your imagination

CHAPTER 15

Hutch waited impatiently for the nurse to finish up with Starsky's paperwork. He was being released from the hospital today and going back to Rachel's house. He was still unresponsive, other than tracking the movements of the people around him with his eyes. He was eating solid food again but only the food that Rachel brought for him from home, he still refused to eat if he was offered hospital fare. As long as he was eating and drinking with verbal prompts, the doctor seemed satisfied enough to release him to Rachel's care. He still argued that Rachel should consider putting him in long term care facility since he still needed someone to tend to his personal needs twenty-four hours a day and Rachel still adamantly refused.

But the doctor needed the bed and Starsky's physical injuries had healed enough that he no longer needed the more intensive medical care provided by the hospital. He was still underweight and needed to gain at least thirty more pounds, he was still essentially non-responsive to his surroundings even though he would follow simple verbal cues with prompting, and his re-broken leg was still in a heavy cast which restricted him to a wheelchair. Hutch would still be responsible for taking care of his most basic needs, his personal hygiene, bathing him, assisting him in the bathroom, and feeding him. Rachel would help but Hutch insisted on continuing the majority of Starsky's care by himself.

Although Starsky remained fairly calm and passive during his waking hours, at night while he was sleeping he became restless and agitated, plagued by bad dreams where he relived the nightmare of the past six months in his mind. During the day, he remained silent and made no attempt to speak but at night in his sleep, he often cried out and called Hutch's name in pleading, begging tone that tore at the big blond's heart. And Hutch continued to have some strange dreams of his own, dreams where Starsky talked to him, dreams where Hutch begged Starsky to come back with him and Starsky continued to refuse.

Hutch had already gotten Starsky shaved and dressed, then put him in his wheelchair and now they were waiting impatiently for the nurse to come so they could leave. "Hey, buddy….it shouldn't be much longer." Hutch said lightly. He smiled at his partner even though he knew Starsky would only stare at him blankly with that glazed look in his eyes. But Hutch refused to treat Starsky any differently than he always had, he knew that the dark haired man could hear him, he just had to find the key to unlock him from the prison of his own mind. He longed to see the twinkle in those sapphire eyes and that thousand-watt smile on that ruggedly handsome face once again. He wanted his partner back. He missed his best friend.

Finally, a young brunette with brown eyes swept into the room. In a bored voice, she said, "Here's Mr. Starsky's release papers and the prescriptions from the doctor." She handed the paperwork to Hutch "And his discharge orders are in there too. He has a follow up appointment scheduled with the doctor next Thursday and an appointment for evaluation by physical therapy next Friday. Are there any questions?"

"No. Can we just get out of here?" Hutch asked, his patience worn thin from waiting all morning to leave.

"Of course." The young woman said with a plastic smile. Hutch stopped her as she started to reach for the handles on the wheelchair.

"I'll do it." Hutch said, "I know the way to the front door." He didn't mean to sound rude but he didn't much care for some of the staff at this hospital. They were too burned out to have much concern for the patients under their care and it showed, especially with some of the nurses. The nurse followed him out into the hall and walked back to the nurse's station while Hutch continued on towards the exit.

Hutch had parked his car in front of the exit when he arrived that morning so he wouldn't have to take Starsky across the parking lot when they left the building. Pausing beside the door, he carefully locked the wheels on the wheelchair and then reached out to open the car door on the passenger's side.

"I know it's not the striped tomato" Hutch said, using his nickname for Starsky's flashy red Torino "But it's gonna have to do." He chuckled softly at his own joke as he reached down to move the foot pedals on the wheelchair out to the side, so that Starsky's feet rested on the pavement. He gently raised Starsky's hands and placed them on his shoulders. Slipping his left leg between Starsky's legs for counterbalance, Hutch leaned forward and carefully wrapped his arms around the smaller man's waist. Slowly, he straightened up, pulling Starsky upright as he did.

Pivoting easily on his left foot, he carefully eased Starsky down into the front seat with his torso inside the car and his feet still resting outside the car. Starsky didn't assist or resist as Hutch helped him into the car. Hutch carefully eased his partner's legs into the car, taking special care with the casted leg. Starsky sat there, unresponsive, as Hutch reached over him to securely fasten the shoulder harness and the lap belt.

Hutch shut the car door and then folded up the wheelchair, carrying it around to the driver's side of the car where he stuck it in the back seat. He dug his keys out of his pocket as he slid underneath the wheel. The engine roared to life as Hutch turned on the ignition and pulled away from the curb. As he drove through the narrow streets towards Starsky's childhood home, Hutch stole glances at his companion. He noticed that the closer they got to his old neighborhood, the more Starsky's eyes seemed to be watching his surroundings through the windshield.

