Midna was not happy. In the hours since she met Zach, she had been flung around like a toy, rolled on, drugged, injured, electrocuted twice, injured again, and all the while being insulted by the utterly frustrating wolf-boy even after he agreed not to bring up the issue of her body. No, Midna was most certainly not happy.

Shorty? SHORTY? The Twilian squeezed her eyes shut and counted to ten. Then counted again. And again. And once more, with feeling. Nope. Still angry. She emerged from the shadows as Zach shut the door to his 'home' and she winced. "You call this a house?"

"Sure ain't a wishing well," said Zach after cracking his neck. He walked over in the dark and stopped just shy of a small box, on top of which was a lantern. Midna crossed her arms and observed the building. It was dusty and grimy and smelled like... well, it actually smelled fairly decent, but Midna's sour mood refused to acknowledge it, though she did notice the inviting orange light coming from the lantern, which moved to the hearth at the other end of the room, tucked between a ladder leading down and a ladder going up.

After igniting the aged firewood, Zach stood back and dusted his hands off. Midna rolled her eyes and removed the Fused Shadow, deciding it was better off in the pocket dimension rather than on the dusty surfaces of the house. "So, what fine cuisine will be served?" Midna asked, trying her very hardest to keep the sarcasm to a low.

"Beefaroni," Zach answered simply as he removed a small satchel from his belt. Perhaps it was curiosity, perhaps it was a desire to punish the wolf-boy, but for whatever reason, Midna snatched the bag out of Zach's hand and began to rummage through it, tossing aside clothes and random trinkets like cylinders and thin wooden boxes and such. Fascinating, it has its own pocket dimension... She was puzzled that Zach made no effort to stop her until he said, "Be careful with my underwear, it's delicate."

"EW!" Midna dropped the satchel like it was a slug and floated as far away from it as possible. "You keep your food and your soiled clothes in the same bag?!"

"No," said Zach as he picked up the various things Midna threw out and stuffed them into the satchel. "There are compartments to keep certain things where they belong." He hummed and displayed the bag to the Twilian. "I think you could fit in here. Thoughts?"

Midna just barely resisted the urge to crush the fool with her magic hair, but she still seethed, "Stop making fun of me."

Zach shrugged and picked up one of the cylinders. "You ever had Beefaroni?"

How dare he switch the topic! Midna eyed the item and shook her head. "Never had Cylinder before."

The wolf-boy did not seem very concerned with Midna's sarcasm. "It's a container for the food inside." He strode over to the hearth and sat down. "It's basically meat and noodles with sauce." Midna blinked and cursed her stomach for growling at that exact moment. With a groan, she hovered over to Zach, only to stop when she saw a thin wafer bar on the counter. It was a white rectangle with a smaller black rectangle within, and it looked... shiny? The Twilian grabbed the wafer bar and was met by Zach's rather frantic, "Don't mess with that!"

"What, this?" Midna teased, lifting the bar above her head. Ha ha, got you now. "You shouldn't keep snacks to yourself, that's just selfish."

Zach paused and frowned. "That's not a snack, it's a phone. A..." He scratched the back of his neck in thought. "It's a communication device."

Ooh, that sounds neat! "Who does it communicate with?" Midna fiddled with the 'phone' and observed that on its back was the reflective shape of a fruit, though it did not show Midna's true form as she discovered with the mirror in the bathhouse, much to Midna's depressing disappointment. She had assumed it was like in those story books where the mirror revealed the true self.

"No one right now," Zach said as he pulled a loop on the Beefaroni container, releasing a pleasant odor, and set it on a grate just above the fire in the hearth. "It needs a certain bit of technology that probably won't be invented here for another 400 years, if at all."

Midna raised a brow at that. "What is that supposed to mean? You're from the future?"

Zach turned sharply at her and she could see the incredulity and judgment in his eyes. "The futu- Did you forget what I said? I'm from a different world, not a different time; this isn't Dragon Ball. Now, if you don't mind," he extended his hand, "I'd like that back."

The Twilian rolled her eyes, not willing to ask what 'Dragon Ball' was because it sounded very invasive. She found a small knob on the top of the phone and pushed it. The device suddenly came alive and shot a dull light from the formerly black rectangle. "I thought you said there was no magic in your world," said Midna as she squinted at the image of a green-garbed warrior with golden chest armor.

