I don't own Chuck

"So I need to leave," Sarah said to her mom a few minutes later.

"I didn't say that," Emma told her. "I said you have two choices."

"What's the other choice?"

There was silence as the older woman studied the younger one. "For all his faults, I loved him…still do, you know that right?"

"Are you seriously talking about dad right now?" Sarah asked, stunned.

"Sarah, damn it," Emma said, frustrated. "You are taking a mountain of frustration out on a man who made one mistake."

"No, he rejected me," Sarah insisted.

"Did he?" Emma asked. Sarah shook her head and stood up. "If you don't leave, then you need to accept something." Sarah paused and looked at her mom. "You know and I know you love that man, and if he comes to you, you will take him back."

"The way you took dad back, over and over and over," Sarah said, beginning to understand her mom and dad's relationship for the first time in her life.

"Your dad is actually protecting me by not coming around me, which is what you think you are about to do," Emma pointed out. "That's what he does you know. Protects me. That's why he wouldn't let me know where the two of you were. To protect me if he was ever caught."

"I shouldn't have gone with Dad," Sarah said softly. "I left you, mom."

"You were a teenager that thought your dad was amazing, and he is. Hell, I know about getting swept up in him. He's so charismatic, and God, he loves us both but…"

"He's no good for you," Sarah said, understanding.

"Come with me," she said, and led Sarah downstairs to the basement. Emma went over to a corner where different empty boxes were located. "What do you see?" Sarah studied them, and shook her head.

"He's sending you things," she said, with a sad smile. "What was in these?"

"Baby supplies," Emma said softly. Sarah's head whipped around. "You see, the reason you have to leave isn't for him. I know you Sarah, there's a lot of your dad in you, that's why you went with your father. That relationship with your father, it's why you are scared to let anyone really in. That's why you never walked away from the CIA when you could have. Your father will do anything for me, no matter how much it hurts him. You have to protect you."

"But you don't think I should?"

"I think you were hurt that in the first time you truly opened your heart to Chuck. He didn't understand what he was doing," Emma told her.

"Mom, he rejected me," Sarah insisted.

"Or, like your father, did you not say exactly what you mean?" Emma asked. Sarah lowered her head slightly and averted her eyes from her mother. "Did you do what you and your father do so well? Did you not say what you felt because you're scared of it? Did you not say what you meant so it couldn't be used against you?"

"Mom, if he doesn't understand me, no one ever will," Sarah told her. "But you also don't understand."

"Then explain it to me," Emma nearly pleaded.

"Mom, they are going to turn him into a one man army. The perfect spy, which means he's going to do things that will destroy who he is. You know what me being with dad did to me. I thought I was worthless, and when I was given the choice, I thought I had no choice and joined the CIA. I was trying to save him from that life."

"You were trying to save him for yourself," Emma corrected.

"Damn it," Sarah said, looking away, tears building in her eyes. "Is that so horrible? Me wanting to save him from going through what I did? From him changing? He's so good, and you know how they changed me."

"Did they?" Emma asked, stepping up to her daughter and pulling her into a hug. Sarah wanted to push away. She wanted to run away, but for the first time, in a long time, she held on to her mother tight, and let out the tears and frustration that had built up in her for years.

}o{

She walked into the room, and saw him lying there, on his side. He mumbled, having heard her footsteps. She shook her head. God, she was so tired of this, she didn't want to do this, but if she didn't he would die. He was going to hate her, and that was probably best. He was supposed to be the best, and he wasn't…at least not in the way that they graded.

What they didn't know was, he was the best. He was so much better than any alphabet agency. Her heart was breaking looking at him like that, but she had no choice. This was going to be the absolute hardest thing she ever did in her life, and he was going to hate her for it. And she was gladly going to take that hate, because it would keep him alive.

She walked over, and managed to get him and the chair that he was tied to upright. He yelled into the gag that was under the hood he wore. She could feel the fear radiating off of him. She moved his chair to the corner of the room, so he couldn't as easily tip himself.

"Free yourself," she said softly.

Instead of doing so, she heard him call out her name. It was muffled from the gag and the hood. The surprise, shock, and hurt was clear, if the word wasn't. She shook her head and walked away, out of the room as he called after her.

She had to leave the room. He didn't get to see her cry. He didn't get to see the decision she made rip her apart, like his words did in Prague. She was going to save his life…if it killed her.

She was pretty sure it would.