CHAPTER 14

Hutch walked through the darkness the night so thick he couldn't see his hand in front of his face. Where the hell was he? His heart pounded with fear of the unknown, the tiny hairs on the back of his neck standing on end. Up ahead he could see a faint light that grew stronger as he got closer. He found himself in a small clearing with a campfire burning in the middle of it. A man was sitting in front of the fire, hunched forward with his arms wrapped around himself as if he were in pain.

"Hello?" Hutch said, slowly moving closer to the fire. "Can you help me? Where am I?"

"Welcome to hell, Hutch…." The other man said in a soft quiet voice that sent a chill down Hutch's spine. Starsky's voice.

"S-s-s-tarsk?" Hutch stuttered "Is that you?"

The man slowly turned his head to look at Hutch with sapphire eyes that burned with an inner fire and intensity that was unmistakable. "Go away, Hutch….you don't belong here."

"I don't even know where here is." Hutch said, his mouth suddenly feeling as if it were filled with cotton.

"You're in my mind, Hutch." Starsky told him with a thin smile. "And I don't want you there anymore…"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm staying here….you can't…you have to go back."

"Not without you."

"I can't go back, Hutch…..I'm lost….I don't know how to get back." Starsky said in a sad, forlorn voice.

"I'll help you."

"You can't, Hutch…nobody can."

"I'm not leaving you here alone…."

"It's too late, Hutch….it's safer here than it is to go back with you." Before Hutch could stop him, Starsky stood up and disappeared into the darkness.

Hutch jerked awake, his heart pounding in his chest. He blinked his eyes, confused and disoriented. It took several seconds for him to realize that he had been dreaming. But it had seemed so real. It was if he could still feel Starsky's presence lingering in his mind. His eyes darted to the still figure of his best friend sleeping in the hospital bed beside him.

Starsky's long dark lashes brushed his cheeks, his eyes moving rapidly beneath the lids. He was obviously dreaming. Hutch could hear the soft whimpers coming from his throat. Hutch shoved himself out of bed and quickly moved to his partner's side. He could see the light sheen of sweat that covered Starsky's face and see the tight lines around the corners of his mouth.

"Hey, buddy…." Hutch said quietly, gently running the back of his knuckles down the side of Starsky's face "Relax…It's Hutch. I'm here. You're dreaming…that's all…"

"Safer here…can't go back…." Starsky's voice whispered, raspy and strained from disuse. Hutch caught his breath as Starsky repeated words eerily similar to the ones he had uttered in Hutch's dream. He whimpered again, reminding Hutch of an animal caught in a trap and unable to understand its own pain.

"Starsk, it's me. Hutch." Hutch said a little louder, reaching out to grasp his friend's shoulder tightly. "You're in the hospital…you're safe now…."

"Nooooo…" Starsky whimpered again without opening his eyes. "No more….pleaeeeee…no more."

"Starsky!" Hutch said more sharply, trying to break through the cobwebs in Starsky's mind, needing desperately for him to respond. "You're dreaming! Wake up!"

Starsky's eyes remained closed but he stopped whimpering and seemed to relax, falling back into a natural sleep undisturbed by his nightmare. Hutch frowned as he looked down at his dark haired friend's relaxed face. The tall blond wasn't sure what had just happened. He prayed that this was the breakthrough he'd been hoping for, that Starsky was finally coming out from wherever he had retreated.

Once he was certain that Starsky was sleeping comfortably and no longer dreaming, Hutch returned to his own bed. But sleep eluded him as he lay there thinking about his own strange dream. He found himself wondering if it had really been a dream. He and Starsky had always shared an unspoken, almost psychic bond. Was that what had happened? Had their minds connected on some sub-conscious level in a dream? Hutch sighed, his logical mind telling him that such a thing was impossible but his heart telling him that he had 'felt' Starsky reaching out to him in every part of his being. Finally, Hutch fell back into a restless sleep.

He was awakened by the nurse's aide bringing in their breakfast trays. Since Starsky had regained consciousness, Hutch and his mother both had been trying to encourage him to eat with only minimal success. He would drink with minimal prompting but most of the time he refused to try to eat. Hutch couldn't really blame him since the doctor had him on a soft diet, consisting mostly of puddings, jello, and other easily digestible foods. Hutch knew how much Starsky hated hospital food to begin with preferring his usual junk food diet even when he was hospitalized.

Sitting up on the edge of his bed, Hutch noticed that Starsky was already awake. He was staring blankly at the wall and didn't respond when Hutch quietly said his name. The tall blond sighed in discouragement. Maybe his talking in his sleep in the early morning hours hadn't been the breakthrough that Hutch hoped it had been after all. Ignoring his own breakfast tray, Hutch uncovered Starsky's breakfast, grimacing when he saw the thick gray oatmeal, the bland vanilla yogurt, and the soggy scrambled eggs. He doubted if he'd have much success getting Starsky to eat any of it.