"That's technology; science."

"Still sounds boring. And why do you have this if it can't communicate with anyone?" Midna shook the phone and frowned at it as she brushed dust off the counter and sat down. "Hello! Can you hear me?"

She heard Zach sigh. "It's got a bunch of features for when I'm bored. It's an inanimate object, it can't... well, technically it can hear you, but it won't do anything." There were strange symbols all across the rectangle, such as a tiny white bar in the upper right corner, several large characters in the top center, and a gray box in the bottom right corner. Midna touched the box and the view changed to... herself?

"It's a fancy mirror," she said with a bit of disappointment. She was hoping there would be goodies to torment Zach with, but all she saw was her glowing eyes and a large white circle at the bottom. Hmm, what's this do? She pressed her thumb onto the circle and was met by a very bright light. "Gah! My eyes!" She dropped the phone and stumbled off the counter. The Twilian blindly wandered about with her hands forward as she exclaimed, "It attacked me! I'm blind!"

A warm hand grabbed Midna's shoulder and forced her to sit down on a thin mattress. She whirled her head around but was still unable to see anything beyond the white haze. "Calm down," Zach said. "It was just the camera flash, you'll be fine."

Oh, I'll be 'just fine'? "I can't see." The Twilian crossed her arms and pouted at how Zach was not as concerned as she felt he should.

Zach sighed heavily and pointed out, "Your eyes are closed."

After a short pause, Midna opened one eyelid and found that, other than the multicolored dot in the center of her vision, she was unharmed, so she opened the other eye and ignored the heat on her cheeks. "Oh."

"Well, congratulations," Zach said as he looked at the phone in his hand. He seemed amused, or at least not upset. "You're my first photo in Hyrule." He tilted his hand so Midna could see an image of herself looking puzzled and confused, and she gasped and snatched the phone.

"How is this possible?" She tilted the thing to inspect its every inch more thoroughly than when she last held it, but she was still no closer to finding the answer. "How did this create a portrait of me without a painter?"

"Technology," Zach said, though he sounded unimpressed and perhaps even bored. "Beefaroni's ready if you want some." Midna's stomach growled again and she looked around.

"What are we having it in? And what with?"

Zach blinked. "Didn't think of that; hang on." He stood up and glanced around the room as Midna continued to examine his phone. With both eyes narrowed and the device held far away, she pressed the large indent below the rectangle and the view changed from her 'photo' to a field of strange symbols, but at least she could recognize the orange musical notes.

"Can this thing play music?" Midna asked. She was almost giddy at the tiny little box in her hand, it was so fascinating. Err, it's different, not fascinating... Midna told herself. She did admit that the ability to generate sounds on a whim could be very entertaining, even if those sounds were completely foreign to her ears.

Zach returned and plopped down beside her with a wooden bowl and two thin sticks with prongs at the end. "Music, couple movies, and an episode of The Big Bang Theory." He held the Beefaroni container upside down and waited for the contents to spill into the bowl, but it seemed to be taking a while. With a sigh, he took one of the pronged sticks and shoveled the Beefaroni out. Midna grimaced at the sight; off-yellow noodles with chunks of dark gray meat drowning in red sauce.

"Zach," the Twilian said coyly. The wolf-boy glanced at her and raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you going to offer a hot towel?"

Zach blinked and asked, "Is that a Twilian culture thing?" Midna fought down the urge to point out that it was cultural and sanitary; a hot towel was meant to clean the hands before eating. Instead, she nodded and was met by a derisive chuckle. "Well, we aren't in the Twilight Realm, and I don't have any hot or cold towels anyway."

"You seriously expect me to eat this stuff without cleaning my hands first?" Midna fumed, deeply frustrated at Zach's callous disregard for the basic etiquette of eating and hosting. What was not to understand about sitting so that the guest was farthest from the entrance, or that the host must offer a simple hot towel? They were not in the Twilight Realm, true, but that did not mean Midna could simply disregard the traditions taught to her from childhood. Her people deserved better than that.

Besides, someone had to educate Zach in the ways of the civilized.

"I thought you said you freshened up at the spring," said Zach as he used the strange utensil to scoop a portion of his serving straight out of the container and into his mouth.

Midna blanched but nodded. "I did, but it's the principle of the thing."

