Chapter 5
DISCLAIMER: This story deals with drug and alcohol abuse as well as the death of a loved one.
Story is mine character names belong to Stephanie Meyers.
What do you do when the person you loved the most does not return your love? You have to love yourself, meaning I had to fall back in love with myself. I had to separate myself from the before Edward and the after Edward. I needed to immerse myself in new hobbies, but I didn't know what those hobbies were. I had to start loving myself again; I hadn't completely stopped loving myself, but I was so devoted to another person, and I hadn't put myself first. The months of rebuilding my life were challenging. I would go on social media and watch the videos that Edward would post. It seemed like he was not affected by the breakup and that life had just moved on for him, and he was happy. Seeing Edward seemingly happy and moving forward filled me with an anger I had not felt in a long time, and it fueled me with the passion for getting back out there and enjoying life. I started walking around my city with fresh eyes. I enjoyed being in the moment and found joy in the everyday things. I started writing again from a place in my heart that wasn't filled with pain; although the pain was still there, I did not let it encompass me as it did before. I gave my 100% at work and got to know the people I worked with better.
It had been a month since Edward and I broke up, and I was at work talking to my female coworkers when one of them brought up being on their period. And at that moment, I realized I had not had my period in over a month. I did the math and came to two conclusions 1. I was pregnant or 2. My period was really late (it had happened once before). I pushed the first conclusion out of my head, but after a week and my period still not showing up, I grew worried and did not know what to do. I did not want to tell my close friends or family my suspicions because I was embarrassed about the possible outcome of actually being pregnant and becoming a single mother. I figured my only solution was to call Edward and tell him what was going on. So after a month of not talking, I finally gave him a call and told him we needed to speak in person and that it was necessary.
We met the next day at my apartment. Edward was hesitant when he came in because he had no clue what I wanted to talk to him about, I broached the subject by asking him if he wanted kids, and he was shocked by my question but stated he wanted kids far in the future, but he wanted to know why I asked him that. I decided to rip off the band-aid, and I told him that I was late and thought I was pregnant. I expected him to get mad and lash out at me, but instead, he took action, and we ended up at the local drug store looking at the dozens of different pregnancy tests they had. We chose the one we saw broadcasted the most on social media. We went back to my place, where I drank lots of water in preparation for taking the two tests we bought. When it came time to take the test, I was nervous, but Edward eased my fears and said he would help raise this baby if I were, in fact, pregnant. I took the test, and in the minutes we waited for the test, Edward grew excited and told me all the plans he would have if we did have a baby: He would be the fun cop, and I would be the bad cop, we would go on family vacations, and do all the things he wishes he could have done when he was a kid. Edward said he would always support his kid's dreams and make sure they did not make the same mistakes he made in life. I was happy to hear all that he had to say, but I knew realistically those dreams he had may not all come true, and we did not even know if I was expecting yet. The timer goes off, and we both look at the tests- it is negative, and we both release a big breath. Both are silently happy that we do not have to go down this journey at this point in our lives. I told him I was appreciative that he supported me during the test journey, and we went our separate ways again. I hoped the next time I saw him would not be filled with so much uncertainty.
I thought that would be the end of my impending pregnancy journey at the young age of 25, but another three weeks went by, and I still had not gotten my period. I was beginning to feel nauseous at certain smells, my boobs were sensitive, and I was throwing up. On the fifth day of these symptoms, I went to work with the thought of going to the doctor after my shift was over. Halfway through my shift, I felt a sharp pain rip through my abdomen. I rushed to the bathroom, and by that point, my pants were soaked with blood. My coworker rushed me to the doctor, and it was discovered that I was having a miscarriage. I felt sad and relieved at the same time that this experience had to come to an end. Sad because even though I didn't want a baby at the moment that it still felt like my body had failed me. The doctor said nothing could have been down if I had come in earlier, but it still hurts the same. I felt relieved for Edward. His life wouldn't need to be derailed by raising a kid during his recovery. At that moment of finding out that I had a miscarriage, I decided not to tell Edward. I wouldn't be the reason he relapsed; I would take that secret to the grave…
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Please review for feedback, follow, and share!