A/N: Before we start this chapter, I wanted to address a review and give some clarity. I saw a review stating that this person doesn't know why Bella would want a do-over from Edward. A short answer to that question without giving too much away is that this story is semi-autobiographical. I fell in love with a recovering addict, and what I'm writing about right now all happened. He was my best friend in and out of our relationship. Thanks for all the support thus far!
Disclaimer: This story deals with drug and alcohol abuse and the death of a loved one.
The story is mine character names belong to Stephanie Meyers.
The ending of Edward and I didn't end as you see in the movie no dramatic climax to this story. A few days after Edward had his "me" time, he sent me a text stating that he needed to talk and that it had to happen in person. I already knew what he was going to say, so I told him to put it in a text. I was not going to give him the dignity of him seeing my heart in Infront of him.
Bella,
The time I have spent with you has been great. You have taught me how to be in a relationship. I really don't want to do this, and please know it's me, not you. I need to focus on my recovery and not be in a relationship right now. I'm so sorry.
~Edward
Edward,
Ok, thanks for letting me know. Take care.
~Bella
Bella,
Are you going to be ok?
~Edward
Edward,
Don't worry about me; focus of your recovery… that's what you wanted.
~Bella
Bella,
I am so sorry.
~Edward
Edward,
Don't be. Please have a good rest of your day I will be fine.
~Bella
Except I was not okay, I completely broke. The first night of us breaking up, it took me hours to fall asleep, and when I did, I woke up crying his name. I heard the ending of a relationship could feel a lot like death, and that is what breaking up from Edward felt like. My mother told me at the time that I should have felt thankful that he broke up with me instead of stringing me around. A part of me agreed with her, and the other part was still mad that he got into a relationship with me in the first place, knowing he should not have been in the first place. The hardest part about the breakup was seeing his post online, and he would post all these pictures and videos with his friends doing the things we used to do. While he was out having a seemingly good time, I was broken and did not know which way was up or down. I had to dig deep and find the me before him. I had to find the things that I loved doing. Something I loved doing was writing, so I wrote every day until the pain lessened. I wrote about the happy times with Edward and the bad times. I wrote about when he made me laugh, and when he made me cry, near the end, he had me crying a lot. I wish I had known at the time that he was crying on the inside from the demons he thought were too big to conquer. I even wrote him a letter, but I never sent it.
Dear Edward,
The five months we had together were some of the best I've had in my entire life. You taught me a lot about myself that only you could teach me. You made me laugh like never before and set goals for myself. You pushed me to be a better person. I wish I could have been the person you needed me to be. I've spent a lot of time reading about recovery and what recovering addicts have to go through on a daily basis. It has made me realize that there were a lot of things that I was doing wrong. And I hope you know that it wasn't intentional. I never meant to make you feel bad when you couldn't see me. I was just so crazy about you, that it made me blind to the things that you truly needed. I hope you know that you are an incredible person and you deserve the best in life. You inspired me so much in the time that we were together, and that is something I will never forget. Never be afraid to let the world see you shine, Edward. I know that you are going to go far in life. Thank you for being my best friend and helping me get through some dark moments in my life. I wish I could be saying these things to your face. I know that right now, you need to focus on yourself. I hope you are on the path to getting better. I hope your recovery goes smoothly. You made me so proud to be your girlfriend. I just want you to be happy. I hope you find peace wherever life takes you.
With great love and respect,
Bella
That letter was my goodbye to Edward; it was time for me to move forward.
A/N: Short chapter this week. The next chapter will have a bit of a time jump. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Please review for feedback, follow, and share.