"The principle being...?" Zach twirled his hand in the air for Midna to provide the answer.

"It's dignified and hygienic!" she exclaimed.

Zach sighed and said, "Fine, I have a towel, but it's not hot or cold." He dug through his satchel and pulled out a neatly folded white fabric. "Will this do? It's clean."

The Twilian eyed the towel for a moment before shrugging exasperatedly and taking it with both hands. She wiped her fingers as best she could, massaged her palms, and offered the towel back. "Was that so difficult?"

Zach lifted an eyebrow and sighed. "You are so damn annoying..."

"Excuse me?!" Midna slammed her bowl on the floor and glared at her 'host'. "How am I being annoying? You're the one who insulted me after you agreed not to bring it up! You're the 'Hero of Twilight', so why aren't you all chivalrous and polite?"

"Oh, sorry, I didn't know I had to have perfect characterization at the start of the adventure." Zach rolled his eyes, an act that caused Midna to notice that the fake eye moved more sluggishly than his real one, and said, "Look, I may have offended you, but you're going to have to face facts." He stood up and cracked his spine as he headed for a shelf lined with jars and flour bags. "You are little. There's no point denying that you're physically handicapped."

Midna flew over and poked him harshly on the arm. "I am not handicapped! I am not a cripple!"

Zach eyed the finger that touched him as he said, "I never said you were a cripple, and don't poke me."

The Twilian's eye twitched as she ignored the tone in his voice. "You insult me and now you're telling me what to do?!" She jabbed her finger at him again and he jumped. Why would he jump? I didn't use any magic. Midna mentally shrugged and jammed her finger into his arm again.

"Don't touch me, Midna." Zach was getting angry, Midna realized, but she paid very little attention as to why. He provoked her first, so just desserts were in order. Zach dodged around her and began to walk away, only for her to follow and continue shoving her pointy finger into his shoulder. "I am warning you..."

"Aw, does the Big Bad Wolf not like being touched?" Midna sneered and kept prodding him. "Poke!"

"Midna-"

"Poke!"

"Leave me alone-"

"Poke!"

"I am not kidding-"

"POKE!"

That was where things went wrong. Zach whirled around, grabbed Midna harshly by her shoulders, and shoved her away as hard as he could, all while screaming, "FUCK OFF!"

Caught off guard, the Twilian went flying backwards... right into the stocked shelf. Her body collided with several jars and bags, covering her in flour and various spices as she remained seated on the shelf, her arms and legs still outstretched from being knocked back. Before she could even begin to process what just happened, a jar on a higher shelf tipped over and broke over her head, spilling a warm substance into her hair. Her hand trembling with shock and a nightmare, she dabbed her finger in the gooey stuff and fully expected it to be fresh blood, but it was blue. With a blink, she brought her finger closer and inhaled through her nose. It was... sweet-smelling, so she stuck her tongue out and licked the blue goo.

Oh... it's some kind of fruit paste... The cause of how the paste got on her finger dawned on her, and she slowly lifted her eyes up at Zach, who looked very, very frightened. He pushed me... she whispered in her mind. He pushed me... Her fist clenched tightly enough for the pain to register in her hand, head, and back. HE PUSHED ME!

Ohshitohshitohshitohshit... I took in a deep breath and tried to ignore the trembling in my body. Later on in life, the image of Imp Midna covered in flour and blueberry jelly would send me into giggles, but at the moment it happened? I was pants-shittingly terrified, not only because I had lost my temper at Midna, but because of the look on her face. I could almost feel the gears in her head turning as she locked eyes with me. Quick! Damage control!

"Um... Midna..." I raised my hands in surrender, though the largest white flag in the world wouldn't save me, and I knew it. "Midna, let me begin my 87-part apology by saying-" That was as far as I got before a small glowing fist planted itself in my cheek and sent me spinning to the floor. My cheek was practically aflame with pain as I sat up and held the struck flesh.

"Get up," Midna ordered, and I looked up to find her clenching her fists and glaring absolute murder at me. "Get up and fight."

Whoa, what? "Uh..." I stood up and shook my head at her. "I'm not going to fight you." I turned around to walk away, but she was waiting for me. "I can't fight you."

"Why not?" The Twilian crossed her arms while her hair flexed, like it was a third arm doing a stretch.

