AN: A HUGE thank you to my dear friend LunaCeMore for allowing me to use excerpts from her books. In this chapter, I reference the second book in her Panda Girl series "My New Little Life". You can check her books out here: Calliope-St-James/e/B07FYG312B?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_2&qid=1649717996&sr=8-2
Anna and Elsa are a couple in this story. They are not sisters or related at all.
Regina keeps her eyes glued to the passenger window, a part of her desperately hoping that Emma will turn around and flash her that gorgeous smile she has been witnessing throughout the night. Sadly, the longer she watches the more she feels a small sob form in her throat. The blonde turns the corner without a single glance back, and Regina feels a single tear cascade down her flaming cheek. "WHY?!" she screams. Why had she allowed herself to fall into her emotions? Why had she not pulled away rather than kissing Emma?
She slams her hands hard on the steering wheel. What was she going to do now? She drops her forehead onto the back of her hands and growls. "Everything you touch withers and shrinks away," she tells herself. The image of Emma pulling away from her invades her mind quickly. She could have sworn she was reading the blonde correctly, and the things she saw coming from the blonde had her floating in the clouds. She was hopeful that she might have found what she had been longing for … "but as usual you were wrong and scared her away." She scolds herself. With a sigh of disappointment and tears of anger threatening to overtake her at any moment, Regina puts her Benz into gear and pulls out of the faculty parking lot to head home.
Emma practically runs to her car, longing for the safety it will provide once she's inside. Once she has the door closed, she lets out a soft sob. "Keep it together," she tells herself. "You have to make it home. Elsa will make everything better again, but you can't slip yet."
She pulls out and heads home. The trip seems to take three times as long as normal. She opts to sprint up the stairs to the third floor. She is slipping fast and being stuck in an elevator with a perfect stranger would only make things worse.
Once at her door she puts the key in the lock and flings it open. Her foot barely clears the gap, and she slams the door shut behind her.
"Ellllssssaaaaa!" Emma finally lets go, hot and angry tears streaming down her face.
Elsa's eyes widen. She is on the phone making dinner plans with Anna when she hears the door slam, but it is the voice that demands her attention. "Anna, I have to go!"
"What's wrong, Elsa?"
"I don't know but Emma is home, and it doesn't sound good."
"I'll be home in a few."
Elsa runs into the living room and her heart sinks. Emma is on the couch; knees pulled tightly to her chest. Her arms are wrapped around the top of her knees with her face buried in them, rocking herself as she cries.
"Shhh. It's okay babygirl." Elsa tries.
"Nu-uh! It's not okay! It'll never be okay!" Emma only cries harder.
Elsa sits on the couch next to her and puts her arm around Emma's shoulders.
"Do you want to tell me what happened?"
Emma shakes her head vigorously as she looks up.
"Okay. Do you want cuddles?"
This time Elsa is met with a nod. She smiles warmly at Emma and holds her arms open, and her friend climbs up into her lap. Elsa wraps her arms around her and rocks her gently. She knows if she holds her and lets her calm down everything will come to light. She just hopes that she will be able to assuage the girl she holds.
Anna arrives home about ten minutes later. It is another twenty minutes before Emma looks up into her friend's crystal blue eyes. "Story?"
"Do you want to talk about what happened first?"
"Nu!"
"It might make you feel better."
"Nu!"
Elsa sighs to herself. Emma never keeps things from her, but she knows if she pushes it would only make things worse, so she obliges the girl in her arms. "Panda or ponies?"
"Panda pease! Book two! And …" she suddenly sounds meeker, "can we skip to the letter? I know it starts on page three but … I wanna hear the letter."
"Of course, sweetie." Elsa smiles at her. "Go grab the book and whatever else you need. I will make some cocoa."
"Tank you!"
Emma bolts up and into her room. She can't remember where she's left General Perry Mayweather, the panda commander of her unicorn army. He had fallen when she tripped on her covers that morning and she thought she tossed him on the bed, but he isn't there. She huffs and walks further in jumping onto her bed stomach first. "Where are you, you evil panda?" There between her pillow and the wall is the stuffie she is searching for. She grins and grabs the panda, the book with the orange spine, and a blanket, and walks back into the living room.
