Bits In Between

By Lumendea

Chapter Thirty-Four: The Lives of Rose Tyler

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any of the spinoff material, and I gain no income off of this story, just the satisfaction of playing with the characters.

Trigger warning for domestic abuse! Not between Rose and the Doctor, but dealing with memories of it and panic attacks.

An: Takes place any time after The Rings of Akhaten.

…..

Keeping her back to the wall of her bedroom, Rose counted slowly as she breathed. The panic, the fear that had taken hold and tried to drown her, was easing. Tears were still running down her cheeks, but the intensity was easing. She'd held it together as long as she could. Rose was proud of herself. She'd kept the clawing terror, rage, and panic at bay long enough to help the Doctor before needing to run into the TARDIS and hide.

Though, hiding in her room was barely hiding. Rose glanced towards the empty wall where her door usually was and smiled. Maybe it did count. The TARDIS hadn't let the Doctor into her room yet. Exhaling slowly, Rose closed her eyes and leaned her head back. The cool darkness of her eyelids helped. The tears finally stopped.

"I must look a mess," Rose said softly. The hum of the TARDIS was soft. "Thanks, gorgeous. But you can put the door back. I know where I am. I know I'm safe."

The door appeared a moment later, simply absent one moment and present the next. A hesitant knock made Rose sniff and almost smile.

"Come in, Doctor," she called. A soft hiccup escaped her, and she rubbed her eyes. Rose didn't have the energy to get up and try to clean up.

The door opened, and the Doctor stepped inside the dimmed room with light pouring in behind him. Rose wasn't sure she'd ever seen him move so hesitantly. His blue eyes found her quickly and widened as he took in the state of her. Embarrassment and shame flared in Rose's gut, and she wasn't sure if they were hers or not.

"Hey," she greeted softly.

"Rose, are you- uh, are you hurt?"

"No, I'm not injured, Doctor."

"Can you tell me…" the Doctor trailed off. "What happened?"

"What he did," Rose whispered. "When he hit her, it brought back memories," Rose explained. "Bad ones. Tried to keep it together-"

"Rose, you were brilliant," the Doctor assured her quickly. He inched a little closer, his hands fisting uncertainly. "You got him off of her, helped her, and then helped me. You were brilliant."

"And then broke into tears and ran," Rose added. Shame flared in her gut again, and she pulled her knees closer to her chest. This time, it was hers.

"Nothing wrong with that," the Doctor said urgently. "I just… what do you need? Are you okay?"

He looked terrified, Rose realized. She couldn't remember another time that the Doctor hadn't turned to hugs to comfort her. Holding out her hand, Rose reached for him and hoped that he got the message.

The Doctor relaxed a little, taking her hand and following as she gently pulled him over beside her. The Doctor shifted and sat beside her, his arm just touching her shoulder. Rose took his hand and entwined their fingers, breathing a little easier.

"One of my other lives… those other lives that the Silver Lord connected me to had a really abusive stepfather," Rose explained. "And then an abusive boyfriend. When he smacked her like that, it took me back. For a moment, I couldn't remember which Rose I was. I had to regain control so I could stop him, but her fear… God, it's a mess."

"Rose, it wasn't you. There wasn't anything you could have done. And you protected Lauren."

"You've lived a long life," Rose said softly, trying to inject some levity into her tone. "I've lived a lot of lives." Shaking her head, Rose leaned against the Doctor and was so grateful when the contact didn't bother her. "And while they may be packed away in the back of my mind, they're still there. Always a part of me now. Person is the sum of their memories and all that. Guess what happened today pulled those memories out."

"I sorry you-she had to go through that," the Doctor answered. He swallowed. "Do you know if she got out?"

"Yeah," Rose answered. "She did, not long before the memory merge. I think her universe ran a bit ahead of ours since she was older than me. Got away from him with the help of a local organization and managed to get Mum to leave her shitty husband. She had a kid, so it wasn't easy, but she did it."

"Good," the Doctor said. He squeezed her hand, still a bit tentatively. "That's good."

"Yeah," Rose agreed. She leaned her head against the Doctor's shoulder, inhaling the smell of leather, grease, and time. "It is. I'm proud of her."

The Doctor stayed there, holding her hand as Rose calmed down and sorted through the surface memories. She focused on the last one she had of that Rose Tyler, her and Jackie getting her little boy ready for his first day of school, happy and adjusting to a peaceful life. It made her smile against the Doctor's arm.