"You're a girl," I said, and instantly regretted saying it when Midna flashed forward and socked me right in the chin. Damn, she's got a good arm!

"Yeah?! I'm a girl, so what?!"

Rubbing my jaw, I said, "Midna, do you have any idea how many people I would piss off if I so much as laid a finger on you?"

"Oh, so they don't think I can fight either?!" The Twilian lunged at me but I dodged, barely. Backpedaling, I noticed that she was hovering in place and glaring again. "You pushed me into a shelf!"

I shook my head and raised my hands. "N-no, I didn't say that, Midna. Just calm down..." While she remained frozen in the air, I turned my back to her and let out a sigh as I wiped my face. "I can't fight you because you're a girl and you're too little for it to be fair anyway..." I shrugged in a way that I hoped was casual. "I'm not the most athletic guy, but I'd probably stomp you into the ground. I mean, it's a matter of practicality. Just face it, Midna," I turned around to look her in the eye, "you're too shor..." I trailed off when I realized that I was not looking into the eyes of a Twilian Imp, but rather the angled chin of a very angry Twilight Princess. Slowly, I lifted my gaze up past her thin blue lips, over her pointed nose, and right into her burning yellow and red eyes. Midna is in her true form... and she is tall...

"Short?" Midna asked as she crossed her arms. The smile on her face was acidic enough to reduce diamonds to powder. "That's a cute word from way down there." Before I could do anything, she reared an arm back and shot it forward, her cold pale fist colliding with my cheek again and spinning me around. Disoriented, I was unable to stop her from grabbing my head and slamming it into the bare wall.

"Whoa, hello!" I stumbled backwards and held the lump on my forehead. "That is a wall..." I felt Midna grab my head and smash it forward again. "That is another wall..." Fuzzed out, I blinked and stared at the blurry surface. "No, wait..." I reached out and patted the sturdy wood where the indent of my head was. "Same wall... Heh, small world..."

Midna shoved me forward until my body was pressed against the wall, then she forced my left arm up while holding my right against the small of my back. "Now..." she whispered acidly into my ear. "Come on and fight me..." I shook my throbbing head as best I could and struggled against her cast-iron grip. "Don't be a coward... One-Eye."

Shots fired! "Y'know," I grunted, turning my head so that I could see Midna out of the corner of my eye. "I think there's a valuable lesson we could all learn from this."

Midna pressed her body against my back, twisting my arm a bit more, and hissed, "Really? What's that?"

"Never fight fair." The angle my right hand was twisted at was perfect, so I extended my fingers and brushed them against the small bump of Midna's ribcage, just above her stomach. Of course, what we should have done was sit down and talk like big boy characters, but no one's perfect.

Midna squeaked and released me, then yelled, "Did you just tickle me?!"

I whirled around and cracked my knuckles. "Never underestimate the power of the Tickle." I snorted and narrowed my eyes at the indignant look on her face. "One more thing; if you're going to be two-faced," I leaned forward and sneered, "at least make one of them pretty."

There was a two second pause before Midna lunged at me and delivered a swift chop to the underside of my ribs. The wind knocked out of me, I limply swung my fist, but she caught it and swiveled around to elbow me in the left pectoral. Pain bloomed from the point of impact as I weakly looped my arm under her shoulder and attempted a Full Nelson. It worked rather well... until I realized that Midna was still gripping my right fist. She bucked down and tossed me over her shoulder, where I landed harshly on my neck and chin, with everything below them standing upright as I slid across the floor.

After flopping onto my belly and rubbing at the wood-burn on my throat, I glared at Midna, absently noting that she looked rather clean, and charged. To this day, I still can't figure out how she managed to do it, but I found myself in a reverse arm lock. You know how some fighters would hold their opponent's arms behind their back? Well, Midna was gripping my wrists so that my arms were crossed over my chest while she was behind me. "Since -ack!- since when do you know how to fight?"

The Twilian scoffed and pulled at my arms. "You seriously think a princess of a magical realm wouldn't be tutored in self defense?" She leaned in and I could feel her cold breath on my ear. "Won the Champion's Medal three years in a row."

"Yeah..." I squirmed against her. "I'm sure there were no strings involved by -ow!- by handing the Princess a fancy award."

