek this forbidden power, then proceed to the ruins buried deep within the forest." With that, the light spirit faded away, leaving me alone in the spring.

"Well, well... You're the chosen hero and all that, huh?" Well, almost alone. The Twilian popped up from my shadow in her ghostly form. "So THAT'S why you turned into that beast!"

"Well, yeah," I said, barely hiding the grin at hearing my own natural voice. "Why else would I transform? It's all part of the role I was given as Hero of Twilight."

Midna scoffed, and that scoff quickly turned into laughter. "You're actually going to call yourself the 'Hero of Twilight'? And all this time, I thought it was a fluke! Hey, Faron, look," she turned her head to the spring and gestured at me, "it's the 'Hero of Twilight!' Hahaha!"

Lifting an eyebrow, I asked, "You're mocking me, aren't you?"

The Twilian shook her head and said, "Oh no, not at all-" She suddenly gasped and pointed over my shoulder. "ZACH LOOK A MONSTER!"

"Where?!" I whirled around and looked, but there was nothing there.

"BAH!" I slowly turned around and saw Midna rolling on the ground laughing her ass off. Oh ho ho, very mature. "What... Eheh... What a shame... I mean..." She had another laughing fit, and I crossed my arms. "M-maybe you'd rather just wander as a spirit like the rest of them, totally unaware of what was happening for all eternity, right?" She giggled and cackled some more while I watched her with a raised eyebrow.

"Whatever," I said with a roll of my eyes and turned to walk away. "Let's go get that damn Fused Shadow."

"Ahh, hold it," the Twilian interrupted as she floated in front of me. "We're not going yet."

Taken aback, I scrunched up my face in confusion and asked, "What do you mean we're not going?"

Midna crossed her arms and tilted her head at me. "Trust me, I want that Fused Shadow more than anyone, but I am very tired, so let's go to your house so we can relax and refresh ourselves. Besides," she leaned into the shade and revealed her grinning face, "you promised me dinner."

I tried to respond, but the memory of inviting her to my house caught up with me. "Dammit... Fine," I drawled. "Shouldn't you at least patch yourself up?"

"Nope!" The Twilian smiled. "Turns out that light orb healed me up, so I'm good as can be. Now go on," she shooed me away from path leading into the woods and vanished into my shadow, "lead away, Boy."

"Zach," I said as I trudged down the path to the bridge.

"Bicuspid."

"You don't even know what that is."

"Neither do you, so ha."

With a sigh, I said, "The premolar teeth, or bicuspids, are transitional teeth located between the canine and molar teeth."

"And isn't it just sad that you know that?"

I scoffed. "I know a lot of things, and furthermore..." I turned around to tell her off, but I quickly realized that she was below me, not behind. I also found that I had crossed the bridge without even noticing.

"Hm? Got nothing to say?" I rolled my eyes and continued on my way to the house.

"Only the important things, Shorty."

"WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT CALLING ME THAT?!"

I set the ladder back to its usual position and climbed up. "I suffered a few blows to the head recently, memory got scrambled." Entering the threshold, I took in a deep breath and sighed. "Home Sweet Pineapple."