Elsa and Anna are already on the couch with cocoa, cinnamon atop Emma's as she likes it. They both smile up at the girls and Emma wiggles onto both of their laps. She lays her head on Elsa's shoulder.
"I see General Perry Mayweather is going to join us."
Emma nods. "Can't read Panda girl wifout evil panda unicorn commander."
"But of course not!" Elsa exclaims. She takes the book from Emma and waits until the girl gets comfortable before grabbing the pink tab that marks her favorite part of the book and reading to her.
My dearest Sweetpea,
I wanted to give you an opportunity to gather your thoughts, my love, as I am aware this will all be a little overwhelming for you. While you sort out how you feel, I wanted to take a moment to make sure you understand exactly what I want from you.
I realized when I awoke this morning and you were tucked up against me that perhaps I had let myself get carried away last night without you fully understanding what it is I want. If that is the case, I am sorry sweetpea, you are amazing to me, and I felt overcome with need, and it clouded my judgment. I should have protected you, and I feel as though I did not do that last night.
Before you think the worst, and I know that you are baby girl, know that I want you. I wanted what we had last night. It was beautiful and special, and it opened me in ways I'm still trying to sort out. That said, I want you to do some research on being in a Dominant/submissive relationship known as Caregiver/little one. That is what I would like from you. More than just your girlfriend, although I want that as well, I want to be your Mommy, full time. In fact, I've never wanted anything more in my entire life. You are very special, baby, and it would be my honor to care for you, to love you, to nurture you and guide you.
It will be difficult for me not to see you, even as I write this my heart is heavy at the prospect of not seeing you this week, but I think it is important that I give you this time to figure out what it is you want, Chrissy. Please consider this seriously; I do not wish for you to rush into a decision, either way. I would like for you to do the research I have asked of you, and if this is something you think you might want, I would like for you to make a list of things you would like from me. If there is anything in your reading you come across that you are not interested in or are greatly opposed to, please jot that down under "limits."
I would like for you to come over to my house on Friday and stay the weekend if you find that you want to continue this relationship. If you do, my love, know it will be the last decision you will be able to make on your own because from that moment on, you truly will belong to me.
Always,
Mommy
As soon as the last word leaves Elsa's mouth the little girl in front of her shatters. The sob that falls from her could put a banshee to shame. Elsa wraps the blanket around Emma and collects the little one in her arms. Whatever had happened tonight, it had sent Emma into little space hard and fast.
"It's okay little one. Auntie Elsa's got you. I've always got you."
Anna looks to the lighter blonde with concern.
"But … but … no one is ever gonna want me. Mommies don't want filthy street kids that come with baggage." Emma is nearly hyperventilating at this point. The force of her wailing is causing her stomach to turn, and she thinks she might be sick.
Anna begins to gently rub small circles on Emma's back. If she and Elsa don't get her calmed down, she is going to hurl and if she hasn't had dinner yet that will be very painful. They don't shush her or try to pacify her in any way. Whatever Emma is feeling, she needs to feel it, and they are going to allow that. They just hope that after she settles, they might gain insight into what has caused all of this.
It only takes about ten minutes for Emma to calm to a steady, but slow stream of tears. "I sowwy Auntie Ewsa. I sowwy Anna nana."
"Don't be sorry. Never be sorry for feeling your feelings, Emma." the lighter blonde smiles down at her. "Do you want to talk about it yet?"
Emma takes a deep breath, sighing as she releases it. She knows that she needs to talk, and to talk she needs to get out of this headspace. She nods but holds up a finger so the two know she needs a moment.
"I kissed her."
Elsa looks confused. "You kissed who?"
Anna's eyes widen in shock as she gasps.
"My uh … my creative writing professor."
Elsa blinks slowly as she shakes her head trying to wrap her brain around the words she has just heard. "How … how. I'm sorry, come again?"
"I kissed my creative writing professor."
Elsa nods. "Okay, I did hear you right. How did that come about?"
Emma regales her with the tale from the meeting up through dinner.
"And then we were sitting in her car, I was about to get out when she grabbed my hand again. I turned and sat on my leg to look at her. She told me to have a good night … blah blah blah. Anyway, so I tried to pull my leg back out from under myself and fell face-first into her BOOBS!"