The Twilian hooked her foot around mine and swept it out from under me. I landed on my arms and felt Midna sit on me, but for a moment, her weight became extremely light before it went back to a full-grown warrior princess. "I earned those medals, you whimpering dog."

"Says the girl who has to use a magic trick to be herself." Midna screeched and hauled me to my feet, where I managed to swing my head back and connect with her chin. The Twilian released me and I spun around to see a bit of blood coming from her split lip. We both ran at each other, her arms held in a unique combat position, my arms angled for gut shots. I threw a punch but she limbo'd under and swung her foot into my neck. As I fell, she snaked her legs around my shoulders and caught me in a lock, with her pale leg's knee locked around my chin and her dark leg curled over my torso while she held my arm straight, threatening to break it at the elbow.

"Says the man who has to use a fake eye. How'd you manage that, I wonder?" I glared as best I could but was only able to see a bit of her thigh, such was the angle my head was at. "Got too clumsy with a stick? Played too roughly around a sharp-cornered table? Hmm? Eee hee hee! You probably deserved it, you're so narcis-OW!" She screamed as my teeth sank into the flesh behind her knee, hard enough to draw dark red blood. "YOU BIT ME!"

Midna vanished in a cloud of Twilit squares, and I took a moment to catch my breath and spit out the awful taste in my mouth. Dragging myself up, I caught sight of the Twilian floating and blowing air on her knee until she looked in my direction. "You're pathetic," I snarled, wiping her blood from my lip.

"You're pathetic, Cyclops!"

"If I wanted my comeback, I would have wiped it off your mother's chin!"

Midna gasped at the sheer vulgarity of Zach's insult, then her brain shorted out and left behind a severely perverse desire to pummel the wolf-boy into the ground. She screamed and barreled at Zach as her illusion shattered and revealed her temporarily normal (and filthy) imp self, then brought her forehead down against his. Ignoring the flush of pain, she swiped at his face and scraped her nails down his cheek, then warped around to grapple his shoulders from behind. The Twilian hung on as Zach swung his arms at her, all the while punching and clawing at his back and neck.

Lines of red began seeping through Zach's green shirt before Midna found Zach floating in the air. Confused, she did not register his strategy until all 225 pounds of him crushed her against the floor, and she felt at least one rib crack. The Twilian exclaimed in pain and desperately sucked in air even as Zach lifted himself up and rubbed at the claw marks on his neck. It hurt every time Midna drew breath, so she knew she had a broken rib. She tried to roll over and catch her breath, but Zach snatched up her ponytail and swung her around like a shotput. Faster and faster, Midna was dizzy and winded by the time she was released and struck the wall back-first, cracking another rib and her shoulder.

Half-crazed from anger, stress, and pain, Midna blasted off the wall, scooped up a nearby wooden chair, torpedoed into Zach's gut, then broke the chair over his back while he was doubled over. He groaned and sank to his knees as Midna lifted his head and greeted his chin with her bloodied kneecap, but then Zach jabbed his fingers into the Twilian's side, right at the fracture in her rib. Pain flashed across her body as she flew backwards, but she still had enough coherency to grab Zach with her hair and throw him at the ladder sticking out of the hole in the floor. He yelled in pain as he all but shattered the rungs on his way down, landing harshly on his neck and shoulders.

Holding her hand to the injured bones caging her heart and lungs, Midna floated down after Zach and found to her immense pleasure that it was completely dark in there; she was in her element with the wolf-boy at her mercy. Ducking into a shadow dimension, she sadistically watched Zach stumble around blindly, holding his hands out to guide his way through the tight space. Boxes lined up the walls on either side, while a rusty chest sat at the center of the far side. Wincing at the sensation of her ribs grinding against each other, Midna wiped the blood from her lip and darted forward.

"Whatcha lookin' for?" Midna asked telepathically, then giggled as Zach swung his fist vainly. "Oops, not that way!" The wolf-boy growled and punched at empty air. "Not there either! Eee hee!" She emerged from the shadow to taunt him more and snorted at his pitiable attempts to strike her, but then quickly realized her mistake just as Zach spun around and caught her in the jaw, forcing her fang to pierce her lip and his hand simultaneously. Yelping at the shock of it, Midna threw herself at Zach, smashing into his stomach, and used her magic to lift the two of them out of the cellar and back to the main floor.

