CHAPTER 16

Starsky felt safe where he was. He was beyond the pain. He was beyond the fear. In the beginning, he had fought back with everything he had in him, until the beatings and the torture became so bad his body gave in and his mind took him away to somewhere safe. And he'd been glad to go. He had given up hope of rescue, hope of Hutch ever finding him. Here in the darkness, he was safe, nobody could get the past the walls he'd built around his mind and his soul. Except there was something out there that kept chipping away at that wall, trying to pull him away from the darkness that protected him.

It was a voice. A voice that kept calling his name. Comforting him somehow. There was something in the sound of that voice, something that he was supposed to understand and listen to. Something he trusted. All at once, he wanted out and something deep inside of him told him that voice was the key he needed for his escape. Starsky took a deep slow breath, calling on all the strength he had left to break through the barriers between him and the sound of that voice. He felt the fear seeping into his pores and the hair on the back of his neck stood on end. But he wasn't alone this time. He was safe, safe as long as he could hear that gentle, coaxing voice. Starsky blinked as the fog lifted, vague images coming into sharper focus. All at once, it was clear. Hutch. He was safe. He was with Hutch.

The sight of the tall blond nearly overwhelmed Starsky's mind with raw emotion. Confusion crashed in around him as he tried to make sense out of what was happening. He had waited for so long. He had never doubted that Hutch would either find him or he would die trying. He had never doubted that until his mind shut down and he lost all hope. Safe for the first time in an eternity, Starsky leaned into the warm and security of Hutch's embrace.

"Starsk?" Hutch whispered, gently rocking the man he held his arms as he tried to soothe away the nightmare that had awakened them both. Starsky was mumbling his name again, over and over, but the sound was barely audible.

"It's me, Starsk." Hutch said reassuringly, snuggling his dark haired friend closer and gently brushing his lips across those dark curls. "You're safe now….you're here with me."

Starsky gave a soft moan and moved his head, his eyes locking with Hutch's own gaze. This time Starsky's eyes held recognition but also disbelief and just a hint of fear. "Hutch…." He whispered in a raspy, barely audible voice "Dreaming?"

"No, you're not dreaming, Starsk…" Hutch said in a choked voice, struggling to hold back his tears and to keep his own voice calm. "I'm right here and so are you.' He stroked Starsky's arm reassuringly as he continued rocking him in his arms "You're safe now. You're safe."

Starsky reached out and lightly ran his fingers over Hutch's face, his eyes a mix of emotions, showing the first real life he'd shown since Hutch had found him. He seemed to be searching for the truth, a truth he was afraid to accept. Finally, he just gave up and leaned against Hutch, whispering, "What took ya so long?" Hutch chuckled without answering, other than to continue holding Starsky tightly. He felt the body in his arms relax and heard Starsky's breathing deepen and even out. At first Hutch was afraid that he had slipped away from him again but then he realized that he had simply slipped into a natural sleep. Hutch lay there, staring into the darkness and finally let the tears come, falling down his face as he thanked God for returning his friend to him. Finally, Hutch fell into a restless sleep of his own.

When he opened his eyes the next morning, Hutch was startled to find Starsky's eyes open and staring at him, a slight smile on the smaller man's face. "Starsky?" Hutch said in an awed voice, still not sure if he believed that the early morning events had been real, not until he heard Starsky's voice answer him.

"I'm still here." His voice was still weak and raspy from disuse but the alertness was back in those sapphire eyes and that expressive face. "We're at Ma's, right?" Starsky asked, his eyes slowly drifting around the room "This is the downstairs bedroom."

"Yeah, we're at your moms. Until your leg comes out of that cast, you ain't going be going up and down any stairs."

"My leg?" Starsky said slowly "They broke my leg….it hurt like a son of a bitch…"

"Yeah, the doctors had to re-break in and put in a steel rod so it'd heal right this time." Hutch explained.

"I was in the hospital?" Starsky asked in a confused voice

"Yeah, for almost three weeks."

"I don't remember."

"I know."

"How did you find me?"

"I didn't. Joe Durniak did."

"Joe?" Starsky exclaimed in a surprised voice with a hint of bitterness in the tone.

"I would never have found you without his help, Starsk." Hutch said "I'll tell you the whole story later….you feel like getting up?"

"Yeah….I guess so…."

Hutch climbed out of bed and walked around to the other side of the bed to help Starsky up out of the bed and into the wheelchair. Now that he was alert and able to help Hutch to move him, it was a much easier job than it had been before. Hutch pushed the chair into the adjoining bathroom where he helped Starsky to stand and balance himself so he could relieve himself. After taking his own turn at the commode, Hutch took Starsky back into the bedroom where both men got dressed.

The aroma of eggs and bacon drifted in from the kitchen as Hutch opened the bedroom door and pushed Starsky out into the living room. In the kitchen, Rachel was humming softly under her breath as she cooked breakfast for the three of them. Starsky and Hutch exchanged a glance, then Starsky grinned and said softly "Hey, Ma…."

Startled at the sound of her son's voice, Rachel gave a sharp cry and whirled around, her eyes widening when she saw Starsky grinning. She threw herself at the wheelchair, wrapping her arms around her eldest tightly and saying something in Yiddish that made Starsky chuckle softly. Still weak, he managed to raise his arms and wrap them around his mother's waist in a gentle squeeze. Hutch felt the tears burning his eyes at the heartwarming sight. Looking at Hutch, tears falling down her cheeks, Rachel said "When?"

"A couple of hours ago." Hutch answered "He had another bad dream and when I got him awake….he recognized me."

Turning to her son, Rachel said something else to Starsky in Yiddish and he answered her the same way. Hutch smiled, relieved and happy that Starsky had finally broken through the barriers in his own mind that had kept him away from them. Now he could heal and start to recover from his ordeal. Maybe now they could get the final answers to the questions that still remained unanswered but there was plenty of time for that later. This morning was for rejoicing, giving thanks that Starsky was back, both physically and mentally. That he was still alive to share this moment with the people who loved him the most.

The three of them sat at the kitchen table to enjoy their breakfast together. Starsky fed himself with only minimal assistance from Hutch. He still had to be encouraged to eat more than just a few bites and it took him longer to finish than usual but finish he did. During the meal, Rachel kept reaching out to touch his hand or his shoulder, reassuring herself that her son knew where he was and who he was with. That he knew he was finally home.

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