Standing at the door of the bathroom in the men's dorm, Shikamaru pinched himself.
It hurt. Which meant the scene in front of his eyes was real.
Shikamaru pinched himself again.
Still hurt.
He wasn't having a weird fever dream caused by one of Temari's strange soups. Those three were actually washing their socks in the communal bathroom sinks. I have so many questions and not enough energy to ask them.
"Shikamaru, what the hell are you doing just standing there? Throw me the soap already!" Kiba yelled, up to his elbows in sudsy water.
"Oh, sure," Still a bit dumbfounded, Shikamaru looked around but only found one pathetic sliver of grubby soap lying on the countertop. Nevertheless, he did as told and tossed it to Kiba…
Only for that tiny sliver to land in the sink to disappear without a trace.
"Oh hell, Dammit Shikamaru! I still have a sock to scrub!" Kiba swore. He frantically started lifting up the suds in the sink to find the tiny sliver of soap.
"Oh come on, you're almost done. Just get the last one wet and rub it a bit," Naruto scoffed
"That's what he said," Kiba muttered. "These are my lucky socks - I was wearing them the day I got into Konoha U. If that asshole throws them out the same way he threw out your ramen socks, I'm never going to get a date!"
Shikamaru stared at the stupidly grinning face of a Shiba Inu on the sock Kiba was holding up, then closed his mouth before he asked. The answer probably won't make sense anyways.
"You can't blame the socks for your lack of a date," Naruto scoffed.
"Oi!" Kiba glared. Naruto made a face at him. Infuriated, Kiba started chasing him around the cramped bathroom, brandishing the silly Shiba Inu while roaring at him. With a sigh, Shikamaru ducked as they ran right past him and down the hallway like a pair of lunatics.
"Need a hand?" Shikamaru asked Chouji as he got up and dusted off his pants.
"Nah, I'm almost done here anyways," Chouji shrugged, elbows deep in the sink full of bubbles.
Watching him, Shikamaru couldn't help asking, "Why are you guys washing your socks by hand, anyways?"
"Someone flooded the laundry room so no one can go in there, and Sasuke's anal about his laundry. He ended up tossing the worst smelling into the trash and taking it out. I can't say I blame him - Naruto's socks stunk pretty bad at that point. He should probably get that checked out."
Shikamaru didn't know whether to laugh or cry, "No I mean… why are you washing your socks by hand?"
"I don't know! Ask maintenance why it's taken them two weeks to fix a laundry room!"
"Chouji…"
"What?!"
"You know you guys could've just brought your laundry over to my apartment, right?"
"...," Realization made Chouji's expression crumble into a look of utter defeat. He put his head down until it was almost in the sudsy sink. "DAMMIT! You lucky son of a ..."
Shikamaru patted his back sympathetically, "Well, you're almost done anyways. Bring them over next week."
"Yeah, thanks," Chouji sighed and went back to his washing. He gave Shikamaru a side-eye, though, "You sure your cute girlfriend won't mind?"
"Temari? No, not unless you ask her to do your laundry because she's a girl," Shikamaru shrugged.
"I like how you assume she's going to be there anyways," Chouji teased him, "Time was, you were still trying to maintain an appropriate distance because a girlfriend was too much of a pain in the ass."
"It was more troublesome to try to keep her out. I just gave her a key," Shikamaru grumbled, but his lips quirked into a smile at the thought of his girl.
"I guess your dad's screw up when he was too lazy to pay your residence deposit ended up working out for you, eh?"
Shikamaru's ear tips turned red, "Chouji!"
"What? I'm just saying you couldn't've had her visit so much if you were living in dorms," Chouji looked genuinely puzzled as he wrung out his last sock.
Shikamaru shook his head, "I don't know how they haven't corrupted you yet." Seeing Chouji wring out his last sock, he grabbed the basins Naruto and Kiba had left behind. "Come on, I'll help you take this back to your room."
"Okay then," Chouji shrugged.
When they arrived back at their dorm, Shikamaru could already hear Kiba and Naruto yelling loudly at the top of their lungs. When they walked in, he marvelled at Sasuke clearly ignoring the two of them and typing away at an email. I don't know how he works in this din.