Zach landed shakily on his feet and ran for his phone, and as Midna shot through the air at him, he whirled around and blinded her with a ridiculously strong pulse of light that would not die down. "Ow!" she cried as she smacked into the wall. "What the hell is that thing?!" The Twilian squeezed her eyes shut but could not get rid of the squiggly colored line that consumed her vision.

"Flashlight," Zach wheezed as he limped for the door. "This fight is over." He opened the wooden entrance and flooded the nearby area with sunlight. As Midna shook her head to clear her eyesight, Zach climbed down the ladder as fast as he could with his injuries, and limped for the spring just a walk away.

The Twilian clenched her fists so tightly she felt warm stickiness in her palms, and ducked into her shadow dimension. "This is over," she trailed after Zach and stopped when she was directly beneath him, "when I say it's over." Reaching up from the shadows, Midna clamped her hands around Zach's ankles and yanked hard. The wolf-boy fell flat on his face and clawed at the ground as Midna dragged him over the dirt and grass, up the wall of the house, and back through the door, then shut it with a burst of telekinesis. The Twilian popped from the shadow and hurled Zach at the far wall, where he collided rather painfully and slid upside-down until his neck and shoulders stopped him.

Not willing to give him a chance to recover, Midna snatched his feet with her hair and lifted him up so that their eyes met on the same level, though with Zach upside-down. "I have won, Zach." The tone in her voice was final and would not tolerate argument, even in spite of how difficult it was for her to breathe. "Admit it; I beat you." She pressed her hands into her hips and gave a boastful though bloody smirk. "You lost to a girl, what a taboo."

Zach glared and spat at Midna, getting blood on her cheek, then grabbed the Twilian's feet. With an angry shout, he pulled up as hard as he could, and because of the grip she had on his feet, the two began to rotate so quickly that neither could tell what was up or down. Both yelled in confusion as they continued to spin out of control, the dizziness threatening to overwhelm them, until they unintentionally released one another at the same time. Zach smashed into the ground on his back while Midna crashed into the ceiling. Her eyes widened when she saw the opportunity, so she pushed off the wooden surface and divebombed Zach, landing on his chest and most certainly breaking a rib or two.

Zach exclaimed and coughed in pain as he tried to grab at Midna, but she caught his wrists with her hair-hand and forced them past Zach's head. "I beat you," the Twilian panted. The wolf-boy squirmed and struggled, his legs kicking wildly, so Midna lifted herself into the air and slammed back down, breaking another rib and earning a strangled gasp from her opponent. "I beat you," she repeated, this time with more fatigue than before as her injuries and magic usage caught up to her. Zach snarled and bucked his hips in an attempt to sway Midna off, but she merely floated up and crashed back down, and she was sure his sternum had fractured. Leaning down so that her nose just barely touched Zach's, her arms shaking from supporting her upper body, Midna panted and gulped in air before finally whispering, "I beat you."

She could see the anger and refusal in Zach's eye. He did not want to surrender, even with his ribcage drifting in pieces in his chest and his arms locked above his head. Midna was coherent enough to give him a silent kudos for his determination and stubbornness, but she was too exhausted to acknowledge anything else. They remained as they were for around forty-five seconds before Zach looked away. He gritted his teeth and struggled to move his arms one final time, but the grip Midna's hair-hand had on them was tight enough to cut off circulation. Releasing a haggard breath, Zach looked Midna in the eye. "You beat me."

The Twilian all but collapsed on top of Zach and continued to take in deep breaths of relief and satisfaction. For some strange reason, she felt so much better than before, even though her body hurt in various places and she was covered in flour and fruit paste. There was much less tension in her muscles than she remembered, the pressure building in the center of Midna's mind had relented slightly, and she could think more clearly. It was almost cathartic. After a quick magic diagnosis, she found that she still had enough power to get herself to the nearest spring and still have reserves for an emergency. "Come on," she whispered, more out of pain than proximity, and hovered into the air. "Let's patch ourselves up." Zach nodded, but when he tried to stand up, he gasped quietly and remained still. Midna fired a bolt of energy at the wolf-boy, encapsulating him in the orange magic associated with her telekinesis, and lifted him into the air. Using Zach's body to provide shade for her to move relatively freely, Midna opened the door and headed for Ordon Spring.