DISCLAIMER: This story deals with drug and alcohol abuse as well the death of a loved one.
Story is mine character names belong to Stephanie Meyers.
Chapter 3:
"I quickly learned with Edward that the things that bothered him the most he held deep inside. I wish he had known that I was someone he could of let fully in."
After letting Edward be in his world fighting with the demons inside of him, I decided that enough was enough and demanded that he tell me what was going on with him. He told me that his sponsor did not think he was investing enough time in his recovery and that he should not be in a relationship with me. Hearing this was like taking a shot to the chest, but I always knew that being in a relationship during your first year of recovery was frowned upon. I told Edward that he had to follow his heart and do what was best for him and not worry about my feelings; his recovery would always come first. He insisted that he was fine in his recovery and wanted to continue seeing me. A selfish part of me was elated to hear that; the logical part of me was not sure it was a good idea, but I was falling for him, so I let him continue the relationship.
It was like a weight was lifted off Edward after we had that talk. He was lighter, and we began to have fun. It was around that time that we discovered a place to eat that would quickly become our place. Lemon Grass was the place where he made me laugh the hardest I ever had in my entire life. After we enjoyed our sushi and Thai teas, we decided to go on a walk downtown. We walked outside to the beautiful Florida weather when Edward suddenly yelled, "Oh my god, it's snowing" the looks he got could silence pep rally; I was equally embarrassed and amused. But that was Edward always keeping me on my toes, wondering what he was going to do next.
Another month passed in honeymoon type bliss, and I finally got my own place and a permanent job life was great. I saw Edward every chance we got, and if we were not together, we would be on the phone talking about our day and what we wanted to do with each other next. We had plans for how we were going to celebrate his one year of sobriety, a thing he fought so hard for. My happiness for his sobriety was something I could never fully articulate because I had seen the other side of it with my brothers, and it felt great to see someone on the positive side of it. Edward had his whole life ahead of him, and I was going to be by his side for every moment of it cheerleading him on. I was never good at being in a relationship, but loving Edward was so easy for me to do, and I fell hard and fast for him. Every other thought of mine was about him: how was he, what was he doing, I miss him, I LOVE HIM, shhh we cannot tell him that-at least not yet. It was getting harder and harder for me not to express my feeling for him because I thought it was too soon, and I did not want to scare him off. But one night, he was at my house after we spent a wonderful night together. I looked into his beautiful green eyes and told him I had something important to tell him and that I was expecting any sort of response back. He told me to go on and not be afraid, so I simply said that I was in love with him and that I was trying to hold it in but ultimately thought he needed to know. He stared at me with a blank expression for a while but then slowly smiled and said he loved me too.
I was on cloud nine hearing those words; there was nothing I wanted more than have my love returned by him. A few more weeks went by, and I told Edward I loved him any chance I got: while we were taking walks, while having dinner, while making love. I slowly noticed that while he said he loved me, his actions did not replicate that. I am by no means saying he was being mean he just became distant. On a cold winter night, I asked him what was wrong, and I braced myself for his response, knowing instinctively that it was going to be a gut punch to my soul. Edward told me he grew up seeing his parents be in earth-shattering love with each other, and by being a witness to that love all his life, he knew that what he had for me was not life. He let me know that he cared for me deeply and was happy to be my boyfriend, but he was not in love with me. All my life I have had this feeling that I am unlovable and unwanted, so what he said was not surprising, but it still hurt me deeply. To this day, I still feel the pain. I tried to hold my pain in and told him I was happy he was being truthful with me and was delighted he cared for me and was happy to stay in a relationship with him. And although I truly meant the words, the damage had been set for him and me. I tried to scale in both the hurt he caused me and the love he could not reciprocate. Deep down in my heart, I knew this was the beginning of the end for him and me, but since we both like to torture each other, we kept things going. Two weeks after Edward's revelation, he asked me to go on a date with him. He showed up with flowers and a smile that did not reach his eyes. We went and had dinner and a movie; we made small talk, but it was nothing real. At the end of the night, we went our separate ways but did not make plans to see each other next. Another week went by with minimal talking, and I told my mom what was going on; and she told me that we both needed to be honest with each other and get to the root of problems. So a few days after that talk with my mother, I sent Edward a text saying, "we need to talk in person. He did not respond to me for a few hours, but when he did, he said he needed a few days to himself, and he would reach out to me when he could. He also said that he didn't want to break up, but he needed space for himself. How much space can you give to a person you barely talk to? I wanted my happy-go-lucky Edward back, but I didn't know how to do that.
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Please review for feedback, follow, and share.