"I don't know why we have to clean up, anyways," Kiba complained at the top of his lungs, "Doesn't the smell drive off your fans? We're doing you a favour, really Sasuke."
"I'll do you a favour and burn them," Sasuke replied.
Kiba and Naruto looked at him aghast.
"You've gotta be kidding me!"
"Not my lucky socks!" Kiba wailed.
"C'mon Sasuke, be reasonable!" Naruto joined him, "I just fished my ramen socks out of the dumpster! We're brothers! Come on, third bro, you can't just do that to us!"
"Try me," Sasuke didn't even look up.
Shikamaru watched the pandemonium from the sidelines, vastly entertained. Thinking of something, he leaned over and asked Chouji, "Why is Naruto calling Sasuke third bro?"
Chouji, who was also watching the scene, chuckled at the question. "Well, it goes back to when we were young and innocent, and just moved in together…"
On move-in day, nearly four years ago...
The first thing Chouji unpacked when he got to his dorm was his bigger suitcase because that was the important one. That one held his snacks, including his favourite ones from home that he couldn't get here. Before he got to all his other stuff, though, the blond guy with too much energy started yelling.
"OKAY GUYS! Here we are! At the beginning of our University careers. Together we face the unknown, as roommates, as brothers!"
Yep. Definitely way too much energy.
Blondie looked around like he was expecting some enthusiasm, only to see Chouji and the guy with the triangles on his face looking at him blankly. "Oh come on! When's your birthday?"
"Huh?"
"Your birthday! The day you were born! When is it?"
"Oh uh, May 1st?"
"What about you, triangle face?"
"Dude!"
"Just tell me!"
"July 7, what gives?"
"So that makes you Big bro, and you second bro - wait, does that mean I'm the littlest bro? Aw come on, that's not fair. Hey you, when's your birthday?"
Blondie nudged the guy who'd been sitting at the desk in the back and hadn't bothered to turn around since the rest of them all arrived. If I didn't see his hand move, I'd have wondered if they'd accidentally installed a sculpture in our room. The quiet guy ignored them all.
Blondie was not impressed. He got into the statue's face and asked, "Dude, are you deaf?"
Ignored again.
"Hey asshole!" Blondie grabbed the back of the guy's chair and forced him to turn around. "I asked you a question.
"It's too stupid to answer," The quiet guy finally opened his mouth.
"What did you call me?"
"Stupid."
"Hey!"
"It's the truth."
"Why you-" the two glowered at each other, face to face, snarl to sneer. Without taking his eyes off the spectacle, Chouji reached for the nearest bag of chips. He paused when he heard the guy with the triangles on his face sit down beside him on his bed.
"You think if I just," Triangle boy clicked his tongue and made a gesture of knocking two heads together, "they'd kiss?"
Chouji grinned. "That'd be funny. But probably not the best way to start this relationship. We need to sleep the next four years."
"You think that is?" Triangle boy cocked his thumb at the other two. "They'll set this dorm on fire any minute now."
"No, but I have a better idea," Chouji said slowly when his searching hand found his laptop instead. "Hey guys."
No answer. Blondie and Statue boy were still glaring at each other.
"Hey guys. Before you get to punching each other and making a mess of this place...," Chouji pulled out his laptop and started clicking away. "Let's do this without blood. Real blood, at least."
That got their attention. Chouji grinned as all three of them turned to stare at him, "We're all in computer science. You guys game, don't you?"
Blondie immediately objected, "Yeah. We don't necessarily play the same thing, though. Plus, exactly how much can you do as n00bs on a new game? How's this going to be fair?"
Statue boy nodded.
"I have alpha keys to this new MMO that gives full PVP capabilities when you sign up. It's called Way of the Ninja. You guys in?" Chouji turned his laptop around to show them the game. On it, a simple launcher showed a roughly cut video that demonstrated some of the PVP gameplay. He saw the growing interest on both their faces. Gotcha.
"C'mon. Let's settle this like men."
All of Chouji's snacks later...
"Holy CRAP how did you guys manage to tie?!" Kiba roared. "It's been thirteen rounds, just someone win already!"
"I'm not giving up until I beat this asshole!" Naruto hollered back.