He wasn't surprised when Starsky steadfastly refused to open his mouth to eat any of the food no matter how much Hutch tried coaxing him. He was still being fed intravenously but the doctor had made it clear that he couldn't be released from the hospital unless he started eating voluntarily. Hutch gave up trying to feed him and instead coaxed him into drinking most of his orange juice, milk and coffee. As long as Hutch remained in Starsky's line of vision, the dark haired man would track his movements with his eyes but if Hutch moved out of his direct line of vision, the blank stare would return to those sapphire eyes. Hutch knew that Starsky was still in there somewhere, he just wished that he knew how to reach him. But, where Starsky was concerned, Hutch could be as patient and persistent as he needed to be. And he was determined to help Starsky find his way back to the people who loved him.

Rachel arrived at the hospital shortly after nine A.M. She smiled as she uncovered a small bowl she had brought with her, showing Hutch the homemade banana pudding. "It was always David's favorite." She told him "I figured it was worth a try." She moved to the side of Starsky's bed and leaned down to gently brush her lips across his cheek. "Good morning, baby…." She said "Mama brought you something…" she spooned out a bite of the pudding and gently pressed the tip of the spoon against Starsky's lips. "Open up and take a bite for me."

Hutch and Rachel both held their breath waiting to see what Starsky would do. After several long minutes, his lips parted slightly, just far enough for Rachel to feed him a tiny bite of the pudding. "You can do better than that." Rachel chided him softly "Eat some more for me." This time Starsky opened his mouth voluntarily and let her feed him more of the sweet treat. Rachel and Hutch exchanged satisfied grins, pleased that they had finally found a way to get Starsky to start eating. As Rachel fed him the rest of the pudding, she glanced at Hutch and said, "I guess I should have brought more. I'll have to run home and get the rest."

"He talked in his sleep last night." Hutch told her "He was dreaming and he didn't wake up….but he talked."

"Well…I guess that's a start." Rachel said. "He's going to come around….I know it. It's just gonna take some time."

"I think he'll probably do a lot better once he gets out of here." Hutch said

"So do I." Rachel agreed. "The doctor said he would probably release him in another week….as long as we can get him to eat."

"Well, I think we figured out the secret to that." Hutch said with a chuckle.

The rest of the morning passed quickly. A therapist came in to do some simple range of motion exercises on Starsky, which Hutch would be continuing after he was released from the hospital. During Starsky's long convalesce from Gunther's attempt on his life, Hutch had learned how to do the same exercises, as well as some more complicated physical therapy techniques to aide in his recovery. He would be using those same techniques to help Starsky this time so he could regain his muscle tone and mobility. After the therapist had finished, Rachel went home so she could get the rest of the banana pudding to tempt Starsky's appetite. While she was gone, Hutch gave Starsky a sponge bath and a shave. Even thought Starsky still didn't respond to Hutch or even appear to recognize him, Hutch continued to carry on a conversation with him even if it was entirely one sided.

Rachel returned shortly after noon. Throughout the rest of the afternoon and early evening, she coaxed Starsky into eating the rest of the banana pudding she had brought from home. She left around eight P.M. and Hutch spent the rest of the evening watching a movie on TV before he turned in for the night.

Hutch found himself back in the darkness standing beside the campfire. Starsky was sitting there, staring into the fire, the flames reflected in his eyes. Instinctively, Hutch reached out to touch his partner but Starsky flinched and moved away from his touch.

"Don't touch me…." Starsky said in a ragged tone with a trace of fear in his voice.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Starsk. Nobody is going to hurt you anymore. You're safe now…"

"You didn't come…." Starsky whispered, refusing to look at Hutch "I kept calling for you but you never came…."

"I didn't know how to find you….." Hutch said sadly, "We thought you were dead."

"I am dead, Hutch…" Starsky said, finally turning his head to look at the tall blond with an expression on his face that broke the big blond's heart "I died because you didn't save me….you didn't find me in time…."

"I found you, Starsk…..it just took me awhile." Hutch told him "But now I need you to come back with me…."

"No…" Starsky said, shaking his head stubbornly. "It's safer here…..I don't want to come back." Without another word, Starsky shoved himself to his feet and once more disappeared into the darkness leaving Hutch alone.

Hutch awoke with a start, breathing heavily as the memories of the dream washed over him. He could feel the connection to Starsky, still as strong as ever. Automatically, he glanced over at the other bed where Starsky was sleeping quietly. A shiver ran through Hutch's body. Was Starsky trying to communicate with him through his dreams? Or was Hutch losing his mind? Top of Form