Rachel was watching for them and came out the front door as soon as Hutch pulled into the driveway. She hurried to the passenger's side of the car and opened the door to welcome her eldest son home. Hutch pulled the wheelchair out of the back seat and carried it around to the other side of the car. Rachel unfolded the wheelchair and held it steady while Hutch helped Starsky out of the car and got him settled into the chair.

"I think he knows where he is." Hutch told her with an encouraging smile as he took the handles to push the wheelchair around to the back of the house. He had built a makeshift ramp at the back door so they could get the wheelchair in and out of the house. "He seemed to be more alert the closer we got to the house."

"I'm sure that David knows exactly where he is." Rachel said with a smile as she ran her fingers through her son's thick dark hair. "He knows he's home." Hutch pushed the wheelchair up to the kitchen table and locked the brakes. He sank down in the chair beside Starsky and accepted the cup of coffee that Rachel handed him from the pot sitting on the stove. She poured a second cup for Starsky and laced it heavily with sugar and cream just the way her son liked it.

As she sat the cup on the table in front of Starsky, Hutch leaned over and said gently "Drink your coffee, Starsk." When he didn't respond immediately to the verbal prompt, Hutch carefully took Starsky's left hand and folded his fingers around the cup sitting in front of him. "Drink it, Starsk." He repeated "It's coffee." Finally, Starsky slowly lifted the cup to his lips and took a drink. Hutch noticed the slight tremor in his hand. It had improved significantly from the first few days in the hospital when his hands shook so badly he couldn't hold the cup on his own.

Since it was after noon, Rachel already had lunch prepared. She had fixed beef stew over homemade biscuits with banana pudding for dessert. She fixed each of them a plate and sat them on the table, taking the chair across from Hutch at the kitchen table. Hutch helped Starsky eat his meal, letting him feed himself until he got tired and then helping him to finish. On his own, Starsky would only eat half of his food but with gentle prompting and coxing from Hutch or Rachel, he would finish the rest. After they were finished eating, Hutch took Starsky into the downstairs bedroom at the back of the house where the two of them would be sleeping.

Starsky and Hutch had often shared a bed in the past, especially after his long recovery after his shooting. Then as now, it was simpler for Hutch to sleep in the same bed with him in case he needed care or comforting during the night. He helped Starsky out of his clothes and into a pair of soft loose sweatpants with a matching tee shirt. Then he eased him into bed and gave him his afternoon meds. Hutch knew that the meds would make him sleep most of the afternoon, so Hutch stretched out beside him to grab a nap of his own. It wasn't long before he started to dream.

Hutch found himself walking through a field filled with flowers. The sun was shining brightly and he could hear a gentle stream flowing somewhere nearby. As he looked around, Hutch saw Starsky standing at the edge of the woods that surrounded the field. Smiling brightly, Hutch walked towards his friend.

Starsky watched Hutch as he walked towards him but made no move to step closer to him. His sapphire eyes simply looked at him with a vague questioning look on his face.

"I thought you left." Starsky said, as if he were surprised to see Hutch there.

"I'd never do that to you, Starsk. I told you before I'm not leaving unless you come with me." Hutch replied

"I'm afraid…." Starsky said in a barely audible voice, absently taking a step back towards the woods behind him. "It's not safe to leave this place…."

"It's safe, Starsk. You'll be with me. I won't let anyone hurt you anymore."

"You promise?"

"I promise." Hutch said with a grin as he held out his hand encouragingly. "Come with me….."

"No…." Starsky said sadly, shaking his head "I can't…..not yet…." He turned and disappeared back into the woods, leaving Hutch alone in the field of flowers.

Hutch awoke with a start, blinking his eyes as he slowly gazed around the room. Starsky had moved in his sleep until he was curled up against Hutch, looking like a little boy worn out from a hard day at play. He heard a soft sound, almost too quiet to be heard. Starsky was mumbling in his sleep but Hutch couldn't make out the words.

"Starsky?" Hutch whispered. "It's okay, you're safe now." He gently brushed his knuckles against the smaller man's cheek. Starsky didn't wake up but as Hutch leaned closer he could hear Starsky repeating one word over and over again. Hutch's name. Tears burned Hutch's eyes as he gently pulled his friend in his arms and held him tightly. "It's okay, Starsky. You're safe now….I got ya. I got ya." Starsky quieted and his breathing smoothed out into the natural rhythm of a peaceful sleep. Hutch raised his eyes towards the ceiling and whispered "Please, God….he's been through enough. Please bring him back to us….."

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