"Keep dreaming," Sasuke replied curtly.
"You haven't won yet either!"
"I'm hungry," Chouji declared, rooting around in his empty packages. "It must almost be dinner. Let's go find the canteen, you can keep fighting afterwards."
"No! Not until this asshole admits to his defeat!" Naruto yelled, pointing at Sasuke.
"I haven't lost, why should I?" Sasuke retorted.
"Again then!"
"Fine."
"Oh my god, we're never going to eat," Kiba mourned as Naruto and Sasuke started glaring daggers again.
SLAM.
All three of them jumped as Chouji slammed both Naruto and Sasuke's laptops down at the same time. They stared at Chouji.
Chouji gave them his best I'm-hungry smile, "I'm. Hungry. Let's continue this AFTER dinner. Okay? Okay." He ignored any irrelevant opinions they might dare to have as he grabbed his student card and keys on the way out.
It only took Kiba a couple of seconds to catch up with him, a stupid grin plastered on his face. At least one of them has a sense of what's important. "Dude. That's a good game. How'd you get alpha keys?"
Chouji was about to answer when a loud bang in the hallway behind them made the two of them turn around.
"I was totally about to kick your ass in the last round!"
"In your dreams."
"In YOUR dreams, maybe!"
"GUYS!" Chouji barked, thoroughly fed up. "Either stay in the room and keep going hungry or don't hold us up."
Sasuke turned his back on Naruto and started moving purposely. "Fine!" Naruto yelled back, not to be outdone. He quickly caught up, and the four of them got into the elevator in awkward silence. The dorm already was empty, since everyone else had obviously gone to dinner.
"July 23."
The voice was so quiet, Chouji thought he was having a hunger-induced hallucination.
"What?" Kiba glanced around.
"My birthday. It's July 23rd," Sasuke muttered.
Oh, the whole reason this started in the first place.
"Ah!" Naruto clutched his hair in realization, "That means I am the youngest bro! Dammit!"
Kiba pointed and laughed at him, "Dude, you're the one who came up with the whole thing."
"I am NOT going to be Big Bro," Chouji declared firmly.
"What?! Why?" Naruto exclaimed, "Oh come on, Chouji!"
"I'm not fat!"
"What does that have anything to do with it? You're the oldest, so you're big bro. Kiba's second, so he's second brother, and I guess that makes this asshole third bro and me the fourth bro."
"No!"
"I'm not third brother either."
"FINE! You can be asshole brother then!"
"Whatever."
In the present day…
Shikamaru stared at him. "That's where this whole thing comes from?"
"Yeah," Chouji shrugged, "Except Kiba stopped answering to second bro when someone told him it was slang for a guy's… you know, and Naruto gave up on it entirely when someone told him four was an unlucky number and made him sound like he was dead. It only came up again because of Sasuke's in-game wife."
"In-game wife?! Sasuke?" Shikamaru thought he was done being surprised today.
"Yeah, in Way," Chouji said nonchalantly. He caught Shikamaru's befuddled look. "Well, we couldn't exactly call her asshole sister-in-law."
"... Yeah that makes perfect sense," Shikamaru stared at him weirdly, "I'm amazed you guys are actually friends with a game company now, four years later."
"Y'know what, so am I," Chouji shrugged, "But it works."
"Goddammit, Naruto you asshole!" Kiba roared as he held his nose, "That sock still smells like ass!"
"Bite me!" Naruto sniped back.
"Most of the time," Chouji had to qualify his statement as he and Shikamaru watched the bickering in front of them and Sasuke calmly ignored them all.
All of a sudden, his phone rang loudly, cutting the bedlam like a knife slicing into hot butter. They all turned to look at him as Chouji picked up his phone.
"Who's that?" Kiba asked, "Who still calls people's phones to actually talk in this day and age?"
"Why don't you let him pick it up so he can find out?" Naruto sniped back.
Chouji ignored the both of them as he answered, "Hello, Akimichi Chouji speaking."
Out of the corner of his eye, Shikamaru could already see Naruto and Kiba starting to pinch at each other again, like a pair of kindergarteners without teacher supervision. Those two never stop.
Until Chouji blurted out loudly, "Who? From Root Corp!?"