Elsa isn't sure if she is shocked, entertained, or both, but she stifles her giggle nonetheless and simply nods. Anna on the other hand cannot seem to contain herself and giggles out loud.
"And then when I found the gear shift to push myself up my hands were sweaty! And I fell face first. My lips were so close to hers and she smelled so delicious and I swear my brain went on vacation! AND I KISSED HER!" Emma's eyes begin to sparkle with tears that threaten to spill over at any moment.
"And then what? Did she back away with a look of disgust?" Elsa asks.
"No! Worse!"
"Did she kick you out of her class?" Anna asks.
"No! Worse!"
Elsa isn't one for violence, but if anyone hurt her little swan, she is gonna knock their head into a brick wall.
"What happened Emma?!" Both friends ask, a bit of exasperation tinting their voices.
"She kissed me back!"
Elsa stares straight at Emma, blinking a few times before she opens her mouth again. "And that's worse, how?!" The last word was enunciated.
"Because" Emma huffs, "if she gets to know me, the real me, she will think I'm gross, and she won't want me. She would probably run long before then, but if she didn't I'd have to tell her and she won't…"
"Slow down." Elsa cuts her friend off. "You don't know that any of that is true."
"I don't want to get hurt, but more importantly I don't want her to get hurt."
"Emma, listen to me. One day you are going to find someone who loves you, and little you. I'm not saying that this woman will be that person, but …" she thinks for a second about the words she wants to say, "I believe you will know when you meet that person, but if you're still scared there are ways to tell them where you don't have to be present. Then you won't risk little Emma feeling that rejection as well."
"Really?!" Emma looks at her friend in wonder and amazement.
Elsa giggles at her, "Yes little one."
"How?"
"Well, have you ever thought about putting the first Panda girl book in a gift bag and leaving it with them? You could explain that you would like their thoughts on the subject matter. Then you would get your answer and little Emma doesn't get hurt."
"You are a genius, Auntie Elsa!" Emma jumps into her friend's arms and squeezes with everything she has.
"I need to breathe love." Elsa chuckles but holds the girl close.
"Auntie Elsa?"
"Yes, baby?"
"Do I have to go to class tomorrow?"
Elsa thinks for a moment. She doesn't condone skipping class, but then Emma never has, and she knows that if she is met with the memories of this night face to face in the morning, she might slip again with an inability to flee and find her.
"Why don't we see how you feel in the morning?"
"Otay!"
Elsa swats Emma's bottom playfully. "Alright little one, it's time to get ready for bed."
"Watch cartoons wif Anna?" Emma implores with her biggest puppy dog eyes.
Elsa chuckles at the blonde's attempt. "Nope, little girls need their sleep. Anna is going to get ready for bed shortly as well."
Emma grumbles but gathers her belongings and heads into her bedroom for some much-needed sleep.
Once Emma's door is closed she turns to Anna.
"I'm going to need you to grab Emma's work from her classes tomorrow. I wouldn't normally allow her to skip but I don't want her falling into little space with no escape and no one for comfort."
Anna nods and salutes with a small smirk playing at the corners of her lips as she tries to hold back a giggle.
"And just what are you smiling at little girl?" Elsa asks as she leans in and tickles the strawberry blonde before peppering her face with kisses.
Anna squeals and tries to squirm away. She is running out of air and her face feels sweaty as it begins turning red.
"Mommy stop!" She says in a high-pitched squeal.
"Alright, it's time for little girls to get ready for bed," she says as she stops her tickle attack and places a soft kiss on the girl's lips.
When Emma's alarm sounds, she shoots straight up in bed. She turns it off and groans to herself. While she is feeling better, she isn't sure what will happen if she has to face Professor Mills. She climbs out of bed, General Perry Mayweather in hand, and walks into the kitchen.
"Morning love. Pancakes?"
"Mmm, yes please." Emma rubs her eyes.
"How are you feeling?"
"Better, but…"
"But you aren't sure if you'll slip if you have to face her so soon?"
Emma nods. She loves that Elsa knows her so well.
"Don't worry about it. I'm having Anna pick up your assignment, so you won't fall behind, but you won't have to face your professor just yet."
