Chapter 1

I met Edward after a whirlwind of a year traveling the country, helping people and discovering the gems in different states (did you know California has petrified forest?). I was finally coming home after being away from my family for the better part of a year. I was hesitant to be back with my family, and I felt there would be a disconnect. So, I did what any typical 25-year-old would do, I got on Tinder and started swiping right. If I had to put up with the awkwardness of being around my family, then I wanted to have a good-looking guy by my side.

I wish I could say that it was his expressive green eyes that made me notice his profile or his boyish grin, but in reality, it was the picture of raw fish that made me swipe right. Yup, you read that right I swiped right over a piece of sushi; I had no idea what he looked like. It wasn't until a few days later, when I was boarding my plane in Texas to head back home to Florida when I got the notification that we had been matched. When I finally saw what he looked like, I was left speechless; forest green eyes, whirly copper hair, and that crocked boyish grin that I grew to love so much. The match notification was quickly followed by a message, "Hi, I'm Edward."

"Hi Edward, I am Bella. It's nice to finally talk to you." Little did he know that I only swiped right for him because of a piece of sushi. We messaged back and forth until my flight took off. He told me he was a chef, and I said to him that I could barely boil water. I learned that he was relatively new to the area but had spent several holidays at nearby towns. I told him I had been all over the country and was finally returning home. We made promises to talk after I got home.

The plane ride home felt like forever, but in reality, it only took two hours. After I landed, I had an awkward reunion with my dad filled with forced conversation. I remember thinking all I wanted to do was talk to Edward and get to know more about him. The early days of talking to Edward are something I will always hold close to my heart. He was pure magic, more on that later. The car ride back with my dad felt like two strangers meeting at the scene of a car accident rather than a father and daughter. To this day, I still wonder when the disconnect started. When we got home, I said a quick hello to my mother before I rushed to my room, and to my delight, I had a message from Edward asking if I made it home safely, even in the early days he cared about me.

Edward and I spent the whole night messaging back and forth. I felt such a strong kinship with him. I remember him being so open with me, leaving nothing for me to question. He wanted me to know that he had some demons in his path and that he worked every day to overcome them. Edward was a recovering addict who spent a bit of time in and out of jail. His drug of choice was heroin with a splash of vodka. I remember him telling me that if he started drinking on a Tuesday, he would be back to injecting heroin into himself by Thursday. Although I was astonished by what he told me, I never judged him. To have judged him would have been very contradictory to me since two of my brothers struggle with addiction and have been in jail as well. My mother always warned me about dating a recovering addict, "Bella" she would say, "what if you love them so much and start a family with them. Then down the road, the road they overdose or relapse, and you are left supporting a family on your own?" I remember thinking that she was overreacting and that what she said could never happen to me. Little did I know how right she would be.

Looking back, I still don't regret everything that has happened because of his passing. I would go through all the pain again to have a few moments with him, seconds even. I haven't felt seen since the day he died.