(o_O) !
Nani the fuck? Am I hearing things?! "Why is-" Kiba opened his mouth but was immediately cut off by Sasuke. The hell is his hand doing in my face, asshole?! Unfortunately, biting through Sasuke's hand was not an option at this point, since he saw the serious, shut the fuck up, look on the asshole's face. He's such an asshole.
"Oh yes. Yes I can talk now. Uh-huh. I'm flattered." Chouji kept talking on the phone while he and Sasuke made eye contact. Sasuke nodded, and Chouji tilted his head to indicate he understood. Understood what?!
"For lunch? Sure, I can make myself available later this week. No, no dietary restrictions. Yes, I am too. Goodbye." Chouji looked up at them all, wide-eyed, as he hung up.
"What the hell was that?" Kiba finally burst out, "Why'd you cover my mouth, asshole? What the hell is Root doing calling Chouji? He didn't even go to our meeting with them!"
"How'd they even get your number?" Naruto asked.
Chouji shrugged, "I'm the go-to person for all our contractors. My number's out there. They can find it if they try hard enough."
"Why are you even meeting them!?" Kiba demanded. This is the important question, dammit!
"Because they asked, and we should find out what they're looking for," Chouji replied, "Maybe they have a good offer."
"They gave us an offer! It's a crappy acquihire! But they're already fucking with our fundraising to close this acquihire! Since they can't do that, they're probably going to get Chouji to steal the source code on the way out!"
"Have a little faith in me, Kiba," Chouji snapped, a bit irritated.
"These guys are unscrupulous assholes! Have you forgotten why we've been scrambling in the past few weeks? What if they kidnap your siblings and hold them hostage?"
"First of all, I'm an only child. Second of all, you've been watching too many movies. They're corporate sharks, not the mafia. I'll be fine."
"Why even bother then?" Kiba huffed, but he finally settled down.
"To see if they improve their offer, and we string them along," Sasuke glanced at Chouji, "Chouji gets a free meal out of it. I don't see a problem."
"If the offer is so good that one of us goes, all of us will. It's fine, Kiba. Relax, asshole," Naruto grinned, having recovered his equanimity.
"No way," Kiba declared, "Not unless they offer me a million dollars a month and four gorgeous secretaries."
"Good thing you're not going to this lunch meeting," Shikamaru muttered.
"Hey, you don't even work for us!"
"Do you want to?" Sasuke raised his eyebrow.
"Sasuke!"
"No, it's too troublesome. Besides, I gotta meet Temari for lunch. Bye," Shikamaru left them with a lazy wave, leaving the four roommates looking at each other.
"Che," Kiba eloquently expressed his disdain. Chouji looked at him, not sure if it was at Shikamaru turning them down for the nth time, or out of jealousy at the fact, he had a girlfriend.
Chouji decided he didn't care. "Speaking of which - it's lunch. Where do you guys want to eat?" He was looking at Kiba and Naruto for suggestions, but he wasn't expecting Sasuke to speak up.
"The cafeteria near the west gate is good."
"You're coming with us? To actually eat on campus?" Kiba asked incredulously.
"Yes," Sasuke didn't even bother to look up from the email he was finishing.
"But you never eat in the cafeteria, not since the incident," Chouji pointed out. "We don't want to eat with you since that incident."
"It's not going to happen again."
Kiba snickered."No one thought a fangirl stampede was going to happen the first time!"
Sasuke just gave him a look. "I've been eating at that cafeteria for the past few weeks. Besides a few more looks, nothing else has happened."
"Really?" Chouji eyed him suspiciously.
Sasuke just closed his laptop and stood up. "Coming or not?"
"We're coming!" Chouji said quickly as he and Naruto grabbed their phone and cards.
"WAIT!" Kiba quickly objected, "We're appearing in public with this asshole. People will be looking. We gotta dress the part! Impress the girls, you know?" He explained his nonsense with all the seriousness of a professor explaining a bubble sort.
"Seriously?" Chouji eyed him dubiously.
"Wait, Kiba might be onto something," Naruto started digging through the pile of clothes on his bed.