"You truly are the best friend and Auntie a girl could ever ask for."
Elsa smiles and kisses the top of Emma's head as she sets a plate of pancakes in front of her.
"I took the liberty of buying the entire series of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic for you on YouTube. I know it helps you process things when you watch it."
"Truly the BEST!" Emma hops up wrapping her arms around Elsa's neck."
"I love you too. Now eat your pancakes. I took a sick day today as well, and before you protest, you need to let little Emma have some fun. I know with school starting you try to keep her in, but she needs to roam too, or you'll only end up hurting the both of you."
Emma only nods smiling up. "Otay."
Regina looks at the clock. It is 10:45 A.M. and Emma hasn't shown up to class. Has she scared her off? Is she second-guessing being a tutor? Is she going to drop her class? Regina feels her anger bubble up again. Why must she destroy any ounce of happiness that she might acquire before she even has it?
She sighs to herself. No sense in crying over something, or rather someone that was never hers. She is unconvincing even to herself. A sadness tints her eyes, and she feels the prickle of hot liquid there. She quickly wipes at the stray tear that falls down her cheek. What was she going to do? What would she do if the blonde returned to her class? Sadder yet, what would she do if she didn't?
After her first class, she ate her lunch and prepared for her last class of the day. The last class is mundane as usual. She gives them their assignment after a short lecture and sets them to work. The time seems to drag until finally, she is packing up her things to leave when someone she doesn't know appears in her classroom.
"Professor Mills?" The light strawberry blonde girl inquires.
"Yes. How may I help you?
"My name is Anna Summers. I'm here to get Emma Swan's assignment."
Regina's mind goes blank. She doesn't know if she is elated or if she is going to be sick. "Please come in."
Regina notices the girl can't make eye contact, and the one time she does she has a slight blush on her cheeks. "I'll just write the assignment down for you to take to her."
"Thank you." Anna's cheeks blush again as she acknowledges the professor.
"Is everything alright with Emma?"
Anna doesn't know how to respond. She can't tell this woman the truth. "Shit, think fast Anna!" she scolds herself internally. "Yeah, she just wasn't feeling well when she got home last night and decided it would be safer to stay home today."
Regina's eyes shoot up to the girl standing in front of her. They had taken on a dark hue that kind of scares Anna a little bit. "Is. Emma. okay?" the question sounds desperate.
Anna nods, eyes wide. "She … she's fine."
Something tells Regina that Anna knows more than she is letting on. If she is wrong, she could be outing herself, but if she is right, she could get the answers she seeks.
"Did I … upset her?" Her tone is softer now, remorse-filled.
"I ... I can't betray her trust. All I can tell you is that she had a hard night and needed today to regather herself."
"Can you take me to her?" Regina knows it's a long shot, but she has to make sure that she hasn't upset or hurt Emma in any way.
"I … I don't." Anna can see the plea in Regina's eyes and sighs. "Hang on a second." She grabs her phone out of her back pocket and pulls Elsa's number up.
"Hey, so I'm standing in Professor Mills' classroom. She wants me to bring her to Emma."
"I know, I just … she looks desperate to see her."
"I don't know."
"Okay, I'll talk to you in a few."
Anna turns back to the professor. "She's gonna ask Emma and she'll call me back."
"Hey, Anna, what's up?"
"I don't think it's a good idea to bring her here Anna."
"Why does she want to come here?"
Elsa sighs. "Let me ask Emma what she would like, and I will call you back."
Elsa goes back to the couch placing a hand on Emma's knee as she sits. She grabs the remote and pauses the show that is preoccupying the adorable little one next to her.
"Hey Ems. Anna went to get your assignment and … Professor Mills would like to come here to see you."
Emma looks up at Elsa, fear in her eyes.
"Am I in trouble?"
"No baby. I don't think she's mad. I think she wants to talk about last night."
"Do I has to?"
"Not if you don't want to little one, and I wouldn't have suggested it if not for the fact that I am here with you, and Anna will be here with you, and you could clear the air easier. You wouldn't have to be blindsided in a classroom full of students if you were to slip."
Emma thinks about this for a moment as she chews on her bottom lip, and with a slow nod agrees to the meeting.