I don't own Chuck

She heard him leave the cabin early the next morning. She could tell by his footfalls, his leg was still sore from the cramp. She felt bad. She knew what was going to happen, but he had told her he was going to listen to her, and he hadn't. He had to learn. This wasn't punishment for him. She was trying to help him. Didn't he know all this pain was causing her pain? Didn't he know that she WISHED she felt nothing for him.

She had tried to convince herself before seeing him again that she didn't love him, that she had loved the idea of him. God, was she wrong. She did love him.

He had chosen this life over her, and if that was the choice he was going to make, she was going to help him fulfill it, regardless of how she felt. She tried to stop the memories, but they refused, and attacked her any way.

}o{

"Darlin', I'm telling you, if we do this, we can be set," Jack told her.

"Dad, what if…what if we just lived in a small house, and didn't travel, and you just worked a normal job? What if I got a job as soon as I turned sixteen. And-and, I could get a paper route now, or something," the twelve year old begged. "I just don't want to see you have to run…again."

"Darlin', we pull this off, we can have everything we want. The big house, we can travel where ever, when ever, don't you want that?"

"I just want you, dad," Sarah told him.

"But Darlin', my whole life, I've wanted all these things, don't you think I deserve them?"

"Yeah," Sarah said dejectedly. "Okay, what do I need to do?"

"That's my Angel."

}o{

She sat quietly, sure that he hadn't heard her. Not that she had been quiet on her approach, but that he was wrapped up in his head. He was struggling, but she didn't understand why. He had made his decision in Prague. He chose the CIA. She shook her head, watching him sitting by the creek behind the house. Why was it always water with him? He had chosen the CIA over her. Like Bryce. Like Steve. She had thought he was different. He had chosen something over her. Like her dad.

She never had a choice, and when she finally did, she took the chance and ran with him. She could have lost her job, became a criminal, and she did it…and he thanked her. She had chosen him over the mission at Ellie's wedding. She had chosen him in Prague…and he didn't choose her.

She watched him reach out and rub his hamstring, and she wondered if he needed her to massage it. She winced at herself. That wasn't happening. It wasn't. Her body damn near betrayed her last night, and she nearly had gotten in the bed with him. God, she understood her mom so much right now. She understood the hell Emma must have been in every damn day she watched the man she love continue to pick a life over her. As a child, Sarah hadn't understood. Sarah hadn't thought Emma weak, or anything like that, but now…now she wondered if Emma wasn't some God damn super hero with the ability to stay away from Jack.

Sarah wondered if this might actually kill her. She was going to be isolated with Chuck for months, hell, maybe years. It was going to be hell, yet part of her…part of her wouldn't have it any other way. That was the woman in her. The woman in her that believed he was still amazing…still the smartest man…the sexiest man…the best man she had ever met. The agent…the trained, cynical agent…she reminded the girl that again, someone had chosen something over the girl. Sarah found her self hugging her knees, setting there, feet on the ground, just watching him. She allowed herself to accept she wished she was hugging him and he was hugging her.

}o{

For his whole life, there was one question he wondered. It started when his mom left. He was sent to therapy, and he learned there that the only way therapy would end was for him to say what they wanted him to say, so he did.

It continued when his father eventually stopped coming home…that question entered his mind again. Senior prom, when Becky broke up with him the week before, when she got a better offer from a football player.

Things seemed to change at Stanford. He met a great friend, and then a great girl. But had he? Had he met them and the CIA ended it, or was it more of the same. The same thread that had run his entire life. He just wasn't enough for people.

He wasn't enough for his mother to stay, he wasn't enough for his father to stay, he wasn't enough for Becky. Bryce admitted on the tape he wasn't enough to be a CIA agent. When he lost his scholarship, he wasn't enough for Jill. And then he met Sarah Walker.

God, she was so amazing, and the love he felt for her…he wished to God he was enough. He wished more than he ever had in his life that he was enough, but how could he be. She was so amazing…so….out of this world that he knew he wasn't enough for her. Ellie didn't understand. She was Ellie. She was one part sister, one part mom, all doctor. She was Ellie, and he…he was Chuck. A good guy. That's all he was.

He wanted to believe that old axiom wasn't true, but he'd seen it happen too many times in his life. He wasn't good enough for Sarah. With the Intersect…he was. He could be the man she DESERVED. Without it, he was plain old Chuck Bartowski. He was so out of his element here. He had to listen. He had to accept the Intersect wasn't returning. He had to listen to her, to keep her safe. She deserved happiness. She deserved to be free from the burden of him. Ellie was right, he had to start at the beginning. He stretched out his leg and winced. Maybe he'd start after he iced down his leg.