"They better not take forever," Chouji muttered to Sasuke as they watched the two idiots. He was too busy shaking his head at the idiocy to notice the tiny, amused smirk on Sasuke's face.
(x_x)(x_x)(￣ ￣|||)(¬‿¬ )
Chouji was still shaking his head when they arrived at the west gate cafeteria since Naruto and Kiba were still subvocally sniping at each other between clenched grins. I can't believe they're actually standing at the doors for dramatic effect. He glanced at Sasuke, who was ignoring the whispers but had still stopped at the entrance with them. Actually, I can't believe Sasuke's going along with it.
"I said dress to impress, Naruto!"
"Bite me!"
"That's orange!"
"I look good in orange!"
"You look like a walking highlighter!"
"You're just jealous more girls are looking at me."
"Actually, I think they're all staring at Sasuke."
"Pft, no way. We are suave, successful seniors with our own company and we look damn handsome to boot… hey-hey, where's everyone going?"
(´-ω-`( _ _ )
"Sakura-chan, don't faint now, but look over there," Tenten nudged her.
Sakura looked up from the very important menu decision she was trying to make and followed Tenten's nod, and her eyes went wide in delight, "Quick, pinch me! Ow!"
"You were the one who told me to pinch you!"
"It's fine, I just wanted to make sure I'm not dreaming. Uchiha-senpai is eating in the west cafeteria again! Give me your phone."
"Why?"
"I lost mine, remember? I gotta get some photo evidence this time!" Sakura hissed as she took Tenten's smartphone. She eagerly pointed the camera towards the entryway, where Uchiha-senpai had stopped, trying to surreptitiously get a good angle of his profile as he scanned the cafeteria. He has such a perfect profile. Be still my beating heart!
Sakura was so busy fangirling that she nearly jumped out of her skin when their eyes met through the viewfinder of the camera. Shannaro! He's looking at me!
"He's coming to this counter, right towards us," Tenten hissed as she nudged Sakura.
Sakura hurriedly took the hint and pretended that she'd really been taking a selfie with Tenten all this time, in the lunch line. Uchiha-senpai probably thinks I'm a total creep now. When she handed the phone back to Tenten and they rejoined the lunch line, Uchiha-senpai and his friends had already joined the line next to them.
"My day is complete. We're coming here to eat for the rest of the semester," Sakura whispered to Tenten, still a bit giddy.
Tenten sniggered at her starstruck antics, "You're such a fangirl. Don't tell me you're going to try to order what he does."
"Yes!" Sakura's eyes lit up, but then she realized something important, "but he's further back in line than we are. We'll probably get there first."
"Ppft. Hey, you never know. The line beside us is moving fairly quickly."
Sakura watched, half excitedly and half disbelievingly as she and Uchiha-senpai actually drew up to the counter at the same time. This other lunch guy is really fast.
"What would you like, dearie?" The lunch lady asked her.
"What can I get you?" The guy serving Uchiha-senpai asked at the same time.
Wait, what am I going to do now? What was I going to order? Maybe I should just wait for Uchiha-senpai. Sakura snuck a glance at her idol standing not two feet from her. However, he didn't say anything, and the silence was starting to get really awkward.
"Sir? Your order?" The lunch guy repeated, trying to prompt them.
"Dearie?"
Ah, forget about it. At this rate, Uchiha-senpai will actually remember me as a total stalker. "Chicken wings with fries, please." Sakura blurted out.
"Chicken wings with fries," Uchiha-senpai said at the same time.
Startled, Sakura actually turned to look at him, only to find him looking back at her with a small quirk of the eyebrows. She could practically feel her face turn bright red and burst into flames.
Shannaro! First, the History of Encryption class, now this! Why is it every time I run into Uchiha-senpai I seem to lose my IQ? Please, God, let me come out of this whole situation not looking like a creepy fangirl!
(¬‿¬ )(*ﾉωﾉ)
Shino exchanged a look with his colleague, then looked back at the two people holding up the line behind them. "I only have one serving of wings left. Are you willing to wait ten minutes for the next batch?"
"N-nevermind! Y-you go ahead," The girl with the pink hair stammered.
"I don't want it," the guy said blandly. Shino wanted to sigh as the girl seemed to fall into a stupor again. Just put me out of my misery already. What's wrong with these weirdos? They can't be dating, right?
"Hey, Sasuke, if you don't want the wings, give them to me," A cute guy with a roguish grin broke up the nearly palpable hearts and bubbles between the two weirdos. The girl looked away, her face still bright red, while the guy - Sasuke was it? That's intimate. I wonder if they're roommates - glared at his friend.
"Dammit Kiba, I wanted wings," One of the other guys behind him complained.
"Too bad, I got here first!" His name is Kiba, eh?
Without another word, Shino quickly loaded up all the wings onto a tray, along with extra fries for the cutie as the girl hurriedly ordered with his colleague. This is just to thank him for breaking up that awkward atmosphere.
"Thanks," the cutie flashed him a grin as he took the tray.
Shino ducked his head in acknowledgement. He continued to serve his line, including the cute guy's friends, with renewed efficiency. He buried the new knowledge that he apparently had a weakness for fangs in a deep, dark corner of his psyche.
(_ _;) (✧ω✧)
"What a tricky woman," Kin glared daggers at the pink-haired woman sitting a few tables away from her best friend's future boyfriend, "Look at her, sitting there, all blushy and whatever. She's not even being subtle about sneaking peeks at him. Don't you find that disgusting, Ino-chan?"
Not hearing the answer she expected, she looked away to see the girl she was worrying about not even paying attention. "Ino-chan! Pay attention here! Your future boyfriend is about to be snatched away!"
"Hmm?" Ino looked up, a frown still furrowed between her eyebrows, "Who?"
"That Haruno girl! Number 2 school beauty, remember? She likes Uchiha-senpai too!" Kin tilted her chin at the person in question, "Just look at that shameless girl."
"Kin-chan," Ino admonished her lightly, "Gorgeous guys are eye candy for everyone."
"Psh," Kin wrinkled her nose, "You're too nice, Ino-chan. What does she have to compete with you, anyways?"
"She's quite pretty and smart," Ino said mildly, "She's fair competition."
"Well, you're smart, pretty, and an heiress. You win, hands down!" Kin snorted. When she realized her ass-kissing wasn't getting a response, she looked back at Ino. This girl is still entranced by her phone! "What's so important on your phone?"
"Mm, just news from home. Nothing much," Ino quickly shoved her phone back into her purse before Kin could see her screen.
"Everything okay?" Whatever little company her family runs better not be going bankrupt or anything.
"Just a regular update."
"Hmph! Only you would be so family-oriented that you'd pay more attention to a regular update than a girl making eyes at your boyfriend."
"Don't say that so loudly, someone might misunderstand," Ino hissed at Kin. She surreptitiously glanced around at the people around them before she glared at her roommate and best friend, "He's not my boyfriend yet, and I can compete fair and square for his heart with any girl. In the end, it's up to him."
Kin shook her head."I'm telling you, too nice, Ino-chan," You're lucky to have me looking out for you. How else am I supposed to bask in the glow of being the school idol's girlfriend's best friend and take my pick of the hot, rich guys around them?
AN: Sakura's isn't even subtle any more XD
Whoo hoo! I did it! It's still January where I am, and I survived year-end reporting! Thank you everyone for your patience. Honestly, though I got seriously hung up trying to write the first couple of scenes in this chapter because I could not picture western university students handwashing their own socks, but it was a thing in Love O2O that immensely amused me, so I wanted to slip it in. If you're interested in blending the stories/cultural contexts, or just like to watch people overthinking, stop by Tumblr in an hour or so for extended ANs :) Thank you Reglee for the amazing Beta job, per usual, and thank you for stopping by! Updates will continue to be a bit sporadic (although I'm hoping for every two weeks, since I'm not quite out of the woods for work yet) so long as I don't start writing anything else (But I've been watching "Chef Hua" so... you know, I might just break out in a food fic. It might happen lol *shifty eyes*). A special thank you this week to everyone who joined us last update, and especially Sakurabah who's been leaving me multiple comments to wake up to for the past week - makes me grin all day. As always, comments, reviews, kudos, favourites, bookmarks, and imaginary Gamestop stonks always make my day. Thanks again for stopping by, and see you soon!